I Surrender

The past week has been difficult. My doctor reduced my medication and it caused an imbalance. I've been having headaches daily. One of our goals has always been to reduce dependency on meds and supplements. He removed a supplement. I guess that was helping balance other things and removing it wreaked havoc. He brought it back so hopefully things will get better in the next few days. 

One thing I learned through this ordeal is to just surrender everything to God. My body is different and out of the normal my doctors are used to. They have tried their best to make me better. I have to do my part and do what I can to get better. 

My situation is going to go on indefinitely. This is what my doctor wrote down again this morning. I was really upset about it before, but I have accepted my new direction. I'm actually excited about where this could lead me. I hope I could go home soon and be with Miggy and my Mom again. 

Sometimes God gives us challenges which we cannot solve ourselves. It's His way of reminding us that He's always there for us. The only way out of it is to trust in Him and let Him lead the way. 

Day 8 Gratitude Challenge, A Happy Memory. I have a lot of happy memories! I treasure most those times our little family would go on trips. One of the happiest is when we went to Bali with our parents, Tita Rose, Kuya and Ate Joy decided to join us in the last minute. We rented a villa that had at least four huge rooms and it's own pool! The thing we enjoyed the most was dining together. We all hope we can do it again someday.  

CB///*Yr2/94 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/121 #NewG352 #Home110 #StayHome #BeKind 

You are Always Worth It

 "Be worth love, and love with come." - Louisa May Alcott

I'd like to think I'm in a better place today than I was a few days ago. I go through a roller coaster of emotions whenever I get sick. My seatmate asked me once how I cope when I get sick. He asked me this question after having a flu. He said he can't imagine how I cope again and again when I get sick. 

It's a struggle. The moment I feel pain I start getting sucked in a black hole. It went really bad last year, I had to take a break (it is probably PTSD). One thing I was told I needed to do was to love myself. It took awhile, but I eventually learned the reason why I had to do that for myself. 

(Source: LoveYourselfPH)

My doctor called me several times today. He had been studying my tests and took time to explain things to me. I told him I really appreciate the effort he put in connecting the dots and giving me advise on what to do next. He said, "You have suffered enough and you are a nice person. You are worth it." 

My heart is full. I am so grateful to my doctor for putting in so much effort to read the reports. It gave me so much hope and the strength to keep fighting. Thank you my dear doctor <3 

For my friends who are also struggling, please always remember... you are worth it. And thank you to all my family and friends who have been reaching out to check on me and to pray for me. I really appreciate it. <3 <3 

#CB//216 #StuckAtHomeDay/246 #WFH145 #StayHome #BeKind

Two Achievements Today! Hooray!

It took me seven months to reach where I left off in my exercise achievements. The physiotherapy clinic was closed throughout the circuit breaker and I was back to zero when I returned. I also got sick towards the end of August and it took awhile to resolve those issues. I was getting better, but slipped in the bathroom and it took time for my body to recover. #SignsOfOldAge!

Yes, the struggle is real! 

Last week my super patient physiotherapist decided it was time for me to try the bicycle again. She had me use it for 3 minutes and then we did ball exercises. Took me two days to get over it. By Thursday I did 4 minutes on the bike at a slightly faster speed. Today my PT said I should try 5 minutes. I did 7 minutes! That was where we left off last March, although back then I could also do a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. We'll probably complete that in a few weeks. 

I'm so happy I'm back to where I left off before the circuit breaker. It took seven long months! When you really put your mind into something you want you can achieve it :D

You'll probably laugh at my second achievement, but if you play Pokemon Go you'd understand why. I finally completed the "nine nice throws in a row" challenge! I tried doing it over the weekend, but I ran out of balls. I got "streak broken" so many times I wanted to delete the game out of frustration. After achieving 7 minutes on the bike today I thought I was in the zone to achieve anything. I sat at the park, logged into the game and saw there was a sea of Duskulls in the area. Took a deep breath and worked on the nice throws. I almost danced for joy when I completed it! Of course I didn't, I just took a screenshot and sent it to the boys. 

My happy fez after completing the task!

When I slipped in the bathroom I got so fed up at myself for being weak. I told myself things would only change for the better if I put my mind to it. And that's what I did. And I worked hard to turn the corner. I'm so grateful I have a very patient and caring physiotherapist. She's truly the best! I'm probably her most problematic patient, but because she believes I could do it I'm motivated to achieve more. I'm taking things one day at a time and I believe I'll be better soon. 

CB//203 #StuckAtHomeDay/233 #WFH138  #StayHome #BeKind

Do you have a Battle Song?

Two years ago I was diagnosed with pulmonary embolism. I had a huge blood clot in my right lung and was the reason why I could barely breathe (full story here). I was shocked and I asked myself what did I do to deserve going through another illness that has a high mortality rate. I spiralled down into a black hole. Honestly, I just wanted Papa God to take me then. 

But I lived. And I think Papa God chose to let me live so I could share my stories.

Other pulmonary embolism patients usually get hospitalized until they stabilize. I didn't take a break and still went to work and my treatment was done through medications. A few days after I got diagnosed Sweetie pinged me and said he got free tickets for us to watch The Piano Guys. I wasn't really up to it, but I decided to go since they are one of my favorite musicians. 

The Piano Guys were amazing! I was so touched by their music especially when they played this song --

It's Gonna Be Okay

By end of the evening I felt the burden I was carrying lift. I truly felt everything was going to be okay. I was feeling tired today so I casted the song to the TV and immediately felt better. The song has that effect on me. 

What about you? Do you have a battle song? A song that immediately perks you up when you're feeling down? 

CB//197 #StuckAtHomeDay/227 #WFH134 #StayHome #BeKind