Wednesday, May 26, 2021

How I Forgave Myself from Slowing-Down

Conquered Borobudur Temple
3 months after OHS.
I'm used to being busy. I take pride in being very productive everyday. It made me very happy when I'm able to tick off a lot of my daily tasks. I'd be deliriously happy when I'm also able to work on my hobbies after work. I was an Energizer bunny on steroids. 

My health though forced me to slow down. It brought me a lot of anxiety. It was the guilt from being unproductive. I'm lucky I have a friend who kept reminding me that it wasn't my fault I was sick. He said I should focus on getting well and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. 

I felt I was letting everyone down. That's what ate me up day in, day out. I used to be able to work before even when I was sick. I even flew to Rome after being diagnosed with a huge blood clot in my lungs. I was bleeding like crazy, but I pushed on. My will was very strong. Looking back though, I shouldn't have done that. 

It took me five months before I realized why I had to slow down. It was God's way of re-directing me. He's been trying to do it for a couple of years already, but I've been stubborn. I finally accepted that this is a time for me to heal and do nothing else. When my heart and mind opened to the re-direction my breathing and stamina started to improve. 

Sometimes we get so stubborn and try to stick to what we're used to. We forget that we're here for a higher purpose. Just sit back, relax and let Him navigate your path. All will be alright. 

CB///*Yr2/46  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/73 #StayHome #BeKind

*OHS - open heart surgery

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