My 80-year Old Heart

A decade and a half ago, my cardiologist said I have a 70-year old's heart. He said after surgery everything will improve. I had mitral valve repair 13 years ago and I enjoyed it until late 2018 when I had a pulmonary embolism. Things went downhill from there since my lungs were affected. 

And now I'm (over)due for mitral valve replacement. The surgery has been postponed several times and now we have to do it in Singapore since my case is very complicated. 

And I feel I now have an 80 year old's heart. All my activities have to be "calculated" and I cannot overdo things. When I miscalculate, I'm definitely unavailable and unstable the next day. I used to feel bad about it before, but now I just shrug my shoulders and rest as needed. Whatever I had planned, just gets delayed. 

Sometimes it saddens me when I can't do anything especially when I can't be more supportive for my friends. That's the sad reality of having a dysfunctional body. I know not many people understand what it's like to have chronic conditions. On the outside, I look healthy. My insides are like a new car with an ancient engine. 

Life. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Absent

I was absent yesterday for my pulmo rehab. I woke up dizzy and I know things go bad when I force myself to get up if my sleep cycle is incomplete. My CPAP machine has been extending my deep sleep phase and when I'm woken up suddenly I get very dizzy. My alarm woke me up and I guess my body wasn't ready to wake up yet. 

To make up for my absence, I used my spirometer as usual and spent extra time doing some gardening. I re-potted some plants and gave rice water to select plants. I was planning to cook dinner, but my energy ran out. I'll just cook tomorrow and skip any heavy gardening. 

Oh well, that's my life nowadays. There are good days and there are bad. I just adjust as needed :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Know Your Kryptonite

Now that my breathing has improved, I have a bit more energy now to move around. My doctor was happy with the progress I made tripling my daily step count. I truly believe that faith and putting your mind into getting well really helps. I've also been religious at taking my medication. I am still hopeful that the maintenance meds I take can be reduced. 

Faith, following your doctor's recommendations, taking your meds religiously, eating and sleeping properly is just part of the battle to being well. I want to have more good days than bad days (and maybe elimate bad days altogether). One thing that's worked well for me is knowing my kryptonite. This requires knowing your body well and listening to it. 

We came from a family trip recently and I'm really happy we were able to enjoy it. My major kryptonite are heat and bad air quality. We crossed the street earlier and I got dizzy even with an umbrella. We didn't make it to our targeted lunch place and instead went to the nearest resto. Whenever that happens to me I know I have sit in a cool place so I don't overheat. We immediately went inside the resto, sat down and drank water. I stabilized after a few minutes. 

I have many other things that affect my body. We're able to manage it well by knowing the triggers and avoiding it. I always bring a water bottle wherever I go and Sweetie has a portable fan in his bag. We bring a small air filter whenever we travel so I could rest well at night. Thankfully we haven't had the need to lug around an oxygen concentrator. I do need to avoid wearing a mask though, so we go out only when really needed. 

Did you know that starfish can heal themselves? They can regrow arms that are severed from their central disc and can grow again just from an arm (Source: The Guardian). Dr Joe Dispenza believes that humans can heal their body through their mind. My doctor was really surprised with my progress. Now that I have improved from less than 1k steps per days I have to make sure I don't slide back. I'm now trying to maintain 3k steps per day and including activities I wasn't able to do before I started progressing. Still a long way to go, but at least I'm a bit more productive everyday. 

Take care everyone! Keep your mask on whenever you're out!

#BeKind #StaySafe

My Zipper

I'm part of a couple of patient groups. It's been very helpful for me to be with people who are going through the same thing as me. Much like your community for your interests or hobbies, patients come together also to help each other. 

Last weekend patients in one of the groups asked to share their "zippers". The zipper refers to the scar left from your open heart surgery. It's usually 8 inches long. Depending on your doctor it can leave a long red mark or a nice white line. 

I remember crying a few weeks after surgery. Sweetie was helping me dress and I saw the long red angry scar. Sweetie asked me why I was crying. I told him I felt ugly. He immediately reassured me and told me I'd be beautiful no matter what. I didn't think much about the scar after that and it eventually healed. 

My doctor said not to put anything on the scar. Good thing I followed my doctor's advise because from fiery red, it turned to pink and then white. In the beginning I used to cover it up, but I realized I should wear my scar with pride. I survived an ordeal because of my strong will and faith. 

I have other smaller scars because I had to go through another OHS to drain fluid from my heart. Everytime my surgeon checks me he proudly says his work is beautiful haha. It took him twice the time to work on me (I remember waking up in the middle of the operation!). Patients who need mitral valve repair today are lucky because there's a non-invasive way of doing it already. The recovery time would also be faster for them. 

When I look at myself today I see all the scars, even the tiny ones from butterfly needles, dextrose needles and when they poke me for tests etc. I just look at them now as testaments to my love and faith. I am grateful everyday that God has been me my life. 

Day 23 Minimalism Challenge, Empty your junk drawer. I learned from a friend that it's useful to have a box where you can put stuff that you don't have time to put away yet. I put mine in a tote bag. I have a bad habit though of just leaving it in the bag haha. From where I'm sitting now I could see I have four bags I need to go through. I'll do that today! 

CB///*Yr2/134 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/157 #NewG312 #Home70 #StayHome #BeKind

The Bright Side

I finally got my mojo back. It took a huge dose of Pinoy food, a trip to Spotlight and Art Friend and an SOS to Sweetie to come home earlier than usual from work. Whenever I get back to back bad days, a dark cloud settles on my head and it's hard to shake off. I'm glad it's gone now and I can focus again on getting better. 

Being forced to rest wasn't easy for me. It was an incredulous situation for me. When I accepted my new reality, I realized there were other things I could explore. That is the brighter side of the situation. Here's what I've been able to do on good days -

• Work on my quilt projects - I'm finally making progress in acquiring more sewing skills. I always make sure I learn something whenever I start a project. I hope I can master using my sewing machine by end of the year. 
• Start writing a book - I enrolled in an online writing retreat. It ran for five Saturdays. I honestly didn't think I'd finish it, but I did! I've so far written only one chapter and got stalled on chapter two. I think I'll be able to start writing again soon. 
• Work on my long-term photo project - gosh, this project has been running for about four years now. Part one was getting all my digital photos in one place (it used to be in a gazillion CDs). Part two is putting them on the cloud. I'm still in part two, year 2010. Part three is to create photobooks out of the photos. This project will probably take another decade to finish haha. 
• Watch films - well I do this on good and bad days. I have missed a lot of shows in the past decade, so Netflix has become my bestie. 
• Exercise - yup, it's part of my vocabulary now! 
• Make future plans - being forced to drop everything gave me time to think about what I want and what I could do. I always felt that I put my life on hold 10 years ago when I moved to Singapore. I felt incomplete. I think it's the right time to circle back and close the missing gap. 
• Dream - yes, dream. Part of my healing process includes envisioning who and what I want to be in the future. The good thing about it is you end up creating new dreams. I was in my early 20s the last time I felt this hopeful.  

I'm just really glad I'm back to being my cheerful self again. I'm tired from doing errands this morning, but that's okay. I'm going to take a nap after posting this so I can work on the templates for a Christmas project (I know it's only July, but I sew super slow). I pray things will get better everyday. Have a blessed day my friend. 

Day 9 Gratitude Challenge, Something you like about where you live. I currently live in Singapore and for the past year we've lived on a higher floor. This is the first time we've lived on a higher floor (not counting hotel stays) and it's been a different experience. What I like about where we live now is the beautiful view. There's a park just across and I love watching birds fly by everyday. It's a peaceful view and it's so far the best I've had in all the places I've lived in. 

CB///*Yr2/96 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/123 #NewG350 #Home108 #StayHome #BeKind 

I Surrender

The past week has been difficult. My doctor reduced my medication and it caused an imbalance. I've been having headaches daily. One of our goals has always been to reduce dependency on meds and supplements. He removed a supplement. I guess that was helping balance other things and removing it wreaked havoc. He brought it back so hopefully things will get better in the next few days. 

One thing I learned through this ordeal is to just surrender everything to God. My body is different and out of the normal my doctors are used to. They have tried their best to make me better. I have to do my part and do what I can to get better. 

My situation is going to go on indefinitely. This is what my doctor wrote down again this morning. I was really upset about it before, but I have accepted my new direction. I'm actually excited about where this could lead me. I hope I could go home soon and be with Miggy and my Mom again. 

Sometimes God gives us challenges which we cannot solve ourselves. It's His way of reminding us that He's always there for us. The only way out of it is to trust in Him and let Him lead the way. 

Day 8 Gratitude Challenge, A Happy Memory. I have a lot of happy memories! I treasure most those times our little family would go on trips. One of the happiest is when we went to Bali with our parents, Tita Rose, Kuya and Ate Joy decided to join us in the last minute. We rented a villa that had at least four huge rooms and it's own pool! The thing we enjoyed the most was dining together. We all hope we can do it again someday.  

CB///*Yr2/94 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/121 #NewG352 #Home110 #StayHome #BeKind 

Coping, Ugh

It's Monday again and I'm annoyed with myself. A week ago I had a venogram and angiogram to finally figure out what's been causing my blood clots. I breezed through the procedure. The funny thing was I thought I dozed off and we haven't started. Apparently I was put under as soon as we got in the OR haha. 

I'm annoyed with myself because I've been unproductive for a week now. I haven't been able to exercise since the two puncture wounds still need to heal. I thought I'd be able to do some sewing at least, but I've spent several afternoons just napping! 

I know I shouldn't be annoyed at myself since I do need to recover from the procedure. It just gets frustrating at times and I feel helpless. I've always been action oriented so being at rest is hard. Dear Todd Robertson, a patient advocate for pulmonary embolism, sent a quote to the group -

I oftentimes have to remind myself that the challenge I'm going through is temporary. With faith, prayers and the help of my doctors I will get healed. I must admit though, it gets scary because blood clots can be fatal. I have been very blessed to have survived two episodes. Staying positive and believing God will heal me is key. 

I realize now that the past week has been good. We did a week-long celebration of Sweetie and Miggy's birthday. We indulged and had good food. I had some pain on my leg due to the wound, but it was tolerable and Panadol eased the pain. I finally managed to create the video on how to re-pot sunflowers (watch it here). I made several tribute posts for PNoy. Most importantly I was able to finally get through Mom's phone and hear mass via YouTube on Sunday. 

I'm still in the process of forgiving myself for getting sick. I remember my Dad was also very hard on himself when he got sick. I still have a lot of fire in me and I have established new dreams for my family. Please help me in this fight and include me in your prayers. :)

Subscribe to my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/c/aileenapolo

And please humor me by subscribing to my YouTube channel. I have useful videos on gardening, cooking and sewing in it. I also make random vids about my life when I feel up to it, but I enjoy making tutorials more than vlogging about my life. 

Have a blessed week everyone!

CB///*Yr2/79 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/106 #StayHome #BeKind  

How I Deal with Bad Days

Woke up with a piercing pain on my chest. I get this every so often so nothing to be alarmed about. Got up as usual and prepared my breakfast. I felt nauseous while in the kitchen. I just tell myself that I have days like this as part of my healing process. I should be okay tomorrow (have to be since I have to see my doctor). 

I used to get so stumped whenever I had bad days. Now I see it as a reminder for me to rest more. I still feel a bit woozy now, but it's starting to go away so thought I'd get some writing done. When I feel really dizzy I lie down. I usually doze off, but today I watched a film. 

How come it's so hard to choose a film to watch on Netflix? There's so many choices I can't make up my mind. I ended up choosing a Robin Williams movie, License to Wed. It's a 2010 romance comedy he did with Mandy Moore and John Krasinski. It was fun to watch, but I couldn't help but think about Robin Williams. He was a great actor, one of my favorites. He must have sacrificed himself a lot to make us happy and entertained. 

And that's why I think it's really important to respect bad days. Don't fight it. Just go with the flow. My symptoms now aren't as bad as it was a month ago. My spirit, mind and body are now working together to heal me. A huge part of being able to deal with illness has been all the prayers everyone has been doing for me. I am grateful and thankful to all my family and friends who continue to pray for me. 

Take a break friends, you need it. 

CB///*Yr2/68  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/95 #StayHome #BeKind 

Sleep Fast, Sleep Tight

I always have a hard time falling asleep. I only do when I'm properly tired. I say properly tired because when I'm too tired I also can't fall asleep. There are times I can't sleep because I'm anxious about something. Sometimes I'm too stimulated and my brain just keeps working. 

I've only tried taking sleeping pills once. It was prescribed by my doctor when I was having severe asthma attacks. I don't want to get dependent on medication so I've been trying other ways to fall asleep immediately. Here's a few things I do regularly -

Deep Breathing - breathe in 4 counts, hold for 8, breathe out 7 counts, repeat a couple of times. I read that this is a military technique they do to fall asleep immediately. Works for me everytime.

Meditation  - I have a former colleague who recommended Headspace to me. I used the trial and learned techniques to lull myself to sleep. My favorite is imagining I'm far away in the mountains, breathing in cool fresh air. Focusing on counting repeatedly from 1 to 10 gets me to sleep.

Essential Oils - a drop of lavander on your temples or nape relaxes me. If I feel anxious I super love Young Living's peace & calming roller blend. It's gotten me through a lot of rough times. 

Exercise - If you have a lot of pent up energy, the best thing to do is exercise a few hours before going to bed. My doctor advised to take a walk after dinner. This was really effective for me, but we aren't able to do this for now because of the weather. I've replaced this with our exercise bike. I go on it for a few minutes an hour or two before going to sleep. 

No Caffeine After 3pm - goes without saying. I've been sticking to water for most days and drink coffee with my breakfast. Sometimes though I still drink milk tea in the afternoon. I end up paying for it at night when I can't sleep. 

Don't Eat Heavy Dinner - I eat more lunch than dinner usually and don't eat at least two hours before bed (especially if you have gerd/acidity issues). 

Pray - I pray before I sleep and when I can't sleep yet I pray the rosary to keep my mind from wandering aimlessly.  

CB///*Yr2/58  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/85 #StayHome #BeKind

Living the Housewife Life

I've always wanted to become a housewife secretly. Kuya laughed out loud when I told him this a few years ago. He said he can't imagine me being one. He said I'll go crazy with boredom. So he basically didn't take what I said seriously. After that conversation I thought, yeah, maybe not noh? 

I've been forced to rest the past couple of months. I've only started to feel like my old self in the last two weeks. Sweetie had been doing all the house chores. My energy has started to come back and I've been trying to do more things at home now. I've been able to wash dishes, cook and nudge Sweetie while he's working.

My Mom stopped working when I was born.  She was always busy running the household and she had her hands tied with parish activities too. I realized I'm kinda living that life now, but I've been very lucky because Sweetie's been taking care of me. Managing a household is hard. I'm lucky my boys are both very helpful and we each have our own assigned house chores. 

I'm focusing myself on recovering for now. That time to be a housewife will come, but I don't think I'll be your stereotypical kind. I'll probably be like my Mom and be busy with many different things. I told Sweetie the other day this must be a glimpse of what it is. I've been working since I graduated and was never bakante. Well, we'll see :)

CB///*Yr2/57  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/84 #StayHome #BeKind

Second Chances

Earlier today I remembered a friend who passed away a few years ago. We had meaningful conversations when we had lunch. He told me before he passed, "live life" and "take risks". He also told me, "But you are alive, you should just enjoy what you have now." I had shared with him that I was always cautious about spending. I wanted to be always ready for my family. 

He was gone just a few months after he told me he was sick. I was alone when I went to his funeral. An elderly friend of his took care of me. He was a CEO of a huge company and shared with me his days when he had to work abroad. He was surprised to hear that I was living away from my family. He advised to keep my family together no matter the situation. 

I took to heart the advise and after a few months my family was complete. We lived, took risks, traveled and did things together as one unit. We were happy to be together. I remembered my friend and my friend's CEO friend today because it dawned on me that I am on my nth chance at living. I survived so many harrowing illnesses and I'm blessed to be still around. 

I shared that to a friend this morning because I am grateful for help to put me on the recovery path. It's not just a second chance at life for me. It's the nth chance (I seriously lost count already) and as my friend, Claro, told me, "... you are alive, you should just enjoy what you have now." Yes, my dear friend, I promise I won't bungle up this chance again. I'll make sure to use this time for my family and whatever God's next mission is for me. 

CB///*Yr2/55  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/82 #StayHome #BeKind

Wake Up Those Muscles!

Whew! I just finished today's workout. I signed up for the "Absolute Beginner Gentle Course" of Justin Agustin. The course is supposed to slowly wake up your sleeping muscles. I asked my physiotherapist to take a look at the course before I signed up. She said I should go for it and just remember not to go over 5 when it comes to breathing. 

I have been doing wall push-ups everyday since April. I think it's helped my breathing a lot and I haven't had asthma for awhile now. Yay! I hope the course I signed up for will help me advance in a month or two. I'm on my own now since my PT has left the country. I'm grateful she's still keeping in touch and have been asking how I am. I'm using that as motivation to improve. I signed up for the full course at $49. I think it's sulit* since I spend at least SG$50 for taxi weekly when I used to have PT sessions.  

Since gyms are closed for now we decided to invest on an exercise bike. It finally arrived last Sunday and I've been ramping up also on spinning time. I did 3 reps last night and it didn't take me long to fall asleep. Whew! I hope to be consistent with this daily workout. Being cooped up at home is really bad for you and I miss walking around the park. Better to be safe for now and stay home. There's a lot of options anyway to move around more. 

If you want to check out the Justin Agustin course I first saw his workouts on Pinterest. I think he also has Tiktok (which I don't use). Keep moving!

*Sulit - good value for money

CB///*Yr2/53  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/80 #StayHome #BeKind

Jumping Jolly June!

Happy first of June and happy Pride Month everyone!

Five months of 2021 has passed! Wow! It went by a little slower for me since I've just focused on getting well. I focused on surviving during the first quarter of the year. I didn't expect to have another PE*. My breathing started to improve only in April. 

Now that I could breathe a bit better I focused the second quarter on improving my stamina and energy. I finally achieved 5k steps again on April 30 when we went to the Star Wars Identities exhibit. I had to work on my step count again post-cardiac cath, but I think I'm better now compared to a month ago. 

This month I want to graduate from gentle exercises to something a bit more advanced. I found an old photo of Sweetie carrying me in Bohol. It's from a decade ago when we were younger and had better bodies (haha). For now I just want to be able to jump again! And maybe go up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. I also hope this will be the month we finally solve the mystery of where my PEs are coming from. 

I woke up this morning energized and excited to meet a new doctor. I had to postpone the appointment again because I felt nauseous after taking a shower. Boo! I still have days that don't go on as planned so I just play it by ear everyday. The nausea went away after a nap and got better after I ate a banana. I still hope I can do some spinning later to start my 30-day daily exercise challenge. Join me! Yes?

Praying for a jumping, jolly June!

CB///*Yr2/52  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/79 #StayHome #BeKind

*PE - pulmonary embolism

Pruning Hurts

I saw a video the other day of a woman pruning a tall bush in her garden. She had to use a ladder to reach the top and she used an electric trimmer to do the job. What she didn't know was she angered the snake that was living in the bush. The snake bit her hand. She took a step back when she saw the snake and promptly fell off the ladder. Luckily a neighbor heard her cry and rescued her. 

The snake bit her so fast. She felt the pain, but she only reacted when she saw the snake looking at her. I can't help but relate what happened to her to my experience. Sometimes we just go on and on with our life. We miss signals when we're supposed to take another direction. We stubbornly stay in our comfort zone, even when things get harder. 

They always say, look to your left and right before crossing a street. It's also suggested that you use a stick when walking through a forest or cogon land. If the woman looked through the bush or wiggled it with a stick, then maybe the snake would've been alerted and could've ran away before she started trimming. Much like our life, if we assess things often and ask for guidance from Him, then we could avoid being bitten when it's time for pruning. 

I related to the video because I went through a difficult patch earlier this week. While doing a project I had to look back at my painful past. I have moved on from it, but it's something I rarely think about now. Of course this triggered the pain from recent events. I had a hard time sleeping and I had bad dreams. I was only able to calm down after I prayed. I remembered that I have to trust that God is navigating me to the right direction.  

Pruning time hurts, but you can look forward to a more beautiful life to blossom after. 

Photo of me by Ralph Sarmiento. 

Mr. Snake from Singapore Zoo. 

CB///*Yr2/49  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/76 #StayHome #BeKind

Brownie Fail

I finally got around to baking the box of brownies that's been sitting on the counter for awhile now. It looked perfectly okay, but something was terribly off taste-wise. I'm not sure if the mix spoiled while waiting to be baked or it must've been the oil. Oh well, so no brownies for us tonight. Boo. 

I'm happy though I had enough energy to bake today. Earlier this week I spent two days just sleeping. I play things by ear and do activities based on how I'm doing. Yesterday I was able to do some mat exercises and I made some progress with my quilt project. Yaaas! 

Happy weekend everyone! Just keep going!

CB///*Yr2/48  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/75 #StayHome #BeKind

How I Forgave Myself from Slowing-Down

Conquered Borobudur Temple
3 months after OHS.

I'm used to being busy. I take pride in being very productive everyday. It made me very happy when I'm able to tick off a lot of my daily tasks. I'd be deliriously happy when I'm also able to work on my hobbies after work. I was an Energizer bunny on steroids. 

My health though forced me to slow down. It brought me a lot of anxiety. It was the guilt from being unproductive. I'm lucky I have a friend who kept reminding me that it wasn't my fault I was sick. He said I should focus on getting well and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. 

I felt I was letting everyone down. That's what ate me up day in, day out. I used to be able to work before even when I was sick. I even flew to Rome after being diagnosed with a huge blood clot in my lungs. I was bleeding like crazy, but I pushed on. My will was very strong. Looking back though, I shouldn't have done that. 

It took me five months before I realized why I had to slow down. It was God's way of re-directing me. He's been trying to do it for a couple of years already, but I've been stubborn. I finally accepted that this is a time for me to heal and do nothing else. When my heart and mind opened to the re-direction my breathing and stamina started to improve. 

Sometimes we get so stubborn and try to stick to what we're used to. We forget that we're here for a higher purpose. Just sit back, relax and let Him navigate your path. All will be alright. 

CB///*Yr2/46  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/73 #StayHome #BeKind

*OHS - open heart surgery

Making May Marvelous

At the beginning of the month I told myself I was going to make May marvelous! I started the month by joining a writers retreat. I was quite anxious about it since I was iffy about making it through. We had weekly homework to get our project started. I'm surprised I was able to do the challenges considering there are days when I have to completely rest. I'm inspired to continue and pray I will finish what I started. 

The writer's retreat was a huge step for me. My health has kept me from doing much so I keep to myself mostly. The other thing that I focused on this month is my stamina. I make sure to do my exercises everyday and I'm working to increase what I can do. At least I'm a bit more useful now at home compared to last month. 

Also working on a quilt project. I had to set aside the Harry Potter quilt blanket for now. It's so heavy! That's one of the reasons why I've been working on strengthening my arms. I just received today my fabric order from Spotlight. I'm excited to work on my other projects. 

I continue to blog everyday to keep my mind busy. It helps me focus and has been my way to track my progress. I had to drastically adjust my lifestyle since I need to cope with what my body can do for now. I rest when I need to and that's okay. 

CB///*Yr2/45  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/72 #StayHome #BeKind

Lung Strengthening Exercises

It's a beautiful day today here in Singapore. The sky is clear, the air quality is good. It would have been a good day to go to the park. It's Sunday so it would probably be a bit crowded. The number of cases confirmed every day has been pretty constant. It's really concerning because now cases are showing up on our side of the island. So we stay home.

I had cardiac catheterization early this month to find out the cause of my SOB*. It was a blessing in disguise because it forced us to stay home for two weeks. I usually drop by a store after seeing my doctor to buy fruits, but my mobility was limited because of the wound. It's been home-doctor-home for me the last few weeks. If not for the procedure we would've likely been exposed. 

My favorite physiotherapist has gone back to her country. I've been on my own since she left. I think rehabilitation is really important especially if you had lung illness (i.e. pulmonary embolism, pneumonia or COVID19). My PT helped improve my breathing even though I originally went to her to fix my back issues. Before she left she explained that I should strengthen my shoulders also because it supports my lungs. So here are the daily exercises I do to strengthen my lungs:

Wall push-ups (see this vid)

Band pull aparts, sitting down and pull apart band with your arm bent 

Arm exercises with a dumbbell (something like this)

Stationary bike, 1 minute on, 1 minute off, 5 reps (hope we get our stationary bike delivered soon!)

If you're out of shape just do first what you can manage and work your way up. I started doing wall push-ups after my PE** was diagnosed in January and I started with just 3 push-ups per day. Now I do 15 in the morning and 10 in the evening. It's been a very slow recovery, but at least I can do some house chores now like wash dishes and cook 1-2 times a week. I still have a long way to go, but I make sure I move around at home since we can't really go out for now. 

Of course, check with your doctor if you should be doing these exercises :)

CB///*Yr2/43  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/70 #StayHome #BeKind 

*SOB - shortness of breath

**PE - pulmonary embolism

Moving from a Space of Fear to Love

I got curious after watching the trailer of "The Me You Can't See". A friend said he cried when he watched what Lady Gaga went through. I don't have access to the film so I watched a few videos and read a couple of articles. I was so surprised with what Lady Gaga went through. It never crossed my mind that she went through that kind of horror. 

An article from FoxNews quoted Lady Gaga who said, "For a couple years, I was not the same girl," she said. "The way that I feel when I feel pain was how I felt after I was raped. I’ve had so many MRIs and scans where they don’t find nothing. But your body remembers."

I thought about the line, "I've had so many MRIs and scans where they don't find nothing. But your body remembers." It's been three years since the first blood clot in lungs was discovered. Despite many CT scans, MRIs, venogram, angiogram, catheterization etc. the cause has not been found. I have several doctors now putting their heads together trying to figure out what's causing my clots.

It was very timely that our speaker at writing class today spoke about moving from a space of fear to love. You basically cannot create something out of nothing. I remember the days leading up to getting hospitalized. I was so nauseous, dazed, unwell. I tried to fight it because I was chasing after deadlines. Eventually I ran out of fuel. I tried to use the fumes to fight back. I just got worse.

Our other speaker today also said, "Your body is a manifestation of what's happening in your environment." I was broken. It took me months to realize that God was navigating me to another path. I needed to save myself from myself. I only started to improve when I realized I was functioning out of fear*, not love. 

I've just let things be and I have faith that in time I will be healed. At least now I feel I've began to refill my love tank. I've started creating again and I think that's what is important for me at this point. 

Do all things with great love.

CB///*Yr2/42  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/69 #StayHome #BeKind 

*One of my doctors pointed out that stress can cause your blood to coagulate. (Read more here). The funny thing is whenever I'm back home I never get sick. 

Am I Getting Vaccinated?

Sweetie got his first dose of the COVID-19 vaccination today. Hooray! He's so far okay. He said his arm just feels a bit heavy. To prepare for this day I had him check several things with his doctors. They have a family history of DVT and he had knee surgery two years ago. I'm glad his doctors checked if it was safe for him to get vaccinated. 

As for me, my doctors are still on the fence about me getting vaccinated. I had to pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in the lungs) and the cause is still unknown. They have been trying to figure it out since 2018 and we have no clear answers yet. I thought the tests I did in the past few weeks would solve the mystery, but not just yet. 

Since my anatomy is so different I've been reading a lot about how the vaccine affects people who have issues similar to me. Two issues I come across often is clotting and anaphylaxis. I have asthma and it's oftentimes triggered by allergies (bad AQI and some types of food). So it's just really complicated for me now. 

I've just been staying home. I only go out when I have an appointment with my doctor. I'm experiencing cabin fever already since I've had to stay home even before the stricter measures were rolled out. It's been a good thing because I've been able to avoid hotspots. So it's up in the air for me now until my doctors figure things out. 

If you have a loved one with medical issues, be sure to check first with their doctor if they should get the vaccination. 

CB///*Yr2/40  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/67 #StayHome #BeKind