True Peace Begins in a Heart that Loves

Pope Leo XIX tweeted this today,

For many years there was a gap in my heart. It ran really deep and probably contributed a lot to my ailments. I prayed hard for healing and it finally started a few years ago. I read that the only way to heal long sown wounds is to talk to your younger self and explain why it's okay now. You can also add how you can release the pain and move on. 

I realized my prayer was being answered and that's what I did. From that time I felt peace and I was able to move forward. It also helps if you focus on what you are grateful for every single day. It can be as mundane as feeling the breeze, getting love from your cats, appreciating your hubby making you oatmeal and other simple things/actions. 

As Pope Leo XIV said, "True peace begins in a heart that loves." Replace the pain with love and things will feel lighter and gentler. It will also remind you that you are never alone  :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Organizing

I think my brain is finally rewiring back to what it was before I fell into medical depression. Medical because it was caused by the health issues I went through. It happens especially to people who experience blood clots. That's what my doctor explained to me and we worked on my coping mechanisms. He discharged me reluctantly back in 2021, so I was on my own to cope. 

I told him I could do it and I didn't want to drink any additional medication since I have other maintenance meds. I felt it was numbing me, so with faith and the love of my boys, I fought back. I read that one tell-tale sign of depression is being disorganized. Clutter piles up and you just don't have the energy to fix things. It's overwhelming and one reason why it took two years to finish sorting and emptying my childhood home. 

I kept fighting. Rested when needed and rewarded myself whenever I achieved something. I feel I turned a big corner today. I cleared out my sewing table and organized my gardening table. These are my "work stations" where I am productive and get to clear my mind. As much as possible, I don't use my phone when I'm at my work stations. It helps ground me. 

Little steps for healing and I'm happy I achieved something today. It's just small pockets of a bigger mess, but at least something moved today. I still plan to tackle my bench box later (it's where I keep my journals). Will see, if I have too much fun sewing I'll do it tomorrow :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Gardening Helped Heal my Forearm Pain

I've been having forearm pain the past two weeks. I'm not sure if hand quilting triggered it (probably). My neuro told me to see her if I have pain since she flagged my scoliosis. She's out so I haven't been able to see her. The ointment my spine doctor has helped and I've been doing some of the exercises my PT taught me before.

I read on a hospital's page that you can do some gardening as home treatment for forearm pain. After exercising yesterday I felt I could give it a try today. I had to transplant the avocado I propagated in water anyway. Two avocados and one money plant was my plan. 

I ended up transplanting two avocados, the Ikea money plant, and re-potted some succulents into a bigger pot. Plus I prepared 2 big pots for calamansi and four smaller ones for seeds that sprouted from my propagation tray (I'm not sure what they are, haha). I didn't feel any pain and it felt good. It was good exercise and the cats watched me the whole time.

Hope to see my neuro next week! 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Healing Your Inner Child

I was a child when my siblings left the nest. I am 16 and 13 years younger than them and they were adults by the time I started going to school.

It was not unusual for me that they were out most of the time. My parents had a rule that everyone had to be home by sunset. We were always complete for dinner, Sunday mass and lunch. I spent my days with my parents, Mama Lola or my yaya. We also had family outings every so often. We usually went to Bicol once a year.

The dynamics changed just before the EDSA Revolution. My siblings one after the other left home and got married within a span of 3 years. At that time I'd exchange snail mail with my sister until it dwindled to hurried long distance calls. I'd see my brother usually for Christmas. He'd either come home with his family or we'd fly in to see him.

Nothing out of the ordinary since that was the circumference we were in. It wasn't their fault they were born ahead and I came in very fashionably late. My sister did say once during my rebellious years that it was her fault she wasn't around for me. I told her there's no problem since the circumstance was just oddly normal.

I went on with my life and eventually my family was only complete physically again on my wedding day. The next time was when Dad got sick and then once after Mom passed away.

When I had counseling my doctor tried to help me figure out what was wrong. We didn't get to it since I felt I was fortified enough already and it was time for me to go back home. I thought I was fine, but dealing with the helper who emptied my Mom's savings, filing the case, making sure we were all safe and seeing my Mom change a lot after we got home, took a toll on me. 

I probably had an undiagnosed heart attack or a broken heart. My cardiologist refused to have tests done on me and just sent me home with increased dosage of my meds (I changed doctors after that). It took many months before I felt better. I cried everyday. I'm very lucky and grateful my boys were there for me.

It was then that I realized I was suffering from abandonment issues. My inner child never understood why my siblings left me. It got worse when they eventually couldn't see eye to eye. Dealing with fire and ice was an impossible situation. I talked to my Mom about it a lot and she advised me to just stop talking to them. She said it's their issue, they're adults and they should resolve it themselves. 

I followed her advise and only reached out to them on the day she died. I refused to see them until they had a ceasefire. We got together on my Dad's birthday. How things unfolded isn't what my parents would have wanted, but it is what it is.

I was lucky I had spiritual guidance from a dear Nun. I had prayed for many years to have someone like Br. Gene again. She guided me how best to get through things. I eventually also read that the only way to heal your inner child is to do it yourself. 

My inner child has accepted the fact that things will never be the same. The situation wasn't ideal and they have established their lives elsewhere. The best recourse for me is to just move forward and focus on those who are here for me. Through the years I had been blessed with many friends who have been like brothers and sisters to me. I keep a small circle of trust and they provide me a safe space, plus I have my boys. 

I was told once that I felt that way because I cared so much. It would have been useful to be told to live myself, protect my peace and focus on what's in front of you.

#BeKind #StaySafe

Break Being Broken

The past week has been really challenging. I had more bad days than good days. I kept waking up and there were unfortunate incidents during the week. One thing that bothered me a lot was the construction beside us. Then we lost electricity because the truck that collects trash hit nipped the Meralco wire in front of our house. I woke up palpitating because the crew shouted when the line was cut. Thought there was an emergency. Got up to check what was happening, showered and promptly passed out because of the heat. 

Ahhh, the cycle repeated several times this week and it left me feeling broken. I fought it because I didn't want to fall into the abyss again. What helped was Kuya and Ate Joy's surprise visit. I had 3 asthma attacks on that day and they arrived when I was still recovering from the third one. It took my mind off feeling unwell and we had a good night. And that probably gave me the strength to survive the rest of the rough week. 

What helped center me was to spend time tending to my garden. Taking care of another living thing helps. It makes you want to feel better so you can do things for others. In my case, the plants need to be tended to live and grow properly. I also worked on organizing my garden tools so it's easier to get items when I work on the plants. 

I had a long list of things to do this week. The only thing I ticked off was paying bills. We attempted to do some of the errands last Friday, but my tummy acted up. I decided to call it a week and just focus on feeling better. We can just attempt to work on the checklist next week. 

I always remind myself that whatever happens Papa God loves me and whether it's a good or bad day I just have to pray because He's the only one who can heal us. 

A blessed Sunday my friend. <3

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: A Grateful Week

I had quite a lot of bad days this past week. Had to postpone a test because I felt like I was coming down with something. After resting for almost a week I felt better. I think my body broke down mainly due to the bad AQI. I'm grateful though it didn't progress to an emergency and that's what is important. 

Sweetie re-scheduled my appointment and I was able to do the tests last Friday. It was a long day for us since we decided to wait out the Friday traffic in a nearby mall. It gave us an opportunity to meet up with a friend and we even bumped into some friends we haven't seen since 2019! Even with the long gap it felt like we just saw them last week. Perhaps because we always see their updates online. 

And that's one of the things I'm grateful about the past week. Being with friends helps with healing. With new doctors in place I feel a bit more confident now about going out. We still wear masks religiously and use Betadine once we get home. 

I'm grateful I'm able to move more now compared to a year ago. It was around this time last year when I was having breathing issues. My walk test results were really bad too. My body has gone through a lot and so little things like being able to go to the mall and have dinner with a friend is a huge thing for me. 

I always wondered why I survived. The illnesses I've been through have high mortality rates. I talk about it every so often to warn others and also to show those like me that there is life after. I'm not able to do much now, but I'd like to believe that I've been spared so I can help others to have hope and warn others not to push themselves too hard. 

And so I am grateful for another week that ended on a happy note. I'm also grateful for the blessings and the gift of friendship. The weather has been really bad, so stay dry and stay safe everyone. 

Have a blessed Sunday :)

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Miracle Sundays: Don't Be Scared, Just Pray

Last Friday, we headed out to do some errands. Oh boy, the heat was truly unbearable. Good thing I brought my new handheld fan. It helped and I ducked inside stores that had cooler airconditioning. The temp though wasn't consistent and I would feel a jarring pain in my back. It would go away as soon as I got to a place that was cooler. 

It was probably a good thing we went home when the sun was setting. I would have melted if we went home earlier. I was tired when we got home, but I was still able to water my potted plants and I did some hand sewing. When I went to bed, I felt a weird flutter in my heart. I did breathing exercises. I felt weirder and weirder. 

Checked my watch and saw my heart rate going bonkers. It would go up from 86 to 104 in seconds. I counter-checked through my oximeter. Same result. I was diagnosed with arrhythmia a few years ago. My cardiovascular surgeon helped manage it. In the past few years, attacks happen around this time. It's probably the heat. 

I was getting very restless already and told Sweetie I was having issues with my heart rate. My rate hit 114 at some point and I started to worry. I definitely didn't want to go to the ER especially since cases are going up again. I prayed for clarity of mind because I knew getting stressed was going to make things worse. Got Miggy to bring me some iced water and that helped calm me down.

Followed my doctor's instructions on what to do and my heart rate eventually normalized and I fell asleep. Woke up feeling tired, but I thanked the Lord for the beautiful day. It was still scorching hot so I stayed in an airconditioned, air-filtered room all day. Thank you Papa God and my boys for taking care of me. 

Today, I also pray for my classmate who is in the hospital fighting the big C. Please also kindly say a prayer for her and another batchmate who is not doing well. 

Miracle Sundays: Healing from a Break-up

Break-ups come in different forms. The most obvious, of course, are romantic relationship break-ups. Break-ups also happen with friends and sometimes leaving your job feels like a break-up. That's how I felt when I went through the process of deciding to leave my job. It was painful and I moped for a long time. It's worse when you are laid off or forced to move. 

I can just imagine how anxious one gets when faced with change. Especially when it affects your future. I have experienced the break-up process several times. My heart broke each and every time. It even came to a point where it had to be literally repaired. Through the years though I realized that I'm one tough cookie. 

Different organizations present different stages of break-ups. It can be anywhere from 5 to 13 stages. Emotions run very high and you can end up doing things you may regret. Move on gracefully. You will be in shock, in denial, angry, depressed, and it usually takes a long time before you finally accept and be at peace. 

I've learned through the years that burying your emotions is not good. Accept the pain and let it run its course. Don't grieve alone. Surround yourself with friends you trust. If they really know you, they will wait until you are ready to talk. In my case, I usually mark the end of the process with a blog post. I do that because I feel it will be helpful to share what I have learned. 

There is no shortcut to healing. You just need to go through the process. You have to remember though, changes in your life whether you have control over it or not is a re-direction to your new path. Sometimes you are so stubborn, God has to do something drastic. Like what happened to me when I was forced to move to another company (a.k.a. laid off/illegal dismissal). After dealing with the grief I threw myself at learning new skills. What happened was a blessing in disguise. Making peace with what happened eventually led me to my new path. 

You will be okay. You are a tough cookie. And remember, God is always with you.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Music that Heals

A few days after I was diagnosed with pulmonary embolism, Sweetie called and told me he had free tickets to the "Piano Guys" concert. I had just arrived home from work and had less than an hour to dress up and travel to the concert venue. We also had to squeeze in eating dinner before the concert.

The concert had started by the time we reached the venue. I was tired, but was so excited to watch the Piano Guys in person. I had been following them online because of their music. It was when I heard their song " It's Gonna Be Okay" I understood what healing music meant. Coming into terms with my illness was challenging and the song made me feel less overwhelmed.

And last night I was reminded again about how music helps heal you. Nyoy's song "Because of Your Love" came up on Spotify. That song also saw me through difficult times. I also had a playlist I listened to post-OHS. 

Music heals. It may be any kind of song as long as it resonates to your heart and soul.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone.

#BeKind #StaySafe

The Logic of Peace

Before going to sleep last night, I came across a tweet by Pope Francis. He said, 

That led me to read about Cain and Abel to understand better what he meant. I know Pope Francis tweeted it in the context of what is happening in Ukraine. The tweet spoke to me. I realized there's a lot to learn from his message. 

I cried buckets when I saw Pope Francis in Rome! I felt the same love surround me when I saw Pope John Paul II on World Youth Day 1995.

They say hurt people, hurt people. That is true and that's what we all do whenever we are hurt. I see this a lot everyday on social media. It's election time and it's gotten easy for people to throw mud to each other. I have been trying my best not to react anymore since it's not going to help anyway. It also brings a lot of stress and I've seen many friends quit social media because it's affected their mental health. 

Pope Francis made me realize that the source of my stress is from thinking like Cain. You cannot douse fire with more fire. The way to kill a fire is with water, thus you must deal with it by acting in peace. And if you continue to do war or lead with that mindset, then you can end up like Cain wandering in the desert waiting to be killed. 

I'm grateful for this tweet by Pope Francis because it helped me understand an issue that's been plaguing me for decades now. I realized that there are things you can never get back. The best way is to let it go and let it remain a memory. 

Let go. Let love. Be at peace. 

P.S. I'm feeling much better now after experiencing the effects of the booster shot. I still need to regain my strength and stamina. Hope to be back to normal in a few days.

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Some Friday Fun

We brought out Mom with us today. She was happy to see many developments in our place. She noted also that most of our neighbors had Leni-Kiko posters. We just went to one place for an errand. After that we did a short joyride around the park so she could see the church and the many bougainvillea plants she planted together with her friends. Mom also gave her new assistant a tour of the place. Oh, how I loved to hear Mom talk about her past projects. 

After we dropped off Mom, Sweetie and I did a simple date! We went to a nearby bakery and brought bread haha. I told him that was the closest to a date we've done since we got home from Singapore. Ahh, times have really changed, but we're just happy to be together as a family.

We've been so busy the past two weeks, we haven't been able to go walking! The activity of going back and forth to visit Mom has been our exercise. It was effective though in resetting my weird body clock. I've been falling asleep faster too. 

I'm still getting nightmares though from what happened. It will take time to heal. I think among the many things I've been through, betrayal is one of the hardest to forget. Well, things are slowly going back to normal. I really hope I can start making our summer curtains because it's been very, very hot! 

Now gotta go and water the plants. Hope you all have a good weekend!

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Managing Triggers

I haven't been sleeping well again the past few days. I'm scheduled for a test again tomorrow and I'm a bit anxious about it. My doctors have poked me so many times this year, but I never get used to it (and you shouldn't!). Aside from that I've had to deal with other things that set off my PTSD. 

The past year has been a test of patience and resilience. It's something a lot of pulmonary embolism survivors go through. In our patient group there's always someone who asks for help to deal with anxiety. This stems from the feat that you can clot again and you can die from it. I've had two clotting episodes and the second one has been really hard to recover from because the first one is still around! 

To recover from an illness you have to be strong mentally. I only started getting better when I got help. My doctor advised that you need to understand your triggers. You also need to be able to arrest the trigger and purposely pull yourself to another direction. It's not easy to do. I cried the other day because my doctor scolded me for asking too many questions. He apologized after a few minutes, but it already made me feel so bad. 

When the tears started to fall Sweetie asked what was wrong. I told him I got super stressed. In between hiccups I told him I needed milk tea haha. The tears immediately stopped. To be honest I had a hard time sleeping that night because of the incident. I felt better yesterday, but was once again triggered when a friend said I was fat. It took me hours to fall asleep again. I finally did when I thought about my dog Jolly. 

Yesterday's Didache reflection by Bo Sanchez was helpful of putting things in proper perspective. He said instead of battling "demons" think of the incident as God's way. You can think of the triggers as a way to deal with issues or as a way of learning. Now I will always ask myself, "What is God trying to teach me?". This will help me stay away from feeling bad and getting emotional. 

Please pray for me tomorrow as I undergo another test. May God bless the hands of the experts who will poke me again. 

CB///*Yr2/144 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/167 #NewG303 #Home61 #Xmas114 #StayHome #BeKind  

Healing from the Worst Typhoon I've Experienced

Our home flooded often when I was growing up because there's a creek at the back of our house. I almost drowned during #OndoyPH. The water came up to fast and I was only able to save my desktop computer. Everything else went under water, my laptop, passport, books, shoes, photo albums... everything. It was traumatizing and I couldn't help but cry when I see videos of what's happening back home now. The typhoons that passed the last few weeks have been ruthless. 

I remember after I cleaned up I was feeling the shock of what just happened. I was sitting in the kitchen with my Dad and I started to cry. He nipped it at the bud and he immediately re-framed me from wallowing in self-pity. He said those are just things and you can earn it back. 

Look into the future. That's what my Ate taught me when I had Miggy at a young age. She had me talk to someone who went through the same situation. It was like talking to the future me. And I did the same right after #OndoyPH and #PepengPH. A few days after the great flood I had to fly to Iloilo for an engagement. I didn't want to go anymore, but our parents pushed us to go. 

Going to Iloilo helped me a lot because I met many people who shared similar experiences. A year before #FrankPH badly damaged Iloilo. One of my friends said that her home was flooded from floor to ceiling. They told me about how they slowly got up from the setback. 

Our parents pushed me and Sweetie to go to Iloilo even though our homes were not fixed yet. Our wedding was scheduled 13 weeks after the typhoons. They wanted us to focus on starting anew. Aside from the inspiration from friends, we had many people who also supported us. We started our new life and built up our little family from almost nothing. 

Look up and look into the future. The sun is always waiting to rise in the horizon everyday. I thought I'd write about this today in case you have family and friends who need comfort and consolation. 

My thoughts and prayers for everyone going through hardship and trauma. May God bless you. 

If you can help, more information on how you can donate can be found here.

#CB//220 #StuckAtHomeDay/250 #StayHome #BeKind

Minus One! Yay!

I went to see my respiratory doctor today for my regular check-up. He's the doctor who saved my life two years ago when he diligently looked for what was wrong. Several GP doctors told me that I had asthma caused by too much acid in my tummy. I insisted on seeing a specialist and they grudgingly gave me a referral.

The promise of a new day.

The good doctor feared for the worst. I went through a gazillion tests. They got 16 test tubes of blood at one point from me and I went through several scans. I always joke that I'm probably glowing already from all the scans I've been through. The diagnosis wasn't what he feared I had, it was PE. I was lucky that I got well just by drinking meds. It took awhile and a lot of scary moments. My other doctors told me I am truly blessed because I survived. It took a year before another doctor found out what caused the PE.

My breathing was significantly impaired and I had to drink a lot of meds in the last two years. That's why I'm super bloated. I always believed that eventually I can do without maintenance meds. Today my doctor officially reduced my meds. It's minus one inhaler for me! Yay! I've been waiting for this day for a long time. I brought it up with my doctor three months ago and he wasn't convinced. I nagged him though and he said if I was better in my next check-up he'd remove it. It took him awhile to decide when I saw him today and I'm happy he agreed to remove one of my meds. Yaaaas!

I worked hard for this day and I'm going to work harder to remove more of my maintenance meds. I progressed to where I am because of exercise, meditation & prayer, and telling my body to heal. I still have a lot of healing to do and I hope my next appointment with my cardio will result in getting another medication removed. Heehee.

Happy day!

CB//101 #StuckAtHomeDay/131 #WFH74 #StayHome #BeKind

Strong Mind, Loving Heart, Deep Faith

Today the government announced that they were raising the outbreak alert level to orange (news). It's scary, but I've remained calm since last week.

I realized last night that I could look at the illnesses I've been through as proof that I am actually strong. Ten years prior to my heart surgery I had two illnesses that had 10% fatality rate. Five years after surgery I had PE which has a mortality rate of 30%. Crazy right? At that time I was sick it never occurred to me that I could die from it. I always had it in my head that I would survive. I had the same thought when I had heart surgery.

Eleven days after getting discharged from the hospital after my second open heart surgery, I had lunch with my teammates who flew in from Zurich to check on me. I walked really, really show but the love they showed me reassured me that the were just all there for me.

That's what makes the difference my doctor said. Your willpower can pull you through. One of my high school classmates who's a doctor recommended me to read about Dr. Joe Dispenza. He's a neuroscientist who had an accident. He couldn't walk after the accident and explored the thought of healing himself through his mind.

Your mind is really powerful. I've been faced with my mortality a few times now, but I never thought I'd be defeated by those illnesses. I think for me what pulled me through was three things: (1) my mind, (2) love, and (3) faith. Don't get me wrong, I still follow everything my doctor tells me to do. The three things are what pulls me through.

Getting sick can be a huge pain and it causes depression. I've had my dark days too. When I took a break one of my doctors told me that he knew I was not going to the deep end. He told me that I knew how to sort things out to make things right. It took me a few weeks of rest, doing things I love and re-discovering myself, but I got myself out of the rut.

A strong mind. A loving heart. Deep faith. Just always think positively and you can get through anything in life. 

Cultivating Silence

I hid in my shell in the last month and a half. I have not blogged. Limited use of social media. I would read posts of family and friends just to keep updated, but posted sparingly. I thought it would just be good to take a step back and just "listen". I did this for two reasons: (1) as part of my Lenten sacrifice; (2) to recharge and detoxify from all the negativity. I also felt I was unproductive and helpless. I needed a reboot.

It was a slow painful process since I've been used to a daily routine -- wake up, reach for the phone, check social media, comment, post, do it again until I realize I'm running late for the bus. I timed myself and found out that I was spending way to much time online outside of work. So I started to limit time I spent online outside of work. I thought about getting out of social media but it's so far the best way to keep in touch with family and friends and it's a means for me to keep in touch with the communities I manage. So the limited time I spent online I just read, liked posts, commented and shared posts. No new content from me.

I call it "disentaglement". I was caught in a reactive maze and I had to get out of it. You read posts, get all worked up, comment, re-share and end up not really doing anything. I needed the silence to re-focus and become productive again. By late March I was a bunch of nerves preparing for our quarterly review. I was freaking out because in my own mind I didn't do well for the first quarter. My output wasn't at the level I expected. The stress was making me sick.

I was in a daze while presenting my reports because of the meds my doctor gave me. The good thing though, I was only stressed because of work. The added external stress from external negativity (I emphatize too much that's why) was no longer there.  As my Mom advised whenever I had to face a "test", remain calm. I did and I passed the review. I actually received more work to be done, but they said it's a good thing (haha).

Since Easter I decided to post again since I want to keep in touch with family and friends and let them know that I'm still alive and a busy bee as ever. I'm glad I went through the exercise of cultivating silence. As our coaching mentor taught us last year - growing and leading isn't about speaking your thoughts all the time, listen and ask the right questions.

Feeling anxious? Unproductive? A mess? Maybe you just need to disengage for awhile so you can go back to the spot where you can be your old productive self.

And, of course, pray. 

A Miracle

This is one blog post that I never thought I'd ever make.

I needed a miracle. A fast one. Why? Because my doctors have been hounding me for open heart surgery and we scheduled it initially for sometime in May or June. I have mitral valve regurgitation and my bout of pneumonia last year deteriorated the state of my heart and caused my allergies to get activated and those allergies result in asthma attacks. Oh and did I mention that I have heart failure and this is what is probably causing all my allergies and asthma attacks?

The only other time I got hospitalized was when I gave birth to Miguel almost 15 years ago and I rarely get sick. The past 6 months have been really horrendous. I could barely move around, much less go out, since anything and everything triggered my asthma. I could barely eat as well because of allergies and I more often than not just threw up whatever I ate. The only thing I could eat for weeks was lettuce with a dash of salad dressing. I was also quite dehydrated because the doctor put a cap on my liquid intake. I lost 20 pounds as well. I couldn't sleep because my heart would either palpitate really hard or I would have an asthma attack or have severe backaches. This would happen almost everyday.

Yes, it was that bad.

And all I could do during those hard times was cry and just pray and have Miguel massage on Salonpas on my back.

I was at the doctor every single week and they would do tests and prescribe one medicine after another. The only happy thing about it was that I was not confined again. And getting more points on my Mercury Drug Suki card and SM Advantage Card. 

I felt hopeless and just resigned to the fact that I really have to go through surgery. I just prayed that I would survive it. I got really scared though when one of my friends blogged about her heart surgery experience. It did not push through though because the transesophageal echocardiography test they did before surgery showed that her heart miraculously righted itself. Her detailed account about how painful the test was scared the life out of me and I prayed harder that I wouldn't have to go through that test and surgery.

During Holy Week my parents mentioned that they wanted to bring me to Kamay ni Hesus for healing. I knew in my heart that only the Lord can truly heal me. We scheduled it two days before I left for Singapore. I was really apprehensive the whole week since I was having asthma attacks again and I felt that I was going to have a hard time when I went on my trip.

The trip to Lucban was pretty tedious because of the heavy traffic along SLEX and Laguna. Roadworks never seem to end and there were a lot of people going on outings that weekend. We arrived a bit late for mass. When I settled in and connected to the mass I started being teary eyed and eventually started crying when Fr. Joey Faller, the healing priest, started the prayers for healing. 

When the mass ended Fr. Faller explained that you would feel that the Holy Spirit is within you if -

1. You cannot help but cry

2. You feel a cool breeze within

3. You feel warm

And that you should not be scared if you get "slain" (faint) during the healing process. You have to pray really hard and my Mom reminded me that we should just leave it all up to Him. She also said that if I really had to go through surgery then that is His Will.

I started to cry again when we queued up for healing. I wanted to be healed really badly for my family and loved ones. I put down my bag on the floor when we lined up in front of the altar and we were reminded to just pray and not be scared. I closed my eyes and prayed really hard. I did not even notice Fr. Faller praying over me.

The next thing I knew I was on the floor and someone tapped me to get up. I was crying really hard and saw my Mom crying too. We embraced each other and someone helped us take our seats in the front pew. I was shaking also and dazed, but I had this wonderful, floating feeling inside of me. I felt great love and I knew then that I was healed. 

We headed to the town proper after the healing session and for some strange reason I ordered so many dishes. I had spaghetti, sisig, potato salad, pansit lukban, and leche flan. I was ravenous! 

It's been more than ten days since that fateful day I was healed. I also had a check-up with my cardiologist in Singapore and he was baffled himself with what happened because during my last check-up last November he had a hard time deciding whether to recommend repair of my heart valve. During my check-up a few days ago he said my heart sounded good and after the 2D echogram he said that I did not have heart failure and he scratched out all the medicines I've been drinking the past four months. 

And the most important thing my doctor said was, "Your heart is healthy, if sometime in the future you are not doing anything or bored then maybe you can have your heart repaired. There is no absolute time that you need to do it since there is no guarantee that you will live for 40 years more if you do so." With that the doctor dismissed me and told me to drink as much liquids as I like and that I should not go on a low sodium diet anymore.

Praise the Lord! 

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Kamay ni Hesus

Lucban, Quezon 

+(6342) 540-2206

*healing every Monday and Saturday, 9:00 a.m.