Wellness Wednesdays: Defeat Anxiety with Perspective

We've been anxious the past few months because we've had to deal with a lot of house issues. The fire at the property behind our house made us more anxious. In the past year since we arrived back from abroad, there has been 3 fire incidents near our home (plus one more but it was a kilometer away). 

The fire the other day was about 350 meters away from our home. We could see the signages of fastfood restos from our front door. Those signages were featured in a lot of photos from socmed and the fire looked like it was near our home. 

Our neighbors though did not looked alarmed. The village security was in front of our home for a few minutes, but soon left. We thought the fire was already controlled after an hour, but we were surprised to see black smoke billowing again. We also heard from a livestream that the fire reached the creek. We know that the creek is behind the house in front of us. Kaba is real. 

Since I was so frazelled, I checked Google Maps to understand the distance of the area from our home. After looking at the map, I switched to satellite view. I traced the area of the fire and the location of the fastfood restos we could see from our doorstep. 

I called down after getting a better understanding of how far the area of the fire was. The fastfood restos were in fact farther from where we were and there was another subdivision between us and where the fire broke out. The firetrucks had already surrounded the compound from inside that subdivision effectively barring it from crossing over. We couldn't see the other houses and streets between us and the fastfood restos because they were lower. I always thought the main thoroughfare was just behind the house in front of us. 

That incident was a good lesson on looking at things from another perspective. Between you and what you fear is probably a huge gap you don't see because you're looking intently at the fire. Also, sometimes what you fear may not be meant for you. When I understood the situation better I started to feel grateful and re-focused my energy in finding ways to help the victims of the fire. 

I really do have PTSD and it's really a struggle to control it. The best way is for me to strengthen my coping mechanisms and draw the line when it's triggered. Just always pray and be grateful :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Wellness Wednesdays: Managing Stress and Triggers

I've decided to put a bit more structure on how I blog everyday. I noticed I've just been writing about a hodge-podge of topics and most did not make sense. Some were even depressing, so I told myself I'm the only one who can get myself out of this rut. The best way is to focus on matters that would be helpful for others. So today I thought I'd write about how I manage "triggers and stress". 

Happiness is finally visiting NBS again! 10 minutes wasn't enough though!

For people with PTSD like me it's important to address triggers before things get out of hand. I quit drinking the meds my doctor gave me. My goal is to reduce or remove my maintenance meds and he told me could stop as soon as I was settled in after I got home. I quit cold turkey two and a half months after and held on to what my doctor told me on our last meeting. He said, "You have progressed really well and I think you know how to manage it already." 

He was referring to "managing triggers and stress". Well after suffering through another bout of heart failure in the past two months, I knew I hit rock bottom again. The only way was up and here's what I did to manage triggers:

1. Walk away from the stressor. If it's a bad relationship that you have given so many chances to, just walk away. Love yourself more. 

2. Get help if there is someone who can. I normally ask help from my boys to manage service personnel who come to our home. I usually get overwhelmed with their questions, so they take care of entertaining them. 

3. Know your limits and rest when needed. I usually get frustrated when there's an activity I can't do. Sometimes when I feel I'm stable I ask to postpone the activity (i.e. doing groceries) to another day. 

4. Don't stress out over things you cannot control. Kuya told me that sometimes I care too much about making things work. So it's best of let go when there's something you can't fully control. This also prevents me from going into beast mode, hahaha.

5. Take things one day at a time. Every week I set major goals that I have to accomplish and then I break it down by day. I also make sure I have fall-back days in case there's a day I have to rest. 

My doctors would be proud of how much I've changed! They said that part of the issue was my personality. I was so focused on attaining my goals, I oftentimes prioritized that over myself. I should probably send them a postcard when we're finally able to go on vacation. 

Bee happy!

#BeKind #StaySafe

Exorcising Bad Experiences

When you are faced with life threatening disease, i.e. a pulmonary embolism, you will most likely have mental health issues. What worries us most is the possibly of dying unprepared. It's a sad reality because the mortality rate is high. My doctor reminded me about this earlier this week. He said, "You could have died." Yes doc, twice. And that's the reason why I have to fiercely protect my health, physically and mentally. 

Being part of a support group for pulmonary embolism survivors has helped me a lot in the past three years. Most of the members are from the other side of the hemisphere because that's where PEs are more commonly diagnosed. I think though there are similar PE survivors here in the Philippines, it's just not as easily diagnosed (took more than a year for mine to be detected in Singapore). 

One of the members sent an important reminder for us -

I was spiraling down again because of the events happening around me. I had to stop watching the news and make important decisions regarding destructive relationships. The stress was not good for me and I ended up sick again. My chest x-ray have some worrying results, but it seems my doctor is chill about it. Following the reminder from my support group, I'll just be chill about it too. Do not panic when your doctor isn't concerned about your findings. 

I was 8 years old when my Mom got me my first journal. She told me I should write down my experiences, whether it's good or bad. I eventually found it helpful to vent my frustrations through writing. And that's what I did the other night. I poured out 35 years worth of hurt. It felt like a huge tree bark* was pulled out of me when I finished the note. This was followed by two full days of chest pains and nausea, but I think I'm much better now. I was able to talk about it with my Kuya without getting teary eyed. It's now all just in black and white**.

*It was no longer just a thorn

**There is an NLP technique where they help you minimize seemingly large issues. The important issue is represented by a full color picture, as you progress it becomes black and white and it eventually disintegrates.  

My Blood Type is Milk Tea

I honestly don't feel like writing today, haha. I have those days when my brain just refuses to cooperate and it's one of those days. I'd rather work on my summer curtains than blog. I think it happens to everyone and I remember there were days also when I had to push myself to work. I normally motivate myself to get moving by dangling a reward in front of me. Today I'm motivating myself with my favorite milk tea if I finish this post. Yes, it's alright to bribe yourself once in a while. 

Should I grow my hair long again?

We're getting our home cleaned today. Asked Gab if he could send his angels. I was getting frustrated about some areas of the house that I couldn't clean myself (the windows and sliding doors). Any small exertion triggers an asthma attack. So I got help and I look forward to finally seeing the rails of the windows and sliding doors clean. I always get Gab's angels because they are so thorough. 

I've been staying mostly offline lately. Things are just so toxic because of the upcoming elections. I still read the news and check what's trending, but I don't allow it to affect me. By focusing on the goal to help my chosen candidates win I'm able to avoid getting stressed about what's happening. I'm just doing what I can to help (download the Leni 2022 app if you need ideas on what to do). Just pray hard and do what you can. We will win. 

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Download the Leni 2022 app -

Be a #Kakampink! 

Android: https://t.co/KFFP69LAcC 

iOS: https://t.co/py6nyjCJQK 

Use my invite code: JPY866

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely 

What I'm Doing to Refill My Tank

My tank has finally started to fill up. I was running on fumes for more than a year. I really wondered how I could refill my tank. I learned that you should heed the signs when your tank is running low. The signs were there as early as 2018, but I just kept going. I'm a trooper after all, but it's really important to take care of yourself. 

Oh before I forget, today is my 9th mitral valve repair anniversary. My heart has been thumping nicely for 9 years already. My surgeon really did a great job and he says that everytime he peaks at the valve, haha. The valve is leaking a bit again, but they said no need to worry as long as I limit my activities. My doctors are amazed how I'm able to recover from all my health issues. 

Faith, hope and love. That's my secret. I have been praying for a miracle because my family needs me. I think I'm finally stable now and it's truly a miracle I have not visited a medical facility for two month now. Thank you Lord! I'm really happy about it because I'm able to do things for my family. 

If you're not careful, you can run on empty like me. Thought I'd share what I did the past year to refill my tank:

1. Pray for healing, truly, madly and deeply. I also prayed for help from Mama Mary, Padre Pio and St. Jude. 

2. Forgive yourself. I beat myself up for not being able to contribute to anything. It triggered my PTSD all the time. 

3. Accept that there are things you cannot change. Treat it as Papa God's way of pushing you to a new path. 

4. Take a break. Take as long as you need. It's okay not to function as you normally would.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you truly. 

6. Do things that make you happy. 

7. Learn to say no. No, no, no, no! Haha. I still get invitations to speak and people can get pushy! They don't understand that my voice runs out after a few minutes of talking. It's a mechanical issue. So i just keep saying no. Sorry guys. It is what it is.

8. Move on and discover new things about yourself. Since I had to stop doing what I loved to do, I moved on and discerned my new mission. Just family for now. 

9. Indulge yourself. I'm so far happy my weight has stayed stable since I got home, haha. I'm not pressuring myself to lose more. Just focusing on increasing daily movement for now. 

10. Get as many hugs as you can everyday. I squeeze my boys like crazy several times a day. 

#BeKind #StayHome