Fear Not!

Whenever I'm scared I always cry out, "Mommy!" I do it especially when there is a thunderstorm. I also do it whenever something scares me. Does you do that too?

Yesterday morning I was woken up by sirens. It wasn't the usual I hear and I realized there was probably a fire somewhere near. I tried to go back to sleep, but to make sure we were safe I searched on Twitter and Facebook to find out the location of the fire. It was a kilometer away from us, in a barangay adjacent to us. 

I looked out the window and didn't see visible signs of the fire. Our street was also very quiet. Everyone was asleep except me. Sweetie was sound asleep, so I didn't wake him up since the are was quite far from us. It kept me awake for awhile. The sun had risen by the time I fell asleep again. 

I realized I still have PTSD from the fire that happened behind our home almost a year ago. There was also a typhoon the day it happened. Mom was still alive then, but I did not want to worry here. I just prayed in the car while waiting for the fire department to solve the issue. Luckily the fire just damaged part of our firewall and it was fixed a few months ago. I told Mom about the incident when it was over. 

Now that Mom is not around anymore, I still call out to her whenever I get scared (yes, I dislike thunder). I reach out to Sweetie or Miggy when the storm is crazy. GodWhispers though reminded me that you should lean on your faith when you fear something. I calmed down yesterday after praying for the safety of everyone involved in the fire. A news clip said that everyone is safe. 

“For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’ ” - Isaiah 41:13 

#BeKind #StaySafe

The Reset Button

I was a bit disoriented when I woke up to an empty apartment. Surprisingly found Sweetie on the couch and not the dining table where he usually hangs out. He was on the couch because he used his chair to hang some laundry on the balcony. All our conveniences are gone. It's probably on its way to Manila now on a ship. 

It's like a reset button has been pressed. It feels liberating just to have the basics. I just got what I need from the kitchen to get through the next two weeks. Most of the clothes I packed are for home use. The most radical move is downsizing to just one pillow and a small blanket. My Fitbit says I had 4x more deep sleep last night. 

We're starting fresh when we get home. Gone are the busy work-work-work days and now I have time to focus on what's really important in life. I was forced in this situation for a reason and I hope to fulfill my new mission properly. 

Stolen shot heehee. Gonna miss the view.

I thought the new journey would start once my technical last day comes. I realize now that the reset button was pressed a long time ago. I was holding myself back because I was afraid of fully embracing change. Kuya told me once, sometimes we care too much it's very hard for us to let go. I still feel guilty I could not continue to serve. I feel I let so many people down because they were counting on me to help. I just hope they understand I unfortunately got sick 

And so the ship has sailed. I'm on this new journey with Sweetie and Miggy. Cheers to making many new joyful memories!

CB////*Yr2/200 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/221 #NewG250 #Home6 #Xmas58 #StayHome #BeKind 

Indestructible

"There's nothing you cannot do," is a lesson my parents taught me growing up. They impressed this on me whenever I would share my fears (like recitation!). They also told me how Ate topped the chemical engineering board exam. She set aside her nervousness while taking the exam. I learned to take a deep breath and pray to calm myself before I do anything that makes me nervous. 

Abating fears is not easy especially if you have anxiety. It's often hard to quiet down the voices in your head. I've recently had to deal with being medically ineligible to get vaccinated. At the prodding of my respiratory doctor I rechecked with my vascular doctor if I could get vaccinated. He said yes. I also checked with my cardiovascular surgeon and he said yes too. I trust my doctors, but of course I'm still scared because of the previous risks that were raised to me. 

So I prayed and asked God to remove my fears. My doctor gave instructions on how I should go about it. I then did some research and slowly started to understand why I should not be scared to get vaccinated. The NUH website gave advise for those medically ineligible. There were two important points that struck me:

(1) If medically ineligible check back with your specialist every few months because more data may be available (I was told no in June and by end August there was more information available for my doctor), (2) You are ineligible if you have low platelet count. [Source: NUH Infographic]

It was a blessing in disguise my other doctor ordered for a blood test. It included my blood count and I'm in the normal range (in fact it increased the past few months). Whew! What also helped me was Dr. Mike Hansen's video explaining the death of a doctor (video here). All of these just unfolded a few days after I prayed for help. I really want to do this for my family. 

I wasn't sure about writing about this today. I read first today's Kerygma reflection and was surprised to see the headline, "Do not fear, God is here". So I went ahead and wrote about how my parents taught me how to be resilient -- just have faith and trust in God! <3

"Say to the fearful of heart: Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God, he comes with vindication; with divine recompense he comes to save you. – Isaiah 35:4"

CB///*Yr2/147 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/170 #NewG300 #Home58 #Xmas111 #StayHome #BeKind

Are You Afraid?

My Mama Lola.

There is so much uncertainty nowadays. It's created a lot of fear in us. At the beginning of the pandemic I could say I was still a bit reckless. I'd go out for my PT sessions and go to the mall after. It came to a point where Sweetie would pick me up from my PT session so I'd go straight home after. 

My PT sessions ended a few months ago. I only go out now whenever I have a doctor's appointment. I rush out of the hospital after my appointment. I think it's normal to feel scared. We don't understand everything there is to know about the virus. The virus has been a menace and the past few weeks I see many more friends getting infected. The number of people passing away within my circle has also increased. 

I know I am at higher risk because I am medically ineligible to get vaccinated. I was trying to make sense of the fear last night. I know I need to take more precautions and I have to live like a hermit. I realized though that my grandparents lived through the 1918 pandemic. It took more than a decade for things to go back to "normal". The "Spanish Flu" had more than 500M suspected cases, and estimated 20 to 50M died (source). 

But my grandparents lived through it. Papa Lolo was born in 1904 and Mama Lola was born in 1915. I think my paternal grandparents were older than them since my Dad was the the youngest among 9 siblings. I'm not sure what their circumstances were during the 1918 pandemic, but what's important is they survived it. I wish they were still alive so I could ask what they did back then. They probably took a lot of care and followed protocol back then. 

I don't know why I thought about my grandparents. I was just trying to figure out how I should not live in fear. Living in fear will be bad because it releases toxins to your body which will make you more sick. To curb this feeling I have to keep restating my intentions and have faith that God will continue to protect me, my family and all my loved ones. 

It's okay to feel scared. Just remember that Papa God only gives us challenges that we can bear. This is a huge challenge for all of us. The best thing to do about it is to learn, adjust and do what's best for the whole community. Stay home, get vaccinated if you're eligible and do what's needed to protect your loved ones. 

Day 24 Minimalism challenge, turn off notifications. I did this for a few months as instructed by my doctor. I think more than turning off notifications, you have to discipline yourself from checking your phone every few minutes. I purposely did not install social media apps on my tablet too and it's been a quieter life for me haha. 

CB///*Yr2/135 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/158 #NewG311 #Home69 #StayHome #BeKind