Breakfast Date with Sweetie

Sweetie surprised me the other day when he told me were going to go grocery shopping in person. I was shookt! I've been ordering groceries online since April 2020 and found his request unusual. I guess I've been moping around since Monday last week he probably thought I needed a change of environment. I was even more shookt when he told me we'll have breakfast out. OMG! This was all new to me. 

We attempted to go out yesterday, but I woke up with a headache so it was postponed. I barely had any sleep last night (#anxiety), but I pushed myself to get out of bed. I looked forward to eating something other than oatmeal (my cardio's mandate is to eat oatmeal for breakfast). Ahhh, it was such a joy to eat at Cafe Breton. The last time we ate at Cafe Breton was many years ago when Sweetie kidnapped me for a quick date. 

I got the excalibur and Sweetie got the dracula. The crepe was delicious as usual. It was my first time to try the excalibur and the combination of ham, emmental cheese, fresh cream and asparagus sauteed with onions and mushrooms was really tasty. I paired the meal with a cup of cappuccino. It was absolutely fulfilling since we waited years to eat there again. 

After breakfast we ran some errands. I was almost wiped out by noon, so rested at Krispy Kreme. They have a nice bundle for 2 at only PhP225. It includes 2 iced coffees and 2 original glazed doughnuts. It was a great refreshment and it's always a good idea to be full before doing groceries! Hahaha. Of course, we brought home food from Makati Supermart Coffee Shop for our late lunch with Miggy. 

It was a great day to go out. Still taking a lot of precautions and socially distancing ourselves to be safe. I was able to make 3k steps and it felt good, but I was pretty wiped out halfway through our grocery list. Probably need a check-up soon just to be on the safe side. 

Have a happy day everyone! Let your light continue to shine. 

#StaySafe #BeKind

Happy Two's Day!

2-22-2022!

Two's day on a Tuesday! 

I found a trick to make me fall asleep faster. I read a chapter of a book. I've been having trouble sleeping and it takes me hours to finally fall asleep. Reading helped! Before drifting off to sleep I remembered one of the most important lessons my Dad taught me about values. 

I was previously stuck in a bad relationship. On the outside it seemed all good, but it came to a point where we just kept disagreeing about everything. One day my Dad sat down with me in the kitchen to tell me he did not approve of the relationship. He was worried it will end in a disaster because our values was very different. At that time I was already questioning myself whether staying in the relationship was worth it. 

I cried and cried and cried, but I realized what my Dad said was true. Our disagreements stemmed from our value differences. I was tired and unhappy and for my sanity I let it go. Having the same values with your partner is very important. It can make and break your relationship. My Mom explained if your values are different even the smallest things will bother you. It will eat you up and eventually break you. 

It took me years to heal and when I got around to dating again I treated it differently. Eventually I met Sweetie and the rest is history. So if you're stuck in a bad relationship, assess whether it's because you have very different values. It may save you from a lifetime of pain. 

And that applies as well to your choice of candidate. Make sure you choose wisely. :)

Rest in peace my thesis mentor, Ms. Cherry. We were her first gold thesis awardee. Will miss you. 

#BeKind #StayHome #VoteWisely

Knowing When It's Time to Let Go

Break-up. Leave. Move on.  

Ending something is probably one of the hardest things to do. It always brings heartbreak and a mix of emotions. I have been through many of these painful moments, but I've always come out of it stronger and wiser. 

But how do you know when it's time to go? 

I must admit when it came to relationships it was always hard for me to let go. The reasons were always very obvious, but I always held on. I would just sum it up to what my Mom advised me before, "When you don't have the same values as your boyfriend, it will probably not last." I held on to those words when I finally walked out of a 7-year relationship. After that I just let God take over my love life. 

I had ten jobs before I found the one. My career movement was always driven by my quest to learn more. I did have my fair share of bad managers, but that's not what really drove me away (well, once). I had a list of skills I wanted to gain and that's what I followed whenever I moved to a new job. Key for me was to learn as much as I could. 

It's really hard to know when it's time to let go or pursue a new path. My Kuya gave me a list of questions I fill out whenever I have big decisions I have to make. He also advised me to do the St. Ignatius spiritual exercises to make sure that it is the right decision. 

CB///*Yr2/38  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/65 #StayHome #BeKind

When Control Spells Trouble and Who Not to Date

I know this would end up to be a very revealing post and I actually thought about it for a couple of weeks before writing. This is for some people who are very close to my heart and I'm writing this for them in the hopes that they will not go down the same path I did... in my previous life.

Sometimes in our quest to find our "one true love" we end up compromising a lot of things, even our principles. We may think it is love, but I'd say it's stupidity. What do I mean?

I had a former boyfriend who was overly controlling. There were times he would call the guard in our office just to ask what time I left and who I went down the elevator with. He would then "time" how long before I got home and chastise me even if I was a few minutes late. He would control what I ate, what I wore, who I spoke with. He'd read all the messages in my phone. He wouldn't allow me to attend office functions in the evening. He would not allow me to watch movies with my friends. He would not allow me to sing in the choir. He'd go into rages and would accuse me of seeing other guys. He became jealous and very possessive. Get the picture? It is I believe a form of abuse.

He sucked my life out of me. Well, almost. I was really feisty back then. I'd fight back, but I'd always lose because I was very afraid of losing him. I lost my sunshine. I changed. I even lost my muse for writing. I compromised what I knew was right. I compromised what I wanted. I compromised my principles. I was unhappy, but I just couldn't bear not having him.

I realized though that my true self was telling me something when I wouldn't do anything to fix our wedding. The date was moved thrice already. I always told him I was busy (I was going up the ladder in my career then). I was fixing our papers for migrating (he wanted to, I didn't), but it was all such a hassle to me and I was getting red tape from one task to another. I knew then that God was telling me something. So I prayed and prayed hard for clarification. And He answered, one prayer after another. Walang mintis.

I don't know how I survived. I was reedly thin then (I'm really fat now!). I did really well at work. My depression was like a light switch. I could turn it off and on (that's good control LOL). At work, I'd be so bright and cheerful like nothing was wrong. It was a month after before I managed to tell my family that I already broke off our engagement. My parents were very worried, but my Kuya told them not to worry because he knew that whatever it was I was going through, I would go back to my roots, to who I really am. And, I did, I pulled through. It may have taken a long time for me to heal, but my friends, family and my faith got me over it.

And since the, I told myself. I WILL NOT COMPROMISE. I will not settle for anything less. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life rather than be stuck with somebody who will just eventually make me unhappy.

And no, I did not meet the perfect guy right after that relationship. Brother Bo said you have to meet a lot of guys. The worst thing you'll have is a new guy friend. Right? And believe me there are a lot of guys who are not ready to be in a relationship, they are just playing or rather... they are still being honed to be men. I know, I've been quite upset it for the longest time (years) and I always asked Papa God how come they don't make guys like my Dad anymore? I think they're a dying breed.

So, my dear girl friends, control is just one of the many things that you should be very wary about... be scared, be very scared when:

1. A guy seems to say all the right things and seems so sure of himself and what he wants. He just wants you and is most probably just after your body. Bolero yan promise.

2. A guy seems to turn off his ear when you are sharing a problem. Remember, the most basic component of any relationship is friendship. If he doesn't want to hear about your day or is not even compassionate about you having a cough or a fever, even as a friend, naku iha he's not worth it.

3. A guy that forces you into schedules. Tsk tsk tsk. You are not a task list item. He's probably forcing you to fit in his schedule because he has others in his schedule. Multi-tasker ito!

4. A guy who tells you not to contact him. Ano ka kabit? If you cannot freely contact him anytime, wake up! That spells a lot of trouble. And forcing you just to talk with him through IM (this is true for LDRs), naku, kuripot na obvious pang may tinatago. My guy friends in the US call me often, and those are just friends ha.

5. A guy friend with whom you might have something going tells you, "Don't get too close to me, I might fall for you." And then goes and gets angry with you when you stop being malambing to him. Girl, that guy definitely has a lot of issues, if he can't face the fact that he likes you even though all your friends say so, it just means he is not that into you. Stay away.

6. A guy who has a girlfriend and still courts you. Even if he says, "Give me a chance, I'll leave her for you." Remember, he can do that to you as well. How can you trust a person who's like that? Asa pa siya.

7. A guy who is reportedly a womanizer. One that your friends have warned you about. You might be just one of his trophies. He probably has a lot of issues and in the end even though he tells you he loves you, he'd be so screwed up already because of his past.

8. A guy who doesn't treat his mother or sister right. That's how he'll treat you as well.

9. A guy who gets mad at the smallest of things and accuses you of stuff you did not do. It's his ghosts haunting him. Plus a guy who lies a lot and makes you lie for him. Goodness, let's not even delve into that.

10. A guy who kisses and tells. You'd know coz you'd be one of the ones he tells to. Tsk tsk tsk.

I asked a lot of my married friends how they came to the conclusion that they were marrying that person and all of them said one thing, "You just know." Armed with that "truth" , I did not allow myself to become bitter over all the stuff I've gone through. I told my best friend (now upgraded hehehe... and I'd say... I just know, I've known from the start silly... did I really have to go 10,000 miles away? LOL) that if my last relationship did not work out, then I'd just treat is as an adventure. It did not work out.

I wrote this piece for a couple of people who are close to my heart. It breaks my heart to see them in a situation where I was years ago. It was horrendous and I really do not know how I survived it, but I could safely say that I've put a closure to all the stuff from my past already and I am looking forward to a very bright future. There is hope girl. Pray.

I wasted 7 years of my life on one guy, don't do the same stupid thing I did.

What about you? What's the most stupid thing you've done for a guy? Who do you think you should NOT date?

Maybe

Note: I am writing this for two sets of friends :)

I am so utterly distracted by so many things going through my mind and I just had to get this off so I can focus on the stuff I need to prioritize.

So this is going to be one of my ten minute posts.

Maybe? It's always a question between guy and gal friendships. I think I must've lived long enough to experience quite a number of friendships that may or may not have ended in a romantic relationship.

What do I mean?

Remember Joey and Dawson (of Dawson's Creek)? They were friends since they were kids and eventually explored the romantic side of their friendship. Naging sila, but after so many seasons of going on and off they eventually accepted the fact that they weren't meant to be together. So Joey ended up with Pacey.

So is it really possible to have a guy best friend? I think so. I remember having this conversation with a friend while we were traversing EDSA. He asked me that question and I said that I think it is quite normal for opposite sex friendships to go through a time of "questioning". It's where you basically start thinking whether you'd end up together or something.

Yeah, it's a very sticky situation when one or both of you start thinking about it. I hate to admit it but it's usually girls who start thinking about it first. And, unfortunately for us girls it's the attention that gets to us. Give us extra special attention and we start mincing every single detail, SMS and gesture. We can't help it. It's our nature. Don't crucify us for it, help us out of it if you want us to be your buddy.

That's why I always tell my guy friends who get in such sticky situations to always, ALWAYS, be clear from the beginning. And I tell my girl friends never, NEVER to assume anything. (I guess that's why I am soooo dense). Never let that "Maybe" hang in the air coz eventually you'll start being awkward with each other blah blah blah. It's really fun though to have a guy best friend coz they always manage to give you real "guy perspectives" and they always cheer you up when you're sad. Do they ever make selos when there's a boyfriend? Nah, I don't think so, it's usually the boyfriend who ends up getting jealous. LOL.

Oh well, my ten minutes are up.

So, I ask you, is it really possible for a boy and a girl to just be friends? Without the "maybe"?

Cebu Love Thoughts: How Will I Know He is The One?

Last night Janette and I stayed up until 4 a.m. discussing the merits of choosing “The One” (the right one that is).

How does one choose? And how does one know that the guy lurking around in your backyard is someone you could trust?

Of course, there’s my ideal guy checklist and there’s another list I have which is definitely not bloggable (let’s keep some things about my life to myself eh?). Bo Sanchez in his bestseller, “How to Find Your One True Love” said that you have to meet at least 5 guys every single week. In the past few months, I’ve been meeting that quota easily believe me. And let’s just say, I have made many, many new guy friends. Hehehe.

So how does one go about trusting a person? It is not natural for me to check-up on people. I don’t use a search engine nor Friendster to check-up on one’s background. I know, I know this should come naturally. Argh! I’m just so stupidly trusting (uh, that’s why I have 3 best friends looking after me?). Janette said, “It's all about risk management.” `Nuff said about that.

So let’s say you manage to determine that the person in the hot seat is someone you could trust and someone you’re considering. How long should you “play the game of chess”? (That was Punzi asking why it was going to take several months for me). So how long? Punzi chimed in a bit later on through Twitter that it shouldn’t be long. And Janette said that when you are in your 30s it’s a totally different ballgame because people know what they want and oftentimes don’t want to undergo the frilly, silly game called courtship.

So how will I know? I mean, it’s been a looooong time and I guess I’m kinda lost! LOL. So help me out here!

I’m tagging some married and single friends (and you if you wanna chime in as well) to provide me some thoughts on this matter: Tappy, Marc, Gail, Sasha, Anne, Harry, Janette (a reading perhaps? LOL), Manuel, Jozzua (I still owe you 1 meme!), Lady Cess, Sexy Mom, Noemi, Juned, Jayvee, Jun, Blogie, Andrew, Honey, Jay, Mayi, AJ, Sarah, Kristine, Max, Quistian, Markku.

The things Cebu does to me! LOL. Cheerios!

Single vs. Married? Which is Better?

The sky must be falling!

That's what my best friend said when I broached the subject to her. She knows that the sight of wedding gowns make me hyperventilate. She was simply aghast when I brought up the topic. No, not aghast, alarmed. So what is really better anyway?

I have definitely enjoyed my independence since my runaway bride drama years ago (not literally okay). So why the question? The subject of settling down has just been cropping up at home. My parents have been showing too much concern about my single existence (rolling my eyes) - I've been getting interrogated every night - "don't you have a boyfriend now?". Egads. I'm afraid they'll soon take up the offer of our dear priest-friends to put up a billboard to sell me. Urk!

Anyway, most of my friends are already married or are getting married (check out my Twisted Wedding Planner projects). And they rant, mind you, as much as us singletons do.

For my newly married friends there's the adjustment period. Being BF and GF is not really enough to get to know your partner, no matter how long your relationship was before you got married. My Mom still sometimes complains about how my Dad could mess up his cabinet the day after she fixed it. Or how she got so shocked over my Dad using the laundry bin as target shooting practice when they were newly married. Then there's the cooking dilemma, financial dilemma, sleeping dilemma and whatever.

What really scares me are the rants of my friends who have been married for a long time - both for guys and gals - a couple of them are just coasting on their marriage. Some have or have had relationships with others. It's true, but there's nothing I can really do but listen and pray for them. But why does this happen? Is it the lack of attention? Has all the passion gone? No more spice? Some said it's because they've gotten bored.

It is hard for me to fathom because I grew up with parents who are so in love with each other, so glued together - I never saw them fight actually. Well they had tampuhan once, a few years ago, but it was just that tampuhan. They don't even remember what it was about. They've really stayed true to their vow.

I must admit, my single girlfriends and I, we rant a lot about not finding "the right one" yet, but another part of me tells me it's better to be single and independent than to be tied up and messed up. My happily married friends would contest that being married is the way to go and that it is a MUST to get married. Hmmm... provided you find the right one that is!

So what do you think? What's better? Being single or married?

P.S. Don't get any ideas! I have no intentions of ending up the spinster in my generation! Read up on what's my ideal guy.

Meme: The Ideal Guy

I was chatting with Sasha a while ago about making a post about the "ideal guy". I told her that I don't think that topic would sit well here in my blog since it's not a blog about dating and relationships and hello I don't really have much to say about that. Well, apparently she found a way for me to discuss it here in my blog. She suggested I do a meme she did last year. So, here are 8 traits I think a guy should have to be my ideal guy.

Hmmm... after all I've been through, I think my ideal guy is a nerd. Yes, you read it right. A nerd. Some would contest that geek is a better term because it has a more positive ring to it, then so be it... a nerd/geek.

Why, oh why? My girlfriends and I had a long discussion over dinner about the three types of guys: (1) the normal guy; (2) the bad boy; and (3) the geek/nerd. I'm not going to go through #1 and #2 coz that's going to be a looooong story. Let me tell you why my ideal guy is #3.

1. They have passion. When they want to get something done, they do it and they exhaust all efforts to get it done, i.e. Larry and Sergey.

2. They are romantic. And it's not the romantic-cheesy type mind you. I don't like the traditional type of courtship (listen to BOBCast 8 for more info). Getting surprised is just simply so adorable. See also #3.

3. They are very creative, especially when they are wooing you. And they don't just give gifts off the shelf, it's a well planned activity for them.

4. Mababaw kaligayahan. I'm not saying it's easy to please a nerd/geek, but you know if you manage to "get" what they are passionate about and you show interest in it, it's going to make `em mighty happy.

5. Simple. WYSIWYG.

6. Stable. I've noticed that when they are happy in their job, they stay in it and they flourish. Hey, I'm a nerd, so I know.

7. Patient and not judgmental. I'm not going to say anything about this coz I might incriminate myself. LOL.

8. One-woman guy. When they say it's just you, it's just really you.

What about you? What is your ideal guy? Or, if married, why do you think your husband is an ideal guy?

Girls! Meme time! Anne, Honey, Sharm, Lauren, Micholle, Mimi, AJ and Chel.

*Photo by Rico.