365 Days After Surgery

A year ago today I had mitral valve surgery to repair the leaky heart. It was an open heart operation, but was just supposed to be a quick 2-hour event. My body though wasn't built the same way as other people since I had a lot of tiny veins and this made it difficult and complicated. Recovery wasn't easy as well since I responded differently to the medicines and I eventually had to go through another surgery to drain water from my heart and lungs.

It was the most horrific thing I went through in my entire life. I survived through prayers and sheer willpower. The first few days after surgery I would dream that I was in an accident. I realized later on that my body was probably wondering what happened and was synthesizing that maybe it was an accident that caused the 8 inch incision (and well maybe it was all the medicines!). It eventually went away but I still remember those dreams.

I don't think I will be normal ever again. I still have some difficulty going down a staircase and usually need assistance when good balance is required. I conquered Borubodur though 5 months after surgery (thanks for the help by Vanj and JR!) and when I told my doctors about this they said I was well on my way to full recovery. To validate my independence I took a gazillion trips shortly after that. In the last 8 months I've gone to the following places: GenSan (2x), Davao (3x), Bacolod (2x), Pangasinan, Baguio (2x), Kuala Lumpur (2x), Cebu (3x), Dhaka, Bangkok, Manila (because I'm supposed to be based in SG!), Jakarta, Ho Chi Minh, Benguet, Tagaytay and Batangas. I also managed to watch a rock concert for my birthday (Eraserheads!) and survive the stressful work of doing crisis response (shhh please don't tell my doctors!). I feel though I haven't done enough.

My dear friend Juned served as my inspiration to reach the top that day. We made it!

I know a lot of people are scared of going through surgery and a fellow patient reached out to me in the community of heart patients I'm part of. She said that her doctor required her to go through surgery (same as mine) but she was just given a few weeks to prepare. She said she was anxious about it and was not sure if she wanted to go through it. I told her that I had a decade to prepare myself but had come to the realization that surgery was the only way to improve my quality of life. I had to go through surgery to get better for my family. I didn't hear from her after I responded so I hope she's okay, but for those faced with a similar decision just be brave for your loved ones. If things fail anyway you wouldn't know!

This is me now, a tad bit overweight... okay a lot overweight according to my cardio!

 I'm chubby now but I'm happy!

The priest last Sunday said that we are all here, we have our life because we still have a mission to fulfill. This is one thing my Dad always reminded us of. The priest's sermon was indeed a great reminder as I face 2014 with my repaired heart which has given me renewed energy. I am thankful that my family continues to support me in my endeavors even though I know they worry a lot. Surviving a major operation with complications is easy when you keep to your faith and have your family beside you.

In the next few days I'm going to start another crazy work year!
And as W.C. Fields said, "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

*Mobile screenshot was a Hangout with my brother and his kids when I was in the hospital. My other hospital photos look really scary. 

Joy: 6 Months After Surgery

I love playing with babies so it's really been a pain not to be able to carry one in the last six months because of the surgery. Being able to carry a baby again was one of my motivations to exercise and work on my stamina because one of my physiotherapists told me that if I didn't work hard I wouldn't be able to carry my baby ever. I don't know if I'd have another baby again, but I certainly like cuddling babies so I've been pushing myself the last few months.

It's been six months since I had mitral valve surgery (heart surgery) and I can now say I'm feeling about 90% normal again. There's still some aches and pains here and there every so often and I still tire easily, but at least I'm very much functional again. Some accomplishments in the last 2 months are worth mentioning:

(1) Traveling

Traveling is part and parcel of my job so I had to work on going up and down a flight of stairs. I also had to be able to carry at least 7 kilograms up a flight of stairs (inevitable especially when you travel to provinces). Ahh, but I impressed some travelers when I managed to get off my 20+kg. luggage off the conveyor belt without having to carry it (how I did it is a secret, Yoda powers!). And the most important thing I had to work on was gaining back my confidence of being able to travel alone.

Enroute to Carbin Reef.

And because I have regained that confidence I actually surprised my boys by going home to Manila the day after their birthday. All along they thought I had flown to Jakarta to avoid the haze but I felt really sad to have missed both their birthdays so I just booked a flight and went straight home to Manila (my doctor told me not to go back to Singapore until the haze is gone). And a happy day it was!

(2) Doing House Chores

We all take for granted our ability to carry stuff. After surgery I could barely raise a glass of water and I had to use a mug with a straw to drink. Eventually when I could finally raise a glass of water I worked on being able to carry my Nexus 7, then my laptop etc. I love doing the laundry so I always had to ask one of my boys to help me carry the basket to the laundry room. It was also pure joy when I could sweep and mop the floor without wincing in pain.

(3) Carrying a Baby

I couldn't help but grin when Joy (my one-year old playmate) finally asked me to carry her today. I was apprehensive at first because I was scared I might drop her, but I couldn't say no so I bent down and lifted her. I was so happy I insisted she come with me when the driver brought me home. She was barely crawling when I left for Singapore for my surgery and now she's already running around!

(4) Run a Huge Event

I wasn't sure if I was really ready to run a huge event. A few weeks back we brought over 200 of our communities across the region to Yogyakarta. I just put in my mind that I could do it and made sure I managed my energy well. There were times though I thought I'd break but I just prayed I'd survive. All was well and everyone who attended was happy.

(5) Climbing a Temple

I love traveling and exploring places. In my last post I mentioned that achieved climbing Borubodur. Originally I did not really plan to do the trek up since the 3 flights just getting to the grounds of the temple was already too much for me. The temple though was so beautiful I just had to see the sunrise from the top. I was really happy when I reached the top (not sure though if my doctors would be! Haha).

(6) Eating Chicken Again

My long-time mild allergies were activated when I had pneumonia and I have sadly not been eating chicken since 2008. My doctor mentioned the possibility of my immune system improving after surgery. Things were bad in the first few months, but I've been feeling great lately and thought I should try eating chicken and lo and behold I can now eat about 2.5 Don Hen buffalo wings without having an asthma attack (I only sneezed!). So happy! (Little secret: I had McChicken sandwich twice this week alone!).

(7) Gaining Weight

It seems though that with 100% blood flow it's easier for me to gain weight despite moving around more (argggh fast metabolism where did you go?). I'm at least 5 kilograms over the limit my doctor gave me so I'm sure I'm going to get a scolding next week.

Life is good. Life is joyful. I thank God everyday that I survived what could've had a disastrous ending. I understand I still have a mission to accomplish and whatever it is I just leave it to God to navigate me where I should be.

Love you all!

Third Life: the GenSan and Lake Sebu Adventure

I finally went home exactly a month ago and promptly lost any free time to blog. It's amazing though how being closer to family and friends contribute to faster recovery. When I went home a month ago I was huffing and puffing all over the place (getting off the plane and walking to the baggage area was like running a marathon for me) and the heat was just terrible. Eventually though with a lot of encouragement from Sweetie, Mom and Miguel, I slowly adjusted back to my regular routine -- work and domestic chores.

Getting up and down a flight of stairs was a huge achievement for me. I had to re-learn quickly since I went to GenSan on the third week of April and local airports usually don't have passenger tubes to walk on. I was just really happy to see my friends and the communities I work with. They took care of me really well (thanks Avel and Chelle!) and it was a relief to have Doc Remo around all the time (in case of emergency!).

Aside from visiting GenSan for some events we also went to Lake Sebu to visit the school Nanardzx chose as his beneficiary when he won the GDG Map Your Town competition last year. Lake Sebu Central Elementary School is located high up in the mountains in Lake Sebu, about 2 hours away from GenSan. The people were so warm and lovely (thank you Mrs. Manalac!) and I just wish we can do more to help.

It's always been my dream to try on the T'boli traditional attire (this is because my best friend stayed there for about a month when we were teenagers) and so I did! They fixed me up like a princess! (I loved the outfit so much I bought it hehe).

My doctor said during my check up last weekend that my heart is finally clear of unnecessary fluids, but I need to work on my stamina. So I'm doing well but need to listen to my body. I still feel the some odd pain at times (especially when it's hot) but I'm happy I don't need to drink any painkiller or maintenance medicine. My concentration has been a lot better and I think my family and team is benefiting from this (I hope!). Hopefully by end of May my stamina will be back so I could travel on my own and visit my many friends across Southeast Asia!

(Oh, do notice that G+ commenting has been enabled on my blog!). 

Grounded No More

My Mom left this note for Sweetie when she left for Manila last January after my surgery. My eyes welled up when I read the note since my Mom is quite reserved, so this note spoke volumes.

I just came back from a check-up. Both my cardio and surgeon have finally allowed me to go home to Manila (yay!) but cautioned I shouldn't go back yet to my rigorous travel schedule. My surgeon declared that the ordeal is finally over after seeing that there was no more water in my heart sac. Both my doctors said they were really worried about me and were both very happy about my recovery.

Dr. Shankar, my surgeon said that I'm where I am now because sheer willpower, my positive disposition and my beautiful family. I said that it was the only way to go and I'm lucky to have such a loving and caring family.

The secret sauce though is faith. The best decision I made in my life was to turn over the navigation and purpose to God. When I did that my life got so much better and any challenges did not seem so overwhelming. Aside from love my faith was the only thing I held on to during my surgery. I told myself that I would survive it if it was God's Will and if I didn't then I thought my mission has been completed and it was time to be reunited with my Dad.

I did survive, so I'm now praying for my new mission. It hasn't come to me yet probably because I should focus on fully recovering first. It will come in good time.

A blessed Holy Week to everyone!

Humpty Dumpty

A few weeks back I felt like Humpty Dumpty. I felt my body was broken and seriously needed to be put back together again. I had to walk around clutching a pillow to support my chest because if I didn't I felt my heart might just disengage. Of course I exaggerate, I'm pretty sure my doctor made sure my heart wouldn't just fall off. It just needed to heal together with my broken sternum.

I'm happy to report that from 8 to 6 to 4 tablets of painkillers per day I've been making do with just one now. My doctor (and Sweetie) was pretty concerned that I might get addicted to it already. Well, I forgot to drink the painkiller last Saturday evening and decided I was ready to just drink it whenever I felt pain. It's Monday today and I've just been drinking one painkiller per day now.

I've also been feeling like the old me. In the last few years I've had to live more simply. For those who've just met me in the last 6 years you'd probably think I never wear high heeled shoes or wear make-up. Ten years ago in my former job I used to come to work in stilettos, fully made up and I was very much like Elle Woods. Kikay. I had a gazillion accessories (most of them I made) and had closets-full of clothes and more than a hundred bags. I was a good 10-15 pounds thinner then (blame the Google 15 for my current weight) and was having so much fun going out with friends. I can say I was a totally different person before 2008.

In the last few years I've just felt feeling more tired every day especially after I had pneumonia/heart failure. Typhoon Ondoy took away my shoe collection and most of my clothes and ever since I just thought it would be better to live my life simply. My quality of life had become affected. Now I feel much more like the old me and the first indication is I'm writing more and I feel like there's a well of energy inside me wanting to be released. And I seriously want to go out and shop for a new set of clothes (but I don't want to wear high heels anymore), accessories (maybe I'll start making some again) and bags. Well that's just on the surface level and I think the practical person in me wouldn't really splurge (I'm planning to follow my VP's wife advice about how much stuff to have).

The last few weeks I've been home since my second discharge from the hospital has been therapeutic. I've managed to re-connect with friends (through social media) and I can say I have a social life of sorts. I'm stuck at home but have been getting a lot of visits. I realized that in the last decade I've shied away from opening myself fully to new friendships. I've been very cautious because of some traumatic experiences that broke my heart figuratively. I'm so happy I've been given this break to re-connect and strengthen old ties. This has helped me avoid the post-heart-surgery depression trap which a lot of patients go through.

But unlike Humpty Dumpty with the grace of God and love of my family and friends I'm slowly being put together again.

So this is what 100% blood flow means ;)

My Heart Valve Surgery Timeline

Each patient reacts and recuperates differently according to the book I read. I'm definitely one of those who deviated from the process since it's taking me a long time to recover. Thought I'd post and update my timeline here on my blog:

Photo taken while I was waiting for surgery time.

January 7 - surgery day. Admitted in the morning. Surgery originally scheduled at 1 in the afternoon but started at 3 in the afternoon. It was supposed to last just 2.5 hours, but mine took 4.5 hours. Doc mentioned that I had responded differently to the heart-lung machine and they had a hard time getting to my heart because of the lake of veins I had inside.

This was a nervous smile.

January 7 - 10 - 4 days in ICU instead of just a night. I luckily woke up without a tube in my mouth, but was very thirsty. Nurse made me some Milo and I luckily didn't have an allergy. Actually saw doctor take out 2 long tubes from my tummy. He said he had to leave it in longer because I had difficulty breathing. Started to use the spiro, dismally at only 400 ml. Started wearing stockings to prevent DVT.

Taken the afternoon I was transferred from ICU with my good friend Tappy.

January 10, afternoon - moved to a 2-bed ward. The other patient was so noisy and causing me stress. Had a hard time coping alone in the evening. Started to feel extreme back pains.

January 11 - moved to single room. Felt much better but still couldn't get out of bed. Noticed I had a lot of things stuck on my body. Most of the meds were coming in through my neck (meep). Spiro results started to increase. Started to have a hard time sleeping.

January 12 - finally got to stand up and start using the bathroom to pee. Badly wanted to wash my hair. My brother flew in from Jakarta for a surprise visit.

Google Hangout with my nephews in Jakarta. (Had to teach my brother and the kids how to use it)

January 14 - Filipino nurse Ate Yoly who reminds me on my favorite aunt, Tita Olive, gave me a full bath. Felt much more human after she washed my hair. Started walking around the ward with assistance (short distance). Took several breaks in between (more like every ten steps). Started to feel more back pain and couldn't sleep lying down.

My first full bath! 

January 15 - 22 - Doc said I had water in my lungs so they gave me meds to reduce it. Practiced walking everyday. Spiro results were at 750 ml maximum. Pain in back more apparent in the events. Barely sleeping at night. Also started to have asthma attacks. No appetite.

My former team mates come and visit with lots of goodies. 

These slippers certainly kept me warm and became popular in my hospital wing.

January 22 - Doc thought I'd recover faster at home and I was discharged after 16 days in the hospital. The first car ride was horrific, felt nauseous all throughout the trip home. Took several breaks walking up to my apartment. Promptly had an asthma attack when I got home. It lasted until evening.

I was pretty cheerful because of meds, but was having severe back pains 

during this time and was barely sleeping.

January 23 - 27 - recurring asthma attacks but still managed to sit up all day. Took naps after lunch and had to walk around the house with assistance. Could not take a bath and dress up independently. Gained back my appetite slowly. Had to use wheelchair when I visited the doctor and couldn't lie down on bed. Had to sleep sitting up.

January 28 - February 3 - had good days and bad days. Bad days meant I'd be coughing all day. Lost appetite whenever I was coughing. Jay went home on February 3.

February 6 - check up with doctors. Ended up getting readmitted. Emergency surgery done to remove fluid in my pericardium. Two drains were installed to drain fluid from my lungs. The 20 minute surgery lasted 2.5 hours.

February 7 - 11 - 5 day stay in ICU. One of the drains were taken out after 3 days. Received blood transfusion.

February 11 - 18 - moved to a single room after 5 days. Felt sad leaving the nice ICU nurses. Spiro results improved to 1,250 ml but went down to 1,000 when the drain was taken out on February 16. It was a relief to get rid of the alien fluids and this is the time I felt I was really on the right road to recovery.

February 18 - discharged from the hospital. Able to move the house unassisted. Filipino nurse Ate Jona gave me a complete bath.

*Didn't have much photos during this period because I felt so sick.

February 18 - 24 - was able to take a bath and dress myself independently although had to wear lose clothes. Some of the newer wounds still felt painful but the painkillers definitely helped. Didn't need a wheelchair when we went to see the doctor and to have my xray taken. Survived eating out at Marche and IKEA (separate days), but still walked very slowly.

February 24 - was able to drink coffee without having an asthma attack. Medicines greatly reduced, but had chest pains all day.

February 25 - made an emergency appointment with doctor because I still had chest pains in the morning. Doctor said it was probably because of the change in medicines. Felt much better after spending time with friends who visited.

February 27 - ventured out and had lunch at work. Went down the stairs and promptly got extremely tired.

Heart Support Pillow

Prior to my surgery I read Adam Pick's book, "Patient's Guide to Heart Valve Surgery". One of the things he mentioned was a patient would need to support his/her chest after surgery. When I got out of ICU the nurse made a small pillow made out of folded towel for me to use as support for my chest. I clutched on it whenever I moved, coughed and walked around. I felt like I had to support my heart lest it falls off.

I did the same when I went home. Jay made a small pillow for me also with a folded towel to use as support. Later on I felt it was too hard so he bought a small pillow for me. It didn't feel all that comfortable though so I bought a heart-shaped pillow from IKEA. It had the right softness and was good support whenever I felt like lying on my self. The drawback though it was too huge and having told hold a pillow was tiresome.

My niece, Patricia, a fashion designer (she designed my wedding entourage's gowns) made a new pillow for me. It was the perfect size, thickness and it was soft and firm enough to use as a support pillow for my chest. It also had straps so it lessened the need to support it with my arms. Here's the prototype of the pillow:

Interested to buy a heart support pillow? Inquire here.

The 8-inch Wound

My Mom made sure I didn't have any unsightly scars (especially on my legs). She was pretty strict when I was a child and she didn't allow me to play on the street. It didn't stop me though from going over our gate and playing outside or learning how to use a skateboard. Oh the scoldings I used to get! I guess I've always been the adventurous type.

Now I have this ghastly 8-inch scar across my chest. My doctor said it was supposed to be shorter, but I guess because of the complications they had to make it bigger. And then there are a few other smaller wounds from the second surgery I had to drain the fluid from my pericardium (heart sac) and lungs. Last January after my first discharge I started to cry when Sweetie was dressing me up. He asked me what was wrong and I said, "I'm so ugly now." He immediately reassured me that I wasn't ugly and that my wounds were going to settle and eventually go away.

It's been a month since that day and the main wound has indeed settled. It just looks like I have a red line on my chest. The smaller wounds are all drying up and shrinking. Time does heal all wounds, literally and figuratively. I'm so lucky I have a very loving and understanding husband. I guess I'll just have to suck it in and buy a tankini in case we go swimming this summer haha.

I'm now able to dress myself. It's still quite hard though to remove clothing but I've found a great solution -- shopping for clothes that would be easy to take off! I'm mindful though to keep my wound covered whenever I go out to prevent infection. I now see my scar though as a stamp. A new lease to live longer and provide my family a better quality of life when I'm better. And well I can still show off my thunder thighs since that part of me is still scar-free.