My Ate is 16 years older than me and my Kuya is 13 years older than me. I remember when I was a kid I'd tell myself I cannot imagine being a 20-year old, I was like, "Euwww, that's old!" And to show how maldita I was to them, I'd also highlight how old they were whenever I'd send them birthday cards, and I'd also always tell them, "You are favorite brother/sister... because I have no other choice." Hehehe. But they still love me to bits, no matter how kulit I'd get. That's just me being the youngest in the brood. It's called the bunso privilege. Hehehe.
Anyway, my siblings have been away most of my life. I see my Kuya more often coz he sends tickets to visit him in Jakarta and well I'm still checking if I can afford to visit my Ate soon. I just realized how time has passed quickly and how time has flown since I recorded "Buttercup" with my Kuya when I was 4-years old and how I would hang-out with my Ate's college classmates in DLSU when I was just a toddler (oh yes I can remember). Time flies fast as the old adage says. Miguel's 13 already, it's been almost 2 decades since I started high school, I've known one of my friends since second grade and she is now a mother, how a lot of my friends have left for greener pastures abroad and basically, that I am getting old as well.
It hit me full blast this morning when I woke up from a bad dream. A really, really bad dream which made me realize that there are harsh realities that I am facing and will be facing in the next few years. I've always had very supportive parents around and no matter what kind of scrape or fall I've gotten myself into, they've always been there. I guess I have not really thought about not being at home and not having my parents even though they've been telling me that eversince I was a kid. "Aileen, we will not always be around," is what my Mom tells me every so often.
Strange lah? To think that I've helped my friends organize weddings, given them advise on how to properly burp their babies and how take out goo from the baby's nose.
Wait... I need to emote a bit before I could finish this post.
Let's pause for some photos... (while I'm emoting haha).
Anyway, oh yeah (yea, yea, yea as one of my colleagues would say), I am feeling melancholic. Probably because I had too much tea last night, it took away all the sugar in my system. Hmmm... So what's growing up all about? Paying bills, getting married, having children, having more responsibility. Yeah, no more books, no more school... replaced by bills, bills, bills and responsibility. I'm sure any adult would exchange doing that excruciatingly hard calculus assignment over receiving another bill.
My friend yesterday was ranting about accepting the fact that when you have kids your social calendar is basically filled-up with changing diapers, producing milk, wiping noses, burping the baby, laundry, disciplining your kid and whatever. And how you cannot just easily go to the beach with your friends anytime. I've totally forgotten about those since Miguel's 13 already and has been so low maintenance since he started going to the "big school". I am very lucky and blessed to have such a great, loving, masunurin son (hindi siya nagmana sa akin!).
On the other hand, growing up isn't as bad as it sounds. It's actually great to earn your own money, have responsibilities, children and the other problems grown-ups have. I definitely do not want to go through puberty again. I don't want to go through the time when I couldn't get a hold on my temper (early 20s madness they say). Quarter life crisis? No thanks. And I don't want to go through the time that I didn't know what to do about boleros. Haha. At least now I could just say, "Bug off!" LOL.
I guess I've always remained cheerful despite the many challenges I have faced because I know there is always another day and I will not get lost (even though sometimes I do) because I always leave everything up to God. Plus, as Bugs Bunny said, "Do not take life seriously. After all, no one has ever come out of it alive."
Be silly. Be happy. Be un-serious.
I guess this means I'm ready to be a grown-up now. Are you?