Home on Mondays: The Helper Got Bored and Walked Out

Last week I wrote about planning for old age. This was brought about by two reasons: (1) My Mom is now 86 years old, and (2) I'm trapped in the body of a 80-year old. My Mom is actually stronger than me. She can still do stuff in the garden and neighbors see her sweeping in the front of our house. She's still fiercely independent and wants to stay in her house. 

Well, I've taken over managing her house. Things were going well and she even had a small party with her friends early last week. Then her helper dropped the bomb, "Naboboring na ako dito, gusto ko na umuwi ng Bicol." She agreed to wait for a replacement, but the day after feigned illness and then walked out on my Mom. My neighbor had to run after her because she didn't even bother to say goodbye to my Mom. She also did not account for the money Kuya left. 

I didn't bother with an "exit interview". I just sent her last pay++ and focused my energy in finding a replacement. It was stressful enough to find ways to take care of my Mom. She refused to stay with us. The boys brought her food and checked on her several times a day. But when we found the food uneaten and the faucets without water we initiated a plan to make her stay with us. Told her I'm sick and then had her stay in our house. What she didn't know is we offered to do her laundry the day before as a contingency plan. 

Chocolate milk in a Starbucks cup.

If you know my Mom, you'd know she's the most stubborn person on this side of the planet. She was angry, but after seeing freshly laundered clothes and the availability of a hot shower she relented. She even said she won't be able to sleep. She was fast asleep when I went to her room to say good night, hahaha. It was a terrible idea to allow her to be by herself. She didn't eat properly, didn't drink enough water and obviously jumbled up her vitamins. 

Mom looked really frail when she arrived. Her veins were very prominent and I suspected she was dehydrated. We immediately worked on getting her hydrated and indulged her with all her favorite food. The apo always got his way when he asked her to drink more water. To keep her from getting agitated I got her busy rolling paper for a project. We didn't finish it yet because I got sick from worrying about her. She constantly wanted to go back home and that really stressed me out. 

Truly grateful to our neighbor for helping out. She understands why elders just want to stay in their home. It is what is familiar for them and it holds good memories. It's hard for me though to manage two households since I'm not in the best shape and that's why I thought for the future I'd make it easier for Miggy, thus the old age plan. Putting on the oxygen mask on myself first (like in the airplane) because that would be the best way to take care of Mom at this moment. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

When Your Parents Grow Old

I always thought my Mom would remain the same forever. The feisty tiger mom  who made sure I would learn to be independent and successful. I was lucky to be the youngest because she was much more strict with my siblings. She was still strict until I finally moved out of the house when I got married. 

Mom was our rock when we lost Dad. I didn't even see her cry. She took care of everything and just kept busy with her garden and crafts after. We were so worried we had Titay move in with her. She ended up taking care of Tito Mon and Titay until they passed on. She's the strong one. To her being too emotional is nonsense. 

She's now 86 years old and she has more energy than me. She still spends a lot of time gardening and doing crafts. Her memory though isn't as sharp anymore, but she's feisty and stubborn as ever. She refuses to move in with me and wants to remain independent. We're lucky because she has no maintenance meds and just takes vitamins. 

I realized though that we should have mandated to take over managing her home and finances. That's how the thief took advantage of her. I asked to take over it when I got home last November, but she refused saying that things were working well for her. Good thing the bank started sending automated messages whenever a withdrawal was made. That's how I caught the thief. So for those with elderly parents, do check their finances because bad people can take advantage of them. 

I've been doing Mom's groceries. The good thing about it I can order more healthy food for her. I remove unhealthy food from the grocery list that's sent to me every other week, i.e. noodles or canned goods. My siblings also send her food every so often. The bills are easier to manage now since I've been able to enroll all of them online. Gcash has been my best friend for paying bills haha. 

Taking care of an elderly parent should seriously be part of what they teach in school. Everyone has to go through it and it's easier if you understand what you need to do. I grew up thinking my parents would remain the same forever because that's what they told me. Mom made it appear that things were going well in her home. If not for the bank's SMSs I wouldn't have known the extent of the damage the thief was doing. 

Keep your parents happy while they're still around. Give them what they want even though sometimes it's not practical hehe. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Business As Usual

Ahhh, I think we've finally achieved what's usual at home. We had Mom's home blessed again and her friends came over for a visit yesterday. I'm glad we took the proper steps to get to where we are now. I think what changed it for my Mom was her haircut! Haha! I wanted to do it at a salon so we can do it together, but she said she preferred Ate Belen to come over. I wanted her to feel that things are back to normal, so I got help from Mom's best friend to contact her hairdresser. 

I had a chat with Mom via FB Messenger about her party. I'm really happy to see she's now using the phone I gave her last year. She just kept it uncharged until now. I was planning to get an extension for our landline so I can chat with her frequently from my craft room. Looks like we can just use FB messenger now. The reception of Google Meets is much better though, so I'll probably try that tomorrow. She was so excited to talk about her get together. It's what she really needed. 

And the best thing about where we are now is I'm sleeping better! As soon as Miggy turns the light off I immediately fall asleep. That took years to resolve! I guess I've been worried about Mom for a long time now and resolving the issue at home is what finally relaxed me. I've also been able to start sewing again. Finished one of the long block curtains. Hope to finish the other one tomorrow.  

Now that things have quieted down, I'm picking up where we left off in late Feb. Miggy and I were supposed to get our booster shots together with my Mom. They only had Moderna. My doctors required me to get Pfizer again to avoid complications (i.e. clotting). We hope to get it this weekend. I've also restarted our home project. We've been in our new home for four months now and it's still a mess, haha! Ahh, one thing we're having difficulty with is getting medical insurance for me. Oh well, I hope our agent can find me a good one. 

It's Friday! Happy weekend everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Bless Our Home

Yesterday, we had my Mom's home blessed again. We thought it would be good to do that to recharge the house and bring back the good times it has seen. Our family with many friends and neighbors experienced a lot of happy times in our home. We had Tita Pet's wedding reception held at our home, countless birthday parties like Kuya's debut where his friends poured beer on him (with the younger sister rushing in with a towel haha), a gazillion get togethers with the CWL, the Knights of Columbus, the choir and clan reunions. 

My neighbors always tell me they like visiting my Mom's home. They always feel welcome and they like hanging out in the lanai. My Mom also is always ready to party. She has party plates, huge shaping dishes, and those things caterers have to keep food warm (she already sent it to my Tita Olive when things slowed down). Whenever I had a gathering with friends I still brought them to my Mom's home. 

Grateful to Fr. Rene for coming yesterday to bless our 52 year old home. I wasn't even born yet when it was first blessed. We were also happy to receive holy communion after more than 2 years! It was surreal to go around the house for the blessing. I was teary eyed when he blessed Mom's room because he also gave a blessing for Daddy's soul. I used to find Dad on his cozy chair watching TV whenever I went to their room. Mom removed his chair and took over his closet many years ago (it now houses her craft materials hehe). 

Fr. Rene hung out with us for awhile. It was great to catch up with him. Mom used to invite them (the priests) for dinner. I always looked forward to those dinners because we'd always have a lot of food (matakaw much). I also had the opportunity to hang out in their home when I used to write for the parish newsletter. Maybe I could republish some of the stories one of these days. They were fun recounts of the lives of priests before they were ordained. 

I'm happy we were able to do this for Mom. It will hopefully help her feel better. Her friends have scheduled to visit her as well. I hope these activities will help reassure her that the bad guys are gone. I could see she's still wary and haven't started the quilt project I made for her. I hope she'll start it in the next few days. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Action Filled Day, Iz Tired Zzzzz

I'm only blogging now. I've been busy going through some documents which I found in Mom's basement. It took me an hour and a half to sort it and now Miggy's doing another step of sorting. Yes, that many. 

It was an eventful day. I'm just really grateful for all the help we're getting from family and friends. It must be what VP Leni feels when she sees all her supporters. Pampalakas loob. It took all my will not to hug my friend's Dad. He reminded me so much of my Dad and I almost cried at some point because I miss my Dad so, so much!

Mom and Tito Louie finally get together after more than 2 years.

It was a difficult day to go through, but I reminded myself I had to keep calm to also keep my Mom calm. I read someone post on FB the other day saying that Virgos are always classy. I actually wore earrings, a blouse, pants and shoes! Haha. Another friend even gave me advise to comb down my hair. I didn't have time anymore and just let it stand. 

Also brought my oximeter. My friend reminded me to make sure I was breathing properly and had a stable heart rate. O2 went down to 93 and heart rate was above 100. It went back to normal when everyone was gone. 

Still have loads to do. I smiled when I saw a handwritten note by my Dad. I'll never forget his handwriting because only me, my Mom and Miggy could understand it. He took pre-med before he became a lawyer. I expect to encounter Dad more when we start cleaning the house. 

I'm now having Mom focus on her gardening and getting her to re-start quilting again. She still walks fast and sometimes we have to run to catch up with her. Before I left her house I caught her washing dishes. If I reach her age (86!), I hope I won't make it hard for Miggy hehehe. 

My wish now is for my siblings to come home. I think my Mom will feel more reassured when she sees all of us together. Book ko na lang kaya sila ng flight noh? 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Joker had No Remorse

I always wondered why Gotham City had a very dark setting. The places Batman went to always looked filthy and scary. It was a permanent crime scene. Batman was after all the cape crusader. He battled Joker, the supervillain who has a manic laugh. I've associated that laugh to someone who has no remorse. 

I thought things would be quieter yesterday after the debacle we went through on Sunday. Our neighbor's revelation was an eye opener on what happened in the last two years we were all forced to be away. She judged me for not taking action immediately and allowing things to get worse. 

To be honest, I felt defensive. I told her I've been sick and I had to confirm our suspicions first. Actually, I prioritized getting Mom checked up first before I did some sleuthing. Yesterday while dealing with harassment I realized that we were at fault too. 

My Mom is the type of person who would keep things to herself. She'd absorb all the pain to make sure we, her children, were protected. I suspected what was going on and tried to take over the management of the finances, but she refused. She told me she thought it would have been hard for Miggy. That's how she was taken advantage of. 

As a child, I always thought my Mom would remain the same forever. At the age of 78 she took care of me for 2 months in Singapore after I had heart surgery. She was also still managing my domestic finances until just before the pandemic. My Mom is the strongest person I know and I wanted her to remain the same. She's also very independent and never wanted us to hang around with her. She'd get impatient when I stay on the phone with her for too long (she prefers long calls with her amigas). 

Thinking my Mom would be the same was our downfall. In my mind I thought she was the same person she was when I was growing up. Strong, independed, a great admin. She tried to shield us, but I realized there comes a time when you have to take care of your parents differently. She's still very stubborn because I wanted her to stay in my house while I was fixing her affairs. She refused, as usual. 

And Joker would never have any remorse. Kuya said you can forgive, but justice has to be served. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Mom

Saw Basel's (The Hungry Syrian Wanderer) vlog last night. It was where he picked up his father from the airport. They hadn't seen each other for 10 years. Basel was sent by his parents to the Philippines to be safe from the war. Later on in the video Basel shared that he cried when he realized that his father had aged without him seeing it. 

I know how it feels. I didn't see my Mom for almost 2 years. When I finally saw her last November I was super surprised with the changes. She had lost a lot of weight and she seemed frail. I cried when I got home and had sleepless nights over it. Sister Lirio told me to do the best for her since she's already 86. I cried even more. 

I always believed my parents would be around forever. I lost my Dad 11 years ago and I still pine for him everyday. It took me awhile to accept the reality that my Mom needs more care now compared to two years ago. The first thing I did was have her health checked. She only needed vitamin D3 supplements.

I've now taken over managing her household. Much as I want her to live with me, she's refused and doesn't even want to spend a night in the room we prepared for her. She still wants to live independently and doesn't want to leave her home. My friends said that's how elderly people are, they just want to stay in their own home. 

There are two more things I need to do. One is to ensure that Mom will be protected and two, make sure that her house is safe. I've briefed the architect and engineer what needs improvement. It's been a few weeks since they checked the house and I hope they'll soon finish the plan. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely