Thursday, January 9, 2020

Finding Dad, Finding Me

I've been starting my day with my back exercises and it's been better for me to keep moving around than just sitting all day. I'll probably conk out in a bit since I did quite a lot of laundry and chores today. In between though I've been watching "The Witcher" with Miguel and transferring loads of photos and old writings from super old CDs. I found three (yes THREE) boxes of CDs at home and Sweetie's homework for me is to transfer them to an external HD.


I came across some videos from 2004. I found videos of eating at Wendy's with my Mom and Dad. My Dad was still so healthy and was his usual jolly self. I was interviewing them about how they found the food. I don't even remember I took those videos and luckily I took the pains to save them on a CD (the proper term is "burned them on a CD"). The videos are very grainy, but to see my Dad moving, smiling and talking made me miss him so much more.

I opened only a few random video files. The video with Dad was the second one I clicked. I guess it's his way of reassuring me that things will be okay. My Mom said that since Dad passed away he never let himself felt. For me he usually pops in whenever I need him. I guess my friend Juned nudged my Dad because he's been popping in all over the place since November. I always thought it was because he wanted me to check on something, but I only realized the other day when his business card just popped out of nowhere that he's probably telling me that things would be okay. He used to do that a lot for me. 

Last year I made myself so busy to bury the pain of losing a good friend. I realize now I never gave myself time to grieve the loss of Juned. I've always been a warrior. I cope with pain by being productive. I was trained to be that way growing up. Finding Dad in an ocean of data reminded me that he brought me up to be a strong person. Not the wimpy, morose person that I've been the last few months. I know there's still a lot of struggles along the way, but I will hold on to this reminder while I rest and rebuild myself.

Love you Daddy.


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