How's Your Weekend Going?

It was a week for recovery for me. We were able to go to the mall for some errands and I got a bunch of craft books again at Booksale. They were selling quilt books for as low as PhP15, so it was really irresistible! The rest of the week was spent resting and catching up on my writing. 

Since I was feeling a bit better, I did some gardening too. I prepared some pots since I need to re-pot my papaya "plantation" and calamansi. I'm also trying to propagate avocado seeds. It will take a few weeks before it will root. Let's see how that goes. 

I also resumed pulmo rehab. I'm glad my therapist, Ronald, is feeling much better after getting downed with pneumonia. He didn't give me a hard time during rehab last Friday. Whew! I told him I have a hard time sleeping whenever I'm not able to attend our session. So I hope to be really consistent with it. 

It's a fresh week! We'll be busy puttering around the house and sorting stuff in my childhood home (Mom really had a lot of stuff). At least we've made some progress.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Happy Sunday Everyone!

I was set to do a post last night, but alas, Meredith scratched my hand. It was quite painful. Nothing to worry about, it was just a light scratch, but since I'm on thinners, it bled a bit. Meredith's been quite fussy lately and has been staying out. She comes whenever she's hungry. We think Kaley has been swiping at her and she feels unwelcome. We've been bribing her with treats, so hopefully she comes back soon. 

The past week was truly a struggle. I did not expect to feel unwell. I'm still not sure what really happened. I'm still having headaches. The migraine meds have helped, but I'm overdue to have my eyes checked. I was unable to do anything all week, so I have a lot of backlog and chores. The dirty ones I have to delay again until my hand is better. 

I felt better so the boys and I went out to hang out at a cafe. We found a quiet place 15 minutes from our home. Parking is easy and the place also has a grocery, so that's what we do on select weekends. What we look forward to is visiting SMB again. We'll probably try another weekday since Mondays seem to be busy too. 

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Don't Beg for Love

We were busy all day clearing up space for the workers tomorrow, so it's going to be a short reflection today. I chanced upon this post by The Feast Official on IG yesterday. It spoke to me because I finally realized why a part of me always felt incomplete. 

I was only ten years when my sister flew out of the nest. She left for the US to study. She also got married there. Since 1985, I've only seen her less than 5 times. My brother got married when I was 13 and soon got busy with his own family. I saw him at least once or twice a year even when he moved to another country. The last time my family was complete was during my wedding. That was almost 13 years ago.  

Before I met Sweetie, I took a long break from being in a relationship. I had been making bad decisions on who to love. It was a good thing I took a break because I learned to love and value myself. I went into relationships where I always felt I wasn't enough. The last one reached the point where my parents talked to me and told me he wasn't the right guy. 

Those bad decisions stemmed from feeling abandoned by my siblings. It's not their fault they were much older than me (16 and 13 years older). They were already well on their way to adulthood when I was still going through my terrible twos. They already had their own families when I was in high school. I skipped growing up with siblings to tita-hood.  

I think I turned out okay anyway. Made a lot of mistakes. Got hurt and disappointed many times. But life is beautiful. I have what I need and I know God always has my back. Appreciate what you have and be grateful for those people in your life who really show you that they care. Don't ever beg for love. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: Christmas is Just Around the Corner

It's advent already! How time flies! It's almost a year now since we moved to our new home. I was hoping to prepare our home for Christmas early, but alas there's still a lot of work to do to make our home safe. Yes, safe. We were finally having some cabinets installed and we requested the firm to also check our electrical installation since lights kept flickering.

We opened a full can of snakes when the garden lights were removed. It kept short circuiting and we felt unsafe. Still reeling from the trauma of the fire behind our house, we asked to review our indoor wirings. Let's just say it wasn't just a can of snakes, but a cargo truck full of snakes. We discovered something that could lead to a huge disaster. 

And it's really been stressful for us. Strange noises and strange smells have been making us paranoid. I explained the situation to my Tito and he reiterated what the electrical engineer told us. The situation is really concerning and potentially perilous. I'm grateful my boys are there because the stress hasn't been good for me. 

They say that you should always deal with life with a grateful heart. TBH it's been very hard for me not to freak out about our house. We saved up for it for 15 years and we thought everything would be in good order. I reminded myself that it's a situation that can be corrected and we're getting help to fix the issue. It's also a good thing that we discovered the violations early, at least we can avoid a potential disaster.

Advent is a good time to take stock of what you have and what you can look forward to. This year has been really challenging for me and my family. I take comfort in the fact that Papa God is there. Mom also keeps reminding me to just pray. Let's just hope and pray for a good and happy Christmas :)

"Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26

Miracle Sundays: Life Away from the World

I started "living away from the world" even before lockdowns started. I worked from home several times a week. My health started its decline after my first PE in 2018. I fought hard to stay "normal" and do my regular activities. I noticed though that it got harder and harder for me to travel alone. I couldn't keep up with physical activities. I'd get left behind walking from the office to the restaurant. 

I did not have a hard time adjusting to the lockdown. I was able to work longer hours. I missed going out, but I secretly rejoiced since my stamina was very limited. Eventually the stress made things worse for me and I spent a year going in and out of the hospital. 

The struggle was real. My reality changed drastically. I could no longer do the things I loved doing. I couldn't even spend more than 10 minutes on a video call without getting tired. My body gave up on me. It took me many months to understand why I had to slow down. And many more months to understand that God was re-directing me. 

Today's Didache reflection prompt is, "If things get overwhelming and you feel disconnected in your inner life, step back, then go slow." My doctors always told me that my personality wore down my body. I always went for the gold and they said the stress would eventually kill me. It did because I couldn't do anything anymore. 

After my second PE, one of my doctors mandated for me to stay offline. I followed his advice and realized how disconnected I was from my inner self. I kept serving others, but I did not take care of myself. God had to bring me to the bottom and practically maim me to bring back my old self. It was at that time when I disconnected from the outside world that I found myself again. 

I woke up today feeling like my old self again. My doctors always wondered how I'm still alive and kicking despite the odds. Love and faith. That's all we need :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Stewardship

To be honest, I've been having more bad days than good days the past few months. I had a cardiac episode in mid-September and my PTSD was triggered. I rested in bed for almost a week before I could move around again. The PTSD episode took longer to alleviate since a lot of things was happening. 

While resting my back started to hurt again. I slowly started exercising based on routines my PT taught me. The strange thing is the pain would start an hour or two before I'd wake up. There were days it was so excruciating, Sweetie would help me get out of bed. The exercise helped, but I would still wake up in pain and sometime I'd cry. 

After the fire last week, I set an appointment with my pulmonologist. He said I looked like I gained weight. I probably gained 5 pounds since I last met him six months ago. We went on with the appointment, but he told me two more times to not gain any more weight, haha. He also referred me to a spine doctor since I haven't seen one in over a year.

The day after my consultation I looked back on what I've been eating. I don't eat a lot, but I indulged a lot since September. I would justify that since I wasn't feeling well I'd eat whatever I craved. I slowly went back to gardening and I'd sweat a lot from it. I also followed a bedtime exercise routine. It helped a bit, but I felt I needed to do better. 

I decided to follow again my favorite cardiologist's advise to losing weight. Count your calories. I immediately re-installed MyFitnessPal and connected my Fitbit to it. After 48 hours I noticed the back pain reduced a lot. I had to stop exercising though since I've been having slight fever and asthma on and off. Things will probably get better in the next few days. 

Today's Didache reflection asks, "How can you be a better steward of His gifts?" To me it's taking care of yourself. Make sure you are physically and mentally healthy. It's okay not to be okay, just take it slowly and focus on what will help you become better. 

"May the Lord Jesus Christ... encourage your hearts and strengthen them in every good work and word." - 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday Miracles: 365 Days

I was browsing IG when I saw a post made by Kumar (Kulas' bestie). He said in his post, "We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them." I was reflecting on what Fr. Orven said in his post when I saw Kumar's post. Fr. Orven said, 

"In Suffering, endure for it won’t last 

In Blessing, enjoy while it lasts. 

In life we experience joy and sadness 

In eternal life we’ll enjoy bliss and wholeness."

We each get the same number of days per year. Everyday would be different. It can be a good day or a bad day. It's truly up to us how we deal with things everyday. I have bad days when I feel really unwell to do anything. I used to feel so frustrated when I couldn't do anything. 

I always go back to what Dr. Canlas, my allergologist, told me more than 15 years ago. Accept things and be flexible. I became allergic to chicken, chocolate, Coke and cockroach (just the smell triggers my allergies). It was hard for me since I love eating chicken, chocolate, crab and shrimp, and I was an avid Coke drinker at that time. Dr. Canlas though said that I was always mildly allergic to it. Pneumonia ruined my immunity. 

I followed his advised. Accepted it and worked on gaining my immunity back. It took years, but I was eventually able to eat my favorites. I eat chicken and chocolate often, up to 3 pieces of shrimp. Never regained my immunity for crab though. I keep my house clean to prevent roaches (those baits work well too). 

I treat bad days as a sign to do something else, like sleep and rest. I was so used to managing multiple projects at the same time. My doctors told me it was already a personality defect and it was likely going to eventually kill me (haha). I eventually understood what they meant. Embraced the defect and worked on changing. I may not be as productive as I used to be, but I now experience a different kind of joy. I'm just grateful I could make new memories with my boys everyday. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: I Want the World To Be

I want the world to be a safe place to live in. 

To be a place where everyone is treated equally and fairly.

Where everyone can have everything they need. 

Where everyone can sleep at night without worry.

A world where all of us can be happy and live simply. 

I took a peek at Twitter last night and just saw mayhem and unhappiness. Protests happening against government. War waged to gain more land. Devastating typhoons. Rising prices of goods and services. Value of the peso going down drastically. There's a lot of dissatisfaction, discontent and people not getting along. 

I've been using Twitter for over a decade now. It used to be fun. I had a lot of friends on it before and we'd exchange ideas, banter with each other, share our blog posts and even do tsismis on it. It's so different now. Only a handful of my friends are active now. Nowadays, the vibe is usually angry.  Even good news is sometimes met with anger. 

And that's why I'm wishing and praying for the world to be better and kinder. I pray we all have leaders who are servants instead of those who just serve for their own benefit. 

“To serve God, to love God, to enjoy God, is the sweetest freedom in the world.” (Thomas F. Wilson)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Coping with Typhoons

 “God uses ordinary people to carry out His extraordinary plan.” (Unknown)

The alerts sent by NDRMCC has been making me anxious. PAGASA-DOST has announced signal #5 in some areas and Metro Manila has been under signal #3 and #4 in the past few hours. I'm anxious because #KardingPH was originally not expected to make landfall. It intensified though and moved further in. The previous typhoons did not make landfall, so I was hoping it would stay that way. 

Well, we've all so far been able to cope with typhoons. The worst for me was typhoon Ondoy. We almost postponed our wedding because both our homes were severely affected. After #OndoyPH happened I volunteered to help with crisis response. I did that for almost a decade. It helped me deal with the trauma and getting anxious during typhoons. 

I woke up today with pain in my lower back. The pain has been growing in the past two weeks. I suspect it may be because my doctor adjusted my medication. It's also been exacerbated by anxiety. I told myself last night it's funny how I never really had debilitating anxiety when I was younger. I was always able to cope. It's been found though that it comes together with having pulmonary embolism. 

Watched Doc Willie's video on dealing with anxiety yesterday. He enumerated several ways on how to cope with it and said, "No one dies from anxiety." That made me look back on how I've always been able to cope. After the flood put everything I owned under water during typhoon Ondoy, Dad scolded me because I started to cry. He told me, "Para yan lang iyak iyak ka na." 

He taught me an important lesson that day. Don't dwell on the bad situation, get moving and do something. It's probably been hard for me to cope lately because I've been feeling unwell. I need to focus though on the future so I don't get stuck in a rut. And, of course, pray. 

Happy Sunday everyone. Take care and stay dry. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: The True Healer

A friend shared an article this morning about a parent who lost her child. The writer said she was regretful about giving all her confidence to the hospital. She thought they would make her child well. A mistake happened though and it eventually led to the death of her child. You can read the whole article here.

I've had a lot of realization of caring for your health. I've been in and out of the hospital the past 5 years. It started with several ER trips. I was eventually managed with asthma meds, but it only gave temporary relief. I had several more episodes where I was told it was only asthma due to GERD. I pushed hard to get a second opinion. The doctor said it was just going to be a waste of time. 

I got lucky because the doctor was relentless at figuring out what was wrong with me. He was trained in Cleveland Clinic and knew what kind of tests I needed. After several tests I was diagnosed with a large blood clot in my lungs. If I waited longer I wouldn't have made it. My other doctors were very surprised over the diagnosis and reviewed the tests. I even had the results also reviewed by a third party reviewer. The reviews concluded the same issue. 

At St. Peter's Square (2018). This was days after I was diagnosed with PE.

I was managed well, until eventually stress wore me down. Went through a series of tests again and then I eventually developed clots again. Several specialists looked at me and made me go through a lot of tests. They were not able to figure out exactly what was causing the clots and eventually just patted me on the back and told me not to go through any procedure because it will be too risky for me. It basically meant, there's no earthly thing they can do to bring me back to what I used to be. 

I've made peace with that a long time ago. There's still so much that science cannot explain about our bodies. They almost lost me also during heart surgery. It never crossed my mind they would. They only told me this before I went home last year. I've had a lot of medical episodes, but I always believe that we live because of His Will. Just accept whatever you go through as your cross and pray. 

I realized that in the wee hours of this morning. I couldn't sleep again because of the challenging past week. I kept asking Papa God, "What's up with the many challenges?" And I realized He was doing corrective measures to keep me on my feet and to answer a prayer. I woke up lightheaded this morning with a low pulse rate and erratic oxygen saturation. I honestly wanted to stay in bed, but remembered what I realized before I finally fell asleep. 

Just keep going and praying and all will be well.

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Miracle Sundays: Suffering with Joy

“It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls. Suffering, more than anything else, makes present . . . the force of Redemption.”

- St. Pope John Paul II

When I was a child my Mom would always tell me to lift all my pain to Jesus. Back then I just had toothaches and tonsilitis. Mom said the same thing to me when I was experiencing a lot of pain after heart surgery. I'd drink the meds and then I lift all the pain to Him. I guess that's how I managed to carry the cross. 

I have good days and I have a bad day. Today has so far been a bad day. Few minutes after waking up I had a migraine. Got a bit better, then an hour after I started feeling dizzy. I still am while writing this post. Sweetie would have forced me to lie down if he knew I was still dizzy. This happens often I know already when I should lie down. I feel I can still fight it so I'm staying up (in fact I watered my plants even before settling down to blog). 

This is my new normal and I have accepted it. If I focused so much on suffering I'd probably be very miserable. I know though I'm where I should be. I slow down and rest when needed. Do what I could when I can. I'm just grateful whenever I could exert a bit more effort. 

And looking back at what has transpired the past four weeks, it was a blessing in disguise that we postponed our family vacation. Sweetie and Miggy had the flu and a waterspout appeared near the resort we booked. That would have given me a huge fright if we were there. Well, postponing our trip also meant I had enough time to recover from heart failure. 

I was really looking forward to our family trip. The last one was in 2019 and I've really wanted to go to the beach. I was anxious about a few things: (1) Surviving the walk in the airport since we didn't book a wheelchair, (2) The question whether I'd be able to last an hour under the sun when swimming, (3) Random asthma attacks since I was doing oxygen therapy at night. 

Well, a miracle happened. By God's grace we were able to enjoy our family vacation without any major mishaps. The weather was beautiful the entire week. I was able to swim at the beach twice and I was able to try paddleboarding (just sitting, I didn't attempt to stand), I held a rabbit (don't tell my doc!), and we were able to meet a friend in person (the stairs to her showroom almost did me in though haha). The boys were always there ready to assist me. It was truly a beautiful week.

 

Always find joy in everything. It is hard especially when you're in pain or not feeling well, but I believe if you focus so much on the pain then you'd suffer more. Be grateful and have faith. He will take care of the rest. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Sunday is for Miracles

Getting takeaway.

I was honestly planning to stop blogging daily. I just didn't feel inspired and felt things were going nowhere. My doctors made me promise though to keep my brain working, that's why I blog everyday. I knew if I gave up daily blogging I would definitely deteriorate fast. I introduced daily blog themes to keep me going and to avoid focusing too much on things that don't inspire. So Sundays are for miracles!

The Miracle of Life

I have been through many nerve-wracking health episodes. I am grateful that I've always pulled through them. My doctors are actually amazed how I have survived two OHS and two PEs. They were so shocked when I climbed the Borobudur Temple a few months after surgery.

I clung on to my faith and the love of my family after surgery. I remember I kept playing my church songs playlist on my iPod nonstop. It did eventually drive my family crazy, but tbh I had no grasp of what was going on during that time. I was probably dazed from the anesthesia and medication being pumped into me. I think though it was all the prayers being said for me that really helped pull me through. 

I oftentimes stop myself from asking "Why?" I just remind myself to trust and follow God's plans for me. What I have been through health-wise is not for the faint-hearted. Aside from physical issues, it has also affected me mentally. It's not been easy for me and my family. 

This is my cross and I carry it with faith and love. There are good days and there are bad days for me. When it's a bad day I rest, when it's a good day then I can be a bit more active. It's alright, I'm just happy I'm able to spend time with my family everyday. 

Be grateful for the cross that you carry. Remember, God only gives you challenges that you can bear.

Happy Sunday everyone!

*OHS - open heart surgeries

PE - pulmonary embolisms

Beautiful Lazy Sunday

Sunday is rest day. Slept in and finally got up at noon since I wanted some coffee. Ate oatmeal and a half a bagel while drinking coffee and then tended to my plants. 

Most of my plants are dead now. Yup! They lived beautifully for a few months, but when I started getting sick I couldn't take care of them the way I used to. I had to treat them weekly so keep the bugs away. It takes a lot of effort from my end and when I got sick a few weeks ago I wasn't able to fight the pest anymore. I finally got to remove some of the dead ones today. It'll take a few more days for me to clean up the pots and then I'll think about re-planting. Maybe I should plant more mustasa since the bugs hate it hehe. 

Took a shower and then heated up all our leftovers for buffet Sunday. That's what we usually do on weekends. After eating we just settled on the couch and watched videos. I was going to work on my quilting project, but I just decided to rest. Tomorrow will be a work day and I'm sure I have a gazillion mails waiting in my inbox. I also need to make a quick run to my doctor. Tomorrow he will decided whether it's the right time to remove one of my medications. 

I can't believe it's the last day of November already tomorrow. The month just flew by, although this is not one of my favorite months since I unexpectedly got sick. I'm grateful to be alive and hope this impasse can eventually get resolved. 

How was your weekend?

#CB//235 #StuckAtHomeDay/265 #StayHome #BeKind 

Conquering Fears and Worries

The last time we had a pandemic that affected the whole world was over a hundred years ago. My Papa Lolo would've been 10-years old then and my Mama Lola was just born that year. This Manila Times article says that there were 80,000 Filipinos who died and the abstract of this study also suggests that it was not managed well. I don't think anyone would ever be ready to manage such a treacherous virus.

A snap from the new version of "Tell the World of His Love".
That's my 20-year old happy self leaving everything to God's will. 

It's been fourth months since I've just been staying at home. I'm sure like me you have gone through a roller coaster of emotions the last few months. From "okay I could get used to staying home, I've done this before" to "I miss the outside world, I miss my family and friends" to "OMG they extended the quarantine period, nooooo!" to acceptance.

I learned to accept the unknown after they announced the extension of the circuit breaker here in Singapore. I was so affected when it was announced because I had led myself to believe that the set-up was okay with me. I was trying to be brave. The next day I read a reflection about dealing with uncertainty. It was a good reminder for me that I should not worry about anything. Just lift all your worries and fears to Him and have faith that He will take care of you

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

A blessed Sunday everyone!



#CB//90  #StuckAtHomeDay/120 #StayHome #BeKind