Miracle Sundays: Don't Be Scared, Just Pray

Last Friday, we headed out to do some errands. Oh boy, the heat was truly unbearable. Good thing I brought my new handheld fan. It helped and I ducked inside stores that had cooler airconditioning. The temp though wasn't consistent and I would feel a jarring pain in my back. It would go away as soon as I got to a place that was cooler. 

It was probably a good thing we went home when the sun was setting. I would have melted if we went home earlier. I was tired when we got home, but I was still able to water my potted plants and I did some hand sewing. When I went to bed, I felt a weird flutter in my heart. I did breathing exercises. I felt weirder and weirder. 

Checked my watch and saw my heart rate going bonkers. It would go up from 86 to 104 in seconds. I counter-checked through my oximeter. Same result. I was diagnosed with arrhythmia a few years ago. My cardiovascular surgeon helped manage it. In the past few years, attacks happen around this time. It's probably the heat. 

I was getting very restless already and told Sweetie I was having issues with my heart rate. My rate hit 114 at some point and I started to worry. I definitely didn't want to go to the ER especially since cases are going up again. I prayed for clarity of mind because I knew getting stressed was going to make things worse. Got Miggy to bring me some iced water and that helped calm me down.

Followed my doctor's instructions on what to do and my heart rate eventually normalized and I fell asleep. Woke up feeling tired, but I thanked the Lord for the beautiful day. It was still scorching hot so I stayed in an airconditioned, air-filtered room all day. Thank you Papa God and my boys for taking care of me. 

Today, I also pray for my classmate who is in the hospital fighting the big C. Please also kindly say a prayer for her and another batchmate who is not doing well. 

The Logic of Peace

Before going to sleep last night, I came across a tweet by Pope Francis. He said, 

That led me to read about Cain and Abel to understand better what he meant. I know Pope Francis tweeted it in the context of what is happening in Ukraine. The tweet spoke to me. I realized there's a lot to learn from his message. 

I cried buckets when I saw Pope Francis in Rome! I felt the same love surround me when I saw Pope John Paul II on World Youth Day 1995.

They say hurt people, hurt people. That is true and that's what we all do whenever we are hurt. I see this a lot everyday on social media. It's election time and it's gotten easy for people to throw mud to each other. I have been trying my best not to react anymore since it's not going to help anyway. It also brings a lot of stress and I've seen many friends quit social media because it's affected their mental health. 

Pope Francis made me realize that the source of my stress is from thinking like Cain. You cannot douse fire with more fire. The way to kill a fire is with water, thus you must deal with it by acting in peace. And if you continue to do war or lead with that mindset, then you can end up like Cain wandering in the desert waiting to be killed. 

I'm grateful for this tweet by Pope Francis because it helped me understand an issue that's been plaguing me for decades now. I realized that there are things you can never get back. The best way is to let it go and let it remain a memory. 

Let go. Let love. Be at peace. 

P.S. I'm feeling much better now after experiencing the effects of the booster shot. I still need to regain my strength and stamina. Hope to be back to normal in a few days.

#BeKind #StaySafe #VoteWisely

Managing Triggers

I haven't been sleeping well again the past few days. I'm scheduled for a test again tomorrow and I'm a bit anxious about it. My doctors have poked me so many times this year, but I never get used to it (and you shouldn't!). Aside from that I've had to deal with other things that set off my PTSD. 

The past year has been a test of patience and resilience. It's something a lot of pulmonary embolism survivors go through. In our patient group there's always someone who asks for help to deal with anxiety. This stems from the feat that you can clot again and you can die from it. I've had two clotting episodes and the second one has been really hard to recover from because the first one is still around! 

To recover from an illness you have to be strong mentally. I only started getting better when I got help. My doctor advised that you need to understand your triggers. You also need to be able to arrest the trigger and purposely pull yourself to another direction. It's not easy to do. I cried the other day because my doctor scolded me for asking too many questions. He apologized after a few minutes, but it already made me feel so bad. 

When the tears started to fall Sweetie asked what was wrong. I told him I got super stressed. In between hiccups I told him I needed milk tea haha. The tears immediately stopped. To be honest I had a hard time sleeping that night because of the incident. I felt better yesterday, but was once again triggered when a friend said I was fat. It took me hours to fall asleep again. I finally did when I thought about my dog Jolly. 

Yesterday's Didache reflection by Bo Sanchez was helpful of putting things in proper perspective. He said instead of battling "demons" think of the incident as God's way. You can think of the triggers as a way to deal with issues or as a way of learning. Now I will always ask myself, "What is God trying to teach me?". This will help me stay away from feeling bad and getting emotional. 

Please pray for me tomorrow as I undergo another test. May God bless the hands of the experts who will poke me again. 

CB///*Yr2/144 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/167 #NewG303 #Home61 #Xmas114 #StayHome #BeKind  

The Heart of Healing

I wrote about a miracle last year. I was miraculously healed from heart failure. My Singaporean cardiologist was quite surprised that I was in good shape and took out most of my maintenance medicines. The planned heart surgery last year was postponed. It's been more than a year since the planned heart surgery and I've since been slowly getting over my allergies. I can now eat/drink chocolate, Coca-cola and I'm halfway over my allergies for crabs and shrimps! Hooray!

Early this year though, my cardio advised that I should still go through heart surgery so that I could live a normal life again and have more kids. I was really saddened over that and became a bit depressed over it. For a few weeks after my check-up I ended up having asthma attacks almost everyday and I was not my usual perky self.

Ardy Roberto's book "The Heart of Healing" was a token from a talk I gave. I was immediately hooked when I started reading the book while waiting for Sweetie to pick me up. The book is about Ardy's wife who had lupus. Lupus is a disease that isn't curable and Ardy's journey wasn't an easy one. I am glad though that I came across the book because it surely reminded me of what Fr. Faller said during his homily. He said that healing may not be immediate, but may come in phases.

The cloud that was on me for the past few months lifted half-way through the book. Healing is indeed a process which often takes time to happen. I continue to pray to be healed so I can continue my mission.

It's my birthday today and I'd just like to thank my family, friends and everyone who has touched my life for being there. And, of course, thank you Papa God for the healing grace.

Bongga!