Faith

Watched Gary V's interview with Ogie Diaz the other day. What struck me is how Gary V must have suffered through the years because of diabetes. He also mentioned he had kidney issues and had several operations. 

He had always been Mr. Pure Energy for me. Even with the medical issues he still performed really well. It never crossed my mind that even while performing he has to be mindful of his stability. During the interview he told Ogie Diaz that his wife brings everything he may need. She has his meds, emergency food and other items that can be used to stabilize him. 

Gary V also mentioned that there is always a medic around when he performs. He said he tells them that he hopes they're just there to watch and not have an emergency. The most important message though he said in the interview is even with all the precautions, his safe space is God. 

I completely agree with him. I have chronic issues also and there are days when I become unstable. My doctor told me I'm lucky I don't need to use supplemental oxygen to walk around. I shared this with my former PT and she said I'm lucky because I have a strong mind. 

I think it's faith. My will to live is strong because I want to make more happy memories with my family. My will is strong because I have faith. And like Gary V, Papa God is my safe space.

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Grow in Faith

My Mom was a very strong person. Nothing fazed her. I don't recall her getting scared of anything. What was her secret to living without fear? I thought about it for a long time. A few months before she passed, she had to change helpers. She insisted on staying home alone. I couldn't sleep and worried a lot if she was eating properly. We brought her food several times a day. 

On the third day, I had her "kidnapped". Brought her to our house since we saw she wasn't eating well. She insisted to go home everyday. Those with elderly parents would understand how hard it is to extricate your parent/s from their home. I got sick with worry and it was a good thing a replacement helper soon arrived. Mom went home as soon as the new helper arrived. 

That week was very hard for me. It took months for me to recover. I asked Kuya to take over managing Mom's home needs since I had become frail and I fell into depression, again. Mom went home and slipped back to her routines. She was happy and content as long as she could work on her garden. She would call to check on me, but most of the time kept busy with her garden. 

Mom's secret to being strong came to me while I was gardening. I've been able to start gardening again this year. My doctor told me to move more and exercise by doing what I like to do. I never saw my Mom exercise, she just did gardening. I figured I could do the same since I enjoy it and it's considered as exercise according to the CDC. Gardening also stills my mind, it's mindful movement. 

And so it came to me while gardening why my Mom is a strong person. If not gardening, my Mom would be sewing, working on crafts or most definitely, praying. Growing up she told me to lift up all of my problems to God. Whenever I rant, she'd just tell me to pray. My Mom's faith is solid. She never worried because she believed God would always protect her. 

To the end, she got her last wish granted - to not to get sick and just go in her sleep. She wasn't sick, in fact, she spent several hours gardening (2 hours in the morning and several hours again in the afternoon). I told myself, that's what I need to work on this year. To grow in faith and be secure in God's love and protection. 

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

That Time I Gave Up

A friend pinged me the other day and told me about his complicated love life. I told him I used to be in that boat too. I kept stumbling and my heart experienced too many heartbreaks already. I let myself heal after a long relationship and then I started to date again. 

I thought I was better off because I knew what red flags to watch out for. I was wrong because I learned about more red flags I should avoid. I eventually gave myself a deadline. I told God that by the end of the third quarter of 2007, if I hadn't found the one I would accept that I was meant for single blessedness. I was so set to focus on Miggy, my career and possibly do my doctorate. 

I planned it that way so I could keep sane and so I could stop hoping. Early in 2007, I read the book of Bo Sanchez, "How to Find Your One True Love". He said you should focus on making more friends and don't just fall in love with anyone who shows interest. Just pray. So I did that and along the way I learned more red flags. 

In the last few days of September 2007, I experienced another disappointment. I had a friend who was showing a lot of interest. It did not work out. He was another huge red flag. I felt more frustrated than disappointed actually and on the plane ride home I told God I was read for a life of single blessedness. I told him, "Lord, it's September 28 and my deadline is 48 hours away. I know I've made a lot of mistakes and this is probably because I'm too willful. I give up. Please take over and navigate my life." 

I got home and was so jetlagged, I ended up chatting with Sweetie after midnight. It was the 29th. At that time we were best friends. I told him about what happened during my trip. Then he said he wanted to tell me something. It took an hour or two before he finally confessed that he wanted to court me. 

And that's how God wrote our love story. My friend told me He probably heard me loud and clear because I was literally up in the air when I made a desperate plea. Have faith, there are things that you should leave up to Him.

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Ask and You Shall Receive

After a recent meltdown, Sweetie asked me if I was still praying for healing. I realized I had downsized my prayers to be stable everyday and have the energy to at least water the plants. I had been praying for more stamina so I could do more chores at home. I did start to have more energy last month but I was plagued with food poisoning, twice. That started me going on a downhill trend. It culminated with a meltdown. 

It took almost two weeks before I fully recovered from food poisoning. I was flat on my back for a few days. The consequence was retaining more fluid and my legs started to swell. It is painful and you have to act fast so it doesn't end up in CHF. I knew the drill and focused on praying. I fervently prayed to be healed, most especially since we had a scheduled vacation coming up. 

I was able to sustain my stamina throughout the vacation (with naps when needed). I was happy because I wanted my boys and my friends not to worry. One thing i was concerned about though was leaving my plants without water. Miggy and I experimented and prepared a self watering system for our potted plants. It took two weeks before we found a solution that worked (read about it on yesterday's blog post).

The summer heat though has been unbearable. We also only covered the potted plants. We watered the bigger plants diligently and I asked God a favor - to provide some rain midweek so the plants won't die. He did not only send rain, but He sent the first typhoon of the year. It's been raining everyday since Wednesday. The plants are well watered and the potted conserved their bottled water. 

I realized, don't minimize your asks from Him. I only asked for some midweek watering, but He gave much more than that. It made me realize that I should not lose hope, no matter what my doctors say. I got so excited about it and sent my cardiologist a photo of me paddle boarding. He had told me many times that he is amazed with how I could bounce back. It is a miracle, he said. That memory makes me smile because I know he isn't a religious person.

Ask and you shall receives. :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Suffering with Joy

“It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls. Suffering, more than anything else, makes present . . . the force of Redemption.”

- St. Pope John Paul II

When I was a child my Mom would always tell me to lift all my pain to Jesus. Back then I just had toothaches and tonsilitis. Mom said the same thing to me when I was experiencing a lot of pain after heart surgery. I'd drink the meds and then I lift all the pain to Him. I guess that's how I managed to carry the cross. 

I have good days and I have a bad day. Today has so far been a bad day. Few minutes after waking up I had a migraine. Got a bit better, then an hour after I started feeling dizzy. I still am while writing this post. Sweetie would have forced me to lie down if he knew I was still dizzy. This happens often I know already when I should lie down. I feel I can still fight it so I'm staying up (in fact I watered my plants even before settling down to blog). 

This is my new normal and I have accepted it. If I focused so much on suffering I'd probably be very miserable. I know though I'm where I should be. I slow down and rest when needed. Do what I could when I can. I'm just grateful whenever I could exert a bit more effort. 

And looking back at what has transpired the past four weeks, it was a blessing in disguise that we postponed our family vacation. Sweetie and Miggy had the flu and a waterspout appeared near the resort we booked. That would have given me a huge fright if we were there. Well, postponing our trip also meant I had enough time to recover from heart failure. 

I was really looking forward to our family trip. The last one was in 2019 and I've really wanted to go to the beach. I was anxious about a few things: (1) Surviving the walk in the airport since we didn't book a wheelchair, (2) The question whether I'd be able to last an hour under the sun when swimming, (3) Random asthma attacks since I was doing oxygen therapy at night. 

Well, a miracle happened. By God's grace we were able to enjoy our family vacation without any major mishaps. The weather was beautiful the entire week. I was able to swim at the beach twice and I was able to try paddleboarding (just sitting, I didn't attempt to stand), I held a rabbit (don't tell my doc!), and we were able to meet a friend in person (the stairs to her showroom almost did me in though haha). The boys were always there ready to assist me. It was truly a beautiful week.

 

Always find joy in everything. It is hard especially when you're in pain or not feeling well, but I believe if you focus so much on the pain then you'd suffer more. Be grateful and have faith. He will take care of the rest. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

I Felt Unsafe

Yesterday, my Mom had an unexpected visitor. It was one of her former drivers. We haven't heard from him in more than a decade now. Good thing a neighbor dropped by at the same time and was able to watch over Mom. 

It's hard not to be suspicious of anyone at this point. I was advised not to trust anyone also so I'm quite paranoid. I know I'm probably annoying Mom a lot, but I just want to make sure she's safe. Someone popping up after a decade long absence made me question his intentions. Mom said he just passed by and happened to see her. Really? 

It was a good reminder that we still need to be cautious. It triggered my anxiety though and by early evening I had to lie down. I pinged Kuya at 1 in the morning because the worry snowballed into other things. Good thing he was still awake and gave me some advise. 

Retired this door lock after 52 years of service.

I realized that I could take comfort in the fact that Papa Jesus will always be there for me. It is only in Him that I could feel truly safe. Overthinking will just stress me out and make me sick. I fell asleep immediately after that thought. 

My cousin posted this morning, "Don't stop being good because of bad people." Tomoh. What they did to us is not unforgivable, but it will take time to get it out of our system. I've SOS'd Kuya to help Mom get over it. If not, I'm afraid her room will be full of things she thinks may be taken. It's also hard for me because her assistant calls me in a panic whenever they can't find something my Mom misplaced. 

In time those cruel people will face the consequences of what they've done. Si Papa God na bahala sa kanila. I'll just continue working on putting things back to order. Suspending non-fun tasks this weekend to do some quilting.

Happy weekend everyone. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

I Surrender

The past week has been difficult. My doctor reduced my medication and it caused an imbalance. I've been having headaches daily. One of our goals has always been to reduce dependency on meds and supplements. He removed a supplement. I guess that was helping balance other things and removing it wreaked havoc. He brought it back so hopefully things will get better in the next few days. 

One thing I learned through this ordeal is to just surrender everything to God. My body is different and out of the normal my doctors are used to. They have tried their best to make me better. I have to do my part and do what I can to get better. 

My situation is going to go on indefinitely. This is what my doctor wrote down again this morning. I was really upset about it before, but I have accepted my new direction. I'm actually excited about where this could lead me. I hope I could go home soon and be with Miggy and my Mom again. 

Sometimes God gives us challenges which we cannot solve ourselves. It's His way of reminding us that He's always there for us. The only way out of it is to trust in Him and let Him lead the way. 

Day 8 Gratitude Challenge, A Happy Memory. I have a lot of happy memories! I treasure most those times our little family would go on trips. One of the happiest is when we went to Bali with our parents, Tita Rose, Kuya and Ate Joy decided to join us in the last minute. We rented a villa that had at least four huge rooms and it's own pool! The thing we enjoyed the most was dining together. We all hope we can do it again someday.  

CB///*Yr2/94 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/121 #NewG352 #Home110 #StayHome #BeKind 

Pruning Hurts

I saw a video the other day of a woman pruning a tall bush in her garden. She had to use a ladder to reach the top and she used an electric trimmer to do the job. What she didn't know was she angered the snake that was living in the bush. The snake bit her hand. She took a step back when she saw the snake and promptly fell off the ladder. Luckily a neighbor heard her cry and rescued her. 

The snake bit her so fast. She felt the pain, but she only reacted when she saw the snake looking at her. I can't help but relate what happened to her to my experience. Sometimes we just go on and on with our life. We miss signals when we're supposed to take another direction. We stubbornly stay in our comfort zone, even when things get harder. 

They always say, look to your left and right before crossing a street. It's also suggested that you use a stick when walking through a forest or cogon land. If the woman looked through the bush or wiggled it with a stick, then maybe the snake would've been alerted and could've ran away before she started trimming. Much like our life, if we assess things often and ask for guidance from Him, then we could avoid being bitten when it's time for pruning. 

I related to the video because I went through a difficult patch earlier this week. While doing a project I had to look back at my painful past. I have moved on from it, but it's something I rarely think about now. Of course this triggered the pain from recent events. I had a hard time sleeping and I had bad dreams. I was only able to calm down after I prayed. I remembered that I have to trust that God is navigating me to the right direction.  

Pruning time hurts, but you can look forward to a more beautiful life to blossom after. 

Photo of me by Ralph Sarmiento. 

Mr. Snake from Singapore Zoo. 

CB///*Yr2/49  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/76 #StayHome #BeKind

Step by Step by Faith

"Step by step, a little at a time" has been my mantra the past few weeks. Things got better when I shifted my perspective. Instead of pressuring myself to get better immediately, I aim to get better at least 1% everyday. I also go to my doctor when I need to, I don't wait for things to get worse before I go.

And guess what, I finally have some progress. The asthma attacks dwindled away. It only gets triggered now when the air quality goes bad. My body is now used to the meds and my doctor removed one medication. I finally lost some weight. I'm able to do some chores at home. Most importantly, I can walk 3k steps a day again. 

I have an important test to do this week. The test is meant to determine what kind of treatment I should do. It will also tell me how I could get better. There's a lot of considerations to make to see how I could really progress. I'm just grateful that my long-time cardiologist really cares about me. He took the initiative to send me to an expert since I'm a complicated case. 

Have a blessed Sunday everyone!

"Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer." Romans 12:12

CB///Yr2/8  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/35 #StayHome #BeKind  

Relax

We're always in a constant state of stress. I'm still on medical leave because I'm still facing a lot of physical stress (especially now that the haze is back again!). There's stress brought about work, family issues, the environment and what's happening in the world. It's exhausting. 

Relax, Papa God has your back. Just pray. 

CB///Yr2/2  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/29 #StayHome #BeKind