The Big Change

A few months ago, a family member of a heart patient asked if people change after heart surgery. She shared that her husband changed a lot after surgery. He was withdrawn, impatient, sometimes mean and basically didn't want to do anything. 

I thought about it and shrugged it off. It took a while for me to recover after OHS, but I went back to work and traveled a lot. I felt "normal" for the next 5 years and then I had my first pulmonary embolism. 

It's been months since I read that post on a patient group I'm part of. The feedback from other patients and family members were quite extreme. Some even ended up in divorce. I only realized the past week that I changed after OHS. The change was only more significant leading up to my first PE. 

I used to be able to pull all-nighters and had bottomless energy, but since OHS I wasn't the same physically and I eventually started to pull back. After OHS I became scared of crowds. I wasn't stable and could easily fall. I had accidents and lost my balance once on an escalator in the airport. Good thing I landed forward onto my luggage. 

The biggest change happened the year leading up to the discovery of the clot in my lungs. I had breathing issues and had a hard time sleeping. I didn't really want to bother anyone and easily became a recluse. My body became significantly weaker, I couldn't even place my backpack on the airplane overhead storage anymore. 

When I can, I skipped outings, parties, dinner, get-togethers especially when it requires a lot of walking. I used to enjoy meeting up with friends, but it's become too tiresome for me. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert, so my social battery is depleted really fast nowadays. 

So yes, I guess major medical issues can change a person. So...

#BeKind #StaySafe

Struggling with Change?

A year ago I decided to take a break. I was exhausted and spent. I was in a place where I could not give anything anymore. So I took two months off and got the rest I needed. I had one goal: clear my cache and recharge. 

Change is inevitable. At some point we start ageing more noticeably. I used to be able to travel to two different countries or three different cities within a week. I was even able to do that after heart surgery. Fast forward seven years my body has changed a lot. My energy has changed and sometimes I feel my output isn't the same as before.

But that is perfectly fine because your body will change, your energy will be different and so your output would change (you'd probably be smarter with more experience too). You have to remember that these changes are normal and don't blame yourself for it. 

You'd feel guilty and feel like you're letting people down. And maybe even feel like you failed. You shouldn't because the changes are normal. Me and my high school friends laugh about the changes. We're starting to ask each other what are the symptoms of menopause. Our needs and wants have changed. We care less about the noise, the chatter and prefer quiet. 

My body changed drastically when I had pulmonary embolism. Adjusting to my new lifestyle after heart surgery was easier than when I had PE. It was like I hit a wall and forced to stop everything. The important thing though is to be able to roll with the punches and always look at things positively.  

I am grateful for the support I am getting from my family, my colleagues and my friends. I've always been open about what I go through. I had a friend who once told me he was very sick and asked advise whether he should tell his team. I told him that he would need a lot of support in the coming months. He did and got all the support he needed. 

Thank you for your continued prayers my friends. 

#CB//224 #StuckAtHomeDay/254 #WFH150 #StayHome #BeKind