Friday, April 21, 2017

Cultivating Silence

I hid in my shell in the last month and a half. I have not blogged. Limited use of social media. I would read posts of family and friends just to keep updated, but posted sparingly. I thought it would just be good to take a step back and just "listen". I did this for two reasons: (1) as part of my Lenten sacrifice; (2) to recharge and detoxify from all the negativity. I also felt I was unproductive and helpless. I needed a reboot.

It was a slow painful process since I've been used to a daily routine -- wake up, reach for the phone, check social media, comment, post, do it again until I realize I'm running late for the bus. I timed myself and found out that I was spending way to much time online outside of work. So I started to limit time I spent online outside of work. I thought about getting out of social media but it's so far the best way to keep in touch with family and friends and it's a means for me to keep in touch with the communities I manage. So the limited time I spent online I just read, liked posts, commented and shared posts. No new content from me.

I call it "disentaglement". I was caught in a reactive maze and I had to get out of it. You read posts, get all worked up, comment, re-share and end up not really doing anything. I needed the silence to re-focus and become productive again. By late March I was a bunch of nerves preparing for our quarterly review. I was freaking out because in my own mind I didn't do well for the first quarter. My output wasn't at the level I expected. The stress was making me sick.

I was in a daze while presenting my reports because of the meds my doctor gave me. The good thing though, I was only stressed because of work. The added external stress from external negativity (I emphatize too much that's why) was no longer there.  As my Mom advised whenever I had to face a "test", remain calm. I did and I passed the review. I actually received more work to be done, but they said it's a good thing (haha).

Since Easter I decided to post again since I want to keep in touch with family and friends and let them know that I'm still alive and a busy bee as ever. I'm glad I went through the exercise of cultivating silence. As our coaching mentor taught us last year - growing and leading isn't about speaking your thoughts all the time, listen and ask the right questions.

Feeling anxious? Unproductive? A mess? Maybe you just need to disengage for awhile so you can go back to the spot where you can be your old productive self.

And, of course, pray.