Ageing

While I'm far from being 65 years old (the age when one starts old age), my body was declared to be 70 years old when I was in my mid-30s. Well, more my heart and not my whole body. It was "reset" when I had heart surgery over 10 years ago. Since then my body has gone through a lot of trauma the past few years. 

My beautiful Meredith and Me

I am due for a TEE. My cardiologist wants to see the structure of my heart since it's been 11.5 years since I had surgery. My mitral valve has been leaking again for the past few years, so we need to make sure my heart is healthy. My lungs are another matter, but we're keeping the healthy parts healthier through pulmo rehab. 

I came across a couple of books on ageing at the Big Bad Wolf event. I got a couple of books which could help me prepare better. I have friends who are the same age as me. We go through life body stages almost at the same time. It's comforting to know I am not alone in what I'm going through. There are things though which is unique for me (OHS, pulmonary embolism, pulmonary hypertension etc. etc.). That's what I have to be prepared for since even those who have the same medical conditions like me go through it differently. 

Sometimes I feel God made me go through things in advance. I had Miggy early. I reached the peak of my career earlier. I had OHS younger than usual. I retired early. Everything is fast forward. God only gives you trials that you can bear. That's what I keep reminding myself. So, I'm excited to read the books I just bought. Maybe it will be me a perspective that will help improve my quality of living. 

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Three White Hair

I thought I'd use the title "Three White Hair" today because it's what made me laugh out loud today. I was chatting with my seatmate when he said he was so sad. I asked why and he said he had three new white hair! I burst into laughter because he sounded so serious! I told him he should treat it as wisdom hair. 

White hair = Yoda = wisdom! Yaaaas!

I definitely have more than three white hair. A huge chunk of it came out only this year. I also have multi-colored hair, but I think it's largely due to my health fluctuating. I don't know about other cultures, but it's a belief back home that white hair can be caused by stress. Inuuban na ako dahil sa hirap ng buhay! (My hair is turning white because life is hard!). 

I used to pull out random white strands I would see. Now I'm just leaving them in there to wear as part of my "evolved" self. Much like how Gandalf evolved as Gandalf the Grey to Gandalf the White. As I told my seatmate, treat them as your wisdom hair. 

Brother Bo's video today is a great way to look at obstacles. This year has been full of obstacles for all of us, but it depends on you how you treat those obstacles. Lots to learn from this video, go watch :)

I realized today that there's been so many changes to my body this year. I thought that my body would have a boost this year since it's been 7 years since my heart surgery. It didn't happen and I realized that as you age these are some of the things you can expect. There's no way your body is going to be the same and you have to work harder to keep it in good shape. I'm happy to share that I'm feeling much better compared to a week ago. 

My doctor was right, it takes time for your body to go back to normal after a viral infection. You can't wait around though for your body to miraculously go back to normal, you need to work hard to get back your stamina. I'm so grateful I have the most patient physiotherapist in the whole wide universe. 

Work it, work it :)

#CB//243 #StuckAtHomeDay/273 #WFH161 #StayHome #BeKind

Midlife Crisis, wut

This is one of the strangest years in my life. I don't know about you, but time has just been moving really fast for me. It's been moving fast for me probably because I've been so busy at work. 

I received a reminder this morning about someone celebrating her 30th birthday. I wondered who it was and read through the email. I was so surprised to find out that my niece is turning 30! It did not occur to me that she'd be turning 30 because in my mind she's just 12 years old (forever). Yup, even though she has a five year old son I still think she's only 12. 

When I realized that a timelapse of my life fast-forwarded in my mind. I've just been taking things one day at a time and I realized I've already lived four and a half decades. Now I'm asking myself, have I really lived? Have I been fulfilling my mission? Am I having a mid-life crisis? 

OMG! Am I?

That thought just literally popped in my head. 

<break>

Sorry, I just had to read a little about what midlife crisis is all about. Honestly it never crossed my mind. I read this article and it says that one goes through a slump in their 40s. Happiness declines and you have this urge about being young again. That's exactly what I wrote about last night (struggling with change). The article also said that midlife crisis is usually triggered by life changes. 

I had a major life change last year when Miggy finished school and moved back to Manila (empty nester now huhu). That happened and I was overwhelmed with my health issues (PTSD probably). I'm out of the woods now and I think my happiness tank is filling up again. So maybe I did have a midlife crisis (an early one!) and I'm over it. I definitely do not have any urges to be young again. I'm happy being my age (my doctors keep reminding me I'm still so young). I'm happy not caring about things that used to rile me up when I was in my 30s. 

They were just 2 years old yesterday...

Whew! I'm glad that shock about my niece turning 30 this month is over. So... she's old now haha. She has so much to look forward to. I just hope and pray she'd be always happy and find her one true love. Ahhh, this means this tita has to start losing weight. I can probably expect weddings to start happening in the next few years.  

Here's a rundown for birthday posts I made throughout the years -

30th (my first post here was copied from my Friendster post)

35th

40th

45th

Get your butt moving ghorl, there's still so much life to live!

#CB//225 #StuckAtHomeDay/255 #WFH151 #StayHome #BeKind 

Struggling with Change?

A year ago I decided to take a break. I was exhausted and spent. I was in a place where I could not give anything anymore. So I took two months off and got the rest I needed. I had one goal: clear my cache and recharge. 

Change is inevitable. At some point we start ageing more noticeably. I used to be able to travel to two different countries or three different cities within a week. I was even able to do that after heart surgery. Fast forward seven years my body has changed a lot. My energy has changed and sometimes I feel my output isn't the same as before.

But that is perfectly fine because your body will change, your energy will be different and so your output would change (you'd probably be smarter with more experience too). You have to remember that these changes are normal and don't blame yourself for it. 

You'd feel guilty and feel like you're letting people down. And maybe even feel like you failed. You shouldn't because the changes are normal. Me and my high school friends laugh about the changes. We're starting to ask each other what are the symptoms of menopause. Our needs and wants have changed. We care less about the noise, the chatter and prefer quiet. 

My body changed drastically when I had pulmonary embolism. Adjusting to my new lifestyle after heart surgery was easier than when I had PE. It was like I hit a wall and forced to stop everything. The important thing though is to be able to roll with the punches and always look at things positively.  

I am grateful for the support I am getting from my family, my colleagues and my friends. I've always been open about what I go through. I had a friend who once told me he was very sick and asked advise whether he should tell his team. I told him that he would need a lot of support in the coming months. He did and got all the support he needed. 

Thank you for your continued prayers my friends. 

#CB//224 #StuckAtHomeDay/254 #WFH150 #StayHome #BeKind