For Dad

Dad, you've been gone for four years now. I remember the day that Mom said you were very sick and that the doctor said it was just a matter of time. You had been suffering in silence for a couple of months. Refusing to go to a doctor and you kept saying you were fine. It was Mom who finally forced you to go for a check-up and by then it was already too late. I was inconsolable that day. I just cried and cried.

I had asked permission then from my manager if I could work earlier hours so I could get off early and walk 100 meters from my home to sit with you in the afternoons until Jay would pick me up to go home. We would watch TV and I would show you photos from my trips. You were always interested in the tomes of content I would put out (yes I know you used to ready my diary as well!). You wrote non-stop and that inspired me to "study writing". I know I'm not as talented a writer as you are or your apo, Miguel, but I strived to learn how to write because of you. It's Kuya though who's managed to publish books and not me (but I think I'm a better writer than he is hahaha).

Watching you lose your strength through Christmas and undergo so much pain signaled to us that we had to let you go so you won't suffer any longer. You held on when I had to leave for a week-long trip to Singapore because I told you to wait for me. And wait for me you did. Mom said that in your last few days you kept calling out to Nanay and Tatay. They had been trying to pick you up already, but you held on and waited.

You were doing quite well days before you passed. Mom said you just kept sleeping and even told her on the 19th night of January that she should get some sleep and rest. You passed away in your sleep. After Mom called me we rushed to the house to check on you. You still had a slight pulse when I arrived. I hope you heard me say "I love you Dad" just before your pulse dwindled and stopped. It was the most heartbreaking moment of my entire life.

Mom was very much composed. I was a huge mess, but I had to be the one to break the news to my siblings. I thought it was unfair that I had to do that since I'm after all your youngest child, your padaba, your latak. You brought me up to be a tough cookie though and you always told me to be strong and hold on to what is most important.

I cry a little every single day Dad because I miss you very much. It happens at the most random places, but I manage to hide the paid well because that's what you taught me. I would've probably made a good lawyer as you wanted me to be, but I'm too much of a scatterbrain to be one and it would've hard to fill the shoes you've left as a lawyer.

Thank you Dad for loving me, for being patient with me, for being strict so that I may learn, for being stern so I will become tough, for bringing me to all those tagalog movies and for accompanying me to watch Menudo even though you had to cover your ears all night. I would never have it differently, but I should have asked God to extend your life after your first bout with cancer until after you get your first great-grandson from Miguel and not only until you manage to walk me down the aisle. I honestly thought I wasn't going to marry anymore so I made that deal with God (well He had other plans apparently).

I miss you Dad. I know you are having a grand time with Tito Tony, Tito Mon and Tito Ben up there. Please say hi to my grandparents and all my friends who have gone up there to party with you. Please watch over us as we fulfill our mission down here. <3

40 Days Without Dad

It's been 40 days since my Dad passed away and the oldies say that we should celebrate it like a birthday party. The party is likely to happen at my Kuya's home (he's in Jakarta) because that's where my Mom is right now. I've requested for masses for Dad here in our Parish and I'll just prepare a yummy dinner for the boys later.

I thought I'd celebrate this day by remembering some important lessons I learned from my Dad.

On being stubborn. My brother-in-law says that we're a stubborn lot. My Dad's very stubborn too. When he's mind is set on something, nothing can really change his mind. I am the same, but I learned something when I was young -- sometimes you need to listen to reason. Read my funniest childhood memory to understand.

On curiosity. Ang batang malikot, nakakadampot ng ipot. When I was a kid I'd poke on anything that catches my attention. I learned to be very observant first before grabbing whatever caught my fancy. I learned that lesson because I literally poked on chicken poop. (It was really shiny and I thought it was a really nice stone!).

(That's me when I was a baby. A lot of people say that I look more like my Dad than my Mom. Even Picasa thinks so because it sorts me with my Dad's photos!)

On heartaches. My Dad was never emo. He thought that dwelling on emo stuff was a waste of time and he'd prod me to work harder instead. It works for me and I guess that's the reason why the past 40 days have really been exhausting (and productive).

On loving. My Dad's love for my Mom is a testament that true love exists. One of his college friends from the Ateneo said, "You're Dad is so mabait. Walang bisyo, never nambabae, kaya ayan nauna na siya sa amin!" That's when I understood why my Dad was always home before sunset. His priority was our family and he was always there for us.

(I remember this photo very well. I usually play this game with my Dad -- hide Daddy's slippers! I loved the sea and it was really difficult to get me out of the water, but my Dad always stayed with me.)

In my work uniform here with Dad. My Dad likes to have his photo taken, 

so we have a number of similar photos hehehe.  

On writing. It was my Mom who started me on writing, but it's my Dad who's the writer in our family. He can churn out more articles than me (and handwritten!). My Dad also showed so much interest in my writing. I remember catching him read my diary and some of my school projects! (And that's why my diary turned electronic haha). I hope to be able to write a book like my Dad someday.

On cooking. It was hard to be Dad's cooking apprentice. He never measured anything! It's like he had magical hands because anything he cooked tasted really good. He just told me to be generous with salt, pepper, garlic and onions.

We both had parties to go to when we had this photo taken. He just

decided to stop dye-ing his hair. It's his "Moses look" haha.

On your mission. My Dad said that each one of us have our own mission here on earth. In his last days my Dad mentioned that his mission has been completed and he has turned everything over to Mama Mary. We don't know exactly what he meant, but my Dad fought for the life of the unborn child. He made a paper on it that was submitted by the Knights of Columbus to CBCP (details are in his book). It's really amazing to see that the projects my Dad did when he lived helped a lot of people and I hope to be the same too.

I miss you Dad, but I know someday we'll be together again.

5 Things from My Dad

The other I wrote about my Mom (to commemorate Mother's Day, of course) and I explained how she's been my pillar of strength. The "parenting" conversation I had with my friend touched on the values that my Dad taught me. I wasn't able to answer immediately then coz I kinda ended up emo-ing. Anyways, it's been more than a week and to celebrate my Dad's 74th birthday (on Saturday), here are just some of the things that I learned from him.

1. Integrity - I was in sixth grade when I learned the true meaning of this. I had a classmate who's Dad was the mayor of a major CBD (and still actually is) and her allowance then was PhP200 per day! Of course, I immediately complained to my parents why my baon was only PhP10 per day (at that time enough to buy a platito of spaghetti and a glass of juice). My Dad explained to me how my classmate's Dad earned that much money to give her PhP200 per day. Who'd want to have a Dad who does such a despicable thing?

2. Honesty - My Dad used to be a regional trial court judge. He was offered bribes left and right and got death threats in return for refusing it. I thank God he didn't stay long in the judiciary even though it's something that he was really passionate about.

3. Humor - I know my Dad could be soooo serious at times (he's very traditional), but he is also very funny and makulit and I got that from him. (Well I think I got more of the funny and makulit part and my Ate got most of the serious stuff.)

4. Love - amongst all of us, I could say that I am the most pasaway in the family, but despite everything and all our tampuhans my Dad still loves me. And the living proof to that as well is my Mom. And we're already planning for their golden wedding anniversary (2010)!

5. Prayerfulness - it was actually my Dad who taught me how to memorize the mysteries of the Rosary. I was only 10 years old then, but I still remember (to this day) how that went about and that left me an impression that praying is a very important part of life. I'd also see my Dad pray earnestly each and every time he had to make court decisions.

No wonder it's so difficult for me to find a jowa. LOL.

I love you Dad. Happy, happy birthday! Remember, you still have to wait for me to walk down the aisle. Hmph. No more scary episodes okay? Mwah.