The Big Change

A few months ago, a family member of a heart patient asked if people change after heart surgery. She shared that her husband changed a lot after surgery. He was withdrawn, impatient, sometimes mean and basically didn't want to do anything. 

I thought about it and shrugged it off. It took a while for me to recover after OHS, but I went back to work and traveled a lot. I felt "normal" for the next 5 years and then I had my first pulmonary embolism. 

It's been months since I read that post on a patient group I'm part of. The feedback from other patients and family members were quite extreme. Some even ended up in divorce. I only realized the past week that I changed after OHS. The change was only more significant leading up to my first PE. 

I used to be able to pull all-nighters and had bottomless energy, but since OHS I wasn't the same physically and I eventually started to pull back. After OHS I became scared of crowds. I wasn't stable and could easily fall. I had accidents and lost my balance once on an escalator in the airport. Good thing I landed forward onto my luggage. 

The biggest change happened the year leading up to the discovery of the clot in my lungs. I had breathing issues and had a hard time sleeping. I didn't really want to bother anyone and easily became a recluse. My body became significantly weaker, I couldn't even place my backpack on the airplane overhead storage anymore. 

When I can, I skipped outings, parties, dinner, get-togethers especially when it requires a lot of walking. I used to enjoy meeting up with friends, but it's become too tiresome for me. It doesn't help that I'm an introvert, so my social battery is depleted really fast nowadays. 

So yes, I guess major medical issues can change a person. So...

#BeKind #StaySafe

Rad Changes Coming Up!

I've been trying to memorize the view from our apartment. We have a nice view of the park and it may be awhile before I get this kind of view again. Back home we could see the Skyway on one side and SM on the other. Save for the random planes that passes by there's really not much to see. Sometimes we try counting the number of new cars Toyota parks in the lot beside us. 

Things have been crazy busy for us the past few days. I have to finish packing today to make sure I fit everything in our luggage. I'm following the advise of my friends who have previously done quarantine -- bring your own snacks and bring your sewing machine! Yeah, I still have my sewing machine with me because I had to finish my gifts. I also didn't want my precious sewing machine to be crunched under tons of boxes.

We got swabbed yesterday and decided to do something radical -- get a haircut! Not just a trim, I had my hair shortened... really, really short! Here take a look --

I told myself since I'm transitioning to a new way of life I needed a new look. I think the hairdresser got really excited when I told him I wanted short hair. He seemed pretty pleased with his work. The last time I had my hair this short was 20 years ago. Ralph and Myra were so surprised yesterday when they came for dinner. 

I'll do the same for the hordes of stuff I've accumulated. I was so busy the past 15 years I just stuffed everything in plastic boxes. I might as well give things away so they can be used better, no use keeping stuff to be used "someday". I realized also I need to change the way I live. Ralph pointed out to me that having planned what to do until Christmas goes to show my A personality is still on overdrive. Yes, I really need to learn to relax and just chill. Being an incessant planner is what got me in huge trouble haha. 

I think the first thing I need to do is fix my body clock. It's been so messed up since it's been hard to fall asleep. I've been conking out faster after the movers shipped all our stuff. I managed to finally wake up at 8 in the morning today. With just 3 hours of sleep I'll try to stay up until a more appropriate bedtime. This is where I'll start for now (see, trying to be chill hahaha). 

xoxo

CB////*Yr2/204 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/225 #NewG246 #Home2 #Xmas54 #StayHome #BeKind 

27 Dresses, the Rare Times I Cleaned Up

The movie "27 Dresses" is about a girl who was a bridesmaid 27 times. This post isn't about that (but I did become a bridesmaid countless times haha). This is about the select dresses I wore to special occasions. 

If you know me, you know I prefer to wear just a t-shirt and jeans. There were days though I had to dress up. Here are the rare occasions when I cleaned up haha. I'm not really good at it and don't really like wearing make-up. I just randomly thought about this yesterday while packing some of my clothes. 

Product launch party.

In Malacanang with my manager.

With Br. Armin :)

TV interview, the hair and make up stylist had a lot of time I guess haha.

That moment at PICC.

And meeting the good mayor.

I felt a bit nostalgic yesterday as I packed away my dresses. I haven't worn them for two years now. I wonder if I should still keep them since I don't see any opportunity in the near future when I could wear them again. Life has definitely changed and no one can tell when things will go back to normal. 

What do you think?

CB////*Yr2/179 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/200 #NewG268 #Home27 #Xmas81 #StayHome #BeKind

Reinvention

I told Sweetie earlier that it must be so hard to be an artist. You have to continually make yourself relevant unless you reach superstardom levels. Sweetie said artists reinvent themselves all the time. Famous artists do it all the time, but those who are really lucky just sit on their laurels. 

One actress I've been following closely is Sandra Oh. I saw her first on Grey's Anatomy, then I watched her on Killing Eve. She has an upcoming show on Netflix, "The Chair". She's a really great actress and you could see a different side of her in each of her roles. She's one of those who catapulted to superstardom and will never be forgotten imho.

So how do ordinary citizens like us reinvent ourselves? I've been thinking about this because I feel I'm in transition. I very likely won't be able to go back to my old life. The good thing about being an ordinary citizen is I'm not pressured to stay relevant. I can just slink away and hibernate back into my old quiet life. 

There are things that come naturally for me -- monitoring crisis, building communities, working patiently on projects. I think my life will still revolve around those things, but scaled down. It's all just ideas for me right now since I need to focus on getting well. 

Much like moving houses, our needs change depending on where we are in our lives. When we were a new family we moved to a cozy apartment, then a bigger duplex. Then we got our condo unit which served us really well since we traveled a lot. Things have changed a lot and we're going to reinvent how we do things again. 

Day 22 Gratitude challenge, Something that made you laugh. You gotta hand it to comediennes, may it be a film, a series and their vlog, they make us laugh. I really appreciate the effort they make to entertain and make us happy. 

CB///*Yr2/105 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/128 #NewG341 #Home99 #StayHome #BeKind 

Moments That Changed My Life

Have you thought about events in your life that changed your life completely? I started thinking about this after reading the Didache reflection last night. I looked back and thought about events and decisions that changed my life completely. Here's a few I thought about -

That time I had Miggy - having Miggy early ignited the fire in me. I had that burning desire to succeed because I wanted to provide the best life for my son. It hasn't been easy, but my decisions have always been what I thought would be best for him. 

That time I decided to take graduate studies - I was already working at a telco when I realized what I really wanted to do with my career. My undergraduate degrees were far from the direction I wanted to take so I enrolled in grad school a year after graduation. This decision helped me gain important skills I still use.

That time I worked for my Mom - I had a hard time during my first year in grad school. I was still inexperienced. They usually accept students with at least 2 years work experience. I got in because I got a good recommendation. I tried to move departments in the company I was working for but they didn't allow it. I realized that I wasn't going to get the opportunity to grow there so I left. I joined my Mom's export business and that's where I really learned a lot. I was doing web marketing as early as 1998. This moment set my path to where I am today.

That time I bungled up an interview - unfortunately my Mom's business was affected by the crash of the economy. All export businesses were affected. I completed grad school at that time and had to find a job. I made a good impression on the HR manager and was immediately sent to the president for the interview. I got really nervous and failed the interview. I had another interview the next day with a start-up company. I over-prepared and got the job. The interview I failed pushed me to the right direction (who would've thought I'd end up in the tech industry?). 

OHSI days.

With my scout brothers.

That time I applied for a job at Google - I heard about the opening from my boss. She heard about it from a conference she attended in HK. I looked it up and the job description was overwhelming. I checked it again six months later and was surprised that the job description changed. It was less intimidating. I submitted an application without expecting anything. I was super surprised to receive an email the next day. I went through the eye of a needle and was eventually hired. This is probably one of the biggest life changing moments in my life. 

That time in the airplane I asked God to take over - after a series of disappointing relationships, on September 27, 2007 I begged God to navigate my life. During that year I told him that if by September 30, 2007 I didn't have a partner I would enroll in post-grad studies and live a life of single blessedness. I had no clue that He had already started writing my love story when I met Sweetie. On September 29, 2007, Sweetie asked me if he could court me. 

SG office when it was just tables and chairs.

That time I jumped at a role that brought me to Singapore - I never intended to leave the Philippines. My Dad would not have allowed it if he was still around. My old mission had ended and I was told to look for a new role. I really thought my journey had already ended. My managers though were keen to keep me and it was fate when my manager met my future manager in a trip to Indonesia. He set up a call with my future manager who was based in Zurich. That call eventually brought me to Singapore. 

That time I had open heart surgery - It was honestly the move to Singapore that eventually saved my life. The surgery changed my life completely. I had to change the way I lived my life. My family wasn't living in Singapore when I did my surgery. Sweetie stayed as long as he could (he had to go back to work). My Mom and Miggy stayed with me until I was well enough to fly back to Manila to recover more. I never went back to normal so the OHS effectively changed the course of my life. 

That time I had pulmonary embolism - post-OHS I was still able to do a lot of activities. I tried to cope after the first PE, but it really changes your body. The second one I had early this year has changed my life completely. A year ago today I was a very busy bee. My focus now is to get a bit better everyday. I'm still living this moment and I expect it will be what will completely change the course of my life. 

Life is beautiful. We go through a lot of moments. Some effectively change the direction of our lives. I believe though that we all have our individual missions from God. He nudges us to the right direction at the right time. I'm never scared whenever I feel I'm going through a life-changing moment. I embrace it because I know it's where God wants to take me next. 

What are your life changing moments?

CB///*Yr2/87 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/114 #NewG359 #Home133 #StayHome #BeKind 

Working Out Detours

I woke up with a smile today. I finally slept well. I feel the rain has stopped and things are just going to get better. I have been reflecting a lot about my new reality. The detour has forced me to take stock of what I can still do and what I have to let go. 

The Didache reflection last night was about the detours God gives you. Brother Bo Sanchez said, "Listen, if you’re not ready, God will allow a detour. But through that detour, He will mature you, shape you, equip you, and prepare you. Here’s my belief: God uses detours as doorways to your destiny." I have been asking myself why this happened to me and realized it's a detour from God to nudge me to another path.

For now my focus is to get well and my dream is to be reunited with Miggy and my Mom before the year ends. I chanced upon Bro Bo's vlog today. His topic today is about knowing your core gift to give to the world. If you don't know what you're good at his advise is to look back to your childhood. That will help you realize what you love doing and what you're good at. 

Detours are good. I struggled for many months because I wanted to go back to what was usual. The more frustrated I got the worse I felt. The best thing I did was to give up and let God take over. Recovery has been very slow, but I know I just need to trust God's process. I'm grateful my breathing has been better and I have more energy now. 

I'm sure my destiny will eventually be revealed. For now I'll just enjoy this detour and pray for the best! 

BTW, the Asia Pacific Google Educators Group are hosting their fourth live event this weekend! You can get more information about the events here.

CB///*Yr2/83 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/110 #NewG363 #Home137 #StayHome #BeKind 

I usually watch reflection vlogs while eating breakfast.