That Time I Gave Up

A friend pinged me the other day and told me about his complicated love life. I told him I used to be in that boat too. I kept stumbling and my heart experienced too many heartbreaks already. I let myself heal after a long relationship and then I started to date again. 

I thought I was better off because I knew what red flags to watch out for. I was wrong because I learned about more red flags I should avoid. I eventually gave myself a deadline. I told God that by the end of the third quarter of 2007, if I hadn't found the one I would accept that I was meant for single blessedness. I was so set to focus on Miggy, my career and possibly do my doctorate. 

I planned it that way so I could keep sane and so I could stop hoping. Early in 2007, I read the book of Bo Sanchez, "How to Find Your One True Love". He said you should focus on making more friends and don't just fall in love with anyone who shows interest. Just pray. So I did that and along the way I learned more red flags. 

In the last few days of September 2007, I experienced another disappointment. I had a friend who was showing a lot of interest. It did not work out. He was another huge red flag. I felt more frustrated than disappointed actually and on the plane ride home I told God I was read for a life of single blessedness. I told him, "Lord, it's September 28 and my deadline is 48 hours away. I know I've made a lot of mistakes and this is probably because I'm too willful. I give up. Please take over and navigate my life." 

I got home and was so jetlagged, I ended up chatting with Sweetie after midnight. It was the 29th. At that time we were best friends. I told him about what happened during my trip. Then he said he wanted to tell me something. It took an hour or two before he finally confessed that he wanted to court me. 

And that's how God wrote our love story. My friend told me He probably heard me loud and clear because I was literally up in the air when I made a desperate plea. Have faith, there are things that you should leave up to Him.

Happy Sunday everyone!

#BeKind #StaySafe

How to Find the Right One

Today would've been the 53rd wedding anniversary of my parents so I thought I'd write about love to celebrate the 51 years they spent together loving each other and taking care of us 3 siblings.

It's 361 days before Christmas, before we all have another set of family reunions and get togethers with friends. Christmas isn't over yet here in the Philippines and I still have a few sets of friends I need to meet-up with before I go back to work. And that means approximately 361 days to get out of SMAP (Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko) and be able to change your answer to "Yes Tita, meet my bf/fiance!"

I absolutely disliked being asked about having a boyfriend during reunions and I shuddered everytime I was asked when I planned to marry. I endured that for many, many Christmases and I guess that's one reason why Sweetie and I decided to marry the day after Christmas (yeah boxing day!) so that everyone would remember.

Anyway, I must admit I have been bullying my friends year-in, year-out now since I got married and I feel quite sheepish about it. On the other hand, my friends say that we (it's not only me bullying!) have a point. It's going to be hard to grow old alone without a companion or children especially if you don't have siblings who would be available to take care of you. So we thought about making a list of places where you could meet the right one.

Ahh, but I thought I'd back this list up with real life cases.

(1) In a party - if I remember correctly based on my Mom and Dad's love story, they had met in a party. My Dad was my Mom's first boyfriend and they were together as a couple for 5 years before they tied the knot. The rest is history + 3 kids + 9 grandchildren.

(2) In school - my sister and my brother-in-law were schoolmates when they were in university. I was quite young then and I do remember my sister abhorred BIL. She said he was mayabang, but eventually they ended up together and have now been married for 26 years with 3 children. I know of two Malaysian friends who are married to their college sweethearts.

(3) In an event - I met Sweetie in the Digitalfilipino club meet-up. He was the speaker and I was an awestruck fan when I found out he was the founder of the first Filipino music website. Well, we've been married 4 years (and just renewed our vows!) and have one big kid.

(4) In church - remember my story about the white rose? I learned about asking for a sign from an Ate in church. She had done the same thing and married one of her choir mates. They now have been married over 10 years and have 4 kids. I have another set of friends who never thought they'd end up together. It took them more than 15 years before they realized that they were meant to be together. They now have been married 3 years and now have 2 kids.

(5) At work - I have a few friends who met their husband at work. They usually try to work in separate companies after. Ah, my brother and sister-in-law met at work and they've been married for 25 years and have 5 crazy offsprings (crazy being an endearment).

And for the extreme...

(6) Have an arranged marriage - in some cultures this still works and there are times it ends up in happily ever after. I only know of one friend though who's gone through this and he's not Filipino. His wife is really lovely and they now have 2 boys. Don't ever marry when it's forced!

So you basically need to go out and not necessarily "find the one" by being a "predator". As you can see from my list, you don't really have to go out far and wide to find the right one (who knows maybe he is just right beside you!). The more important thing is you must get to know the person well before you even start thinking about getting into a relationship with them and you can only do this if you befriend the person. Let your love grow from there and have God navigate you towards the right one.

Cebu Love Thoughts: How Will I Know He is The One?

Last night Janette and I stayed up until 4 a.m. discussing the merits of choosing “The One” (the right one that is).

How does one choose? And how does one know that the guy lurking around in your backyard is someone you could trust?

Of course, there’s my ideal guy checklist and there’s another list I have which is definitely not bloggable (let’s keep some things about my life to myself eh?). Bo Sanchez in his bestseller, “How to Find Your One True Love” said that you have to meet at least 5 guys every single week. In the past few months, I’ve been meeting that quota easily believe me. And let’s just say, I have made many, many new guy friends. Hehehe.

So how does one go about trusting a person? It is not natural for me to check-up on people. I don’t use a search engine nor Friendster to check-up on one’s background. I know, I know this should come naturally. Argh! I’m just so stupidly trusting (uh, that’s why I have 3 best friends looking after me?). Janette said, “It's all about risk management.” `Nuff said about that.

So let’s say you manage to determine that the person in the hot seat is someone you could trust and someone you’re considering. How long should you “play the game of chess”? (That was Punzi asking why it was going to take several months for me). So how long? Punzi chimed in a bit later on through Twitter that it shouldn’t be long. And Janette said that when you are in your 30s it’s a totally different ballgame because people know what they want and oftentimes don’t want to undergo the frilly, silly game called courtship.

So how will I know? I mean, it’s been a looooong time and I guess I’m kinda lost! LOL. So help me out here!

I’m tagging some married and single friends (and you if you wanna chime in as well) to provide me some thoughts on this matter: Tappy, Marc, Gail, Sasha, Anne, Harry, Janette (a reading perhaps? LOL), Manuel, Jozzua (I still owe you 1 meme!), Lady Cess, Sexy Mom, Noemi, Juned, Jayvee, Jun, Blogie, Andrew, Honey, Jay, Mayi, AJ, Sarah, Kristine, Max, Quistian, Markku.

The things Cebu does to me! LOL. Cheerios!