I started writing when I was 8. My mom got me a journal where I could rant (prob so I won't be an annoying brat). I stopped writing for 8 years until the pen and then later on the keyboard called on me again. I blog because I like writing and that's just about it. Hope you get inspired though... Bite the apple!
In the last few years I've always started the year blogging for 30 days. My posts tend to become mundane and random after a few days, but I keep at it so I don't get too rusty at writing. I couldn't get myself to blog early this month because I was busy working on a solution for my son's schooling and I was still grieving over the loss of a friend to over ambition.
Early this morning I was mulling over the fact that I blogged last night, which means I have to write for the next 29 days. I was also thinking about Titay and the fact that when I go home she won't be around to ask me how I am and to hug me. I was also thinking about her life and how she survived living in the US for over thirty years. She had a very fulfilling career as a banker.
As I was reading through my stream I saw this article about fulfilling your goals. It basically said that more than being able to complete one's studies, one of the most important values to have is grit. And I believe Titay, being the headstrong woman that she was, had a lot of grit. I would like to think that I have a lot of grit as well.
In the last four decades of my existence I've had a lot of challenges and in the last decade I had to adjust a lot since my health isn't what it used to be. When I realized that there's a lot of things I couldn't do because of physical limitations I had to be flexible so I could still fulfill my goals. When I see my colleagues go out to complete physical challenges (i.e. trampoline) or go on tours during the haze I don't feel bad or envious because I've accepted the fact that I have limitations. I could just hope for more understanding from those who don't understand what being limited means.
The physical limitations I have do not keep me back from meeting my goals. It just means I have to be more creative and more open to asking for help where needed. Sometimes though I feel sad that I couldn't fly anymore through a forest on a zipline or jump 3 stories high to a raging river or simply go on the Transformers ride at Universal Studios. God only gives us what we could bear and I find comfort when I pray to Him for help.
It is in writing that I find solace after losing another loved one.
When I was a young child I thought my Mom had a twin -- Titay. I remember getting confused at times on who my Mom was. I have many memories of Titay growing up. Singing the US National Anthem and the theme song of Mr. Roger's (neighborhood TV show something) in her living room when I was 4. Learning to cross the street in Chicago when I was just 4 years old. I almost stayed behind with her in Chicago then, but I strangely decided I wanted to grow up in Manila.
Our home was never without balikbayan boxes either from Titay or Mama Lola's trips back and forth to the US. We always looked forward to Titay's homecoming because chocolates were bottomless and she'd always cook her yummy lengua. When I was born Titay was already living in the US. It was only in the last few years I found out how she ended up there. She originally wanted to be a cloistered contemplative nun (pink sister), but she wasn't allowed to since she's the eldest. She eventually found a job in the US and left (amidst a lot of protests). My aunt was a very headstrong woman (this stubbornness is apparent in all of us I think).
My Mom and Titay look so much alike.
Titay was very generous and she always knew what you need. I'm not one to buy jewelry, but Titay always makes sure I'm well accessorized and scolds me when I dress up too simply (I got multiple sermons after a TV interview). All of us, her nieces and nephews, got showered with Titay's generosity. Titay had bailed me out of MBA tuition debt after Mom collected some money for her. I would always remember Titay as my most generous Tita.
She moved back home about a decade ago and that was when I got to know a bit more about Titay. At that time I didn't have a boyfriend and Titay always encouraged me to just go out and date! Dad was still so strict then, but Titay always reminded him that I was old enough to go out and date. If not for Titay I would probably have ended up single until now since my Dad had declared then that he will live forever to take care of me (my Dad is so adorable!).
The last few years have been difficult for Titay especially last year when she had a stroke twice. Mom was away the second time it happened, so I went home from Singapore to check on her. We were so worried since at that time Tito Ben was very sick as well. Eventually Titay was discharged from the hospital, but a few weeks later Tito Ben passed away. We didn't know how to tell her, but she surprised all of us by telling us that Tito Ben had visited her and told her it was his time. She took the news very well and eventually got better and was strong enough to walk around and would insist going to the mall at least once a week.
Last Christmas, Titay insisted she dress up nicely for my Mom's birthday celebration/family reunion (balidosa pa rin!). We just couldn't afford to buy the PhP6,000 sandals she wanted, but she was very happy to see all of us, her nephews and nieces she dotted on throughout the years. Every time I was there she would hug me and tell me she loved me and she'd always give reminders to take care of myself especially when I'm away traveling.
Titay, I know I was the cause of the huge row you and Dad had because you really wanted me to find the right one. You didn't want me to grow old alone. You eventually patched things up and the goal was met -- Sweetie found me! You even threw an amazing despedida de soltera for me just before my wedding. Thank you so much for being my most awesome Tita and for being a pillar in our family. I love you and I will miss you so much.
I have been thinking about my paternal grandmother a lot in the last week that I've been in Taiwan. I did not get a chance to meet her because she passed away when my Dad was very young. He was only 7 years old when she went to heaven. I knew very little about her. They always said that she was very sweet and a gentle soul.
I was very close to my material grandmother. She was the only grandparent I grew up with. She was the one who piqued my curiousity about the craft of sewing. I spent many afternoons watching her sew clothes on her Singer sewing machine (for the life of me though I don't know how to sew clothes!). And that's why there are times I wonder about my paternal grandmother.
The only other info I had about my paternal grandma is she's Chinese and had eloped with my grandfather (he's a hunk!). So we had no idea about her family since she ran away with my grandpa (how romantic!).
The first time I went to Taiwan last September I felt right at home. As much as I don't understand the local language I have not been stressed about it. It may be also that the country is easy to fall in love with (LTE all the way!) and I blend in (I'm never mistaken to be a foreigner). And today the thought occurred to me, "Did my paternal grandmother's family come from Taiwan?"
I wonder because...
I love the food here!
The taste of food is very familiar, possibly because Taiwan is pretty close to the Philippines and may have influenced our food (and vice versa). I love everything I tasted so far and the pork dishes are heavenly (please do not check my waist line as of the moment). Most of the food I tried tasted like the dishes my Dad used to cook (sniff).
Everyone is so nice here!
I've been to some countries where people are not so patient with foreigners especially stalls where you buy tapao food/beverages. Last September I tried out several brands of milk tea and the staff always went out of their way to find someone in their line up who could communicate well in English. The friends I now have here always go out of their way to help and always check if there's anything they could help with.
Laid Back
Ahhh I like the fact that time seems to move a bit more slowly here in Taiwan. Hustling and bustling seem to be absent even in very crowded places, i.e. the busy Taipei Main (train) station. I seem to be able to do more in 30 minutes here than in Singapore (hehehe).
So I wonder... did my Chinese grandmother's family come from Taiwan?
In early 2014 I made the big leap of shifting full time to work on education. I left what could have been a lucrative career working with developers and entrepreneurs. I probably would have been more known for what I would have done and would probably have easily leveled up in the ladder. It was not an easy decision and I fought with my VP so I could transfer to education. I had to cry so he would understand that it's what I wanted to do. He explained to me that he was just worried that my talent as a program manager may be overlooked if I followed that path.
It's been almost 2 years since I made that leap. The leap left a huge gaping hole in my heart since it meant I would not work directly anymore with devs and entrepreneurs. I miss a lot the friends I met when I was building those communities, but I have gained a gazillion new friends and all of them are educators! And as I work with them I cannot help but feel envious with the power they have -- the power to change lives, the power to make a huge impact on the lives of children.
Teachers have fun in Taiwan!
Last year I made a post to thank the many teachers that made a huge impact in my life. I can never thank them enough for helping shape who I am today. The only way I can really thank them is to do better at what I do and do more cool things that matter! And hopefully one day I will be able to join the academe once again so I can have the opportunity to teach again.
I celebrated my debut last Saturday, 22 years too late. It was worth the wait though and was magically perfect.
Being an introvert I see-sawed between wanting to have a party and not having a party. There were days I'd be gung-ho at celebrating and there were days when I just wanted to hide in a hole on my birthday. I didn't actually want to be stressed out about worrying if people would actually go to the party and entertaining a lot of people in one go is just really hard for me. It was Boss (yes that's the name of my friend) who swayed me to celebrate. His winning statement was, "You don't just celebrate a birthday just for yourself. Your friends also want to celebrate it with you." And so I said yes and promptly emailed Jigs to book a room at AIM Conference Center.
A lot of people asked me, why at AIM? AIM is a core memory I have with my Kuya. When he was a student there I would hang out at the SA Store all day, decorating the window, selling stuff, generally being a nuisance at the school. I think I was just 10 or 11 then, but I spent a whole summer at AIM learning retailing and getting to know students and professors. I naturally chose AIM because it's a comfort zone for me and they already know what I like.
After booking the place I promptly left for Singapore and apparently left Sweetie and friends a lot of time to scheme for my party. You see, I was kept at the dark about what was going to happen at my celebration. I had no idea who was actually organizing the evening and I had no idea what was going to happen. Sweetie wouldn't even give me the list of organizers because I wanted to buy gifts for them. I managed to get a list though using Google Calendar! Sweetie forgot that his calendar is shared with me and so I saw the list of the mafia scheming to organize my party.
I wanted to be at the venue before 6pm because I wanted to welcome the guests, but Sweetie insisted that we come at 6:30pm. I kept tripping on my long dress on the way to the room and was nervous about falling flat on my face. I had no idea what to expect. When we arrived at the room I saw familiar faces, all smiling and excited to greet me. I was welcomed by my Mom who exclaimed, "Are you really now 40? But you're still my baby!" Mom then hugged me tight and whatever nervousness I had went away.
I had no idea about the program so when I arrived I went ahead and went table to table to greet everyone who came. It was overwhelming to see all my loved ones in one time! When I finished greeting everybody I was ushered to my seat and the program started with a very beautiful prayer by Ate Edith. After that Ate Neysa and Harry did their rendition of some of my favorite Disney songs. Then we had dinner and a few speeches from my Mom, Sweetie, and Miguel (finally broke his silence!).
After that the Gaylas Filipinas (Gab, Iosif, PX, Sephy, JK, James, JD and Philip + Rose) marched in and transformed me into a fairy (watch at 22:45 on the vid)! After dressing me up they did a fabulous 80s dance number. It was then followed by my best friend's, Darwin, speech (who I had a huge row with a month before my birthday). You have to watch his speech (at 27:55) to hear about his big revelation (we're good now, row forgotten). And then I was surprised with a sharing from my favorite brother, Kuya Jojo, who described by turning my name into an acronym. He made everyone laugh and cry and everybody thought he was on a live hangout (he was good at anticipating my reactions too!).
And as we always do in work events I run, we had a breakout session! Each table was asked to work on a craft project. I managed to read through and appreciate the projects made just before I left for Singapore. I'm still trying to figure out how I could best preserve and make the projects easy to re-read (haha). So I thought the evening was over with the craft project, but there was still another huge surprise -- a flash mob!
I was talking with TJ about crisis response when Gab pulled him away from me. And then I saw Sweetie approach me and he just suddenly started dancing (35:05 on the vid), the gaylas joined in and then almost everyone in the room was also dancing! It was a feast! I'm glad we have it on vid so I can appreciate the gesture again and again.
The evening capped off with me blowing my birthday candles. Jay really wanted me to use his 40th birthday candles but he left it at home (haha!). I just made a simple wish and heartfelt gratitude to everyone who tirelessly prepared for my birthday celebration (the list is very, very long!).
Thank you to all my family and friends who prepared to make this the happiest birthday I ever had! I've been working on this post for over a week now and I'm still very much overwhelmed, happy, joyful, galak, on cloud 9 (insert all happy synonyms here)... Thank you to everyone who travelled to come -- Marcus, Shirni, Andrew, Darwin, Mica, JR, Jas! And thank you for those who braved the traffic (and the INC protest) to come over, your presence was much, much appreciated!
My debut came 22 years too late, but I must say the wait was well worth it.
And now let's wait another decade when I become a golden girl.
Something I've been doing in the last few weeks leading up to four-ever. This is likely because I've been stuck in Singapore for a month already, by choice. My body has been telling me to just stop and rest. I've also been wanting to settle down and put in some roots and actually have friends to spend time with (aside from my family).
I started blogging ten years ago (on Friendster) around the time of my birthday and I remember listing down 30 special things I've done in my life (ugh but please don't read it na!), the last from that list is joining a search engine. The last ten years of my life has simply been extraordinary.
On Love
Ten years ago I was heartbroken, became an ice queen (Elsa isdatu?), eventually started dating again, kissed a few frogs and eventually found my prince (there is a lot of hope!). I had actually given up, but you know you just really need to trust God and allow Him to write your love story. How Sweetie found me was an extraordinary experience even though we met at an event and I ended up fan-girling when I found out that he was the founder of Titikpilipino.com.
Friendship though was key. We became best friends even before we thought about love (we were actually dating other people!) and things just rolled up nicely. We've been married for 5 years now and ten years ago I never even thought I'd eventually get married (busy sa career at bitter ocampo!). God would really find you the right (and the best) one if you allow Him to.
On Parenting and Family
Ahhh, one of the most difficult roles I play in life is being a parent. Ang hirap! It's really hard since there's no manual for it and each child is different from the other. I will not have it in any other way though and I'm happy that I over-achieved and had Miguel at the young age of 17 (while all my batch mates are slaving away for their kids I'd be retiring in a few year!). It's not been easy though since you really have to work on things all the time.
I realized that my family is quite small. I just have two siblings and they both live faraway. Lost my Dad four years ago and I've been feeling disjointed without him in the last four years. Tears always come to my eyes whenever I think of my Dad (and that happens everyday). After my Dad I also lost two of my uncles, so my family has been getting smaller and smaller. We realized though that we all have each other when needed. And I'm happy that we have a tiny boy in the family now, my grand nephew Jet!
On Friendship
The last ten years has been a struggle on staying in touch with friends. I've been traveling so much that I've lost touch with my "offline" friends and I miss then a lot. Some of them have just slunk away into oblivion, but I realized that I've made a gazillion new friends across the globe and they are just happy to be there when I ping them. I'm still much better though at talking 1:1 than being in a big group (hey I'm an introvert!), but I think most of those who stuck around understand and accept me for my quirks. I've learned to accept the fact that there are those who you try to stay in touch with but don't. It hurts but I realized there are other people out there who are willing to open their hearts for you.
On Working
Ahh, I've been working since I was a student. I started out as a student assistant at Yuchengco Institute, then worked part time as a writer at Pilipinas Shell. When I graduated I started work at Smart, left Smart when work conditions became weird (I knew early on I didn't really like sales), became an entrepreneur exporting furniture and houseware and then eventually joined the Cyan group of companies where I worked at One Hundred Services, the Yellow Pages and Dream Satellite TV. After that I spent some time doing consulting work for DMCI Homes while I was waiting for my papers to be finalized to join Google.
Looking back I never really had a break except when I had heart surgery and where I am today is because of all the hard work I do. The companies I joined were carefully picked because I wanted to learn as many skills as I could. I never said no to any project or task because I feel I should help whenever I can. I always also pray for guidance especially during tough times. I'm lucky now though because I have very nice and caring managers, my bosses in the beginning of my career are ones you would not want to have but I learned from them as well.
On Faith
Who I am today is complete because of my faith in God. I always seek guidance from him all the time and I am very thankful for all the blessings he continues to give me and my family. Thank you Papa God from the bottom of my heart.
To everyone in my life, my family, my friends, my colleagues, my friends in the community, thank you very, very much for everything! Love you all!
I'm feeling really cranky today, so thought I'd vent on my blog to ease off some of the negative energy from my system.
I'm cranky because I didn't get a good night's sleep (which is apparently a requisite to my good mood and perkiness). Last night the haze in Singapore hit 99 PSI. Hitting 50 PSI is already a bad indicator for me since I have a heart condition. By 9pm last night I felt like being choked. I used the nasal spray my EENT gave me, but that only helped a little. I tried to calm myself down by quilting since one of my friends advised me that I should let my body adjust. It helped a little and I eventually fell asleep around midnight.
Part of the reason I'm cranky is stress. The last two weeks have been extremely stressful since I had to work on a crisis situation. I do enjoy figuring out how to get out of a crisis, but part of it includes getting stressed.
So how does one get out of a crisis?
1. Audit the situation - a crisis usually happens when someone messes up. It may be work-related or something in your personal life, but usually it's because someone did not fulfill their responsibility (on or off-work). Before diving in to solve a problem it would be best to assess the situation. Check who are involved, the status and know what needs to be done.
2. Listen and ask Questions - one of the beautiful things I learned from the coaching course I took was the importance of listening and asking questions. Before making any pronouncements listen to what people have to say and ask questions. Ask more what, how, why questions and you'd be surprised with the answers you'll get. (We were forbidden to ask yes/no questions at coaching class).
3. Ask More Questions - I learned that it's better to ask than to make assumptions.
4. Check Resources - as you listen and as you ask questions you will get a lot of information. Assess the data and counter-check available resources you may have. It's very important to get all sides so you can make the proper recommendation.
5. Make a Recommendation - with the appropriate data, counter-checking resources and matching these to objectives (and maybe adding more goals) you can then make a proper recommendation to make things work out.
[Hmmm... I think the above recommendation works for love as well].
