Shhh... How I Reduce Noise

Social media has certainly made our world "noisier". I must admit, it was fascinating to be always online. Always on the know. Always connected. If you're not "on", then you'd be behind. It was fun, but it's not healthy to always be in the forefront of things. 

After my second PE*, my doctor mandated me to stay offline. Even in ICU I was still getting calls and pings from work. It was an aha moment for my doctors. They realized my personality is what will ultimately bring me peril. So I was mandated to stay offline. That meant no peeking at my emails or social media. 

Mind you, it took me months before I started appreciating being offline. I did not realize that I had to do that for my own good. I monitored my online time using my phone and watched my time spent online go down slowly. It was a habit that had to be broken.

I learned a lot from those months I strictly reduced being online. I forced myself to be more productive offline. I re-discovered my passion for quilting, gardening and baking. Movement was still controlled so I had to be creative at home. It was easy to fill up offline time, since I was asleep half the time (recovering from PEs requires serious rest). 

Things can get very noisy online nowadays. I don't check my phone when I wake up. I only turn it on after all my routines, eating and drinking my meds. I just take a peek and then move on to do some gardening. Gardening includes playtime with the cats. And this is why lately my posts are done late in the evening, haha. 

My doctors were right. It's really in your hands how you manage your stress. I mute when needed. I unfollow when it's too much. I'm at the age when I feel strongly about protecting my space and my peace. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Managing Stress and Triggers

I've decided to put a bit more structure on how I blog everyday. I noticed I've just been writing about a hodge-podge of topics and most did not make sense. Some were even depressing, so I told myself I'm the only one who can get myself out of this rut. The best way is to focus on matters that would be helpful for others. So today I thought I'd write about how I manage "triggers and stress". 

Happiness is finally visiting NBS again! 10 minutes wasn't enough though!

For people with PTSD like me it's important to address triggers before things get out of hand. I quit drinking the meds my doctor gave me. My goal is to reduce or remove my maintenance meds and he told me could stop as soon as I was settled in after I got home. I quit cold turkey two and a half months after and held on to what my doctor told me on our last meeting. He said, "You have progressed really well and I think you know how to manage it already." 

He was referring to "managing triggers and stress". Well after suffering through another bout of heart failure in the past two months, I knew I hit rock bottom again. The only way was up and here's what I did to manage triggers:

1. Walk away from the stressor. If it's a bad relationship that you have given so many chances to, just walk away. Love yourself more. 

2. Get help if there is someone who can. I normally ask help from my boys to manage service personnel who come to our home. I usually get overwhelmed with their questions, so they take care of entertaining them. 

3. Know your limits and rest when needed. I usually get frustrated when there's an activity I can't do. Sometimes when I feel I'm stable I ask to postpone the activity (i.e. doing groceries) to another day. 

4. Don't stress out over things you cannot control. Kuya told me that sometimes I care too much about making things work. So it's best of let go when there's something you can't fully control. This also prevents me from going into beast mode, hahaha.

5. Take things one day at a time. Every week I set major goals that I have to accomplish and then I break it down by day. I also make sure I have fall-back days in case there's a day I have to rest. 

My doctors would be proud of how much I've changed! They said that part of the issue was my personality. I was so focused on attaining my goals, I oftentimes prioritized that over myself. I should probably send them a postcard when we're finally able to go on vacation. 

Bee happy!

#BeKind #StaySafe

My Blood Type is Milk Tea

I honestly don't feel like writing today, haha. I have those days when my brain just refuses to cooperate and it's one of those days. I'd rather work on my summer curtains than blog. I think it happens to everyone and I remember there were days also when I had to push myself to work. I normally motivate myself to get moving by dangling a reward in front of me. Today I'm motivating myself with my favorite milk tea if I finish this post. Yes, it's alright to bribe yourself once in a while. 

Should I grow my hair long again?

We're getting our home cleaned today. Asked Gab if he could send his angels. I was getting frustrated about some areas of the house that I couldn't clean myself (the windows and sliding doors). Any small exertion triggers an asthma attack. So I got help and I look forward to finally seeing the rails of the windows and sliding doors clean. I always get Gab's angels because they are so thorough. 

I've been staying mostly offline lately. Things are just so toxic because of the upcoming elections. I still read the news and check what's trending, but I don't allow it to affect me. By focusing on the goal to help my chosen candidates win I'm able to avoid getting stressed about what's happening. I'm just doing what I can to help (download the Leni 2022 app if you need ideas on what to do). Just pray hard and do what you can. We will win. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Download the Leni 2022 app -

Be a #Kakampink! 

Android: https://t.co/KFFP69LAcC 

iOS: https://t.co/py6nyjCJQK 

Use my invite code: JPY866

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely 

Living Worry-Free

I am a worry-wart. I stressed out a lot before I decided to leave my job. I worried about letting so many people down. I worried about losing my income. I worried about losing my medical insurance. I worried about how people would treat me. All these worries eventually caused anxiety and depression.

For many months, I couldn't sleep. I felt weak and was just generally unwell. The more I worried, the more stressed I got, I became more unwell. I would use essential oils to help me fall asleep, but it was praying the rosary that helped me calm down. I also sought the help of St. Jude for my desperate needs. 

“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” – Luke 5:5 (NLT)

It was through months of prayer that I realized what I needed to do. The idea started when one of my doctors told me that it was perhaps time to leave my job. I was shocked by his advise because years ago he told me I shouldn't rest too much when I was sick because my employer would get impatient. I definitely did not expect to hear that advise from him. My other long-time doctors also advised it would be best for me to live a stress-free life. 

It took awhile for me to digest their advise. Dr. Chan even told me he hoped I'd make the right decision. I prayed and I just knew what He wanted me to do. I also knew that I could rest my worries because things were going to be okay. So I listened and followed. 

It wasn't an easy transition. The worries are now just "concerns", but I don't obsess over it anymore. I am with my family. Mom is just a kembot away so it's easier to take care of her. We have a nice roof over our head where we're building more happy memories. We get by and have been able to help where we can. 

A year ago I was a bungle of nerves. Now I'm just chill. I just lift up all my worries and concerns to Him and just let things be. Worry not and just listen to His guidance :)

#BeKind #StayHome

Break State

Anxiety plagues everyone one way or another. I thought I was good at managing it, but I eventually succumbed to it and got depressed. It's common for pulmonary embolism patients to have anxiety and PTSD. I see a lot of patients cry for help in our groups. It's really helpful to be with people who understand what you're going through. They can give advise and tips on what you can do to alleviate your issue. 

I've had to learn to identify if the symptoms I was experiencing was real or anxiety. Good thing my respiratory doctor was very patient with me. I saw him every week in the beginning of my illness. I eventually learned to differentiate and establish coping mechanisms. One nurse told me I've become a "professional patient" because I already know when to go to the hospital. LOL.

One of the patients in the group termed it beautifully - break state. She was sharing how she's been able to get back her life after all the challenges. Break state. Look up. Change perspective. Knowing when you are falling in the black hole is important. When you feel you are that's when you should move. 

It happens to me usually before I sleep. When my thoughts start going south I change my position. It breaks my thoughts because I have to shift my pillows around. I fall asleep faster now and I'm glad I've been able to keep my worries at bay. Instead of thinking about dark thoughts I've replaced it with longer praying time (expanded my allies to more saints and angels hehe). 

Coping with anxiety is hard. Getting sucked in by not-so good thoughts and worries can maim you from living your life. It's important to have a support group, but it's also key to learn how to cope by yourself. Break it by looking up, changing position or posture, doing something else and praying. Remove yourself from those paralyzing thoughts. I've been blogging everyday for almost two years now. It's helps me put things in proper perspective and I hope I'm able to help others also as I share my experience. 

Hope you are doing well my friend. Ping me if you need someone to talk with ;)

CB///*Yr2/164 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/187 #NewG283 #Home42 #Xmas94 #StayHome #BeKind  

Let's Calm Down

A lot of crazy things have been happening back home. I chanced upon a word-war between a government official and the husband of an actress. It started when the government official insulted the actress. Naturally the husband reacted and challenged the official to a fist fight. 

This is happening among other more important issues back home. I read and watch the news everyday to keep tabs on current issues. I also go through updates about our city. It's been important for me to do this for my family back home. 

I rarely comment about issues because I have to manage my stress levels. If my Dad was still alive he'd probably be sending opinion letters to newspapers frequently. Sadly though a lot of what's happening back home could be avoided if people were just plainly decent and kind. Love your neighbor is the golden rule. 

It's hard enough that we're all going the pandemic. We're all going through some form of pain. Hurt people, hurt other people. Let's just calm down a bit so we can think more clearly. I know things are going to get worse because the elections are coming up. 

In the meantime, if you are too busy to meditate or have quiet time, one thing that helps me everyday are wall push-ups. I pair it with deep breathing exercises. It helps strengthen my lungs, firm up my glutes, relieve back pain and it calms me down. I do 15 at a time with my eyes closed. I do this while waiting for my coffee to drip. Try it :D

CB///*Yr2/158 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/181 #NewG289 #Home47 #Xmas100 #StayHome #BeKind 

I LoveD Stress, It's Dangerous

I was looking out the window this afternoon and noticed a big black bird passing through. I think it's the same bird that flies by everyday. I've never been able to take a photo of it because it just appears suddenly as if on cue whenever I look outside. 

If you told me last year I'd be sitting on my couch just watching birds fly, I would not have believed you. I got my thrill at being busy. I was an energizer bunny on steroids. Even when I got sick I pushed hard to immediately get well. 

It was like a huge bucket of iced water hit me when I realized my body was having a huge disagreement with my mind. My spirit and body were at war with each other for six months. It was around April when I realized what my body was trying to tell me. I was living a toxic life.

You can love what you do, but it doesn't mean it's good for you. 

I should have heeded the symptoms - frequent nausea, lots of headaches, shortness of breath, palpitations, and stomach issues. My doctors had been warning me that stress would be bad for me. I thought I was doing okay. Work stress never really bothered me. I loved being busy and being able to help.

My Mom always told me, "Nasosobrahan ka na. Magpahinga ka naman." I would always shrug it off. It took three decades for me to realize what she meant. Now I'm turning into my Mom. I think I finally understand what it means to relax. I wake up, eat breakfast, drink my meds, work on my quilts while watching a film and exercise whenever I feel like it. No deadlines, no pressure, a stress free existence. The only thing I have to commit to is making it to my doctor appointments lol. 

Here's a short clip of Dr. Joe Dispenza talking about the danger of prolonged stress -

Si Aileen huwag tularan. Don't allow stress to rule your life. 

CB///*Yr2/67  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/94 #StayHome #BeKind 

Freedom from Depression

I never thought I'd fall into it because I had my ways of coping. I also have a strong support system. I'm not sure when it actually started. I knew I had some anxiety, but I was always able to suck things in and face issues. My parents taught me to be strong and not give in to weird thoughts. 

I should have taken care of myself better by taking more breaks, resting and saying no in a firmer way. Needless to say the armor broke down and my body went bonkers. It was in early March when I felt I needed help. I would feel super anxious whenever I had to attend a meeting. I did not sleep well days leading up to the meeting. Aside from breathing issues, I felt horrendous mentally too. 

A friend recommended a doctor. I tried to book time with him after the PE was discovered in January. I did not push through with it because I thought I could still cope. By March I wasn't feeling good (brain fog is real) and I just felt unwell all the time. I called up the doctor's office and set an appointment. I also SOS'd to my long-time cardiologist for help since I wasn't getting better physically. 

Things started rolling by April. I saw the new doctor and recounted to him all that I've been through. I spoke with labored breathing. The doctor said what I feared most, I was going through depression. I guess I fit the checklist. I left his office thinking how I could get myself out of this hole. 

I saw my doctor again last week. It was our fourth session. He said my determination was noteworthy. He said I looked much better and was happy with my progress. He also admired the new quilted bag I made (haha). So I thought today I'd share what I did to slowly get out of the rut I got myself into.

Accept that you are in a rut - denial is an enemy. You just need to accept things to move forward. I had to accept that there were things I loved doing that were bad for me.

Understand why you're depressed - my issue probably stemmed from my medical issues. I also have PTSD which is common for PE patients.

Create an anchor on why you want to get out of it - I knew having a well mind would help me recover physically. I want to be well for my family. 

Target to be better at least 1% more than the day before - I stopped pressuring myself from recovering immediately. The pressure was digging me into a deeper hole. 

Get help - I was broken both mentally and physically that's why I SOS'd also to my cardiologist. I'm so grateful that my doctors are all committed to make me well. Also identify your support system. For me it's been my family and a couple of friends. I know who I can run to when I need someone to talk with. 

Do activities that will make you feel good - I slept and slept and slept. My body needed it to recover, but eventually I started to have more energy. I began doing more chores at home, started to quilt more, joined a writers retreat, re-started my garden and I started to exercise more. 

Get your endorphins working - I only exercised before when I went to see my physiotherapist. She left the country though and the gym and clinics were closed due to stricter measures. I had to push myself to take care of myself. I took it slowly and started with breathing exercises, then wall push-ups and lifting dumbbells. Now I follow the gentle exercises by Justin Agustin and we got an exercise bike. Whenever I feel down I just get on the bike and spin for 5 minutes. It immediately lifts my mood. 

Commit to get better - I used my anchor as my motivation. Whenever I feel down I do activities that will help my mood. 

I sleep better now and I feel I'm slowly getting my old happy self back. I think I'll graduate sooner than expected from my psych doctor. So grateful to my friend who referred him. 

CB///*Yr2/63  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/90 #StayHome #BeKind 

*PE

PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder  

 

Live Well

I've been on the "bench" for a couple of months now. Life has been very different. My calendar used to be full all the time, now I just have appointments with my doctors. I just take things one day at a time for now. 

I was chatting with a friend earlier. She's one of my friends who's thinking about resigning from work. I have other friends who recently resigned as well. They all have the same reason for leaving their job -- too much stress. 

My Dad wanted me to be an entrepreneur after graduation. I stubbornly resisted it. Eventually I tried to be an entrepreneur with my best friend. We got too engrossed with the creating part and ended up not selling anything haha. After that I got sucked in the corporate world. 

I followed the corporate path because that was what I was conditioned to do. At school everyone dreamed of getting a job at a top company. We even had a career counselling class where you had to plot your path. I don't remember anyone who wanted to become an entrepreneur. 

Everything is up in the air for me for now. My friend told me earlier just to "live well". And that's what I'm doing for now. What about you? Is your job stressing you a lot? Are you living well? 

CB//*Yr2/32  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/59 #StayHome #BeKind  

Stop the Rush

The nausea is finally gone. I'm not sure what happened, but I suspect the new medication may have interacted with my maintenance. I listened to my body and just rested all day. I'm glad I'm stable since I have to do a scan today and tomorrow to determine treatment. 

Cars rushing around in Rome. This was the first time I saw St. Peter's Basilica.

It took me 18 days to finish my quilt project. It's a cover for my food processor. I took my time to finish the project because I injured my finger a few weeks ago while making a bag. I really take my time when I make my quilt projects. 

I realized my life now is so different from a few months ago. I was always rushing back then to finish many things. I was a master multi-tasker. I enjoyed being productive and accomplishing things that could help. Eventually it was too much for me and my doctors ordered me to slow down, stay offline and rest. 

I took months for me to accept my new pace. I pressured myself to get back up immediately. It didn't happen. When I finally accepted that this is my new normal I learned to stop rushing. When I quilt I relish every stitch that goes into my project. I spend time admiring the trees outside our home. I watch planes pass by through the clouds. I am grateful for every breath I take. 

Honestly I cannot imagine going back to the life I had before I got sick. I am where God wants me to be. And today I ask you, my friend, "Are you too busy? Do you still have time to smell the flowers?" Stop the rush. Relax and enjoy everything God provides for us. 

CB///Yr2/12  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/39 #StayHome #BeKind  

Be a Pineapple

I almost lost my crown today. I actually did and was bawling my eyes out and doing some writing to calm myself when I got a call. I was need for an important task. I took a deep breath and rushed to prepare to be where I was needed in fifteen minutes. 

The mad rush was what calmed me down. I had to focus at a snap of a finger. I had to be at my best for it. That's how my Dad trained me to keep my emotions in check. I was able to set aside my upset self to deliver. My Kuya said that was a big feat. What they didn't know was right after my part a friend reached out and made time to chat with me. Tears started to fall again, but I managed to keep it together. 

I managed to keep it together for the rest of the day and that's what professionals do. During dinner I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a post by Jonathan Yabut. He said, "Be like a pineapple whenever you're stressed: (1) Stay tall and mighty; (2) Keep wearing your crown; and (3) Remain cool and sweet inside". 

Easily said than done. So that's where I bring in the lessons I got from Chade Meng Tan on "Joy on Demand". One tip he gave during the session I attended years ago is to take a deep breath just before your next meeting. Just inhale and exhale all the stress out. You owe it to the next person you are meeting to be at your best. 

It is hard to do and I'm honestly still struggling now, but as Jonathan Yabut said, "Be like a pineapple...!" Chin up, don't fall into the trap of playing politics and just do what you are good at. 

CB//168 #StuckAtHomeDay/198 #WFH114 #StayHome #BeKind

 

Dealing with Stress the Aileen Way

My doctor said that stress will always be there and I think I've managed to handle it quite well. There are days though when it overshoots the limit. When that happens everything is overwhelming and I become unproductive.

This is what I do:

1. Magpahangin which means get some fresh air. But since we usually have haze in Singapore what it means to me is to run to the nearest Toastbox to get a glass of iced teh c (iced milk tea).

2. Window shopping or go to the grocery. Nothing like getting distracted by retail therapy (this is why I have a weekly allowance to buy 3-5 items at Daiso).

3. TFC/DVD! If reality is a bit of a mess, it helps to get lost in another world and watch other characters get more stressed (it's usually worse than what you are going through anyway).

4. Color your world. I got several coloring books on my last birthday. Or you can bake colorful cake! They're a good stress buster.

5. Be creative! To get my mind off things I quilt. Concentrating on not getting pricked by the needle absolutely helps.