Finding Balance

I was able to write a couple of posts last weekend which allowed me to take a break from writing. I didn't force myself yesterday to write a blog post for today since I still needed time to find my balance. Such is the life of someone with PTSD. When it's triggered it takes me awhile to go back to my regular, happy, chill state.

My PTSD was triggered by several factors. I've been able to rebuild my coping mechanisms, but one thing piled after another so I had to work hard to get back to normal. The following activities helped:

• 
  Prayer
• Communicating my frustration
• Re-potted my cacti and succulent collection (it has grown since Ate Rose gave them to me). 
• Wrote a business analysis. This helped allow me to look at things from another perspective. 
• Ate food I like and had a frosty. (I'm so ready to go back to my set meals haha). 
• Worked on organizing my craft room. Also did some sewing.
• Spent time with the cats.
• Did pulmo rehab (mega deep breathing exercises ftw).
• Short roadtrip with the boys. Getting a good dose of sunshine probably helped.
• A little retail therapy. (Got a new Uratex stool for my gardening activities).
• Stopped and smelled the flowers. 
• Talked to a friend who reminded me I'm an ideal client. 
• Stayed offline for awhile. 

Spending time outside probably gave me a good dose of vitamin sun. I feel a little sunburnt after our short roadtrip today. It was good to be out and about. I even spent more time watering the plants. This allowed me to be calmer and distract me from the issues at hand. The problem with PTSD is when it's triggered everything goes out of proportion and I start feeling unwell. 

I feel a bit better now and will hopefully get better sleep tonight after being out most of the day. I know I'm still fragile, so hopefully the universe will cooperate and be safer for me. I wasn't like this before. I used to face tough times by looking at it straight in the eye. I didn't even blink when I had heart surgery. It was the clots that wore me down. 

The activities I listed above are some of my coping mechanisms. Being busy with offline activities really helps a lot and whenever negative thoughts intrude I combat it with a prayer. Of course, hugs from my boys added to my happiness well. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Don't Forget This in Your Wellness Journey

I must admit, at one point in the past few years while battling chronic illnesses, I let myself go. I stopped putting on moisturizer and lotion. I didn't even bother to put VCO on my hair which I do every few weeks to keep my hair shiny. I had been religious with moisturizer after a friend in Japan got me face mask. She said I needed to moisturize more.

After that, I asked help from a high school classmate to teach me how to properly take care of my skin. She gave me a list and since then I religiously used the products. During the pandemic though and when I had my second PE, I slacked off. I was not motivated to spruce up since I was feeling unwell and just cooped up at home. 

A few months ago i told myself I had to work on my looks. They say, "If you look good, you'll feel good." So I started religiously moisturizing again. I've also been putting some VCO on hair every few weeks. I also shifted to organic (and earth friendly) soap shampoo and conditioner. I only noticed yesterday when Sweetie and I stepped out for errands that my skin and hair look better. 

My doctors have also been complementing how I look. They say I look healthy and not like someone with chronic illnesses. I told my doctor, "If you can't perform, japorms!" (A quotable quote from Marc Macalua circa 2008). Well, I guess that's why Grab hasn't approved my PWD discount application...

Don't forget to take care of your skin and hair. Aside from using moisturizer/lotion/VCO, don't forget to hydrate, sleep well and eat nutritious food. 

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Sui Generis

I just learned this term from GodWhispers. Sui Generis means "of it's own kind" or simple put, "unique". God created each one of us to be unique. Several of my doctors have told me this (actually all). I once was surprised to get so many nurses and medical students visit me after heart surgery. Word got out I was unique. They all wanted to see my veins, haha. 

I didn't mind. Who knows it may help them be more knowledgeable about people like me. It's sometimes hard though since I have many limitations because of my medical conditions. Very few people understand that my endurance isn't the same as normal people. Nor the fact that I am immuno-compromised. I do have friends though who always test themselves before meeting up with me. That I really appreciate. 

We also have our unique talents and you will be able to use it properly when you ask God to navigate your life. At some point in my life I was very confused on what path to take. After a lot of heartbreak, I gave up and asked God to navigate my life. He immediately did and nudged me in the right direction. My life improved and I became happier. I even found the right one (Sweetie). I feel I was also able to use my God-given talents the way it was supposed to be used. 

Now, I'm retired. Most of the people my age are still very busy with their careers and raising a family. I guess that was the reason why I started things early. The most I can do now is share my learnings and experiences through my blog. I tried pushing myself to do the things I used to do, but it was frustrating. Took me a long time to accept that my reality is different now and God has put me in a very different path. 

September was very different from the previous months. I'm working on improving my endurance and stamina. Went on a meal plan to improve my nutrition. Also started pulmo rehab. The effects are starting to show. I'm hoping and praying that things improve in the coming months. Here's my September 2023, one second everyday compilation.

https://youtu.be/6B2TOj2abD8

#BeKind #StaySafe

Make Your Garden Your Sanctuary

 "It is said that you are nearer God's heart in a garden than anywhere else on earth."

I randomly pulled out this card from Papemelroti's "Treat Yourself to Some Personal Time" card series. I had a pretty long day while writing this post and needed something to boost my mood. I immediately thought about Mom when I read the card (see below). She always spent a lot of time in the garden. It calmed her and she got her exercise from gardening. 

Just thinking of Mom's garden and my garden immediately calmed my nerves. I haven't been able to do proper gardening in the past 2 weeks because the construction beside us has been disruptive. The noise, the crazy thump thump of equipment and workers smoking non-stop triggers my asthma and destabilizes my well-being. 

Garden time for me is important. It makes me happy. I knew after enduring it for 2 months that it was time to complain. I had to protect my safe space (and our firewall tsk tsk tsk). I am grateful that our HOA took our complaints seriously because it's really hard for me (vog + cigarette smoke is really bad for people like me). Well, despite repeated reminders, the workers still try to slip in a stick. 

I learned though that you need to protect your safe spaces. My tiny garden is my sanctuary. It helps center me and it makes me feel Mom is just around. Protect your sanctuary, your safe space if you need to. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sometimes You Need to Let Go to Live

I had done several tests in the past few weeks to see the status of my heart and chest. The good news is the huge clot that stuck around in my left lung seems to have finally dissolved after almost 5 years. Yes, 5 long years. Unfortunately, it has created more scars. My heart isn't leaking as bad, but it's enlarged. 

I have good days and bad days. I realized though I need to take better care of myself if I were to meet my goals. I reminded myself that unlike before, I could no longer do multiple projects all at once. Stress is bad for me. Just a tinge of it sets me back a few days, sometimes months. It is my reality. 

I let go of a project I volunteered to be in. I helped in it previously, but there's just a lot of things I've had to deal with the past few months. My productivity has been nil and I realized I have to focus on improving my health before I could commit to anything. 

So, I prayed and let go. I didn't sleep that night though. I had to find it in myself to forgive, me. I don't like letting people down. That's the problem in my personality according to my doctors. Sweetie reassured me it's the right decision since my health is at stake. 

Let go to live. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of others. I am streamlining my goals and activities for now so I can focus on getting better. 

Be well my friend. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Wellness Check!

I think I can honestly say I feel better now compared to the start of the year. That's true for both my physical and mental state. I've also just changed doctors and had my initial check-ups with them. I'm working on completing the tests. My new doctors said I'm stable and that's our goal. Be stable and gain more stamina. 

So, let's take a look on how I progressed with my wellness goals this year...

1. Pray 

Of course, everyday.

2. Be grateful and be grateful for others. 

Always. It's where I gain strength from.

3. Eat well and eat more nutritious food. 

I was doing well early this year, but I slipped when Mom passed away. I turned to food to cope. My cholesterol is now borderline high. Have gone back to just eating fish/chicken. I also need to eat food that would provide me with more vitamin D.

4. Lose more weight. 

The scale finally started to move down last summer. I've also been weighing myself everyday to make sure I'm not retaining fluid. 

5. Complete daily exercises and increase exercise capacity (and try to go out more). 

It's been touch and go for me, but I'm back to gardening several times a week and doing stretches every morning. I plan to see an orthopedic doctor to have my back checked. 

6. Follow doctors orders and do the tests 

Started seeing new doctors in June. It was quite hard to find good ones. Glad we found a good set connected to the ones recommended by friends. Thank you guardian angels!

7. Drink meds on time. 

To be able to do this I need to solve my sleep issues. I'm able to drink my meds at the same time everyday, but I hope to start the regime earlier.

8. Re-start meditation. 

Not started.

9. Solidify coping mechanims. 

I think I'm better now compared to the past few months. I have improved a lot, but I know I still need to work on me.

10. Less social media.

I've been able to lessen my time on social media. I've started reading books again. So much time is spent waiting at doctors offices, doing tests and PT. I'm putting that time to good use by reading a book. Saves phone batter and internet too, haha. 

Score: 7/10 (gave some goals 0.5 points only)

I was afraid I didn't do well with my wellness goals! I guess I prioritized this over my craft goals, which I appropriately should! I still need to work on me so I can create more happy memories with my boys :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Facing a Big Problem? Look 10 Years Ahead

I faced a huge, life changing circumstance when I was 17 years old. That's when I had Miggy. The best thing I did was to speak to someone who had gone through the same thing. It felt like talking to myself 10 years later. She reassured me that everything will be alright and just go on with your life. 

And that's what I did. My parents took care of us, had me finish school and encouraged me to do well at work. I used the circumstance to do better. I made it my primary goal to do everything so I could take care and provide for Miggy. I did everything I could to provide Miggy the love and care he needed. 

I did not do it alone. I leaned a lot on my parents. We only became fully independent when we moved to Singapore. They still helped us even though we moved out when Miggy was 15. We even moved closer to them a year after we moved out. It was comforting to have Mom and Dad nearby as we learned the ropes. We were all ready by the time we moved to Singapore. 

It's almost 3 decades now since that life changing moment. I never looked back, I just kept moving forward. Faced a lot of other issues and I just always thing that things would be so different in the next decade. Since I was 17, I've worked for more than 10 companies, moved across 9 homes, lived abroad for 10 years, visited countless countries, etc. etc. 

What I need to do now for myself is to look ahead and shape the next ten years. I was hard at work the past ten years and that ended in disaster for my health. Well, God Whispers said the other day, "Just as the moon depends on the sun for the light it reflects, so do your limited capabilities depend on My infinite power to accomplish your dreams." 

Look ahead, have faith and pray.

Wellness Wednesdays: Breathe Power

I've been feeling antsy all day and writing something about wellness didn't come easily to me. Went to my craft room and found the box of "Stress Less Cards" I bought in Bacolod. I found it in the toy shop across our hotel. I haven't really used it since we got home and thought I'd try to see if it could help make me less anxious. 

Pulled out the deck and randomly picked one card. It said, "Breathe Power". This was the instruction -

"Close your eyes and breathe normally.. Whenever breathing in, imagine breathing in power and good feeling. You can imagine the power you're breathing in with a color or a light. Breathe this way for 5-10 minutes."

Kuya told me once that we sometimes forget to breathe. Like really breathe. My respiratory doctor had to correct the way I breathed after he discovered I had a huge clot in my lungs. He said I tended to mouth breathe and that's bad because you can easily inhale germs and viruses. It's also bad to mouth breathe when you're asleep because it means you're not getting enough air in. It took awhile, but Dr. Chan eventually got me to breathe properly. 

My physiotherapist also had a hand in helping me breathe properly. Inhale 4 counts, hold 7 counts, exhale 4 counts. Dr. Joe Dispenza further leveled this up and said you should gather your inner power and breathe it out by imagining light that goes through your body to heal you. I sometimes imagine it as white light or gold light and think of it as God's healing love. 

Yeah, so I digressed, but breathing made me feel stable and the anxiety soon went away. 

Breathe my friend, breathe. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesday: Always Stay Beautiful

I must admit, I am definitely not banidosa. I only comb my hair twice a day, after taking a bath and after showering before I go to bed. I generally dislike wearing make-up and most of the time forget to wear earrings when I go out. I prefer to wear comfortable clothes now and have heeled shoes that I only wear if it's really needed. 

I think I probably "dressed down" a lot after I had heart surgery. I prioritized comfort over everything else. It was Fumie (from Japan) who made me think about taking care of myself better. She gave me Matcha de Bihada. It's a type of mask that helps moisturize your face. After that I asked a high school friend to teach me how to properly moisturize. 

Cheyenne lounging around.
Photo by: JayDJ

My insides are a mess, but my outward appearance looks normal save for my very prominent vains. I've been lucky because my skin has been normal. It probably helps I drink a lot of water and stay indoors most of the time. Since the time Sunshine taught me, I moisturize twice a day and use sunscreen as advised by Anne. It's what I do after I comb my hair, haha. 

I did skip for a few months when my condition worsened. Managed to pull myself out of the rut. Making the effort to take care of my skin makes me feel good. I also wear a t-shirt during the day to signal my body to be more productive. It helps not to wear bed clothes all day, hehe. 

Make the effort and don't let yourself "go" as they say. My Mom even at 87 combed her hair more times than I do and she always looked presentable. She had days when she'd wear her favorite torn dusters. She was just like Dad who also loved to wear his butas butas shirts. Titay loved to pull at them to make the holes bigger, haha. 

Wellness Wednesdays: What I Learned About Grief

I tend to keep things bottled up. I was always discouraged from being emotional. I was always told not to cry because it would be bad for my heart (well, now it is). I lost it when Dad passed away over a decade ago. I still cry whenever I miss him. My Mom though was always unemotional. She was good at keeping a cool head. 

It was my medical issues that eventually made a crack in my other stable demeanor. I was told I was a calming force in our team. Well, the medical issues I've gone through broke the lid and I had to get help. My doctor focused me to re-develop my coping mechanisms. That was important because there are many things you have to deal with everyday. 

When my Dad passed away, I was given time off, but by midweek after he was buried I went back to work. Mom told me again and again that it's the cycle of life and I just had to live with it. It took me awhile to understand it. Titos and Titas soon followed after Daddy passed and that was when I understood fully what Mom and Dad taught me about losing a loved one. Their mission is done and you should be happy that they are now in heaven. 

We all deal with grief in different ways. My only advise is not to keep things bottled up. Cry when you need to and reach out to your loved ones when you can't bear things. I'm lucky I have support groups that have been there for me this past week. I tried crying, but I ended up resting in bed because my heart went bonkers. I've been finding other ways to manage my grief. 

I'm not surprised I've ended up keeping busy. It's one of the coping mechanisms Mom taught me. I've been doing some sewing, some writing and I've been chatting with my support group. Our band of stray cats have also been keeping me company. They've stuck around since last week and Kaley usually sits outside my craft room whenever I'm there. 

Grief can truly be overwhelming, but as Mom kept telling me, huwag mo dibdibin. 

Miss you Ma. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Keeping Cool this Hot Summer Season

It's been unbearably hot for a few weeks now. There are news reports of students fainting in school due to the extreme heat. It's probably a good idea to return our school schedule to have summer off. I remember my doctor writing a note for my teacher to keep me under the shade during field days. I've always been heat sensitive, moreso now. 

I know I'm an extreme example of a heat sensitive person, but here's a few things you can do to cool down this summer to prevent heat exhaustion or heat stroke -

1. Stay hydrated! Drink more water, but make sure you get electrolytes in. I've taken a liking to drinking buko juice. It keeps me well hydrated, protects my kidneys and makes my skin healthy. 

2. Stay in a cool place. A friend suggested to use block curtains instead of regular curtains. This helps keep your room cooler by keeping the sun out. Block curtains are expensive, I just made ours by buying the fabric (here's a tutorial how to make curtains).

3. Eat in-season fruits. My Dad told me that fruits come out based on the season it's best eaten. Fruits that are usually available now include duhat, mango, watermelon, melon and pineapple. Save for duhat, most are used for shakes! We have busted out our blender so we can make fruit shakes at home. 

4. Stay out of the sun from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. according to a doctor who was interviewed in the news. If you have to be out, best to use an umbrella, or push your appointment earlier or later in the day. 

5. Be mindful of how you're feeling if you're exposed to too much heat. Go to a cooler place at the first sign of feeling warm and drink water. Do not wait to feel dizzy because that may easily progress to heat exhaustion. 

6. Always have tools on hand to help you cool down: (a) Water, (b) A pamaypay or handheld fan, (c) Umbrella, (d) Shades (yup, protect your eyes too!), and (e) A bimpo (face towel). I always wear a mask when I go out and I found it useful to put a dab eucalyptus radiata essential oil at the bottom of my mask. It makes the mask feel less stuffy and helps me breathe better. 

7. Wear summer clothes! 

8. If you could, stay by the sea! There's always a breeze by the beach. #sanaol

Wellness Wednesdays: Vitamin Sea

I spent many summers by the sea when I was growing up. Back then the internet wasn't available for consumers yet. No TV at our place. During the day I would spend many hours swimming and building sandcastles. Mom also encouraged me to spend more time in the water to strengthen my lungs. My Mama Lola would sometimes accompany me and she'd be covered from head to foot, wore sunglasses and use an umbrella so she won't get dark (how I wish I had a photo!). 

I promised myself I have to go to the beach at least once a year. During the difficult pandemic years, the closest I got to the sea was when we walked to the end of the West Coast Park. That helped me cope, but I always wished we could at least walk by the shore. I told myself we'd pick up our annual beach ritual once things got better. 

I was honestly very apprehensive when we went to Bohol last year. I did not know if my body would be able to cope. I was sad with the thought that I might not be able to have the stamina to spend time in the water. I was also anxious that I won't be able to endure being under the sun. 

Surprised myself last year when I suddenly had extra energy when we arrived in Bohol. I was able to spend time in the beach. The fresh air made me feel so much better and I think that's what vitamin sea is all about. The same happened when we recently went to the beach. Of course, I took afternoon naps after frolicking* under the sun in the morning.

Maybe we should live by the water noh? I need more vitamin sea! Maybe somewhere nearer and away from angry volcanoes :)

*Translate to "babad in the water" + 10 minutes paddle boarding

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesday: Break the Cycle by Going on a Vacation

Taking a break from your daily grind is important. While I enjoy staying home, I still need a break from just being home. I realized this when we were stuck at home due to lockdowns. When things eased up we went on a staycation. We also jumped at the chance to walk to the park since cabin fever is real. I remember the first time we got to eat at McDonald's with our friends. It was a simple meal, but we couldn't stop smiling since it was our first meal outside of our homes. 

Bohol, 2022.

We've managed to go on a real vacation once last year. It was refreshing and amazing to be out and about. I was honestly very wary and I wasn't sure if I'd survive being away from my comfort zone (home). I was pleasantly surprised that I felt so much better breathing fresh air and eating fresh food. I was worried I'd feel unwell if I stayed out in the beach for long periods of time. I had nothing to worry about because being by the beach was the best thing I did for my well-being. 

We shied away from traveling far again after our Bohol vacation since we all fell ill (picked up the virus on the way home). We've done a few staycations not far from home. A change of scenery really helps in resetting yourself. No wonder there are those who travel for a living. I wonder though what they do to reset from too much traveling? The opposite I guess. 

"Schedule your vacations," was an advise a previous manager told me. He noticed I rarely took breaks and my available leaves would pile up. I'm following that advise now and have scheduled vacations. Who knows, maybe in time we'll finally do land trips. Have you scheduled time off in your busy schedule?

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Wellness Wednesdays: Lighten Up Your Cross

We all have crosses we carry. The best way to lighten the burden is to surrender it to Him. Easier said than done. I hit rock bottom again this week as I go through the challenges of having a chronic illness. I weigh myself everyday so I could arrest any possible issues that may crop up. I watch what I eat to make sure I stay stable. Sometimes though uncontrollable instances happen and I get more sick (i.e. food poisoning). 

On top of my chronic illnesses, I've been dealing with wounds that I buried a long time ago. They cropped up when I started getting sick. I chanced upon this video by Bro. Bo Sanchez. He shared that the hardest person to forgive is yourself. It's probably the heaviest baggage you can carry around. 

Dear Lord, as we experience once more this most sacred week, may we be able to surrender everything to you. You are the only one who could truly heal us. Thank you for your love and may we follow Your light as we journey through our life. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

 

Wellness Wednesdays: Anchoring Self-care Routines

I have lazy bones. Never really liked sports. My Dad was an athlete and was always moving (tennis, basketball, jogging with friends). I never saw my Mom workout though. Yes, never. She would do gardening everyday until now. She's 87 and still does the same thing everyday. 

To make sure I complete my 40-day self-care challenge, I anchored the routine to something I do regularly so I don't forget. I do some stretches before I get up. Skin care after my morning shower and drink my pre-breakfast meds before going out of the bedroom. Wall push-ups while I'm preparing coffee. I do the leg up wall yoga pose after brushing my teeth. 

Part of my self-care challenge is to move more. There are days I do only 800-1,000 steps. Moving more helps give me more good days. There's still a lot to organize at home, so I anchored my movement to a daily target to fix something. Sometimes I overdo it and end up flat on my back the next day. I just rest until I feel better. Sweetie reminds me not to overdo things. 

I've been more productive since I started the challenge. There are still bad days and I think I can still improve. It's just been hard to get an appointment from my doctor. My aim for now is to stay stable and be at least 1% better than the previous day. Anchoring my "program" on something I do regularly has helped improve my well-being :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: How Decluttering Made My Life Lighter

Yesterday, I shared about how I made a cover for a medical device I own. I only use it when needed and don't like to be reminded constantly that I own one. I created a colorful cover for it. The colors give me good vibes every time I see it and I realized that's something we should all do -- surround yourself with items that make you happy. 

It's very much what Marie Kondo advised all of us to do, keep things that spark joy. We've been working on decluttering for awhile now and on top of keeping things that spark joy I've also been asking the question, "Do I/we need it?" "Would it be useful for someone else?"

We gave away 14 boxes of pre-loved items last Christmas. Our decluttering coach, Ally Canita, helped us send it to three charities. Some were books, some kitchen items and clothes. It's much easier to part with things when you know it will go to those who really need it. 

Ally taught us that the first thing you have to do is assess where you are in your life. That would help you know what items you need. In the past two months we've been going through the painful process of sorting through our things. I'm still working on the kitchen, but I've been making a lot of funny discoveries. I've amassed 14 spatulas, 5 peelers, several sets of knives, countless tupperwares and probably over fifty mugs (not counting those we've already donated). Quite obvious, that I need to downsize that number to what we'll just use. 

I think I now just have a third of my wardrobe. I just kept the ones that I use and need for now. I set aside all my "work clothes" last year, but I think I will review it again soon. I don't see any need for it in the near future and it will just decline in storage. 

Just having what you need is bliss. Not having too many things makes it easier to keep them in proper places. The process though is hard and I work on things based on my energy level. We're still getting some help to unbox the last 30 boxes. Getting things in order is taking so long and we want to finish soon so we can finally enjoy our new home. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: A Little Added Care a Day Goes a Long Way

I was having more bad days than good days the past few months. It's annoying since I'm unproductive on those days. I've accepted the fact that it's going to be that way. My doctors have helped the best way they could, but if I want to increase my energy and stamina I have to work harder. 

For this Lenten season I have resolved to take better care of myself. For the 40 days of Lent I have resolved to do the following everyday:

• Exercise - to be consistent I tied the mini-exercises I do with some chores. Wall push-ups while preparing coffee and more movement through chores (i.e. dishwashing or cooking). The general aim is to walk at least 1,500 steps per day around the house. Stop when feeling unwell. Aim for a long walk at least once a week.
• Self-care - daily skincare. I realized that I've been so lucky because my skin has generally been unaffected by my medical issues. I have to take care of it though, so I have resumed my skincare routine. I also started to have more white hair, so I'm taking care off my hair too. 
• Keep my mind working - found it easier to blog ahead. I feel a bit anxious if I blog on the same day, so I've been trying to write at least a day ahead. If my muse is in the mood I try to write up to 3 days ahead. This gives me time to do other things. 
• Have a working goal - I have so many interests and hobbies. I sometimes get overwhelmed with everything I want to do. I now use the area on my planner where you can write out your weekly targets. I just write 3 priorities for the week and do what I can. 
• Pause when needed - I know what triggers my issues, so things sometimes change in an instant. A good day can immediately change to a bad day. So I check the weather and the AQI before I go out of our bedroom. 

I have to find the best balance between movement and rest. Being a bit more productive is important for me because it helps with my overall well-being. I thought the best thing I can do this Lent is work on being at least 1% better than the day before. I have not been able to see my doctor regularly because she's always busy. This means I have to take better care of myself. I hope I'll have more stamina by Easter. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Moving Forward with My New Reality

The worst thing you can do to yourself is carry around baggage as you move forward. Couple it with despair and you'll definitely be stuck. I probably looked just like Despair in The Sandman the past couple of years. It was triggered by illness. 

I think I've finally turned a corner. I have accepted my new reality and I'm ready to work on the goals I've set for the year. The change of scenery really helped me because I was able to let go of my fears. I also made peace with the fact that there are things I cannot control and change.

Here's what I resolve to do:

• Focus on the goals I set last January (I have not made a dent on it)
• Exercise everyday and do at least 1,500 to 2,000 steps at home
• Go out at least twice a month and rest after when my body demands it (which is a certainty whenever I go out)
• See my doctors regularly (I do drink my meds religiously)
• Keep more in touch with friends 
• And most importantly, just lift all my worries to Papa Jesus

 Happy hump day everyone. Hope you are keeping well.

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Service

A PE survivor shared on our patient group how she's been coping after being forced to retire because of misdiagnosis which eventually led to her PE. She was serving in the military when she fell ill. Her illness became complicated and she eventually had to retire. It took her awhile to get better, but she started doing volunteer work. It's made her feel more energized and she wrote a very inspirational post in our PE survivors group. 

It's true. I was at my happiest when I was serving in church and working with communities. It was what powered me through difficult times. I realized this just before I had my first PE. Tried volunteering in the local church in SG, but they turned our application down (maybe because we didn't speak the local language). Well, after that I got sick. 

Last year, I was chatting with Rowie and told her that I'd be happy to help with the book, Mama Mary and Her Children. I couldn't do anything physically, but I thought I could help with any online tasks if needed. Just after another bout of heart failure, Rowie messaged and said she needed help to do last minute editing for the book. She gave me four days to go through the book. 

I was very nervous because I have good days and bad days. I prayed for stamina so I could finish the task. I was able to read and edit three out of the four days with some time to spare. It was truly a joy to read the stories made by contributors. It powered me up. Soon after we started planning for the launch and Sweetie helped out for the social media aspect. 

Serving others is one thing you can do to improve yourself. The joy of giving heals :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Stay Grounded

I lived in a nice bubble for 15 years. Nothing seemed impossible. I learned along the way that as long as you had clear goals and planned your program well, you'd definitely achieve what you want.

Mind you, working there was hard. You never really have time to rest on your laurels because you're expected to build on your achievements and multiply it. You're able to focus on work because everything else is cared for. No need to worry about your commute or food. I was cared for when I got very sick and I had access to the beat doctors. Honestly, I wouldn't be around if not for them. 

Early on though I knew it wouldn't last. In my early years I would always ask my managers if I was at the end of my journey and should I look for a new job. I flabbergasted two managing directors with those questions. I stopped asking when the second one got so shocked. I did that because I was a single Mom then and I needed reassurance.

When my cardiologist told me that I was finally due for surgery, I shifted gears and started planning for the worst. I saved and lives frugally to make sure my family wouldn't have a hard time in case I didn't make it. I kept grounded on the reality also that one day I would leave the bubble. 

It was hard to take the first step out of the bubble, but after spending most of my time in and out of the hospital for four months I knew realistically it was time to leave. So I followed the orders of my doctors and went back home.

I thought about staying grounded when a friend remarked about the perils of working for a company for a very long time. It becomes part of who you are and eventually it's going to be hard to separate yourself from it. What she said is true and I guess it's also hard for the people who knew you as someone who's part of that company. 

That's why the first thing I did when I left the bubble was to figure out who was I before I got sucked in. I retraced my steps, found my long time friends and created new routines. It took awhile and I honestly haven't been thinking about the bubble anymore. I'm at that point when I'm now just remembering the happy times and I just keep in touch with those who are really close to my heart. I'm also far enough now that I could look at what they're doing critically (haha). 

Keep grounded. At the end of the day what's more important is you and your loves ones.

#BeKind #StaySafe