I didn't believe them. It came to a point one of my doctors wrote a note to my manager to prohibit me from traveling. I stopped for awhile, but eventually went back to my old ways. My thick head couldn't accept the fact that what my mind thought I could do, didn't measure up to what my body could deliver.
After my second PE* my doctors sat me down and advised me to retire. I followed their advise because my body gave up. Looking back, I should have thrown in the towel after my first PE. I wouldn't be this weak today if I listened to my doctors in 2018.
I thought after retiring I'd get better. I didn't because I once again battled issues that I should have delegated. I just got worse and worse and here I am today still in survival mode. One good day can be followed by several bad days. It is exhausting.
I realized that my issue is intrinsically tied to my personality flaw. I'm such a go getter, I get so anxious just watching things happen. I also feel so bad when there's something I can't do.
I got good advise from a neighbor who told me to block someone who kept pestering me even though we've told this person countless times that someone else is in-charge of the matter. It took all my will not to respond. I lost a lot of sleep worrying over it.
Since stress causes my heart to enlarge I have resolved to finally address my flaw. I know it's going to freak me out because I'd feel I'm being irresponsible and uncaring. I just need to remind myself that I have done what I could, delegated to able bodied people and let them step up. It's also the only way for me to hopefully get better.
*PE - pulmonary embolism
#BeKind #StaySafe
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