A Sobering Week

On the way home from the hospital yesterday (after Miggy's gym time), I was thinking about the noticeable effects of the war. 

We were on EDSA when I saw a person lying down on the pedestrian lane. Part of his legs was stretched out on the road and he looked half naked. We were on the inner lane, so I only saw it for a few seconds. I pinged MMDA on X. I was hoping they could check on him since a vehicle can run over his legs. MMDA responded to ask for the exact location, but I didnt see any update anymore.

I said a prayer for the person. I hope he is okay and can get help. Most of us are probably feeling the pinch. We experienced getting more expensive gas today. We used to top up just 1k every other week, but now it's 150% more. Got some groceries also and the increase in meat prices was huge. We paid 4k for a few items and the cashier offered to use points for me to get a discount. Let's all help where we can 🙏

Dear Lord, praying for peace and normalcy 🙏

#BeKind #StaySafe

Pneumonia is Not a Joke

In 2008, I fell very ill and I had to ask my Mom to bring me to the hospital. Good thing I did because I had pneumonia. My lungs were filled with water and I was having a hard time breathing. 

I was in a daze for about a week and I finished up boxes of tissue because of the cough. Two weeks after discharge  I flew to Singapore for my annual checkup. My cardiologist was gravely concerned and had additional tests done. I was so thin and could barely eat. Everytime I ate it turned into a coughing fit.

I was less than 100 lbs by March 2009

I was diagnosed with asthma and heart failure. The lab also found possible strains of legionella in my blood. It's one of the worst causes of pneumonia and 30-80% fatal. It's a miracle I survived.

It took a year with many prayers and visits to churches to pray for a miracle before I started to get better. Other worrying blood markers also consistently normalized everytime I saw my cardiologist. Sadly, the effects of the illness still affect me today. I am kept stable with the help of my doctors and those who pray for me. 

If there's one thing I think I could have done after that very bad bout of pneumonia, I think I should have heeded the advise of my parents to rest more. I should also have sought to know what caused the illness so I could have the proper care.

I know the experience I had was extraordinary and that's why I worry whenever I have friends who get sick. I don't want them to end up like me, retired at a young age and barely able to do normal stuff. 

Sunday Miracles: A Grateful Week

I had quite a lot of bad days this past week. Had to postpone a test because I felt like I was coming down with something. After resting for almost a week I felt better. I think my body broke down mainly due to the bad AQI. I'm grateful though it didn't progress to an emergency and that's what is important. 

Sweetie re-scheduled my appointment and I was able to do the tests last Friday. It was a long day for us since we decided to wait out the Friday traffic in a nearby mall. It gave us an opportunity to meet up with a friend and we even bumped into some friends we haven't seen since 2019! Even with the long gap it felt like we just saw them last week. Perhaps because we always see their updates online. 

And that's one of the things I'm grateful about the past week. Being with friends helps with healing. With new doctors in place I feel a bit more confident now about going out. We still wear masks religiously and use Betadine once we get home. 

I'm grateful I'm able to move more now compared to a year ago. It was around this time last year when I was having breathing issues. My walk test results were really bad too. My body has gone through a lot and so little things like being able to go to the mall and have dinner with a friend is a huge thing for me. 

I always wondered why I survived. The illnesses I've been through have high mortality rates. I talk about it every so often to warn others and also to show those like me that there is life after. I'm not able to do much now, but I'd like to believe that I've been spared so I can help others to have hope and warn others not to push themselves too hard. 

And so I am grateful for another week that ended on a happy note. I'm also grateful for the blessings and the gift of friendship. The weather has been really bad, so stay dry and stay safe everyone. 

Have a blessed Sunday :)

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Miracle Sundays: On Personal Missions

I have been randomly checking old posts from my blog. Found one post where I did a lot of introspection in 2007. I was pondering on my mission and the funny thing is I've been thinking about my current mission. 

Part of the reason why I went home was to be with my Mom. I woke up yesterday thinking about how to get moving. I've been holing up at home. Much of the past few weeks was spent recovering, sliding back down and recovering again. I told myself I need to get back up and do something productive. 

I finally finished one of the cat quilts I've been working on. It dragged on for awhile and I missed my deadline. It's not perfect, but I finished it and it's going to be useful in my kitchen. What it tells me is I should and create new long-term goals. I've been afraid to make them because of my medical condition. 

I made big hairy goals early this year. I have goals for our home and family, crafting, wellness and even a bucket list. I should probably print it out and put it up where I could see it often. Almost half a year has passed and I haven't made a dent on the goals I made. Gotta crack the whip and get going!

2007 is so far away now. One thing I learned though is not to overthink. Just keep going and pray as you go along with life. One good thing about having a medical condition is it makes my options simpler. I just need to get things going and follow through what I've set and listen to any new calling :)

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: Simple Joys

To be honest, I always have difficulty writing my Sunday posts. It forces me to take stock of I lived in the past week and sometimes that triggers my anxiety. When that happens I remind myself not to measure my productivity based on how I used to be. I also remind myself to focus on being grateful. 

This week I was reminded to be grateful for simple joys. We started taking Ningxia again and I think that has helped me gain more energy. I'm working on taking better care of myself and my boys and part of it is working on what we eat. I'm also pushing myself to move more.

Spent the week decluttering. I realized I cannot do it in one go, so I followed a friend's advise to trim it down. I also followed our coach Ally's advise to sort things first. I trimmed down a couple of crates and boxes this week and will get back to it once we clear out the rest of the boxes. I also sorted my books and was happy to see the progress we made trimming it down. The books we donated went to Bicol.

With the temp a bit more controlled at home now, I hope I'll be able to cook more with Miggy. Simple joys like being able to do more at home make me happy. 

Healing comes from Him, don't forget to recognize small improvements. Be always grateful and focus on your goals. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Don't Be Scared, Just Pray

Last Friday, we headed out to do some errands. Oh boy, the heat was truly unbearable. Good thing I brought my new handheld fan. It helped and I ducked inside stores that had cooler airconditioning. The temp though wasn't consistent and I would feel a jarring pain in my back. It would go away as soon as I got to a place that was cooler. 

It was probably a good thing we went home when the sun was setting. I would have melted if we went home earlier. I was tired when we got home, but I was still able to water my potted plants and I did some hand sewing. When I went to bed, I felt a weird flutter in my heart. I did breathing exercises. I felt weirder and weirder. 

Checked my watch and saw my heart rate going bonkers. It would go up from 86 to 104 in seconds. I counter-checked through my oximeter. Same result. I was diagnosed with arrhythmia a few years ago. My cardiovascular surgeon helped manage it. In the past few years, attacks happen around this time. It's probably the heat. 

I was getting very restless already and told Sweetie I was having issues with my heart rate. My rate hit 114 at some point and I started to worry. I definitely didn't want to go to the ER especially since cases are going up again. I prayed for clarity of mind because I knew getting stressed was going to make things worse. Got Miggy to bring me some iced water and that helped calm me down.

Followed my doctor's instructions on what to do and my heart rate eventually normalized and I fell asleep. Woke up feeling tired, but I thanked the Lord for the beautiful day. It was still scorching hot so I stayed in an airconditioned, air-filtered room all day. Thank you Papa God and my boys for taking care of me. 

Today, I also pray for my classmate who is in the hospital fighting the big C. Please also kindly say a prayer for her and another batchmate who is not doing well. 

Miracle Sundays: Ask and You Shall Receive

After a recent meltdown, Sweetie asked me if I was still praying for healing. I realized I had downsized my prayers to be stable everyday and have the energy to at least water the plants. I had been praying for more stamina so I could do more chores at home. I did start to have more energy last month but I was plagued with food poisoning, twice. That started me going on a downhill trend. It culminated with a meltdown. 

It took almost two weeks before I fully recovered from food poisoning. I was flat on my back for a few days. The consequence was retaining more fluid and my legs started to swell. It is painful and you have to act fast so it doesn't end up in CHF. I knew the drill and focused on praying. I fervently prayed to be healed, most especially since we had a scheduled vacation coming up. 

I was able to sustain my stamina throughout the vacation (with naps when needed). I was happy because I wanted my boys and my friends not to worry. One thing i was concerned about though was leaving my plants without water. Miggy and I experimented and prepared a self watering system for our potted plants. It took two weeks before we found a solution that worked (read about it on yesterday's blog post).

The summer heat though has been unbearable. We also only covered the potted plants. We watered the bigger plants diligently and I asked God a favor - to provide some rain midweek so the plants won't die. He did not only send rain, but He sent the first typhoon of the year. It's been raining everyday since Wednesday. The plants are well watered and the potted conserved their bottled water. 

I realized, don't minimize your asks from Him. I only asked for some midweek watering, but He gave much more than that. It made me realize that I should not lose hope, no matter what my doctors say. I got so excited about it and sent my cardiologist a photo of me paddle boarding. He had told me many times that he is amazed with how I could bounce back. It is a miracle, he said. That memory makes me smile because I know he isn't a religious person.

Ask and you shall receives. :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Be Not Afraid

Today is the Transfiguration where Jesus brought some of the disciples with him and told them to "Get up...and Be not afraid". They were terrified after hearing a voice from the clouds. 

What Jesus is telling us here is that we should not be afraid of the unknown. The disciples got scared because they were not familiar with the voice they heard. We all get scared. I was terrified of reciting in class and performing on stage. I still felt the same way when I had to present in front of an audience. I also got the hibbie jibbies whenever I to present my quarterly report. 

Survived all of it by praying. A lot of people asked me if I wasn't scared when I had heart surgery, twice. I was strangely very calm when I was wheeled in the operating theater both times. I had a decade to prepare for surgery and I just left it all to His Will. I had no doubt that the doctors would take good care of me. It was many years later when they told me they almost lost me. They said my Will was very strong and I fought back. I told them it wasn't my will, but His. 

Today's Gospel is a good reminder for me not to be afraid. The past year has been very rough health-wise. I need to constantly remind myself that I should just live everything to Him and live my life the best way I can. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Living with CHF

I just recently had a blood test and it's a mess again. Luckily, the med tech who took my blood was a really good one. The test just left a tiny dot on my arm and did not bruise. It's been years since I've encountered a really good med tech. Next time I'll make sure to get my tests done on midnight. Hopefully I'll get him again. 

The result of the test though was disenheartening. I'm anemic and my probnp result is almost x2 from 2021. My cardiologist is yet again very busy and her assistant hasn't confirmed an appointment. Medical care in the Philippines is truly hard. I was down for a few days, but I have to roll with the punches. I have my meds and while waiting to see my doctor I have to be proactive. 

Dealing with medical issues is hard. I've always just managed to brush it off, but the past few years have been really challenging. I almost didn't get back up after the breakdown I had last year. It was the love of my boys and faith that pulled me back. 

Watched this TedX talk by L.T. Kirk the other day and it was a good reminder for me that it's up to me to live. If I don't fight then I could easily be in perile. L.T. Kirk mentioned in his talk that he can enjoy one good day, but it would be followed by several bad days. That is the life of a person with congestive heart failure. 

I've had CHF since 2008. It was the result of having pneumonia. My doctors in SG managed it really well and I was able to live normally even after heart surgery. It's been harder now because it's now paired with CTEPH* and other stuff. I've learned to live with it and have been a bit more functional now. There are good days and bad days, but that's okay since I still get to create new happy memories with my boys. 

Here's what I learned through the years of dealing with my illnesses:

• Acceptance is key. The Nile is not just a river in Egypt.*
• Aim to be better at least 1% than yesterday 
• Big hairy goals or moonshot goals are for work, just make bite sized targets
• Celebrate all achievements whether they're big or small. Reward yourself. 
• Live for your family. 
• Remember, Jesus loves you. Pray. 

One thing that struck me from what L.T. Kirk said was you have to live based on your new reality. Stop aiming for what used to be because it will just frustrate you. It took me a long time to understand and accept that I can't do what I used to do. I'm grateful I have my boys and friends who have been taking care of me.  

*Denial

**CTEPH - Chronic thromboembolic pulmonary hypertension

Miracle Sundays: What "The Sandman" Reminded Me

We finally started to watch "The Sandman" after finishing "Stranger Things". Episode 4 featured Lord Morpheus battling Lucifer. It was truly an interesting battle because they battled through their mind. They would state their weapon as they battled. It was a battle of wits. It came to a point when The Sandman seemed to be on the brink of death. Lucifer shot "anti-life" against the King of Dreams. He won when he countered it with "hope". 

Some discussions online said that Lucifer could have countered it with "Despair". I disagree. The antonym of despair is still hope. Hope, joy and optimism defeats despair. The film certainly made me think about it. Despair is one of the things I have experienced when I had my second PE*. It plagues me whenever I feel unwell. 

“What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?” - The Sandman

It was hope I felt when the new meds. It helped me breathe again. It's what I feel when after a bad day I feel I have more energy. And with hope I can dream to feel more alive. But it's only possible if you have faith. It was Matthew (the raven) who nudged  Lord Morpheus' to fight back. He told him he believed that they would be able to get out of hell. 

Pray so that you may have hope and continue dreaming. 

*PE - pulmonary embolism

 #BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Healing from a Break-up

Break-ups come in different forms. The most obvious, of course, are romantic relationship break-ups. Break-ups also happen with friends and sometimes leaving your job feels like a break-up. That's how I felt when I went through the process of deciding to leave my job. It was painful and I moped for a long time. It's worse when you are laid off or forced to move. 

I can just imagine how anxious one gets when faced with change. Especially when it affects your future. I have experienced the break-up process several times. My heart broke each and every time. It even came to a point where it had to be literally repaired. Through the years though I realized that I'm one tough cookie. 

Different organizations present different stages of break-ups. It can be anywhere from 5 to 13 stages. Emotions run very high and you can end up doing things you may regret. Move on gracefully. You will be in shock, in denial, angry, depressed, and it usually takes a long time before you finally accept and be at peace. 

I've learned through the years that burying your emotions is not good. Accept the pain and let it run its course. Don't grieve alone. Surround yourself with friends you trust. If they really know you, they will wait until you are ready to talk. In my case, I usually mark the end of the process with a blog post. I do that because I feel it will be helpful to share what I have learned. 

There is no shortcut to healing. You just need to go through the process. You have to remember though, changes in your life whether you have control over it or not is a re-direction to your new path. Sometimes you are so stubborn, God has to do something drastic. Like what happened to me when I was forced to move to another company (a.k.a. laid off/illegal dismissal). After dealing with the grief I threw myself at learning new skills. What happened was a blessing in disguise. Making peace with what happened eventually led me to my new path. 

You will be okay. You are a tough cookie. And remember, God is always with you.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: Are You Ready for What's Next?

It's a week before Christmas Day. Today's Gospel talks about what Saint Joseph went through after finding out Mama Mary was with child already when they married. It was an angel in a dream who told him not to be afraid. 

It's been a challenging year for me. I thought I was just going to focus on getting better, but there's been a lot of bumps and potholes in the road. I always remind myself that God only gives you trials that you can bear.

Look far ahead so you don't get stuck in the pothole. Saint Joseph followed the angel's advise. It must have disrupted his plans, but he went ahead and took on the responsibility. It was a life filled with ups and downs and all we know is he was a good foster father to Jesus. 

It's Jesus' birthday next week. It will be a joyous occasion for everyone. We will probably be having a simple celebration at home. We haven't had time to prepare the house or buy gifts for each other. What's important is we'll be together as a family and we can focus on celebrating Christ's birth. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Stewardship

To be honest, I've been having more bad days than good days the past few months. I had a cardiac episode in mid-September and my PTSD was triggered. I rested in bed for almost a week before I could move around again. The PTSD episode took longer to alleviate since a lot of things was happening. 

While resting my back started to hurt again. I slowly started exercising based on routines my PT taught me. The strange thing is the pain would start an hour or two before I'd wake up. There were days it was so excruciating, Sweetie would help me get out of bed. The exercise helped, but I would still wake up in pain and sometime I'd cry. 

After the fire last week, I set an appointment with my pulmonologist. He said I looked like I gained weight. I probably gained 5 pounds since I last met him six months ago. We went on with the appointment, but he told me two more times to not gain any more weight, haha. He also referred me to a spine doctor since I haven't seen one in over a year.

The day after my consultation I looked back on what I've been eating. I don't eat a lot, but I indulged a lot since September. I would justify that since I wasn't feeling well I'd eat whatever I craved. I slowly went back to gardening and I'd sweat a lot from it. I also followed a bedtime exercise routine. It helped a bit, but I felt I needed to do better. 

I decided to follow again my favorite cardiologist's advise to losing weight. Count your calories. I immediately re-installed MyFitnessPal and connected my Fitbit to it. After 48 hours I noticed the back pain reduced a lot. I had to stop exercising though since I've been having slight fever and asthma on and off. Things will probably get better in the next few days. 

Today's Didache reflection asks, "How can you be a better steward of His gifts?" To me it's taking care of yourself. Make sure you are physically and mentally healthy. It's okay not to be okay, just take it slowly and focus on what will help you become better. 

"May the Lord Jesus Christ... encourage your hearts and strengthen them in every good work and word." - 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: The Firewall

I normally have difficulty sleeping whenever there's a typhoon. The wind was crazy yesterday when I woke up and I prayed to calm myself. I prayed for protection for everyone and I also said a thank you prayer that we were safe at home. I told myself to just keep praying and everything will be alright. 

A few minutes later all hell broke loose. The smoke I thought was siga was actually a fire. I am so grateful for Sweetie because he really took charge of the situation. He woke up Miggy, had me wear a mask and told us to bring essentials to the car. He parked the car and me outside the house where I could monitor the smoke. Miggy stood in front of the house for any emergency. 

First thing we did this morning was to check the firewall. It was deformed in several places. It was only then I realized that behind our firewall was where the fire started. The firewall and the quick action of the village security saved us. I only counted 6 firetrucks, but 15 actually arrived according to the village security. 

Just last week I was thinking that the firewall was a nuisance. It was keeping the wind from coming in our property. I was used to not having a very tall firewall since my childhood home had open space around it (except for one side). The neighbor also had an easement, so we did not need to build a tall firewall. Well, now I'm glad we have the firewall.

It took me a long time to fall asleep last night. My heart rate was elevated the whole day and experiencing what we did was overwhelming. I fell asleep thinking that the horrid firewall I didn't like saved us. We also found out how the village security went the extra mile to get help immediately. If the fire lasted longer it would most probably reach our home. 

The firewall kept the fire out. It is now damaged and would need repair. It was prayer that grounded me and reassured me that everything will be alright. We eventually went back home, turned on the electricity. The strong pitter-patter of the rain helped us to calm down.

Our prayers and heartfelt thanks to everyone who helped. Also praying for all those affected by the typhoon. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: 365 Days

I was browsing IG when I saw a post made by Kumar (Kulas' bestie). He said in his post, "We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them." I was reflecting on what Fr. Orven said in his post when I saw Kumar's post. Fr. Orven said, 

"In Suffering, endure for it won’t last 

In Blessing, enjoy while it lasts. 

In life we experience joy and sadness 

In eternal life we’ll enjoy bliss and wholeness."

We each get the same number of days per year. Everyday would be different. It can be a good day or a bad day. It's truly up to us how we deal with things everyday. I have bad days when I feel really unwell to do anything. I used to feel so frustrated when I couldn't do anything. 

I always go back to what Dr. Canlas, my allergologist, told me more than 15 years ago. Accept things and be flexible. I became allergic to chicken, chocolate, Coke and cockroach (just the smell triggers my allergies). It was hard for me since I love eating chicken, chocolate, crab and shrimp, and I was an avid Coke drinker at that time. Dr. Canlas though said that I was always mildly allergic to it. Pneumonia ruined my immunity. 

I followed his advised. Accepted it and worked on gaining my immunity back. It took years, but I was eventually able to eat my favorites. I eat chicken and chocolate often, up to 3 pieces of shrimp. Never regained my immunity for crab though. I keep my house clean to prevent roaches (those baits work well too). 

I treat bad days as a sign to do something else, like sleep and rest. I was so used to managing multiple projects at the same time. My doctors told me it was already a personality defect and it was likely going to eventually kill me (haha). I eventually understood what they meant. Embraced the defect and worked on changing. I may not be as productive as I used to be, but I now experience a different kind of joy. I'm just grateful I could make new memories with my boys everyday. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: The True Healer

A friend shared an article this morning about a parent who lost her child. The writer said she was regretful about giving all her confidence to the hospital. She thought they would make her child well. A mistake happened though and it eventually led to the death of her child. You can read the whole article here.

I've had a lot of realization of caring for your health. I've been in and out of the hospital the past 5 years. It started with several ER trips. I was eventually managed with asthma meds, but it only gave temporary relief. I had several more episodes where I was told it was only asthma due to GERD. I pushed hard to get a second opinion. The doctor said it was just going to be a waste of time. 

I got lucky because the doctor was relentless at figuring out what was wrong with me. He was trained in Cleveland Clinic and knew what kind of tests I needed. After several tests I was diagnosed with a large blood clot in my lungs. If I waited longer I wouldn't have made it. My other doctors were very surprised over the diagnosis and reviewed the tests. I even had the results also reviewed by a third party reviewer. The reviews concluded the same issue. 

At St. Peter's Square (2018). This was days after I was diagnosed with PE.

I was managed well, until eventually stress wore me down. Went through a series of tests again and then I eventually developed clots again. Several specialists looked at me and made me go through a lot of tests. They were not able to figure out exactly what was causing the clots and eventually just patted me on the back and told me not to go through any procedure because it will be too risky for me. It basically meant, there's no earthly thing they can do to bring me back to what I used to be. 

I've made peace with that a long time ago. There's still so much that science cannot explain about our bodies. They almost lost me also during heart surgery. It never crossed my mind they would. They only told me this before I went home last year. I've had a lot of medical episodes, but I always believe that we live because of His Will. Just accept whatever you go through as your cross and pray. 

I realized that in the wee hours of this morning. I couldn't sleep again because of the challenging past week. I kept asking Papa God, "What's up with the many challenges?" And I realized He was doing corrective measures to keep me on my feet and to answer a prayer. I woke up lightheaded this morning with a low pulse rate and erratic oxygen saturation. I honestly wanted to stay in bed, but remembered what I realized before I finally fell asleep. 

Just keep going and praying and all will be well.

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Work with All Your Heart

 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” (Colossians 3:23, NIV)

I once saved my allowance to buy my Mom a birthday gift. It was a standee that had the bible verse quoted above. It was shortened version that said, "Do all your work with love" and it had a cartoon drawing of a smiling lady. I don't remember how old I was then, but I remember why I got it for my Mom. I was always being scolded for being messy and thought maybe that would soften her up. 

She kept it in the bathroom and I think it might still be there. I saw it everytime I went to the bathroom and I guess it reminded me to do everything with all my heart. I probably went over and beyond because my heart had to be repaired and the stress ate my lungs too, haha. I gave it my all and really had a hard time letting go. All my doctors were in agreement that the stress from work was eventually going to kill me. 

I eventually found peace when I decided to go. I prayed hard because I was scared. How could I live if I didn't have income? My maintenance medications alone cost a lot monthly and it would be dangerous if I scrimp on it. I didn't want to be a burden to my family, so I prayed harder. I prayed and lifted all my worries to God. Eventually things worked out and I realized that God was redirecting me to be somewhere else. 

I would probably be gone now if I stood my ground and stayed. The stress would have deteriorated me further. Sometimes you just really need to listen hard and let go. It will bring you peace. The past week has been challenging for me. I pushed my body hard so I could take care of my boys. As always, I gave it all my heart and I'm happy I was able to prepare their meals yesterday because it was raining so hard the whole day. 

Thank you Lord for always taking care of us. Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Miracle Sundays: Suffering with Joy

“It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls. Suffering, more than anything else, makes present . . . the force of Redemption.”

- St. Pope John Paul II

When I was a child my Mom would always tell me to lift all my pain to Jesus. Back then I just had toothaches and tonsilitis. Mom said the same thing to me when I was experiencing a lot of pain after heart surgery. I'd drink the meds and then I lift all the pain to Him. I guess that's how I managed to carry the cross. 

I have good days and I have a bad day. Today has so far been a bad day. Few minutes after waking up I had a migraine. Got a bit better, then an hour after I started feeling dizzy. I still am while writing this post. Sweetie would have forced me to lie down if he knew I was still dizzy. This happens often I know already when I should lie down. I feel I can still fight it so I'm staying up (in fact I watered my plants even before settling down to blog). 

This is my new normal and I have accepted it. If I focused so much on suffering I'd probably be very miserable. I know though I'm where I should be. I slow down and rest when needed. Do what I could when I can. I'm just grateful whenever I could exert a bit more effort. 

And looking back at what has transpired the past four weeks, it was a blessing in disguise that we postponed our family vacation. Sweetie and Miggy had the flu and a waterspout appeared near the resort we booked. That would have given me a huge fright if we were there. Well, postponing our trip also meant I had enough time to recover from heart failure. 

I was really looking forward to our family trip. The last one was in 2019 and I've really wanted to go to the beach. I was anxious about a few things: (1) Surviving the walk in the airport since we didn't book a wheelchair, (2) The question whether I'd be able to last an hour under the sun when swimming, (3) Random asthma attacks since I was doing oxygen therapy at night. 

Well, a miracle happened. By God's grace we were able to enjoy our family vacation without any major mishaps. The weather was beautiful the entire week. I was able to swim at the beach twice and I was able to try paddleboarding (just sitting, I didn't attempt to stand), I held a rabbit (don't tell my doc!), and we were able to meet a friend in person (the stairs to her showroom almost did me in though haha). The boys were always there ready to assist me. It was truly a beautiful week.

 

Always find joy in everything. It is hard especially when you're in pain or not feeling well, but I believe if you focus so much on the pain then you'd suffer more. Be grateful and have faith. He will take care of the rest. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Serving

Writing this blog post today from our neighborhood Starbuclks. The place is busy so I'm keeping my mask on. I was forced to leave the house because of the ongoing fumigation of the premises. My doctor friend dropped by earlier with some goodies from Binan and told me I should evacuate. It was good advise because I already had a sneezefest this morning when they were just injecting pesticide in the soil. So Sweetie whisked me away.

Today's Gospel is about showing God you love Him through service. It was a really good reading for me because I was mulling over whether I did the right thing about sending the video of a possible crime we witnessed right in front of our house. Okay, let's backtrack a bit...

We're truly a strange lot because we normally peek out whenever the trash truck comes. When we hear the sound of their exhaust we usually check if they get all the trash we brought out. Yesterday, Sweetie peeked out as usual and saw one of the crew open up a trash bag. That wasn't unusual because they normally do some sorting already. He was surprised though when he saw two laptops and a bag full of accessories brought out from the bag. He immediately told me about it and our first thought was, "Wow, our neighbor is so rich they just threw out two laptops."

An hour later we were still talking about it and I remembered that there was an incident in my Mom's neighborhood where vendors were taking out stolen devices. Well, we don't really know the circumstances surrounding the laptops in trash. My initial thought tbh was "There's really money in trash!" Then I remembered about what happened in my Mom's area. I immediately sent some videos to our homeowners association so they could check if there was any reports in the neighborhood. 

I haven't received any response from our homeowners association. I guess it's because of the weekend and maybe there was nothing to it. I thought though maybe I was just overreacting? Or maybe it's PTSD from what happened at my childhood home. I also thought maybe I should have just ignored what we saw and let it be. Was I being too pakielamera? 

I've gotten in trouble many times for being pakielamera. Kuya said it's not a bad thing, I just care too much. Today's Gospel though comforted me. I did the right thing to report what we saw and it's up to them whether they want to check or not. There's always two sides to a story anyway and I hope it's the good side.

Now... do we tell our neighbor we discovered anay in our property?

Here we go again...

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday is for Miracles

Getting takeaway.

I was honestly planning to stop blogging daily. I just didn't feel inspired and felt things were going nowhere. My doctors made me promise though to keep my brain working, that's why I blog everyday. I knew if I gave up daily blogging I would definitely deteriorate fast. I introduced daily blog themes to keep me going and to avoid focusing too much on things that don't inspire. So Sundays are for miracles!

The Miracle of Life

I have been through many nerve-wracking health episodes. I am grateful that I've always pulled through them. My doctors are actually amazed how I have survived two OHS and two PEs. They were so shocked when I climbed the Borobudur Temple a few months after surgery.

I clung on to my faith and the love of my family after surgery. I remember I kept playing my church songs playlist on my iPod nonstop. It did eventually drive my family crazy, but tbh I had no grasp of what was going on during that time. I was probably dazed from the anesthesia and medication being pumped into me. I think though it was all the prayers being said for me that really helped pull me through. 

I oftentimes stop myself from asking "Why?" I just remind myself to trust and follow God's plans for me. What I have been through health-wise is not for the faint-hearted. Aside from physical issues, it has also affected me mentally. It's not been easy for me and my family. 

This is my cross and I carry it with faith and love. There are good days and there are bad days for me. When it's a bad day I rest, when it's a good day then I can be a bit more active. It's alright, I'm just happy I'm able to spend time with my family everyday. 

Be grateful for the cross that you carry. Remember, God only gives you challenges that you can bear.

Happy Sunday everyone!

*OHS - open heart surgeries

PE - pulmonary embolisms