My Coping Mechanisms to Keep My Heart and Mind Healthy

I always thought I had a very strong will and mind. I was unfazed when I had open heart surgery. Things started crumbling when I had pulmonary embolism. A year before I was diagnosed I was in and out of the ER and my respiratory doctor back then just kept upping my asthma meds. I only discovered what was ailing me when I went for a second opinion.

The struggle affected my mental health. It came to a point when I had a second pulmonary embolism, I couldn't push myself anymore. I almost gave up, but I reached out for help and my doctor counselled me to work on my coping mechanisms.

I recently saw a friend post how to deal with things. It said rest when you're tired. Read or do something creative when you're uninspired. Exercise when you feel depressed.. etc. For the life of me I couldn't find the post anymore. It was a re-shared post, so it's harder to find. Anyway, in my mind I do everything it suggested, so thought I'd make my own list.

Here's what I do when I feel blah -

• Tired/weak - I sleep or I go to our cats
• Antsy - I do some gardening
• Angry - I do the dishes or clean or take a long shower
• Uninspired - I read
• Bored - I watch videos (YouTube/movies/TV)
• Unbalanced - I sew
• Depressed - I pray + do something that makes me happy (any of the activities mentioned above)
• Sad - be grateful (make a list of things to be grateful about/be grateful for someone's success)
• Procrastinating? Prioritize the task and follow-up with a happy activity
• Need a boost of happiness?  Play with cats.

One thing I also learned is to avoid triggers. Know what they are so you can avoid it and understand how best to deal with it. I lessened my time doom-scrolling and have kept my circle small. There are things I just can't deal with anymore. I used to jump and join everything, but I realized I have to protect my peace. 

What about you? What are your coping mechanisms?

#BeKind #StaySafe

Break Being Broken

The past week has been really challenging. I had more bad days than good days. I kept waking up and there were unfortunate incidents during the week. One thing that bothered me a lot was the construction beside us. Then we lost electricity because the truck that collects trash hit nipped the Meralco wire in front of our house. I woke up palpitating because the crew shouted when the line was cut. Thought there was an emergency. Got up to check what was happening, showered and promptly passed out because of the heat. 

Ahhh, the cycle repeated several times this week and it left me feeling broken. I fought it because I didn't want to fall into the abyss again. What helped was Kuya and Ate Joy's surprise visit. I had 3 asthma attacks on that day and they arrived when I was still recovering from the third one. It took my mind off feeling unwell and we had a good night. And that probably gave me the strength to survive the rest of the rough week. 

What helped center me was to spend time tending to my garden. Taking care of another living thing helps. It makes you want to feel better so you can do things for others. In my case, the plants need to be tended to live and grow properly. I also worked on organizing my garden tools so it's easier to get items when I work on the plants. 

I had a long list of things to do this week. The only thing I ticked off was paying bills. We attempted to do some of the errands last Friday, but my tummy acted up. I decided to call it a week and just focus on feeling better. We can just attempt to work on the checklist next week. 

I always remind myself that whatever happens Papa God loves me and whether it's a good or bad day I just have to pray because He's the only one who can heal us. 

A blessed Sunday my friend. <3

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Breathe Power

I've been feeling antsy all day and writing something about wellness didn't come easily to me. Went to my craft room and found the box of "Stress Less Cards" I bought in Bacolod. I found it in the toy shop across our hotel. I haven't really used it since we got home and thought I'd try to see if it could help make me less anxious. 

Pulled out the deck and randomly picked one card. It said, "Breathe Power". This was the instruction -

"Close your eyes and breathe normally.. Whenever breathing in, imagine breathing in power and good feeling. You can imagine the power you're breathing in with a color or a light. Breathe this way for 5-10 minutes."

Kuya told me once that we sometimes forget to breathe. Like really breathe. My respiratory doctor had to correct the way I breathed after he discovered I had a huge clot in my lungs. He said I tended to mouth breathe and that's bad because you can easily inhale germs and viruses. It's also bad to mouth breathe when you're asleep because it means you're not getting enough air in. It took awhile, but Dr. Chan eventually got me to breathe properly. 

My physiotherapist also had a hand in helping me breathe properly. Inhale 4 counts, hold 7 counts, exhale 4 counts. Dr. Joe Dispenza further leveled this up and said you should gather your inner power and breathe it out by imagining light that goes through your body to heal you. I sometimes imagine it as white light or gold light and think of it as God's healing love. 

Yeah, so I digressed, but breathing made me feel stable and the anxiety soon went away. 

Breathe my friend, breathe. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Service

A PE survivor shared on our patient group how she's been coping after being forced to retire because of misdiagnosis which eventually led to her PE. She was serving in the military when she fell ill. Her illness became complicated and she eventually had to retire. It took her awhile to get better, but she started doing volunteer work. It's made her feel more energized and she wrote a very inspirational post in our PE survivors group. 

It's true. I was at my happiest when I was serving in church and working with communities. It was what powered me through difficult times. I realized this just before I had my first PE. Tried volunteering in the local church in SG, but they turned our application down (maybe because we didn't speak the local language). Well, after that I got sick. 

Last year, I was chatting with Rowie and told her that I'd be happy to help with the book, Mama Mary and Her Children. I couldn't do anything physically, but I thought I could help with any online tasks if needed. Just after another bout of heart failure, Rowie messaged and said she needed help to do last minute editing for the book. She gave me four days to go through the book. 

I was very nervous because I have good days and bad days. I prayed for stamina so I could finish the task. I was able to read and edit three out of the four days with some time to spare. It was truly a joy to read the stories made by contributors. It powered me up. Soon after we started planning for the launch and Sweetie helped out for the social media aspect. 

Serving others is one thing you can do to improve yourself. The joy of giving heals :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: What "The Sandman" Reminded Me

We finally started to watch "The Sandman" after finishing "Stranger Things". Episode 4 featured Lord Morpheus battling Lucifer. It was truly an interesting battle because they battled through their mind. They would state their weapon as they battled. It was a battle of wits. It came to a point when The Sandman seemed to be on the brink of death. Lucifer shot "anti-life" against the King of Dreams. He won when he countered it with "hope". 

Some discussions online said that Lucifer could have countered it with "Despair". I disagree. The antonym of despair is still hope. Hope, joy and optimism defeats despair. The film certainly made me think about it. Despair is one of the things I have experienced when I had my second PE*. It plagues me whenever I feel unwell. 

“What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?” - The Sandman

It was hope I felt when the new meds. It helped me breathe again. It's what I feel when after a bad day I feel I have more energy. And with hope I can dream to feel more alive. But it's only possible if you have faith. It was Matthew (the raven) who nudged  Lord Morpheus' to fight back. He told him he believed that they would be able to get out of hell. 

Pray so that you may have hope and continue dreaming. 

*PE - pulmonary embolism

 #BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Addressing Personality Flaws

My doctors told me that my biggest flaw is my type A personality. They told me I'd end up killing myself if I don't slow down. I kept brushing off their observation and would just laugh it off whenever it was brought up.

I didn't believe them. It came to a point one of my doctors wrote a note to my manager to prohibit me from traveling. I stopped for awhile, but eventually went back to my old ways. My thick head couldn't accept the fact that what my mind thought I could do, didn't measure up to what my body could deliver. 

After my second PE* my doctors sat me down and advised me to retire. I followed their advise because my body gave up. Looking back, I should have thrown in the towel after my first PE. I wouldn't be this weak today if I listened to my doctors in 2018.

I thought after retiring I'd get better. I didn't because I once again battled issues that I should have delegated. I just got worse and worse and here I am today still in survival mode. One good day can be followed by several bad days. It is exhausting.

I realized that my issue is intrinsically tied to my personality flaw. I'm such a go getter, I get so anxious just watching things happen. I also feel so bad when there's something I can't do. 

I got good advise from a neighbor who told me to block someone who kept pestering me even though we've told this person countless times that someone else is in-charge of the matter. It took all my will not to respond. I lost a lot of sleep worrying over it. 

Since stress causes my heart to enlarge I have resolved to finally address my flaw. I know it's going to freak me out because I'd feel I'm being irresponsible and uncaring. I just need to remind myself that I have done what I could, delegated to able bodied people and let them step up. It's also the only way for me to hopefully get better. 

*PE - pulmonary embolism 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: My Wellness Goals for 2023

My recovery has been long and very slow. I have honestly been very fragile. The key to staying well is listening to my body and keeping my well-being stable. My main kryptonite is bad air quality and when my PTSD is triggered. Those are two things that I have to avoid so I stay stable. 

I reached my wellness goal last year which was not to be hospitalized. I didn't! And my doctor told me to avoid hospitals because it's a huge risk for me to pick up COVID-19. Not getting hospitalized is part of my 2023 goal, but my main goal this year is to recover and gain more stamina. I want to be able to do the things I used to do for my boys and create more happy memories with them. 

Here's my plan to reach my goal:

1. Pray
2. Be grateful and be grateful for others
3. Eat well and eat more nutritious food
4. Lose more weight
5. Complete daily exercises and increase exercise capacity (and try to go out more)
6. Follow doctors orders and do the tests
7. Drink meds on time
8. Re-start meditation
9. Solidify coping mechanims
10. Less social media 

I'm still keeping my circle small for now, but I hope to spend some time to see my friends. I was only able to meet up with friends once last year and after that I couldn't plan anything because of my stability. And that is why my goal this year is to be stable and gain more stamina. :)

What are your wellness goals for the year?

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Defeat Anxiety with Perspective

We've been anxious the past few months because we've had to deal with a lot of house issues. The fire at the property behind our house made us more anxious. In the past year since we arrived back from abroad, there has been 3 fire incidents near our home (plus one more but it was a kilometer away). 

The fire the other day was about 350 meters away from our home. We could see the signages of fastfood restos from our front door. Those signages were featured in a lot of photos from socmed and the fire looked like it was near our home. 

Our neighbors though did not looked alarmed. The village security was in front of our home for a few minutes, but soon left. We thought the fire was already controlled after an hour, but we were surprised to see black smoke billowing again. We also heard from a livestream that the fire reached the creek. We know that the creek is behind the house in front of us. Kaba is real. 

Since I was so frazelled, I checked Google Maps to understand the distance of the area from our home. After looking at the map, I switched to satellite view. I traced the area of the fire and the location of the fastfood restos we could see from our doorstep. 

I called down after getting a better understanding of how far the area of the fire was. The fastfood restos were in fact farther from where we were and there was another subdivision between us and where the fire broke out. The firetrucks had already surrounded the compound from inside that subdivision effectively barring it from crossing over. We couldn't see the other houses and streets between us and the fastfood restos because they were lower. I always thought the main thoroughfare was just behind the house in front of us. 

That incident was a good lesson on looking at things from another perspective. Between you and what you fear is probably a huge gap you don't see because you're looking intently at the fire. Also, sometimes what you fear may not be meant for you. When I understood the situation better I started to feel grateful and re-focused my energy in finding ways to help the victims of the fire. 

I really do have PTSD and it's really a struggle to control it. The best way is for me to strengthen my coping mechanisms and draw the line when it's triggered. Just always pray and be grateful :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Life Away from the World

I started "living away from the world" even before lockdowns started. I worked from home several times a week. My health started its decline after my first PE in 2018. I fought hard to stay "normal" and do my regular activities. I noticed though that it got harder and harder for me to travel alone. I couldn't keep up with physical activities. I'd get left behind walking from the office to the restaurant. 

I did not have a hard time adjusting to the lockdown. I was able to work longer hours. I missed going out, but I secretly rejoiced since my stamina was very limited. Eventually the stress made things worse for me and I spent a year going in and out of the hospital. 

The struggle was real. My reality changed drastically. I could no longer do the things I loved doing. I couldn't even spend more than 10 minutes on a video call without getting tired. My body gave up on me. It took me many months to understand why I had to slow down. And many more months to understand that God was re-directing me. 

Today's Didache reflection prompt is, "If things get overwhelming and you feel disconnected in your inner life, step back, then go slow." My doctors always told me that my personality wore down my body. I always went for the gold and they said the stress would eventually kill me. It did because I couldn't do anything anymore. 

After my second PE, one of my doctors mandated for me to stay offline. I followed his advice and realized how disconnected I was from my inner self. I kept serving others, but I did not take care of myself. God had to bring me to the bottom and practically maim me to bring back my old self. It was at that time when I disconnected from the outside world that I found myself again. 

I woke up today feeling like my old self again. My doctors always wondered how I'm still alive and kicking despite the odds. Love and faith. That's all we need :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Keeping PTSD Under Control

I have PTSD for a long time now. I had done well post-OHS because I was able to keep myself busy. It was the PEs*** that ruined me and my game. It is common for blood clot survivors to have PTSD and it's only recently that a study was started to investigate it further. 

I had the worst PTSD attack two months ago. It shattered the coping mechanisms I established. It even re-opened old wounds and caused a cardiac episode. It was very scary and it took all my will to hang on and fight back. It took all my strength to get out of the hole. I even tried to look for a local doctor to help me, but I was told there is a shortage. It meant I had to try harder. 

I did not want to take the emergency meds I set aside. I already conquered it early this year. Taking it would mean I'd really need to see a doctor. I re-traced my journey to remember what steps I took to establish my coping mechanisms. Thought I'd write it down in case I need it in the future.

1. Focus on happy memories, that's the purpose of the happy memories photo book. 

2. Progress together with your sewing/quilting projects. At least 1% better than yesterday.

3. Grow something. Refresh your soul by spending a lot of time in the garden (also effective in keeping you offline). 

4. Exercise, start with stretching exercises then graduate to more strenuous ones when you can. 

5. Get a pet. A cat adopted us and he's so far brought us joy. We eagerly wait to see if he eats the food we give him. This is a new add on my list. It will probably be a bad idea to pet the cat (if he allows me), so I'm just content he's around. 

6. Get lots of hugs. 

And, of course, pray hard. 

I watched a video about managing intense emotions. She advised to just accept and embrace it, but remind yourself that it is happening because it was triggered. Writing can help release you from it. You also don't really need to talk about it, just ride it out. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

*PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder

**OHS - open heart surgery

***PE - pulmonary embolism

Miracle Sundays: Coping with Typhoons

 “God uses ordinary people to carry out His extraordinary plan.” (Unknown)

The alerts sent by NDRMCC has been making me anxious. PAGASA-DOST has announced signal #5 in some areas and Metro Manila has been under signal #3 and #4 in the past few hours. I'm anxious because #KardingPH was originally not expected to make landfall. It intensified though and moved further in. The previous typhoons did not make landfall, so I was hoping it would stay that way. 

Well, we've all so far been able to cope with typhoons. The worst for me was typhoon Ondoy. We almost postponed our wedding because both our homes were severely affected. After #OndoyPH happened I volunteered to help with crisis response. I did that for almost a decade. It helped me deal with the trauma and getting anxious during typhoons. 

I woke up today with pain in my lower back. The pain has been growing in the past two weeks. I suspect it may be because my doctor adjusted my medication. It's also been exacerbated by anxiety. I told myself last night it's funny how I never really had debilitating anxiety when I was younger. I was always able to cope. It's been found though that it comes together with having pulmonary embolism. 

Watched Doc Willie's video on dealing with anxiety yesterday. He enumerated several ways on how to cope with it and said, "No one dies from anxiety." That made me look back on how I've always been able to cope. After the flood put everything I owned under water during typhoon Ondoy, Dad scolded me because I started to cry. He told me, "Para yan lang iyak iyak ka na." 

He taught me an important lesson that day. Don't dwell on the bad situation, get moving and do something. It's probably been hard for me to cope lately because I've been feeling unwell. I need to focus though on the future so I don't get stuck in a rut. And, of course, pray. 

Happy Sunday everyone. Take care and stay dry. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: How to Keep Your Peace

I got very sick following the events that happened last May. I was truly heartbroken and that was topped off with other issues that I had to deal with. My doctor had to issue me additional medication to resolve the issue. Once I started breathing better I resolved to work harder at keeping my peace and not to get stressed. My doctors warned me several times already, stress will kill me. 

Cooling down by sandwiching myself between two fans. LOL.

The past week and a half have been quite stressful. My boys got infected with COVID-19 and I felt my body was also battling it. I went through strange symptoms early last week. The many prayers by family and friends, plus my maintenance medications probably saved me*. I was also bent on staying well so I could take care of my boys. 

He's happy coz I gave
him some chocolate.

I focused just on taking care of my boys. I knew it was going to take a toll on my body, so I drastically controlled things that could trigger stress. It was the only way to make sure I could feed the boys until dinner. When you truly know your kryptonite, you can avoid the potholes that could ruin your day.

I've shared the best advise I got from a doctor and I'm going to share it again. STAY OFFLINE. If you can't really stay offline, use a digital wellbeing app to determine and curb your online behavior. I still go online to read the news, read messages from friends and scroll through social media to see what my friends are doing, but I control how much time I spend on it. I've been spending so much time away from my phone it freaks out my friends when I don't respond to their messages immediately. 

My oxygen saturation has improved. My daily step count average has increased by 1,000 and I fall asleep faster now. The past two weeks have certainly been challenging, but I've been at peace. Keeping my peace has been key so I could take care of my boys. We're still waiting until their symptoms are clear before we can be reunited. I hope and pray that will come soon.

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers. 

*Watch this video by Doc Gerry Tan on how nasal spray can prevent COVID-19 infection. 

Exorcising Bad Experiences

When you are faced with life threatening disease, i.e. a pulmonary embolism, you will most likely have mental health issues. What worries us most is the possibly of dying unprepared. It's a sad reality because the mortality rate is high. My doctor reminded me about this earlier this week. He said, "You could have died." Yes doc, twice. And that's the reason why I have to fiercely protect my health, physically and mentally. 

Being part of a support group for pulmonary embolism survivors has helped me a lot in the past three years. Most of the members are from the other side of the hemisphere because that's where PEs are more commonly diagnosed. I think though there are similar PE survivors here in the Philippines, it's just not as easily diagnosed (took more than a year for mine to be detected in Singapore). 

One of the members sent an important reminder for us -

I was spiraling down again because of the events happening around me. I had to stop watching the news and make important decisions regarding destructive relationships. The stress was not good for me and I ended up sick again. My chest x-ray have some worrying results, but it seems my doctor is chill about it. Following the reminder from my support group, I'll just be chill about it too. Do not panic when your doctor isn't concerned about your findings. 

I was 8 years old when my Mom got me my first journal. She told me I should write down my experiences, whether it's good or bad. I eventually found it helpful to vent my frustrations through writing. And that's what I did the other night. I poured out 35 years worth of hurt. It felt like a huge tree bark* was pulled out of me when I finished the note. This was followed by two full days of chest pains and nausea, but I think I'm much better now. I was able to talk about it with my Kuya without getting teary eyed. It's now all just in black and white**.

*It was no longer just a thorn

**There is an NLP technique where they help you minimize seemingly large issues. The important issue is represented by a full color picture, as you progress it becomes black and white and it eventually disintegrates.  

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn

Apparently the quote I used yesterday from Bishop Rey wasn't really made by him, but by another person. I only found out from schoolmates who pointed out things that were untrue. Another instance was the supposed interview on ANC. It was shared by a trusted friend. Another friend dispelled it. Goes to show that it's very easy to fall for fake news. 

At this time it is best to check the source of information. With so much disinformation happening, it might be best to avoid social media for now. I'm not completely staying offline, but I've kept myself from re-sharing what I read. Taking everything with a grain of salt for now since I don't really know anymore what's real and what's not. 

It's just noise and it won't help my mental health. I told myself after getting an anxiety attack last Monday that I have to protect myself better. It will probably be like this for a long time. One thing I learned this week is silence is golden. It is the best way to center yourself again. With so much uncertainty, it's really important to be grounded so you don't get swallowed by it.

“Earth hath no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.” - St. Thomas More

Have a blessed Sunday everyone.

#BeKind #StaySafe

My Blood Type is Milk Tea

I honestly don't feel like writing today, haha. I have those days when my brain just refuses to cooperate and it's one of those days. I'd rather work on my summer curtains than blog. I think it happens to everyone and I remember there were days also when I had to push myself to work. I normally motivate myself to get moving by dangling a reward in front of me. Today I'm motivating myself with my favorite milk tea if I finish this post. Yes, it's alright to bribe yourself once in a while. 

Should I grow my hair long again?

We're getting our home cleaned today. Asked Gab if he could send his angels. I was getting frustrated about some areas of the house that I couldn't clean myself (the windows and sliding doors). Any small exertion triggers an asthma attack. So I got help and I look forward to finally seeing the rails of the windows and sliding doors clean. I always get Gab's angels because they are so thorough. 

I've been staying mostly offline lately. Things are just so toxic because of the upcoming elections. I still read the news and check what's trending, but I don't allow it to affect me. By focusing on the goal to help my chosen candidates win I'm able to avoid getting stressed about what's happening. I'm just doing what I can to help (download the Leni 2022 app if you need ideas on what to do). Just pray hard and do what you can. We will win. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Download the Leni 2022 app -

Be a #Kakampink! 

Android: https://t.co/KFFP69LAcC 

iOS: https://t.co/py6nyjCJQK 

Use my invite code: JPY866

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely 

Shake It Off

I'm honestly been feeling down the past few weeks since discovering what's happening in our backyard. Much as I want to quash with Thor's Mjolnir (the mystical Uru Warhammer). Told Mom I'm avoiding going to her house for now because I don't trust I could control my temper. It's been a test of character and I know I still have a lot to improve. I haven't been sleeping well also because I'm super bothered.

It doesn't help that there's a lot of things going on in the world. It feels like the pandemic opened Pandora's Box. The war has affected all of us. The elections. These are just some of the added triggers. I buried myself in multiple quilt projects to calm myself down. When my hands are busy it means I could stay offline and avoid negativity. Taking care of my heart and mind is important because if I get anxious it affects my body. 

Here's how I've been coping:

Quilting projects

I just finished two sets of potholders, a set of coasters, cover for our blender and my KitchenAid blender. I skipped filming the projects because I wanted to enjoy creating. 

Gardening

It takes me an hour everyday to water my plants. I used to dread doing it, but I now enjoy it. My veggies are taking awhile to grow. I'm just making sure they don't die for now. I just got a rake and can't wait to try it later. 

Walking to Spin a Pokestop

Re-started walking to spin a Pokestop. It's just about a thousand steps every time we go. I always get a high after.

Puttering in the Kitchen

I haven't been able to do a lot of cooking and baking, but I just got a ginormous electric fan for the kitchen. I was able to bake though when it rained hard two weeks ago. Heat is my kryptonite! We haven't finished organizing our kitchen haha. 

Watching Happy Vids

I prefer to watch happy family vids now than travel vlogs. Also just discovered Jonathan Van Ness' show on Netflix. I only like some of the topics he's covered, but I like his energy. 

Time for me to water the plants! 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely 

Just Let It Happen

Finished watching Mayim Bialik's show where she guested Kunal Nayyar where they talked how Kunal became an actor and his mental health journey. I enjoyed watching them on Big Bang Theory so I got curious to see another side of them. Kunal Nayyar was born in England, grew up in India and studied acting in the US. He said he decided to become an actor after doing a play. His role "Raj" in the Big Bang Theory was his first show (so he got really lucky). 

Kunal narrated how he was hit by anxiety. He was driving when it happened and he said he didn't know what he was feeling -- which is exactly what anxiety is, he explained. He got help and started his quest to address the issue. One of the things Kunal mentioned is to just let things happen. What helped him was having a safe space and person he could talk to. Instead of taking medication he decided to practice meditation. It took a long time, but he said one day he was finally able to quiet down the voices in his head.

"You cannot outthink thinking." - Kunal Nayyar

Mayim said she never noticed that Kunal was going through something when they were working together on Big Bang Theory. She said she admired how much Kunal had grown through the years. She even joked she'd be his first follower if he decided to create a cult or religious order. I get easily distracted, but for some strange reason I managed to focus on what Kunal was saying throughout the show. 

I read that anxiety happens when you don't feel you have control. "Just let it happen" resonated well with me because sometimes when you allow what you fear to happen, you eventually realize it's not scary after all. I remember that time I realized I needed help was when my physiotherapist asked me how come I hadn't gone to my doctor since I was feeling unwell. 

She stopped our session and had me call to make an appointment. I honestly didn't want to call, but I did. Went the next day and slowly got better. After that it took me three weeks before I mustered the courage to reach out to my friend's psychiatrist to get help. It's been almost a year since that day with my physiotherapist and I'm grateful she really took time to help me. 

I thought I'd write about anxiety this Valentine's day because I know how it feels to be anxious during this day. I spent many years feeling incomplete during holidays. I have Sweetie and Miggy and they've been making sure I feel loved every day. I still have bouts of anxiety, but as Kunal mentioned make sure you have a safe space and a safe person who you can talk to, and do meditation to find peace. And pray because God loves you and He will always be there for you. 

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13).

#BeKind #StayHome #VoteWisely

Living Worry-Free

I am a worry-wart. I stressed out a lot before I decided to leave my job. I worried about letting so many people down. I worried about losing my income. I worried about losing my medical insurance. I worried about how people would treat me. All these worries eventually caused anxiety and depression.

For many months, I couldn't sleep. I felt weak and was just generally unwell. The more I worried, the more stressed I got, I became more unwell. I would use essential oils to help me fall asleep, but it was praying the rosary that helped me calm down. I also sought the help of St. Jude for my desperate needs. 

“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” – Luke 5:5 (NLT)

It was through months of prayer that I realized what I needed to do. The idea started when one of my doctors told me that it was perhaps time to leave my job. I was shocked by his advise because years ago he told me I shouldn't rest too much when I was sick because my employer would get impatient. I definitely did not expect to hear that advise from him. My other long-time doctors also advised it would be best for me to live a stress-free life. 

It took awhile for me to digest their advise. Dr. Chan even told me he hoped I'd make the right decision. I prayed and I just knew what He wanted me to do. I also knew that I could rest my worries because things were going to be okay. So I listened and followed. 

It wasn't an easy transition. The worries are now just "concerns", but I don't obsess over it anymore. I am with my family. Mom is just a kembot away so it's easier to take care of her. We have a nice roof over our head where we're building more happy memories. We get by and have been able to help where we can. 

A year ago I was a bungle of nerves. Now I'm just chill. I just lift up all my worries and concerns to Him and just let things be. Worry not and just listen to His guidance :)

#BeKind #StayHome

My Anxiety Management Kit

I have family and friends who have been infected with the coronavirus. Got worried last night when my best friend told me he tested positive too. Good thing they are all vaccinated so they're all asymptomatic. My boys have been very strict with me. They don't allow me to step out if there's a delivery. We all wear masks if someone drops by, even if it's just at the gate. 

I always feel anxious whenever I feel unwell. A dark cloud always comes over me when I get sick. I've had to deal with anxiety since I had my first pulmonary embolism in 2018. It felt like it was easier to manage when I was busy at work, but that didn't help. I was just avoiding the issue and it eventually emptied my tank. After I had my second pulmonary embolism, I realized I needed help. 

A huge part of recovering from an illness relies on having a sound mind. Battling physical illnesses requires you to have a strong will. I know my issues are extraordinary compared to most, but I thought I'd share what I've been doing because it may help you or a loved one who may need help. Here's a list:

1. Sleep - I had trouble sleeping for years. My doctor kept reminding me that getting 8 hours of sleep was important for recovery. What helped me was putting a few drops of lavender on an essential oil stone. Using an air filter also help a lot (doc said breathing well is a huge part of getting proper sleep). Praying the rosary before sleeping also helped me calm down. 

I guess a huge part of being anxious was being far away from home. I rarely have trouble falling asleep since I got home. 

2. Look Up - I got this tip from my Kuya. Whenever the black cloud sets in and my train of thought goes dark, I break it by looking up. It forces me to think of something else. 

3. Essential Oils - I have been using EOs since 2019. It was my HS classmate who's a doctor who finally convinced me to use them. I do a lot of research though before using any oil to make sure it doesn't interact with my meds. I diffuse several times a week and the boys love it too because it makes our home smell good. 

4. Drinking Lots of Water - I doubled my water intake. It made my blood flow better and resolved kidney issues. Feeling good means less anxiety. 

5. Exercise - this was never in my dictionary. The only willing exercise I used to do was malling*. It's the only place I could easily get 10k steps. My back ached so bad after my first PE I had to go see a spine doctor. He enrolled me in physiotherapy. My PT said I should treat exercise like the requirement to brush my teeth. Strangely that's what got me moving! As long as I do at least 30 wall push-ups a day I've been okay. This has helped expand my lungs, keep my core firm and keep my joints working properly. I guess it helps produce needed endorphins too. I'm not as grumpy anymore. 

6. Hugs - get at least 8 hugs a day. 

7. Do some gardening - watering plants have been helping me with balance. I use it as escape time to stay offline too. 

8. Stay offline - my doctors mandated this for me. I set up my phone to track how much time I spent online. It took me four months before I became less wired. I realized that my doctors mandate to stay offline was the best advise they gave me. 

9. Get a hobby - I read that anxiety stems from being unable to control a situation. I found it very useful to work on my hobbies. It made me feel accomplished whenever I finished a project. Working on your hobbies also help keep you offline and away from triggers!

10. Know your triggers. A good understanding of what stresses you out is important in managing your well-being. Part of this includes surrounding yourself with people who truly love you. 

Of course, pray and always remember that Papa God loves you. 

*Malling - going to the mall to shop!

The First Week of the Year

The week just flew by after we had our New Year celebratory lunch with Mom. I've only been keeping track of the day through my meds, LOL. I've been writing the day of the week on my primary medication to make sure I drink it on the right day and time. #titahitz

Hello Brownie! Not mine, but she lives in Mom's house.

At this time of the year I'm normally finalizing my work goals and targets. My whole year would revolve around it and whatever I wanted to do outside of work had to adjust to it. I just realized I have a very clean slate, haha. I'm keeping things slow for now to make sure I remain stable. 

The first week of the year brought alarming news. Cases have drastically gone up and even those who have been very careful have gotten infected. It's reached our family too and all we can do is pray for each other (the Paranaque contingent remains safe don't worry). It's really best to stay home if you can. 

My project to get my childhood home fixed has been put on hold for now. I'm just praying it won't rain so that the roof won't leak and cause more damage. I told the contractor we'll schedule when things are safer. I'll also have my Mom stay with me while the roof is being fixed. She'll probably make a fuss over not having access to her garden, but her safety will be the priority. Other home projects are also on hold. Best we can do is finish organizing the kitchen and focus on planning. 

Mama Mary protect us.

I think the most productive thing I did this week was work on my garden. The bell pepper seeds Miggy and I planted before Christmas has produced 23 sprouts! The spring onion and leeks are stable now and growing nicely. I was also able to re-pot the citronella plants I got a month ago. They've outgrown the temporary plastic pot and needed a new home. I got really nice clay pots for them. 

I have gardening gloves, but I want to feel what I'm doing better so I use latex gloves.

There's a meme showing that 2022 means 2020 too. Much as the case numbers are going crazy now, I think we're in a better position to win over the virus. We all know what we need to do -- get vaccinated and stay home as much as possible. Help where we can and pray. 

#BeKind #StayHome