How I Keep My Composure

The last few months have been hard for me. I was getting sick from too much stress. I had to visit a doctor almost every week to work on my asthma. It was getting really bad and things culminated last Sunday when I had to be brought to the emergency room (aptly called A&E in Singapore). It took about four hours before they discharged me. I missed attending our quarterly review. I felt so miserable because I haven't been able to breathe properly in the last few months.

My family have been very supportive. I know they have been extremely worried about the state of my health. They are the ones who keep me afloat. It would have been easy to just give up and just make a mess of myself, but my boys have made sure I always keep my composure. That's why I love them to bits. They have been my constant guardian angels.

Very few people can detect my moods. Just a handful can determine if I'm going through something. I really appreciate my friends who check on me when they know I'm not doing well. I see them as my guardian angels since they usually steer me to the right path of thinking. I'm a worrywart and when I spiral down that path it eventually makes me sick. My friends don't know it, but they usually say the right things to remind me to respond instead of reacting.

I think I finally turned around last Tuesday. My family and friends have been praying for me. I think I'm back to my old self after having some Jollibee last Wednesday. I just hope and pray though that I will be able to manage my stress better so that my health can improve. Please pray for me too :)

The Way to Answer the Why

Taipei City

I loaded up hours worth of work to do on the plane for my flight to Taipei today. I have stuff figured out and just needed to put things in writing for our quarterly report. I didn't make a dent. My brain has been uncooperative the last few days since I've been sick. Fever does fry ones brain.

Ended up watching "My Ex and Whys" and it was the perfect movie for me to detach. I'm a LizQuen fan and I try to watch all their movies through TFC. I loved the movie because I related so much to it.

Many people now only know me and Sweetie. They don't know that there was so much drama in my life before he found me. I was pretty much like Cali before I met Sweetie. I had lost all hope to find my one true love. I had baggage and I was angry. I was untrusting and didn't entertain suitors. People in my previous work used to call me the ice queen behind my back.

I guess I got tired of it and eventually tried to see if I would find the right one. Ara Mina's character (Cali's mom) explained this very well. Why should we continue to try to find love? Because we live for love and if we don't try to find it then we would have lost our chance to love and be loved.

When I look back at my past I realize that I needed to go through all of it to understand and accept what was best for me. I can now look back fondly at the past -- the good and the bad -- because it's part of who I am today.

Maybe someday I can put all these experiences to good use and help others heal. :)

Cultivating Silence

I hid in my shell in the last month and a half. I have not blogged. Limited use of social media. I would read posts of family and friends just to keep updated, but posted sparingly. I thought it would just be good to take a step back and just "listen". I did this for two reasons: (1) as part of my Lenten sacrifice; (2) to recharge and detoxify from all the negativity. I also felt I was unproductive and helpless. I needed a reboot.

It was a slow painful process since I've been used to a daily routine -- wake up, reach for the phone, check social media, comment, post, do it again until I realize I'm running late for the bus. I timed myself and found out that I was spending way to much time online outside of work. So I started to limit time I spent online outside of work. I thought about getting out of social media but it's so far the best way to keep in touch with family and friends and it's a means for me to keep in touch with the communities I manage. So the limited time I spent online I just read, liked posts, commented and shared posts. No new content from me.

I call it "disentaglement". I was caught in a reactive maze and I had to get out of it. You read posts, get all worked up, comment, re-share and end up not really doing anything. I needed the silence to re-focus and become productive again. By late March I was a bunch of nerves preparing for our quarterly review. I was freaking out because in my own mind I didn't do well for the first quarter. My output wasn't at the level I expected. The stress was making me sick.

I was in a daze while presenting my reports because of the meds my doctor gave me. The good thing though, I was only stressed because of work. The added external stress from external negativity (I emphatize too much that's why) was no longer there.  As my Mom advised whenever I had to face a "test", remain calm. I did and I passed the review. I actually received more work to be done, but they said it's a good thing (haha).

Since Easter I decided to post again since I want to keep in touch with family and friends and let them know that I'm still alive and a busy bee as ever. I'm glad I went through the exercise of cultivating silence. As our coaching mentor taught us last year - growing and leading isn't about speaking your thoughts all the time, listen and ask the right questions.

Feeling anxious? Unproductive? A mess? Maybe you just need to disengage for awhile so you can go back to the spot where you can be your old productive self.

And, of course, pray. 

Panorama Photos of Beautiful Views

It's finally Friday! I know my posts the last few weeks have been quite heavy so I thought I'd share some beautiful view I've had the opportunity to see in my travels.

Boracay sunset. 

Crystal Cove, Boracay. 

 Good Shepherd, Baguio City.

Singapore at dusk. 

Tokyo view from Roppongi Hills. 

 Singapore from Esplanade.

View from Vivo City, Singapore. 

Sydney, near the Maritime Museum.

Sydney. 

Subic.

San Francisco. 

Palawan. 

Kamakura, Japan.

Dissonance on the Passing of the Death Penalty

Article III or the Bill of Rights in the 1987 Philippine Constitution solidly protects our rights as citizens. For this post I am making today I am invoking Article III Section 4 of the constitution,
"SECTION 4. No law shall be passed abridging the freedom of speech, of expression, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and petition the government for redress of grievances."

I am in disagreement with the vote my house representative made for the death penalty bill. Congressman Gus Tambunting, District 2, Paranaque City, voted to approve death penalty. The explanation he provided is most alarming based on the tweet shared by fellow Paranaqueno Raj Bay. The congressman explained based on the exchange that he voted based on the survey that was run in Paranaque. Three thousand six hundred citizens out of the 358,231* population in district 2 were purportedly surveyed on their thoughts about death penalty. The tweet explained that it was what the Paranaque citizens wanted. (Do take note that it's been a good 7 years since the population data has been updated.)

I did a short review of computing sample size for doing research (it's been awhile since I had special training on research with Dr. Ned). If the survey they ran was aiming for a 95% confidence and a 1.63 confidence interval (margin of error), then 3,600 should be about right as representation for the population. It would be really interesting to see the actual results of the survey and to know how they determined the sample. Where did they do the survey? And when did this happen? If you read the exchange between the congressman and Raj Bay he had asked the citizen if he was an expert on doing surveys so he could join the team the next time they do another survey. I do not think this was an appropriate question as the citizen was just asking for an explanation on his vote.

Death penalty is not like any other law. It is a law that would result in the loss of life. I wonder if the good congressman considered other factors aside from the survey. How did they determine what are heinous crimes? Who has given the State the right to kill? Did they even consider the ramifications of this law on our relations internationally? Isn't death penalty a crime against humanity?

At this point those who would be penalized with death penalty would presumably go through due process. The 7,000+ people that have been killed in the last 9 months had this right stripped of them -

"ARTICLE III SECTION 2. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures of whatever nature and for any purpose shall be inviolable, and no search warrant or warrant of arrest shall issue except upon probable cause to be determined personally by the judge after examination under oath or affirmation of the complainant and the witnesses he may produce, and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized." (1987 Philippine Constitution)

Each one of us, no matter whether we are rich or poor, have this right to be secure. There has been no due process with EJKs in the last 9 months. The obvious goal is to just get rid of drug addicts and pushers. But for death penalty, what is its purpose? As it is there has been no due process with the EJKs, what do we need death penalty for?

I am putting forward this strong dissonance to the vote my congressman did to pass death penalty and I think more than 3,600 Paranaquenos would agree that this was a very bad decision that was made by our congressman (and the other 216 too).

*Population data from 2010 survey of the Philippine Statistics Authority

What EDSA Means for Me

This is a belated post about EDSA.

I kicked off this post during the EDSA celebration weekend two weeks ago. Opened my "Google Photos" and searched for "EDSA" photos. I was trying to find the photo we took when me and my high school friends, Chare and Mercy, went to EDSA II (we were too young for EDSA I). The search coughed up photos of my travels, family gatherings, events etc. I was disappointed at first because the search result was incorrect, but I soon realized that those photos was what exactly EDSA represents.

Freedom.

Freedom to live your life as you wish.

Without fear.

Without apprehensions that you would be penalized.

I was just ten when People Power happened in 1986. I may have been too young during the martial law years, but I remember there was always fear. Everyone had to be home before sunset. My Dad always gave us a briefing about the political situation over dinner and sometimes he would do this in hushed tones. I guess it was because one of the ministers in the cabinet was our neighbor. I remember also that we had to stop doing our annual summer vacations in Bicol because times were too dangerous. There was always danger. I wasn't even allowed to play in the street.

Fear ruled our lives.

And as I look at the many photos I have in my archive I realized that all of this would not be possible if not for EDSA. My life would probably be very different. I would not have been able to establish the communities I have worked on in the last ten years. I would not have been able to meet all the friends I now have across the country. I would probably not have the chance to go around beautiful Mindanao. I would not have the chance to meet all the friends I have in other countries.

It's really sad that this fear is back. My Mom, my colleagues keep telling me to just stay where I am right now. And it's really sad not to know what I could do as well. I don't think another EDSA will fix it because transformation has to come from each one of us. So I just pray that things would go back to what's best for our country. 

The Epic SSC Uninety2 Silver Jubilee

I took a breather after my last post. Went home to Manila to attend 2 weddings and my high school batch silver jubilee homecoming. The ten days back home was horrendously busy and by the time homecoming day came my body was exhausted (mainly due to some misadventures leading to the day). I did not want to miss it and took a short nap before going to my alma mater.

My long time friend since second grade Ottie picked me up at home and while we were stuck in traffic we talked about a myriad of things we went through in high school. We both looked forward to seeing our classmates. Sadly we were not able to convince our other close friends to come.

I have visited my high school only thrice I think since graduation. Once to pick up my yearbook, a meeting in 2008 and our 20th year high school reunion. I thought things would be exactly the same. I was wrong. There were so many changes in the campus - new buildings, the huge hall where we used to watch plays/concerts and attend assemblies was fully renovated, the lunch counter where we used to eat was moved to another area and the canteen was totally different.

Rica, Emily, Shirley, me and Ottie (photo is owned by Rica)

We started to bump into classmates during registration. Squeals of delight kept reverberating through the hall. We promptly changed to our batch shirt and shuffled into St. Cecilia's Hall to watch the show. The show was AMAZING! Our batch kicked off the show with the Aeago cheer and a dance medley. Here's the video taken by a batchmate -

After the speeches the different batches celebrating their pearl, coral, ruby, sapphire and golden jubilees indulged the audience with their awesome presentations. I challenged my sister who will be celebrating their ruby year next year to top the ruby year presentation this year. She said it's going to be very hard!

In between the presentations, we honored our beloved teachers. I was teary eyed when they all stood up and went to the front because we grew up and learned with them. My grade school principal was also present (and she looks exactly the same)!

And to cap the show, our batchmates did a final presentation. I had been seeing them share photos of the practices in the past year. They really worked hard to make everyone happy and entertained that evening. My PE teacher, Tikyo, couldn't get over the presentation and kept saying that the girls really did well.

After the show we all scrambled to the stage to meet-up with our classmates. We tried to get a complete 4-A class photo by the backdrop and then headed to the field for dinner.

Ottie and I had a grand time posing beside the Trailblazer (which was eventually won by our classmate!). Hopefully we get to ride on it once she gets the car!

Photobooth time! (Thank you to my seatmate Rica A. for sponsoring the photo booth!).

It was such a happy day catching up with old friends and we hope to have more meet-ups in the coming months!

Here's a video summary of the day (thank you Rica and Lala for this!).

And my gazillion photos of the day is here. Photobooth photos here.