I'm Scared

I have been waking up in the middle of the night since my doctor told me I have another PE*. I know others who had PEs can commiserate. The medication you take for the blood clots does not dissolve the clot. What it does is thin your blood and it should hopefully break down the clot. The scary part is if it is dislodged and goes somewhere it shouldn't. 

A year ago today, Miggy and I got to eat at one of our
favorite restos in Glorietta. Missing home a lot.

The last nurse who took care of me said she was surprised I was still in the hospital. She said I looked well the week before. She didn't know I was moved to ICU. I told her that my doctor discovered I have clots in my lungs. She agreed when I told her that PE is a silent killer. In the US, a well-known pregnant blogger passed away recently at the age of 36. The cause of death was pulmonary embolism (source). PE can happen to anyone, even very active athletes. 

I was lucky again because my doctor wanted to be assured I was fit before discharging me. In the last three months I survived myocarditis and pulmonary embolism. As my Mom would say when I face challenges, "God really loves you." I never questioned Him on why I've been getting ill. What's important is I'm slowly getting well and I still probably have a purpose for being here. That part I learned from my Dad. 

It doesn't take away the fact that I get scared. I wake up in the wee hours of the morning to check if I'm breathing properly. My doctor always asks me if I woke up because I'm having breathing problems or if I need to pee. It's neither. I just think that maybe my guardian angel woke me up so I can change position or drink some water. In time I'll probably sleep through the night again. 

PE messes with your mind. Blogging helps me be more positive. I'm also trying to do more activities at home. Yesterday, Sweetie and I made hummus. Today I made leche flan. It was a bit hard because my hands were shaking. That happens to me when I drink too many medicines. I was determined to do it though because I know Sweetie will enjoy eating leche flan. I'm mindful that I still need to take it easy, so I rest whenever I feel tired. 

Tomorrow I'll unbox something that will help me and Sweetie with our balik alindog program! 

CB///285 #StuckAtHomeDay/315 #StayHome #BeKind 

*pulmonary embolism