A Day in My Life

I've been a bit worried this past week. My doctor gave me some news and I've been anxious about it. I guess it's normal to feel this way. It doesn't help that the doctor I've been referred to isn't easily accessible. I'm still waiting to get an appointment to see her. 

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out soon enough. I just need to make sure I focus on thinking happy thoughts. To be honest it gets really hard especially when I feel unwell. I have to make a conscious effort to shift where my thoughts are going. 

Yesterday I discovered The Good Doctor on Netflix. I like watching hospital dramas and this one was quite interesting. I was surprised to find out that a lot of friends have watched it and are looking forward to season 4. I'm really behind on watching films haha. 

Started my new quilt project yesterday. I'm making lap quilt blankets for my doctors as a thank you for their care. I learned a trick to make it faster... well hopefully. I hope I could finish this project in a month or two. After this I plan to make a Christmas tree skirt which I've been meaning to do for a few years now. 

My days now go slowly, very different from what my pace was before. I wake up really late to complete 8 hours of sleep. I eat my breakfast very slowly. I usually eat oatmeal and then drink my meds. Prepare my coffee and exercise while waiting for it to drip through the filter. Read or watch videos while drinking coffee. In between doing those things I try not to distract Sweetie too much while he's working (he took over the dining table as his workspace). 

After breakfast I move to "my office" -- the couch. Depends on what I feel like doing, but this is where I work on my quilt and writing projects. I can't wait for the day I'll have a real space for my crafts. Right now our living room looks like a messy craft space. I have fabric, thread, patterns and other stuff all around. I just need to make sure I don't have pins and needles lying around hehe. 

Our mealtime has been erratic the past few weeks. Sometimes Sweetie gets so busy so we usually eat whenever we get hungry. I normally eat a light dinner. I don't skip meals because of the medication. After dinner we watch some films until it's time to sleep. Across the whole day we keep in touch with Miggy. 

That's how my weekdays go nowadays. I like my newfound chill only days. This is what I need for now and I'm grateful for this time to rest. 

Day 21 Gratitude Challenge, A technology. Google Meets! It's what my family has been using in the past decade to keep in touch. We have an archive of all our chats through the years. And the best thing about it is it's free and reliable :)

CB///*Yr2/104 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/127 #NewG342 #Home100 #StayHome #BeKind 

Working Out Detours

I woke up with a smile today. I finally slept well. I feel the rain has stopped and things are just going to get better. I have been reflecting a lot about my new reality. The detour has forced me to take stock of what I can still do and what I have to let go. 

The Didache reflection last night was about the detours God gives you. Brother Bo Sanchez said, "Listen, if you’re not ready, God will allow a detour. But through that detour, He will mature you, shape you, equip you, and prepare you. Here’s my belief: God uses detours as doorways to your destiny." I have been asking myself why this happened to me and realized it's a detour from God to nudge me to another path.

For now my focus is to get well and my dream is to be reunited with Miggy and my Mom before the year ends. I chanced upon Bro Bo's vlog today. His topic today is about knowing your core gift to give to the world. If you don't know what you're good at his advise is to look back to your childhood. That will help you realize what you love doing and what you're good at. 

Detours are good. I struggled for many months because I wanted to go back to what was usual. The more frustrated I got the worse I felt. The best thing I did was to give up and let God take over. Recovery has been very slow, but I know I just need to trust God's process. I'm grateful my breathing has been better and I have more energy now. 

I'm sure my destiny will eventually be revealed. For now I'll just enjoy this detour and pray for the best! 

BTW, the Asia Pacific Google Educators Group are hosting their fourth live event this weekend! You can get more information about the events here.

CB///*Yr2/83 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/110 #NewG363 #Home137 #StayHome #BeKind 

I usually watch reflection vlogs while eating breakfast. 

Living the Housewife Life

I've always wanted to become a housewife secretly. Kuya laughed out loud when I told him this a few years ago. He said he can't imagine me being one. He said I'll go crazy with boredom. So he basically didn't take what I said seriously. After that conversation I thought, yeah, maybe not noh? 

I've been forced to rest the past couple of months. I've only started to feel like my old self in the last two weeks. Sweetie had been doing all the house chores. My energy has started to come back and I've been trying to do more things at home now. I've been able to wash dishes, cook and nudge Sweetie while he's working.

My Mom stopped working when I was born.  She was always busy running the household and she had her hands tied with parish activities too. I realized I'm kinda living that life now, but I've been very lucky because Sweetie's been taking care of me. Managing a household is hard. I'm lucky my boys are both very helpful and we each have our own assigned house chores. 

I'm focusing myself on recovering for now. That time to be a housewife will come, but I don't think I'll be your stereotypical kind. I'll probably be like my Mom and be busy with many different things. I told Sweetie the other day this must be a glimpse of what it is. I've been working since I graduated and was never bakante. Well, we'll see :)

CB///*Yr2/57  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/84 #StayHome #BeKind

Make the Month of May Marvelous

I'm going to make this month marvelous! I'm changing things by starting my day by thanking God for giving me another day. I'm normally grumpy when I wake up. Waking up grateful sets a good tone for the rest of the day. 

I have a couple of things I want to complete this month. I started the month by joining a writers retreat. It's a journey I thought I'd start to get me started on a project I've wanted to do for some time now. We had our first session today and it was great to be with like minded people. I hope to grow and learn a lot from this retreat. 

I hope to finish the Harry Potter quilt blanket I started two years ago. It's a wedding gift for friends who tied the know back in 2019. It's ginormous and would require upper body strength to finish. I'm using this as motivation to do my PT exercises. I have to do it on my own for now. 

Mother's Day is coming up so I hope to get something for my Mom that she could enjoy. I usually give her red roses. I've been doing that since sixth grade. It was Daddy who told me that my Mom loves red roses. I miss my Mom so much!

I think I'll start with this plan first and see how things go with my health. What about you? What's your plan for this month?

CB///Yr2/21  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/48 #StayHome #BeKind  

Astonishingly Amazing April

I thought April would be a chill month where I could rest and recuperate. Turned out to be a very, very busy month! The good thing about it I end the month on a good note. I was able to do 5k+ steps today! The last time I was able to do that was in early February. 

That's a big deal for me because my average step count was only 2k per day at the beginning of the month. I used to average 6 to 8 thousand a day when I used to go to the office. At least 10k when I travel. It's been hard for me because I feel like I'm always carrying a heavy backpack uphill. That's why I walk very slow. 

I'm getting a bit more clarity now on what I'm going through. I did a number of tests in the last two weeks. It's been exhausting, but at least I'll soon find out what can be done to improve my quality of life. In the meantime I still need to stay home to rest and recover. 

Happy to end the month on a good note. Changing my mindset to improve at least 1% a day helped a lot. I spent a lot of time praying and focusing on where I want to be. Circumstances also forced me to strive harder, but I've been reminded to take it slowly. 

With faith, things can only get better :)

CB///Yr2/20  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/47 #StayHome #BeKind  

My Last Physio Day

It was my last session today with my physiotherapist. It's a super sad day for me because Wendy took good care of me since I started seeing her. She's shown genuine care for me and made sure that I had the appropriate exercise I could manage. 

I believe she's one of the angels that's been sent for me. She's going back home this weekend and I hope she'd be able to accomplish what she's set out to do back home. I have to wait for my consultation with my doctor on Wednesday to know whether I should continue my PT. In the meantime I'll do the exercises on my own for now. 

Farewell Wendy, I hope to see you in the mountains when the pandemic is over :)

CB///Yr2/16  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/43 #StayHome #BeKind  

Listen to Your Body

I've been sleeping a lot since we got home from the hospital. I just felt exhausted. My doctor told me to rest more so that's what I've been doing. I asked my doctor yesterday how come I was able to power through the illnesses I had in the past. I've been doing what I've been told to do, but I'm not going back to normal. He explained to me that I've run out of gas. I've put the needs of others ahead of me and that's why my tank is empty.

My impatient old self was super freaked out about this dilemma, but I've come to accept that things need to change. That's my new reality and I have to be practical about how I deal with it. What about you? Do listen to what your body is telling you. Don't push too hard. Make sure you're heart is always happy. 

Listen to your body my friend.

CB///Yr2/4  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/31 #StayHome #BeKind 

Live Life, Don't Just Survive It

I have a friend, he's bubbly, always all over the place, always full of life. He lived month to month and he never seemed to worry about where to get money for rent, for his food, for his day to day life. The universe took care of him. He always received what he needed and he was happy. And his happiness is infectious. 

I always wondered how one could be that way. Living monthly through gigs and whatever comes your way. Most of my nephews and nieces and my son live that way and I've always been baffled about how they could work through gigs. I'm from the generation where things are compartmentalized. You work from 8 to 5 and then relax after. Kids nowadays prefer to work from job to job when they want to work. They enjoy life as they see fit. 

I was listening to Wil Dasovich's podcast this morning and he mentioned about living life not just surviving it. It made me think, "Am I living the life I want? Am I just surviving?" Right now I am trying to survive it since I'm sick, but I'm definitely not living the life I want. And honestly I think my nephews and nieces are on the right track. They may not have the stability of having an 8 to 5 job, but they are living the life they want. 

With my current condition I have been thinking a lot about whether I could still go back to my old life. Whenever I feel I can I slide back and get sick again. Recover has been a very bumpy road. Last Saturday I had a severe asthma attack, so the weekend was spent sleeping again. This morning I thought I'd try to be on my Chromebook for an hour to do online errands. I'm writing this post while having a migraine attack. It's really that bad and what it tells me is I can't go back to my old life in my current condition. Will I get well? I don't know when. 

I have been through a lot and I have always come out of things braver and stronger. Not having the energy and stamina to do anything has forced me to accept some hard truths. I am humbled by it. If there's one thing I want out of this is I want to live life happily with my family. 

CB///326 #StuckAtHomeDay/356 #StayHome #BeKind

Old Leaves Falling

Winter season set in for me in mid-December and it's still winter for me now. Autumn drew out for me for a long time, but I ignored it and treated everything like it was summer everyday. It's still winter for me now and I cannot say when it will end. 

I was telling Sweetie while having early dinner tonight I never took a break. I never had downtime where I just got to enjoy whatever I wanted to do. I had responsibilities and I took that seriously. I wanted to provide the best for Miggy. I did the best I could, but I forgot to take care of myself. 

My Mom knew I'd be like this. She'd always remind me to rest, sleep early and stop working. My doctors also said my A+++ personality is problematic for me. They said it's not all bad since my quirks are actually contributing to making me better at what I do. 

Miggy sent a photo of the huge tree outside our home in Manila. He said that the leaves are almost gone. I dug up an old photo of the tree from 7 years ago and saw it used to be so vibrant back then. The leaves slowly dwindled away through the years. I guess it was badly hit last year when the ashes fell after Taal Volcano's eruption. Miggy said the tree seems to have a few leaves sprouting, but who knows if the tree will still survive. 

Even though I feel as though all my leaves are falling, I know with the proper care, rest and nourishment I will eventually re-grow. Spring will come when the time is right. For now I hibernate, do the needful and pray. 

CB///324 #StuckAtHomeDay/354 #StayHome #BeKind

The Reality of Being a Tita (Midlife Musings)

I enjoyed a prolonged period when my body stayed the same. I wore XS well into my late 30s. I enjoyed it because I could eat anything and never gained weight. The real reason though why I wasn't gaining weight was because my body was compensating for the issue I had with my heart. Eventually I became too thin and that signaled I needed to have my mitral valve repaired. 

My doctor warned me after surgery that I needed to watch my weight. I immediately gained 15 pounds within a few months, but it wasn't so bad then. Many said I actually looked healthier with a little more weight. I went into a frenzy of activities four months after heart surgery. I wanted to prove I was well and I used the newfound energy like crazy. I was 38 then living like a 25 year old. 

At some point I started to notice changes in my whole being. It was both physical and psychological. Here's what I went through:

Weight gain and bulges - gone were the days I could eat anything and not gain weight. I once stayed in Bacolod for a week, the weight I gained there never went away (it's still residing in my thighs!). The bulk of my weight though crept up when I had my first pulmonary embolism. The PE severely affected my ability to exercise and move around. 

Energy and stamina - I was still quite okay after heart surgery. I traveled a lot and was able to keep up with the rigors of running events, hopping from one place to another. I could fly in and go straight to work or an event. Things changed drastically when I had my first PE. Physiotherapy has been helping me regain lost energy and increase my stamina. I'm still hoping I could improve my quality of life.

Health - I know I'm an oddball and I experience things that most people won't go through. It's about this time that your body will need special attention. It can be your back, your joints, your BP, cholesterol etc. Despite my many issues I'm still lucky I don't have any hard food requirements (whew!). 

Interests - with lower energy and stamina my interests changed as well. I realized this when I traveled with friends who are younger than me. I couldn't keep up with them and had to park myself somewhere while they went around. 

Social Life - my health severely affected my social life. I used to like going out to eat or have coffee with friends. I also like having friends over to sample my cooking. I haven't been able to do this for a long time now since I've been sick. It's been a few months since I've been able to do a video call too. 

Hobbies - since I've become more of a homebody I picked up my old hobby of quilting. I'm so glad my Mom taught me how to keep busy with crafts. I've also taken a liking to honing my gardening and bread baking skills too. I'm never not busy at home and there's always something new to learn. 

Salonpas is a must have - my high school girlfriends and I always joke about the many balms, salonpas and essential oils we now have on hand. I have a friend who also gave me a glowing review of her heat lamp. When you start using these things you normally keep it to yourself for as long as you can and it eventually just becomes funny and you giggle about it with friends. 

Identity - I have a friend who always tells me I have mastered the art of dedma. I think I'm at that age when I could just keep the noise out. I know who I am and the values I keep. 

I know there are still many changes that would come. I should have probably asked my siblings about midlife since they're both more than a decade older than me. I'm glad I have my high school girlfriends going through the same phase as me. My doctor recently noted on his report that I am on pre-menopause phase already. OMG! That thought never crossed my mind and this is something me and my girlfriends have started to muse about. Oh my! Haha. 

I'm so grateful I have friends and family who understand my oddballness. It makes life easier. If you ask me I'd rather be in my 40s than be in my 20s. And that thought probably deserves a post for another day. 

What about you? Are you experiencing midlife? How are you coping?

CB///322 #StuckAtHomeDay/352 #StayHome #BeKind