I started "living away from the world" even before lockdowns started. I worked from home several times a week. My health started its decline after my first PE in 2018. I fought hard to stay "normal" and do my regular activities. I noticed though that it got harder and harder for me to travel alone. I couldn't keep up with physical activities. I'd get left behind walking from the office to the restaurant.
I did not have a hard time adjusting to the lockdown. I was able to work longer hours. I missed going out, but I secretly rejoiced since my stamina was very limited. Eventually the stress made things worse for me and I spent a year going in and out of the hospital.
The struggle was real. My reality changed drastically. I could no longer do the things I loved doing. I couldn't even spend more than 10 minutes on a video call without getting tired. My body gave up on me. It took me many months to understand why I had to slow down. And many more months to understand that God was re-directing me.
Today's Didache reflection prompt is, "If things get overwhelming and you feel disconnected in your inner life, step back, then go slow." My doctors always told me that my personality wore down my body. I always went for the gold and they said the stress would eventually kill me. It did because I couldn't do anything anymore.
After my second PE, one of my doctors mandated for me to stay offline. I followed his advice and realized how disconnected I was from my inner self. I kept serving others, but I did not take care of myself. God had to bring me to the bottom and practically maim me to bring back my old self. It was at that time when I disconnected from the outside world that I found myself again.
I woke up today feeling like my old self again. My doctors always wondered how I'm still alive and kicking despite the odds. Love and faith. That's all we need :)
#BeKind #StaySafe
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