Wellness Goals for 2024

I improved a lot health-wise last year. I just had a big slip when I picked up some germs while doing some errands. We have an idea where I picked it up. It a resto that was very humid and their a/c wasn't working, so ventilation was very bad. A vlogger who also ate there got sick a few days after. So taking precautions and improving my immunity will be at the top of my list. 

Here's what I need to work on to be well this year:

1. Improve my immune system. I pick up germs/viruses easily whenever we go out. I'm immuno-compromised, so this is something I've been discussing with my doctors about how I could improve my immunity. They added supplements and I'm back to a meal plan to ensure I'm getting proper nutrition. Plus drink more water.

2. Sleep and wake up in Philippine time zone. I thought I was able to correct it already after my hospital stay, but it got worse. Boo. 

3. Meditate and try yoga. This is something I had on my list last year, but failed to do. 

4. Continue pulmo rehab. This has been very helpful for me. 

5. Consistently use my CPAP machine. So far I've used it every night the past 30 days. 

6. Make sure to keep my doctor appointments and do the tests!

7. Get some sunshine everyday. This will help my vitamin D deficiency and my mental health. 

8. Less social media (I lessened it last year, need to lessen it more). 

9. Do things I love doing. Focus on finding solutions over stressing over issues. My neuro also suggested to exercise and do what I love to do. I used to bike a lot when I was young and that's what I'm working towards. 

10. Pray and strengthen my faith like how Mom did. 

Make Your Garden Your Sanctuary

 "It is said that you are nearer God's heart in a garden than anywhere else on earth."

I randomly pulled out this card from Papemelroti's "Treat Yourself to Some Personal Time" card series. I had a pretty long day while writing this post and needed something to boost my mood. I immediately thought about Mom when I read the card (see below). She always spent a lot of time in the garden. It calmed her and she got her exercise from gardening. 

Just thinking of Mom's garden and my garden immediately calmed my nerves. I haven't been able to do proper gardening in the past 2 weeks because the construction beside us has been disruptive. The noise, the crazy thump thump of equipment and workers smoking non-stop triggers my asthma and destabilizes my well-being. 

Garden time for me is important. It makes me happy. I knew after enduring it for 2 months that it was time to complain. I had to protect my safe space (and our firewall tsk tsk tsk). I am grateful that our HOA took our complaints seriously because it's really hard for me (vog + cigarette smoke is really bad for people like me). Well, despite repeated reminders, the workers still try to slip in a stick. 

I learned though that you need to protect your safe spaces. My tiny garden is my sanctuary. It helps center me and it makes me feel Mom is just around. Protect your sanctuary, your safe space if you need to. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Anchoring Self-care Routines

I have lazy bones. Never really liked sports. My Dad was an athlete and was always moving (tennis, basketball, jogging with friends). I never saw my Mom workout though. Yes, never. She would do gardening everyday until now. She's 87 and still does the same thing everyday. 

To make sure I complete my 40-day self-care challenge, I anchored the routine to something I do regularly so I don't forget. I do some stretches before I get up. Skin care after my morning shower and drink my pre-breakfast meds before going out of the bedroom. Wall push-ups while I'm preparing coffee. I do the leg up wall yoga pose after brushing my teeth. 

Part of my self-care challenge is to move more. There are days I do only 800-1,000 steps. Moving more helps give me more good days. There's still a lot to organize at home, so I anchored my movement to a daily target to fix something. Sometimes I overdo it and end up flat on my back the next day. I just rest until I feel better. Sweetie reminds me not to overdo things. 

I've been more productive since I started the challenge. There are still bad days and I think I can still improve. It's just been hard to get an appointment from my doctor. My aim for now is to stay stable and be at least 1% better than the previous day. Anchoring my "program" on something I do regularly has helped improve my well-being :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

My Anxiety Management Kit

I have family and friends who have been infected with the coronavirus. Got worried last night when my best friend told me he tested positive too. Good thing they are all vaccinated so they're all asymptomatic. My boys have been very strict with me. They don't allow me to step out if there's a delivery. We all wear masks if someone drops by, even if it's just at the gate. 

I always feel anxious whenever I feel unwell. A dark cloud always comes over me when I get sick. I've had to deal with anxiety since I had my first pulmonary embolism in 2018. It felt like it was easier to manage when I was busy at work, but that didn't help. I was just avoiding the issue and it eventually emptied my tank. After I had my second pulmonary embolism, I realized I needed help. 

A huge part of recovering from an illness relies on having a sound mind. Battling physical illnesses requires you to have a strong will. I know my issues are extraordinary compared to most, but I thought I'd share what I've been doing because it may help you or a loved one who may need help. Here's a list:

1. Sleep - I had trouble sleeping for years. My doctor kept reminding me that getting 8 hours of sleep was important for recovery. What helped me was putting a few drops of lavender on an essential oil stone. Using an air filter also help a lot (doc said breathing well is a huge part of getting proper sleep). Praying the rosary before sleeping also helped me calm down. 

I guess a huge part of being anxious was being far away from home. I rarely have trouble falling asleep since I got home. 

2. Look Up - I got this tip from my Kuya. Whenever the black cloud sets in and my train of thought goes dark, I break it by looking up. It forces me to think of something else. 

3. Essential Oils - I have been using EOs since 2019. It was my HS classmate who's a doctor who finally convinced me to use them. I do a lot of research though before using any oil to make sure it doesn't interact with my meds. I diffuse several times a week and the boys love it too because it makes our home smell good. 

4. Drinking Lots of Water - I doubled my water intake. It made my blood flow better and resolved kidney issues. Feeling good means less anxiety. 

5. Exercise - this was never in my dictionary. The only willing exercise I used to do was malling*. It's the only place I could easily get 10k steps. My back ached so bad after my first PE I had to go see a spine doctor. He enrolled me in physiotherapy. My PT said I should treat exercise like the requirement to brush my teeth. Strangely that's what got me moving! As long as I do at least 30 wall push-ups a day I've been okay. This has helped expand my lungs, keep my core firm and keep my joints working properly. I guess it helps produce needed endorphins too. I'm not as grumpy anymore. 

6. Hugs - get at least 8 hugs a day. 

7. Do some gardening - watering plants have been helping me with balance. I use it as escape time to stay offline too. 

8. Stay offline - my doctors mandated this for me. I set up my phone to track how much time I spent online. It took me four months before I became less wired. I realized that my doctors mandate to stay offline was the best advise they gave me. 

9. Get a hobby - I read that anxiety stems from being unable to control a situation. I found it very useful to work on my hobbies. It made me feel accomplished whenever I finished a project. Working on your hobbies also help keep you offline and away from triggers!

10. Know your triggers. A good understanding of what stresses you out is important in managing your well-being. Part of this includes surrounding yourself with people who truly love you. 

Of course, pray and always remember that Papa God loves you. 

*Malling - going to the mall to shop!

What I'm Doing to Refill My Tank

My tank has finally started to fill up. I was running on fumes for more than a year. I really wondered how I could refill my tank. I learned that you should heed the signs when your tank is running low. The signs were there as early as 2018, but I just kept going. I'm a trooper after all, but it's really important to take care of yourself. 

Oh before I forget, today is my 9th mitral valve repair anniversary. My heart has been thumping nicely for 9 years already. My surgeon really did a great job and he says that everytime he peaks at the valve, haha. The valve is leaking a bit again, but they said no need to worry as long as I limit my activities. My doctors are amazed how I'm able to recover from all my health issues. 

Faith, hope and love. That's my secret. I have been praying for a miracle because my family needs me. I think I'm finally stable now and it's truly a miracle I have not visited a medical facility for two month now. Thank you Lord! I'm really happy about it because I'm able to do things for my family. 

If you're not careful, you can run on empty like me. Thought I'd share what I did the past year to refill my tank:

1. Pray for healing, truly, madly and deeply. I also prayed for help from Mama Mary, Padre Pio and St. Jude. 

2. Forgive yourself. I beat myself up for not being able to contribute to anything. It triggered my PTSD all the time. 

3. Accept that there are things you cannot change. Treat it as Papa God's way of pushing you to a new path. 

4. Take a break. Take as long as you need. It's okay not to function as you normally would.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you truly. 

6. Do things that make you happy. 

7. Learn to say no. No, no, no, no! Haha. I still get invitations to speak and people can get pushy! They don't understand that my voice runs out after a few minutes of talking. It's a mechanical issue. So i just keep saying no. Sorry guys. It is what it is.

8. Move on and discover new things about yourself. Since I had to stop doing what I loved to do, I moved on and discerned my new mission. Just family for now. 

9. Indulge yourself. I'm so far happy my weight has stayed stable since I got home, haha. I'm not pressuring myself to lose more. Just focusing on increasing daily movement for now. 

10. Get as many hugs as you can everyday. I squeeze my boys like crazy several times a day. 

#BeKind #StayHome

Doors

The 1SE app reminded me with a message this morning, "Life doesn't stop for anyone." An apt reminder because I've been amiss with adding daily content. I've been so busy the past two weeks, I haven't even started preparing for Christmas. 

Well, the 1SE app brought me to think about doors. I'm having our doorknobs replaced. We always get injured from lever door handles and my doctor told me to avoid any kind of injury (fragile ka ghorl?). So we're replacing it with classic door knobs. And life is just like that, it doesn't stop for anyone. You can take a break, but everyone around you will be moving. 

There's a saying, "When a door closes, a window opens." When I woke up this morning I realized that God opened a huge door for me. I had been stuck in the "I'm sick loop" for a year now and much as I try to move on, I've been immobile. This morning felt different though, it felt like the key to a new door was unlocked. It felt strange because I was also having an asthma attack when the revelation happened. 

I read that one cause of depression is the feeling of helplessness. It does not go well when you also have PTSD. Both pushes you to want to have control and a better sense of worth. I struggled with sleep for a long time. It was only when I came home that I felt things start to resolve. I have been able to fall asleep faster (most nights) and my Fitbit tells me that my deep sleep time has improved a lot. I need to have a lot of deep sleep to heal better. 

I know my body will never go back to what it was before. I've been praying for healing for my body, mind, heart and soul. It takes a lot of time and faith. I think having my family and friends in close proximity, breathing in Philippine air (even with bad AQI sometimes) and getting proper vitamin D from the sun, is what helped unlock the new door. 

Life doesn't stop for anyone, but you can always pause and take a break when you need it. Do things that will make you happy. It may not be a window that opens, but you can always change the doorknob too. 

I pray you are in good spirits today my friend. I also pray for those affected by the wrath of Typhoon Odette. 

#Home44 #NewG202 #Xmas8 #StayHome #BeKind  

Down Time, How I Reduced My Online Time and Saved Myself

How did you survive the FB and IG down time? Haha. I wasn't aware of it until Miggy told us. We were watching Pepsi half-time videos on YouTube. I used to get so anxious when platforms have an outage or when there's no internet at home. Now I look forward to it haha.

I realized why I look forward to flights. The longer the flight the better for me. Why? Because you're forced to be offline. I feel it's the only time when everything goes silent. I can sew, write or read without distractions. 

And that's what my doctor ordered me to do after I got warded last December. He repeatedly told me to stay offline. I was probably too wired up and stressed, my body broke down. I turned on the well-being controls on my phone and saw how much time I was spending online and on different platforms.

Honestly, it took four months before I calmed down. That's how bad it was and the only way I relaxed was to stay offline. My brain was on overdrive and it took four months for it to go back to base. Staying offline and controlling my online time was the best thing I did for myself. 

Fave plane ride, Hello Kitty flight from Taiwan to Tokyo!

In my mind I always go back to the time when everything was offline. While having information at the tip of your fingertips anytime is good, it can also be bad. I realized the solution is to just go online when needed or indulge only at certain times of the day. 

It's hard to do in the beginning, but you can start it as a micro-habit. Begin with turning on the well-being controls on your phone. Limit the time you spend on platforms and work your way up to your "online time goal". It will also help to define other activities you want to do that doesn't involve a device. For me it's sewing, reading and working on my journal. 

Less mind clutter, the better :)

CB////*Yr2/178 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/199 #NewG269 #Home28 #Xmas82 #StayHome #BeKind

Break State

Anxiety plagues everyone one way or another. I thought I was good at managing it, but I eventually succumbed to it and got depressed. It's common for pulmonary embolism patients to have anxiety and PTSD. I see a lot of patients cry for help in our groups. It's really helpful to be with people who understand what you're going through. They can give advise and tips on what you can do to alleviate your issue. 

I've had to learn to identify if the symptoms I was experiencing was real or anxiety. Good thing my respiratory doctor was very patient with me. I saw him every week in the beginning of my illness. I eventually learned to differentiate and establish coping mechanisms. One nurse told me I've become a "professional patient" because I already know when to go to the hospital. LOL.

One of the patients in the group termed it beautifully - break state. She was sharing how she's been able to get back her life after all the challenges. Break state. Look up. Change perspective. Knowing when you are falling in the black hole is important. When you feel you are that's when you should move. 

It happens to me usually before I sleep. When my thoughts start going south I change my position. It breaks my thoughts because I have to shift my pillows around. I fall asleep faster now and I'm glad I've been able to keep my worries at bay. Instead of thinking about dark thoughts I've replaced it with longer praying time (expanded my allies to more saints and angels hehe). 

Coping with anxiety is hard. Getting sucked in by not-so good thoughts and worries can maim you from living your life. It's important to have a support group, but it's also key to learn how to cope by yourself. Break it by looking up, changing position or posture, doing something else and praying. Remove yourself from those paralyzing thoughts. I've been blogging everyday for almost two years now. It's helps me put things in proper perspective and I hope I'm able to help others also as I share my experience. 

Hope you are doing well my friend. Ping me if you need someone to talk with ;)

CB///*Yr2/164 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/187 #NewG283 #Home42 #Xmas94 #StayHome #BeKind  

Make Each Day Count

How do you want to be remembered when your time comes? 

I woke up to the news of the passing of former Secretary Dinky Soliman. She was the DSWD secretary during PNoy's administration. I never had the chance to meet her in person, but I always admired her. She was a strong, formidable woman who always championed those in need. And she will always be remembered for being that kind of person. Rest in peace Ma'am Dinky.

I have thought about the question several times in the past few months. I guess it's natural to think about it when you go through medical issues. I realized there was a huge gap in what I want to be. I've only been able to fulfill a part of my mission, but I have neglected a big part of who I am. To me getting sick was a blessing in disguise. It led me back to where I should be. 

Make each day count. Let go of things that bring negativity. Be happy. Be helpful. Be kind. 

The past couple of months I've been watching family vlogs. Most of them used to have corporate jobs. They quit and followed their dream. They traveled a lot and eventually settled in the province to live a simpler life. They spend their time at home with their kid/s. 

I've always led a very busy life. I struggled a lot when I was forced to slow down. It took me four months before I calmed down. I tell my friends who are taking a break to do a long one. It really takes time to reach the right headspace to think about what you want in life. 

Live life in love and don't forget to pray. 

Happy Sunday everyone!

CB///*Yr2/161 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/184 #NewG286 #Home45 #Xmas97 #StayHome #BeKind 

Organized Chaos

I'm taking a bite-sized approach to sorting the decade I've been in Singapore. I started with a shelf and I'm tackling it by row. I tend to put things in cute boxes as I keep them. What happens though is I forget about the items I keep and end up buying new things. That's what I discovered yesterday when I found several small boxes of office supplies. Can you guess how many scissors I have? Hahaha. 

At our old place before we moved.

So I'm going to take this opportunity to collate and reduce our things. I'll probably ban myself also from window online shopping (there's so many kawaii items out there!). I hope to get some headway in clearing out things in the next week since there are people interested to view our place already. 

And the same goes for my mind. I have been working on clearing out unhealthy thoughts. I think I have improved in compartmentalizing and it's now time to flush out the bad stuff. I've been excited about finally getting vaccinated, but tbh I'm scared too. 

I've been processing this fear by getting more information about it's safety for me. I don't have a genetic clotting disorder, my platelets are in order and similar patients did not have issues. The virus can cause myocarditis and clots much, much more than the vaccine. I have to clear out these unhealthy thoughts and tell my body to cooperate. 

Praying that this transition time will go smoothly. 

CB///*Yr2/157 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/180 #NewG290 #Home48 #Xmas101 #StayHome #BeKind 

Indestructible

"There's nothing you cannot do," is a lesson my parents taught me growing up. They impressed this on me whenever I would share my fears (like recitation!). They also told me how Ate topped the chemical engineering board exam. She set aside her nervousness while taking the exam. I learned to take a deep breath and pray to calm myself before I do anything that makes me nervous. 

Abating fears is not easy especially if you have anxiety. It's often hard to quiet down the voices in your head. I've recently had to deal with being medically ineligible to get vaccinated. At the prodding of my respiratory doctor I rechecked with my vascular doctor if I could get vaccinated. He said yes. I also checked with my cardiovascular surgeon and he said yes too. I trust my doctors, but of course I'm still scared because of the previous risks that were raised to me. 

So I prayed and asked God to remove my fears. My doctor gave instructions on how I should go about it. I then did some research and slowly started to understand why I should not be scared to get vaccinated. The NUH website gave advise for those medically ineligible. There were two important points that struck me:

(1) If medically ineligible check back with your specialist every few months because more data may be available (I was told no in June and by end August there was more information available for my doctor), (2) You are ineligible if you have low platelet count. [Source: NUH Infographic]

It was a blessing in disguise my other doctor ordered for a blood test. It included my blood count and I'm in the normal range (in fact it increased the past few months). Whew! What also helped me was Dr. Mike Hansen's video explaining the death of a doctor (video here). All of these just unfolded a few days after I prayed for help. I really want to do this for my family. 

I wasn't sure about writing about this today. I read first today's Kerygma reflection and was surprised to see the headline, "Do not fear, God is here". So I went ahead and wrote about how my parents taught me how to be resilient -- just have faith and trust in God! <3

"Say to the fearful of heart: Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. – Isaiah 35:4"

CB///*Yr2/147 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/170 #NewG300 #Home58 #Xmas111 #StayHome #BeKind

The Secret to Being Happy

Whew! Things are going back to normal. The past few days have been a bit hairy when I had to stop taking blood thinners for the test that was postponed. I'm not sure why I felt unwell. I even had a fever. It must have been caused by stress. I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to be poked for another test. I had prayed really hard that it wouldn't have to be done again. Well it wasn't, but it's going to be rescheduled haha. I think I need to make my prayer request clearer! 

My doctor sent me a nice video this morning. It's the speech of Gaur Gopal about how to increase happiness. To sum it up he said you cannot get away from problems, but you can make your life happier by living a life of thankfulness.

Being grateful is key to being happy. I shared to a friend something I learned from Chade Meng Tan on how you can immediately bring joy back. In the class I attended he shared you can simply be grateful for others. It goes this way... Yesterday, I saw a friend post about a nurse who took care of her family when they got infected by the coronavirus. It was a post to show her appreciation and gratefulness for the help. I immediately felt grateful for the help her family got from the nurse. God really sends guardian angels to help us. 

And that sustained me yesterday through my hospital stay. I was still feeling unwell last night, so I did a gratefulness exercise to feel better. I started by feeling grateful for the nurse who inserted the plot on my hand. When I ripped off the bandage I saw just a small dot from the needle, no bruising (that's rare!). Then I was grateful for the grumpy Gojek drive who still picked us up (he was insisting we put the wrong point lol). And best of all, I was grateful for Sweetie for staying with me the whole day. Sitting on a chair just waiting must've been very painful for him. My feet were still icy cold, but I felt much better when we went to sleep.

I realized that a lot of the life coaches are saying the same thing - be grateful to be happy. 

CB///*Yr2/146 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/169 #NewG301 #Home59 #Xmas112 #StayHome #BeKind

Goodbye Heavy Baggage

I know I have been so morose the past few weeks. I have been feeling anxious about my health. To calm myself I meditate, pray, use essential oils and exercise. There is a belief that emotions could get you sick. "Intense fear and panic attacks can really make our blood clot and increase the risk of thrombosis or heart attack." That's from a study by the University of Bonn (source). 

I tried to process what happened yesterday before I went to sleep last night. I asked myself why I was so affected by getting rejected. I realized I've been carrying a lot of resentment in my heart. It's because of unmatched expectations. I need to better appreciate those who are giving me the support I need than expect from those who are not there for me. 

Expectations are the heaviest baggage you can carry. Sylvia Plath said, "If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed." I resented the rejection yesterday because I expected to be treated differently. It will be better for me to let go of my expectations.

Chade-Meng Tan taught us an exercise when I attended his class. He said what's better than feeling grateful is being grateful for someone else. I thought about my friend whose daughter was in the ICU and intubated for over two weeks. I've been praying fervently for his daughter to get well. Yesterday he shared that his daughter is being discharged. The collective prayers of all his loved ones and community paid off. I felt so grateful for me. 

And that's what calmed me down last night. I shed tears of frustration through the process, but I felt so much better. I thanked God for healing my friend's daughter and started to pray for another friend who I found out has COVID-19. I'm hoping my personal prayers get answered too, but if not I'm sure God has a different plan for me. 

Let's all pray for each other my friends. 

Day 26 Minimalism Challenge, Get all your errands done. Yes! I have a lot of "online errands" to do today. I have to respond to the movers I reached out to and email my doctors. An angel also reminded me last night to get a second opinion regarding my vaccination. My to-do list today is quite long and I will make sure to finish it! 

CB///*Yr2/137 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/160 #NewG309 #Home67 #StayHome #BeKind 

Are You Afraid?

My Mama Lola.

There is so much uncertainty nowadays. It's created a lot of fear in us. At the beginning of the pandemic I could say I was still a bit reckless. I'd go out for my PT sessions and go to the mall after. It came to a point where Sweetie would pick me up from my PT session so I'd go straight home after. 

My PT sessions ended a few months ago. I only go out now whenever I have a doctor's appointment. I rush out of the hospital after my appointment. I think it's normal to feel scared. We don't understand everything there is to know about the virus. The virus has been a menace and the past few weeks I see many more friends getting infected. The number of people passing away within my circle has also increased. 

I know I am at higher risk because I am medically ineligible to get vaccinated. I was trying to make sense of the fear last night. I know I need to take more precautions and I have to live like a hermit. I realized though that my grandparents lived through the 1918 pandemic. It took more than a decade for things to go back to "normal". The "Spanish Flu" had more than 500M suspected cases, and estimated 20 to 50M died (source). 

But my grandparents lived through it. Papa Lolo was born in 1904 and Mama Lola was born in 1915. I think my paternal grandparents were older than them since my Dad was the the youngest among 9 siblings. I'm not sure what their circumstances were during the 1918 pandemic, but what's important is they survived it. I wish they were still alive so I could ask what they did back then. They probably took a lot of care and followed protocol back then. 

I don't know why I thought about my grandparents. I was just trying to figure out how I should not live in fear. Living in fear will be bad because it releases toxins to your body which will make you more sick. To curb this feeling I have to keep restating my intentions and have faith that God will continue to protect me, my family and all my loved ones. 

It's okay to feel scared. Just remember that Papa God only gives us challenges that we can bear. This is a huge challenge for all of us. The best thing to do about it is to learn, adjust and do what's best for the whole community. Stay home, get vaccinated if you're eligible and do what's needed to protect your loved ones. 

Day 24 Minimalism challenge, turn off notifications. I did this for a few months as instructed by my doctor. I think more than turning off notifications, you have to discipline yourself from checking your phone every few minutes. I purposely did not install social media apps on my tablet too and it's been a quieter life for me haha. 

CB///*Yr2/135 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/158 #NewG311 #Home69 #StayHome #BeKind

10 Seconds for Those Who Helped You Along the Way

It's always a beautiful day everyday for Mr. Rogers. I was four years old when I first encountered Mr. Rogers. We were visiting Titay in Chicago and every morning I'd watch Mister Rogers Neighborhood. Mr. Rogers had a beautiful soul. I wish we had someone like him in this day and age. 

Just a happy photo with my boys. This was in Melbourne a few years ago.

I chanced upon Mr. Rogers inspirational speech and thought it would be nice to share it today. He asked the audience to think about all the people who helped them get to where they are and say a silent thank you. It was a powerful 10 seconds for the people in the theater. People got emotional as they thought about the people who helped them. 

When was the last time you thought about the people who helped you become who you are today? It took me more than 10 seconds to reflect on all those who helped me along the way. My heart was immediately filled with gratefulness. It was a warm feeling that ran throughout my body. 

Try this as advised by Mr. Rogers. It will definitely brighten up your day :)

Day 17 Minimalism Challenge, Don't complain all day. Oh wow this is a hard challenge! Haha. I always complain when I feel something wonky in my body. I'll focus my mind then on being grateful today. Happy Monday everyone!

CB///*Yr2/128 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/151 #NewG318 #Home76 #StayHome #BeKind

Forgiving and Accepting Yourself

Last night I almost went down the "Why is this happening to me?" road. I managed to stop myself because I've already resolved that question awhile back. I read somewhere that when you're faced with challenges it's better to look at it from a different perspective. Instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?", ask "What am I supposed to learn from this?" or "Is there a new mission God wants me to do?"

At some point during this harrowing journey with my weird health I got tired from overthinking. I blamed myself for getting sick and for not taking care of myself better. For not heeding the many signs that was leading to my current condition. I'm lucky I have a friend who kept reminding me that I shouldn't think about it that way. No one could have predicted that I would get sick, not even my doctors. 

My friend also kept reminding me not to feel guilty that I had to rest. I've always been on the go since high school. My Mom would always say, "Baka nasosobrahan ka na. Magpahinga ka naman!" I felt really guilty that I was not contributing especially since I know I was needed. It would break my heart whenever my teammates and partners would tell me they missed me. Good thing my friend was patient at reminding me that it's okay not to be okay and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. 

I guess it hit me hard because my love language is "acts of service". Not being able to do my work was unforgivable. Eventually I got tired of beating myself up and finally listened to my friend. I finally like the new me. I wake up, eat breakfast, drink my meds and go about my new no-pressure, no-stress normal. Stress is really bad for me as I learned the other day (nosebleeds all-day ftw). So I've been taking things one day at a time and just leaving everything to God's Will. 

Day 15 Minimalism challenge, Evaluate your last 5 purchases. Uh-oh... these are my last 5 purchases:

 (1) Just ordered lunch even though I still have leftovers in the fridge. 

(2) Essential oils - I could have probably omitted one of the four I got, but I got it for stock and I got a free one that I was planning to buy next time, so might've been a good trade-off. 

(3) CBTL coffee beans and merienda - coffee beans yes for everyday coffee, but could have skipped the merienda since their food has always been blah. 

(4) Cable holder, for future use, wasn't really needed (but it was so cheap!). 

(5) Small device bag - also got this for future use when we go home, could have probably skipped buying since I'm not really going anywhere when I get home noh?

I should seriously stick to my weekly allowance and determine what I really need :')

CB///*Yr2/125 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/148 #NewG321 #Home79 #StayHome #BeKind 

An Oily Life, a Birthday Gift for Myself

I have been using essential oils for three years now. I had several friends reach out to me about it. I started using it in 2018 and I liked it. I've had to do a lot of research since I have to make sure that the oils I use do not interact with my medication. 

I use EOs to lift my mood, help with asthma and allergies, poo spray and kabag. I usually put a drop of eucalyptus on my mask before wearing it. I also started using laundry and dishwashing soap from the company where I get my oils. It helped reduce my allergies and I feel my plates and utensils are cleaner. 

I finally bought myself a nice storage box for my essential oils. I've been looking at it on Amazon for a year now. I was ready to purchase it a few months ago, but it went out of stock! I ordered it a few weeks ago and it arrived yesterday! Yay! I put it by my bedside. I super love it!

I have pinned my favorite blends on Pinterest. Follow me at @aileenapolo :)

Oh I also realized that the follow by email of Feedburner will end soon. If you want updates about my blog, please follow my FB page, Twitter or Instagram. Oh, I'm also on MeWe! 

Day 9 Minimalism Challenge, Donate old books. Ahh yes, I have so many books here with me in Singapore. I've started to sort them to give away those I'm not bringing back home. I have marked some already that I'll be sending to friends :)

CB///*Yr2/120 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/143 #NewG326 #Home84 #StayHome #BeKind 

The Bright Side

I finally got my mojo back. It took a huge dose of Pinoy food, a trip to Spotlight and Art Friend and an SOS to Sweetie to come home earlier than usual from work. Whenever I get back to back bad days, a dark cloud settles on my head and it's hard to shake off. I'm glad it's gone now and I can focus again on getting better. 

Being forced to rest wasn't easy for me. It was an incredulous situation for me. When I accepted my new reality, I realized there were other things I could explore. That is the brighter side of the situation. Here's what I've been able to do on good days -

• Work on my quilt projects - I'm finally making progress in acquiring more sewing skills. I always make sure I learn something whenever I start a project. I hope I can master using my sewing machine by end of the year. 
• Start writing a book - I enrolled in an online writing retreat. It ran for five Saturdays. I honestly didn't think I'd finish it, but I did! I've so far written only one chapter and got stalled on chapter two. I think I'll be able to start writing again soon. 
• Work on my long-term photo project - gosh, this project has been running for about four years now. Part one was getting all my digital photos in one place (it used to be in a gazillion CDs). Part two is putting them on the cloud. I'm still in part two, year 2010. Part three is to create photobooks out of the photos. This project will probably take another decade to finish haha. 
• Watch films - well I do this on good and bad days. I have missed a lot of shows in the past decade, so Netflix has become my bestie. 
• Exercise - yup, it's part of my vocabulary now! 
• Make future plans - being forced to drop everything gave me time to think about what I want and what I could do. I always felt that I put my life on hold 10 years ago when I moved to Singapore. I felt incomplete. I think it's the right time to circle back and close the missing gap. 
• Dream - yes, dream. Part of my healing process includes envisioning who and what I want to be in the future. The good thing about it is you end up creating new dreams. I was in my early 20s the last time I felt this hopeful.  

I'm just really glad I'm back to being my cheerful self again. I'm tired from doing errands this morning, but that's okay. I'm going to take a nap after posting this so I can work on the templates for a Christmas project (I know it's only July, but I sew super slow). I pray things will get better everyday. Have a blessed day my friend. 

Day 9 Gratitude Challenge, Something you like about where you live. I currently live in Singapore and for the past year we've lived on a higher floor. This is the first time we've lived on a higher floor (not counting hotel stays) and it's been a different experience. What I like about where we live now is the beautiful view. There's a park just across and I love watching birds fly by everyday. It's a peaceful view and it's so far the best I've had in all the places I've lived in. 

CB///*Yr2/96 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/123 #NewG350 #Home108 #StayHome #BeKind 

Make the Month of May Marvelous

I'm going to make this month marvelous! I'm changing things by starting my day by thanking God for giving me another day. I'm normally grumpy when I wake up. Waking up grateful sets a good tone for the rest of the day. 

I have a couple of things I want to complete this month. I started the month by joining a writers retreat. It's a journey I thought I'd start to get me started on a project I've wanted to do for some time now. We had our first session today and it was great to be with like minded people. I hope to grow and learn a lot from this retreat. 

I hope to finish the Harry Potter quilt blanket I started two years ago. It's a wedding gift for friends who tied the know back in 2019. It's ginormous and would require upper body strength to finish. I'm using this as motivation to do my PT exercises. I have to do it on my own for now. 

Mother's Day is coming up so I hope to get something for my Mom that she could enjoy. I usually give her red roses. I've been doing that since sixth grade. It was Daddy who told me that my Mom loves red roses. I miss my Mom so much!

I think I'll start with this plan first and see how things go with my health. What about you? What's your plan for this month?

CB///Yr2/21  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/48 #StayHome #BeKind  

Finding Joy

Sweetie's back at work which means I'm left by myself during the day. I actually enjoy being alone. It gives me time to recharge and do things I like. My siblings were already teenagers when I was born so my Mom taught me how to keep busy. That's how I got into crafting. 

Joy because I rode a new car! It smelled so good and uncle was really nice too.

It took me awhile to transition from my busy work lifestyle to my now slowed down lifestyle. The transition was terrible since I'm used to multitasking multitasks. It took time for me to accept the fact that my tank was empty and it's going to take a long time to fill up again. 

Honestly it's been only two weeks since I accepted that I need a long break. I'm at peace with it now. I woke up full of gratitude today. I kept waking up last night, but I still woke up happy. I think it's because I now easily find joy in the littlest of things. 

I'm happy because I had a great PT session yesterday. It makes me deliriously happy when my physiotherapist says we did a lot and I did well. I'm happy because someone pointed out to me that it's great I'm able to help back home in my own little way. I'm happy because I'm almost done with my food processor quilt cover project. I'm happy because Sweetie's lemon ginger tea cured my achy pointy finger. I'm happy because Miggy's been able to expand his cooking prowess. And so much more. 

I know it's very hard to find joy at this time. There's so much going on in the world. Headlines make me mad and exasperated. I watched Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD and Bo Sanchez' conversation today and Fr. Jerry shared how he overcame cancer. He said, "Don't focus on the tumor, focus on the humor." He explained that God is bigger than anything, even this virus. Just focus on Jesus and we will overcome all of this. 

Don't worry my friend, we'll all be alright. 

CB///Yr2/10  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/37 #StayHome #BeKind