Are You Afraid?

My Mama Lola.

There is so much uncertainty nowadays. It's created a lot of fear in us. At the beginning of the pandemic I could say I was still a bit reckless. I'd go out for my PT sessions and go to the mall after. It came to a point where Sweetie would pick me up from my PT session so I'd go straight home after. 

My PT sessions ended a few months ago. I only go out now whenever I have a doctor's appointment. I rush out of the hospital after my appointment. I think it's normal to feel scared. We don't understand everything there is to know about the virus. The virus has been a menace and the past few weeks I see many more friends getting infected. The number of people passing away within my circle has also increased. 

I know I am at higher risk because I am medically ineligible to get vaccinated. I was trying to make sense of the fear last night. I know I need to take more precautions and I have to live like a hermit. I realized though that my grandparents lived through the 1918 pandemic. It took more than a decade for things to go back to "normal". The "Spanish Flu" had more than 500M suspected cases, and estimated 20 to 50M died (source). 

But my grandparents lived through it. Papa Lolo was born in 1904 and Mama Lola was born in 1915. I think my paternal grandparents were older than them since my Dad was the the youngest among 9 siblings. I'm not sure what their circumstances were during the 1918 pandemic, but what's important is they survived it. I wish they were still alive so I could ask what they did back then. They probably took a lot of care and followed protocol back then. 

I don't know why I thought about my grandparents. I was just trying to figure out how I should not live in fear. Living in fear will be bad because it releases toxins to your body which will make you more sick. To curb this feeling I have to keep restating my intentions and have faith that God will continue to protect me, my family and all my loved ones. 

It's okay to feel scared. Just remember that Papa God only gives us challenges that we can bear. This is a huge challenge for all of us. The best thing to do about it is to learn, adjust and do what's best for the whole community. Stay home, get vaccinated if you're eligible and do what's needed to protect your loved ones. 

Day 24 Minimalism challenge, turn off notifications. I did this for a few months as instructed by my doctor. I think more than turning off notifications, you have to discipline yourself from checking your phone every few minutes. I purposely did not install social media apps on my tablet too and it's been a quieter life for me haha. 

CB///*Yr2/135 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/158 #NewG311 #Home69 #StayHome #BeKind

Goodbye 2020, Finally

I want to go back to this day. 

It's two hours to midnight and it feels like the eve to the new millennium. Remember 1999? That time when we were so apprehensive what may happen when the clock struck 12. There was a lot of fear then that computers may break down because of the change. The clock struck 12 and there wasn't any disruption. 

Now it's two hours to 2021 and all of us are hopeful that the new year will be better. Admit it, you're probably hoping that the new year will just magically wipe away the ugly year we've just been through. I did not sleep a wink last night. It was a side effect of the strong medication my doctor gave me. And yes, I'm hopeful that when the clock strikes 12, a magic wand will wave and transport us to a better year. 

And that my friends is what hope is all about. The desire to be better. My physiotherapist yesterday interviewed me about my ordeal before we did any exercises. I told her that I took a walk at the park last week because I wanted to push myself. I cooked noche buena also because I wanted to have some form of normalcy. It did more harm than good because I ended up having a relapse (thus the strong meds). 

Our last family photo of 2020 before Miggy went home. 

My physiotherapist said, "It does feel like you're trying hard to push for normalcy. Do you feel like you're fighting it because if you just give in you might end up in a worse situation?" She understood perfectly how I feel and I'm exhausted from fighting. I told her I feel defeated because we keep going back to zero. We make progress then I get sick and then we slide back to the beginning. She said that these are just little humps on the road and we just need to keep fighting. I'm lucky she's my physiotherapist. 

And that's just like 2020. We're all in this fight to defeat this virus. It is exhausting, but remember you're here today because your grandparents or great grandparents survived the pandemic. The new year may not be the miracle salve we're looking for, but a new day and a new year always brings promise. 

Happy new year everyone! Praying for a blessed and safe new year for everyone. 

CB///266 #StuckAtHomeDay/296 #StayHome #BeKind

My Shiny New Skills from 2020

After doing another Dear 2020 letter I realized that not everything was bad. The biggest struggle for me was being far from Miggy and my Mom. What 2020 allowed me to do was learn new things and explore some things I always wanted to do. Here's some new skills I developed this year:

My Home Panaderia Project

I always wanted to learn how to bake bread. What kept me from doing it was the yeast stuff and time. Oh boy but it was hard to get all the ingredients (especially yeast!). I jumped into it when I finally got all the ingredients. I decided to focus on baking Filipino bread since it's quite expensive to buy it here in Singapore. It was really challenging especially since it required technical skills on rolling the dough properly. 

Some of my bread didn't look good, but at least they were edible. I haven't moved on to phase two of my Home Panaderia project. I want to perfect first my Filipino bread buns before I move to other kinds of bread. Check out my efforts on this playlist.

Becoming a Balcony Farmer

When we moved to our new place I thought it was a good idea to do some gardening. My attempts with gardening date back to 2010 when we moved to a duplex house that had a small garden. My efforts were only successfully with veggies so that's what I decided to work on. I planted mustasa, tomatoes, cucumber, bell pepper and jackfruit. Sweetie helped me by consistently watering the plants every morning.

We were pretty successful with our mustasa and tomatoes. The cucumber and bell pepper thrived for awhilte but never bore fruit. Unfortunately pests attacked the cucumber and it eventually spread out, killing the bell pepper and jackfruit. The tomatoes slowly dwindled away because of the rains and probably the pests too. It was a good first season and we're now preparing for a second season of planting. Check out our farming adventures on The Balcony Farmer.

Recipes for My Son

I learned a couple of new recipes this year, mostly easy to cook recipes of food that I miss from home. I also wanted to teach Miggy how to cook his favorite food since he's in Manila (that's why it's called Recipes for My Son). I think my most favorite new recipe is tapa ala Jollibee. My next step is to learn more seafood recipes now that my doctor has allowed me to eat Omega-3 rich food again. 

Making Happiness Projects

One of the things I did to cope during the lockdown was to create a happy photobook. I got the idea when I asked friends to share a happy memory with me. I thought it would be useful to preserve their comments with a photo. It took me a few weeks to complete the book and now I have something I can look at whenever I'm not having a good day. I have a few friends who followed suit! 

Being stuck at home isn't so bad after all. Aside from baking, gardening, cooking and making photobooks, I got to work on my quilting project too. It's an old skill, but I think I improved a lot this year and I got to use the sewing machine Sweetie bought for me. And I think this is one thing I'd like to remember 2020 by. 

What about you? Did you gain any new skills being stuck at home?

CB///265 #StuckAtHomeDay/295 #StayHome #BeKind

Dear 2020 (Part 2)

Dear 2020, last January I wrote you a letter and asked for a better second month since January didn't start very well. I had planned for a spectacular 2020 since 2019 did not work the way I wanted it. But 2020, you had a mind of your own. Now that the year is almost over, let's see what happened to the spectacular year I planned -

Health - errr, things have gone downhill since May! I did achieve some fitness goals, but that went haywire when the circuit breaker kicked in. And now I'm on an extended medical leave. I'm still hopeful that things would get better.

Home Management - the move forced us to remove some stuff. I had plans to reduce clutter, but ugh blame online shopping (marked not safe!). We need to seriously declutter over the next few days. There's one thing though I managed to do and that's to get a pest control company to work on my childhood home.

Work on Financial Freedom - we were working on this, but had to set aside our plans since we couldn't go home.

Reading and Writing - my original plan for blogging was to complete a 30-day challenge. I kept it going since it has helped me cope. In a few days I would complete 365 days of blogging. Yay! On reading, I have a couple of new books! But I have read none because I've been so busy. The only thing I've consistently read is Didache.

Breaks - true to form I received a reminder from HR to take breaks. I would take one-two days off every so often, but I guess I should have taken longer breaks.

Travel - the only travel I did this year was back to Singapore last January. We've all been grounded since. We did a staycation last November. We wanted to do one more for Christmas, but then I got hospitalized. I really wanted to explore more this year.

Learn - ended up learning how to bake bread! I learned through YouTube University haha. I focused on Filipino bread and you can check out what I made in my Home Panaderia playlist.

Hobbies - still quilting, I made a huge batch of mug rugs which I gave away for Christmas. I'm not done yet though. I did start a new collection -- Baby Yoda! Sweetie surprised me with one and that started the collection.

Play - sigh, I haven't really done any playing. My Switch has been in it's bag for a few months now.

Special Projects - I wanted to work on gathering our family recipes. Ended up starting with my own recipes. Check them out at Recipes for my Son.

I'm glad I made a list and after reviewing it I realized I was able to do a couple of things. The biggest setback though is my health. What 2020 took away was time with family and friends. We're still lucky though because there's technology that allows us to make video calls to connect easily with our loved ones. I'm also thankful that my family has been okay. 

A friend pointed out that the biggest challenge about this pandemic is dealing with your mental wellness. Her whole family was infected and only she and her newborn baby were spared. I agree with her since I'm still living in fear that I might get it or someone from my family would get it. And now that there's talks that the "second wave" has started the nightmare continues. 

So, dear 2020, I hope you don't spill over your bad vibes to 2021. I want to see and hug my family soon. 

CB///264 #StuckAtHomeDay/294 #StayHome #BeKind

A Letter to My Younger Self

Five years ago I did an introspection about the third decade of my life. I've been thinking of writing my younger self a letter. What really helped me get through those crazy years was looking far ahead. 

Dear 20-something self, 

On Career. I'm writing you today to let you know that you are doing great career-wise! Your hardwork will eventually pay off, just keep being yourself and keep shining. You're on the right track there. Focus on learning from the hardships you're going through. As Dr. Ned advised, always have a mentor in mind and keep evidences of everything. You're going to hit rock-bottom with your self-esteem, but always remember you are the talent. You will bring it anywhere you go. 

On Finances. Going into debt to finish your masters is fine. This is going to leave you in the negative for sometime. Prioritize spending only for essentials (which you did). Just make sure you chip off that tuition debt until you finish it (or until someone helps bail you out). That's why you need to work hard so you can finally start saving. Maybe don't indulge so much buying Miggy toys so he can learn the value of what he has. Don't worry that you're starting too late on saving, you'll eventually figure it out. 

On Love. There's nothing missing in your life. You have your family and Miggy. That's all that matters. Do not be distracted by empty promises. And that guy you've been dating? He's crazy. Listen to your parents when they say that you should find someone who has the same values as you. Good job breaking it off. Pray for God to write you love story and stop the distractions. They will just waste your time. Spend it instead with Miggy. 

On Friendship. Your childhood friends are your forever friends. Keep them close and loved. They will always be there for you. Be wary of those who will just use you for their own purpose. It's better to be selective. The others are just distractions. But remember, it is in friendship where you will find your one true love. Read Bo Sanchez' book "How to Find Your One True Love". It will help put you in the right direction. Enjoy with your friends, don't be too focused on work. 

On Faith. It is only when you put God at the center when things will work out for you. Stop being stubborn and just let Him navigate your life. I promise, things will get so much better and everything you hoped for will finally happen. It was only when I gave up that all the struggles stopped. 

It's been five years since I started four-ever. Things were okay, the last three years has been a struggle health-wise. Be careful of picking up germs and viruses. You'll get over them, but the effects will show up later (which is now for me). Do listen to what your allergologist will tell you, it will help you immensely as you go through those health issues. If you can, maybe eat more veggies (and teach Miggy too). 

Just be yourself, listen to your elders, live your mission and let God navigate your life. Stop obsessing about trivial matters and just be your awesome self. Everything else will follow. 

love, 

Your future self 

#CB//229 #StuckAtHomeDay/259 #WFH153 #StayHome #BeKind 

Life Must Go On

Hi! How are you? How have you been coping with this funny, funny not so funny year? I think all of us can collectively say that 2020 is one of the worst years ever. 

I started 2020 on shaky ground. I was on a long-break from work to rest and to "clear my cache". When I came back I was somehow okay, but not yet 100%. Then I was thrown in to crisis response mode (for edu) and it's a been a crazy roller coaster ride the last few months trying to help. I would have at least 12-15 meetings every day and in-between there was also a lot of program work to do. 

Yup, it has affected my health even though I try to cut off work by sundown. I've been accorded a different kind of body so my katawang lupa has been having a hard time coping with what I have to do. It's hard, but I still love what I do. I know I can't do this forever and I would need to eventually move on and do other things. 

I think all of us has had enough of this pandemic. The reality is we're all in limbo for now. No one has the answer on when this will end. The saddest thing for me is being far away from Miggy and my Mom. I've just been telling myself that in time I'll be with them again. 

A few weeks ago I watched a video about the Spanish Flu. I was wondering how they coped back then and how long it took before things got back to normal. It took about nine years. And even after nine years the virus still exists today (H1N1!!!). World War I was also ongoing during the Spanish Flu pandemic. I would also imagine there were natural disasters during that time. My grandparents were still kids during that time, I would probably ask them about that period if they were still alive. 

But life went on. My grandparents survived, got married, had children. Lived through World War II, Martial Law and we lived through the turbulent 80s, the horrid 90s blackouts, a multitude of natural disasters (Pinatubo, typhoons, Taal, etc.). I've lived through 2 open heart surgeries, survived several illnesses with high mortality rates and I'm just grateful to be alive. 

2020 may have brought us one bad situation after another. 2021 is just around the corner. We are all hoping that the new year will turn the tide. Let's have faith that things will change soon. 

Don't forget to look up and look at the future. 

#CB//221 #StuckAtHomeDay/251 #StayHome #BeKind