Filling the Void, How I Ended My Existential Crisis

Two years ago I experienced a crisis. I've always known that the time would come I would move on and go back to my old life. It came to a point when I considered creating two identities of my social media accounts. I wanted to separate my work and personal posts. It seemed like a good idea and my counselor agreed. Eventually I realized that wasn't the right way to do it. I had to find a way to accept all aspects of myself. 

My friend Marv posted an article from HBR.org, "What Happens When Your Career Becomes Your Whole Identity". The article described exactly the existential crisis I went through. What made it the struggle worse for me is being far away from home. I always felt that I put my life on hold when I moved to another country. 

I super love my work. I thrived in the challenges I faced everyday. I'd like to believe I achieved a lot. I was also conscious about having a good work-life balance. I would usually end work by six or six thirty. The problem was I'd be so spent by then, I just ended up resting at night. I couldn't also completely turn off "work mode" because most of my friends were part of the communities I was managing. 

I only managed to put things in proper perspective when my doctor mandated me to stay offline. It took six weeks before I started to clam down. Another three months before I accepted that my situation has changed. And another couple of months before the existential crisis ended. This is what I had to do -

1. Accept that there are things that you cannot change. 

2. Accept that I was where I supposed to be in the past 10 years. Regret only provides value if you learn from it. 

3. Accept that whatever I did, however I did it is part of who I am and that's how I roll. [I give my all in whatever I do.] 

That is the problem when your career becomes your whole identity. I didn't ask for it. It just happened because I was chosen for the responsibility. I'd like to believe that the relationships that I've established would stay and evolve to a different level. Realistically it will change because I can't provide the same value anymore. 

My contemporaries from 15 years ago have all moved on. They all have led very interesting lives in the past few years. I just wanted to share today that we've decided to go back home. It was not an easy decision to make, but unfortunately the issues have left permanent body damage. My doctors think it will be better for me to recover surrounded by my family. I will focus on transitioning back home in the next few months. 

Day 7 Minimalism Challenge, Write your best qualities. Errr this is so awkward to write about haha. I guess I could say I'm flexible, creative, a planner, and a survivor. That's about what I could think about for now haha. 

CB///*Yr2/118 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/141 #NewG328 #Home86 #StayHome #BeKind 

Because You Can!

Hump day is over and it's Thursday again. I'm only able to follow the days of the week based on Sweetie's office day. I ask him everyday what day it is already. My life used to be controlled by my Google Calendar. I used to have back to back to back meetings. 

I was reading the news today and was really happy to note that we're getting at four medals at the Tokyo Olympics. Wow! Brother Bo Sanchez shared in his vlog Hidilyn Diaz' secret to her success. She put it in her mind that she was going to win. She always gave her best during her training.  

It's truly amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. Looking back that's how I managed my projects. I always had the end goal in mind and everything I did supported to reach the goal. That's how I also led my team. I'd ask them what they'd like to report by end of the quarter (or year). That makes it easy for them to plan and budget their time for the whole quarter (or year). 

When you have a goal it's important to detail the steps on how you're going to reach it. Most of the tools I use are online, but I still have a handwritten checklist. It's fulfilling to tick off tasks. I still do this now since managing your family in two countries requires program management skills (haha). 

That's the secret to achieving anything - have a clear goal and proper planning prevents poor performance! Go for the gold! 

Day 6 Minimalism Challenge, Write your friends' best qualities. I keep a small circle of really close friends. As you grow older you realize that you don't need a lot of friends. And as you grow older you also experience a lot of stuff about friendship. I trust my besties. I don't talk to them everyday, but they instinctively know when I need them. They know when I'm in one of my moods. They know how to calm me down and what I like and don't like. Our friendship has been through the test of time and that's something I'll never exchange for anything in the world. 

CB///*Yr2/117 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/140 #NewG329 #Home87 #StayHome #BeKind 

Cooked the Best Soup in the World at Home! Sinigang!

There's so much Pinoy good vibes going around lately! Hidilyn Diaz won a gold medal for weightlifting at the Olympics. Three other Filipino athletes are also bringing home medals! Beating the last time we brought home 3 in 1932 (source). Another great news this week is the recognition of Sinigang as the best soup by Taste Atlas. Yaaas!

There are many ways to cook sinigang. Just like adobo, each household probably have their own way of cooking sinigang. I learned to cook it mainly from following what's written behind the sinigang mix packet (haha). I've tried cooking sinigang with pork and salmon, but we so far like the pork version better. I used to be able to eat it with shrimp, but I developed allergies for shell fish unfortunately. 

You can also use a wide array of veggies when cooking sinigang -- kangkong, mustasa, miso etc. I use mustasa often because I could get it fresh from my balcony garden hehe. Most households also use gabi (taro), but since it's hard to find here in SG I use radish instead. Really up to you what ingredients you want to use. 

The best sinigang is made with fresh tamarind/sampalok, kamias, bayabas, santol, kamatis or mangga. It takes longer to cook it that way though (but definitely much, much better!). Good think sinigang mix was invented and you can get this from a Filipino or Asian store (also at Fairprice in Singapore!). With sinigang mix, all you need is about 25 minutes to cook sinigang.

I cooked sinigang last night and Miggy said he missed eating it. Made him a video so he can cook some for himself. Thought I'd share it today for friends who want to learn how to cook sinigang at home. Here's the video!

Ingredients:

1/2 kg pork cubes 

1 tsp salt 

2-3 chopped tomatoes 

1 chopped onion 

1 gabi (taro) or radish 

sinigang mix 

3-5 long sili (pepper) 

5-6 cups water

Day 5 Minimalism Challenge, Empty your wallet. Oh this minimalism challenge has been pretty easy the past few days. I emptied my wallet when I cleaned my handbag the other day. I clean my wallet often because I have a bad habit of stuffing receipts and coins in it when I'm out. When I do that I couldn't zip it up anymore haha. I downsized before to a small coin purse, but a friend gifted me with a nice, proper wallet. Of course I started to use the wallet. Oh one thing I probably need to do is clean up my "other currency" wallets. I have that because I used to travel a lot. Ahhh, that's what I'll do then for today's challenge :)

CB///*Yr2/116 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/139 #NewG330 #Home88 #StayHome #BeKind 

It's My Birthday Month!

You need to set aside money to celebrate. That's one thing I learned from my Kuya when he taught me how to manage my money better (shared about it here). I used to just save and save and it was hard for me to spend money for myself. With a better perspective on managing my money I learned to enjoy life better. It also allowed me to learn new things. 

Last year I made sure to celebrate my birthday for a whole month! Haha. It was the first time I did it. Of course the "celebration" was just at home. It culminated with the Westies surprising me with some cake and flowers. I like how that month went even though we were cooped up at home and far from family. What I liked about it was showing gratitude by celebrating my life. 

I always took it for granted that I'd wake up everyday. After having two PEs I realized that our time here is borrowed. It's really up to God whether we're still around the next day. I struggled with shortness of breath for many months. Thanks to the intervention of my doctors, I got better. I'll never be the same, but I'd like to believe that God has other plans for me. 

So this month I'd like to celebrate life and be joyful that I'm still here. I have several birthday wishes: (1) Be reunited with my family; (2) Have good results for another procedure I have to go through; (3) My whole family to be healhy, safe, secure, blessed and happy; and (4) Understand what my next mission is.

Day 4 Minimalism Challenge, Get rid of digital devices. I had a lot of online errands today so I couldn't stay offline. What I did today was review old devices I still own and don't use anymore. I have a netbook and an old laptop I don't use anymore.  The netbook still works I think and might work better if you use Neverware on it. The old laptop will need a lot of repair because the keyboard died already. Good thing there are ways to get rid of your e-wastes here in SG. I'll probably ask Sweetie if he has any stuff he needs to get rid of too. 

CB///*Yr2/115 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/138 #NewG331 #Home89 #StayHome #BeKind 

Developing a Green Thumb

Sunflower too, Sweetie's plant.

It took me years to finally get the hang of gardening. I used to buy plants from Mahogany Market in Tagaytay. Mom had to rescue the plants and so I gave up gardening for a few years. Last year we moved to a new apartment that had a balcony. We thought it would be a good idea to try gardening again. 

The only thing I was able to grow before was mustasa. It's the easiest vegetable to grow! I still had some mustasa seeds and that's what I started with last year. We also got a few more veggie seeds, tomato, cucumber, bell pepper and Sweetie got flower seeds. I focused on veggies because I haven't been successful with planting flowers. 

The balcony eventually became a jungle and became unruly, but we learned a lot from our first season of gardening. The most important lesson is -- you  can develop a green thumb. That's what my Mom told me many years ago. She said she also had a brown thumb, but with experience learned how to garden properly. She prefers buying plants over planting from seed. 

Mustasa, my fave.

Gardening is a partnership between me and Sweetie. He takes care of watering the plants everyday. I make sure to keep pests at bay. It has so far worked out for us because we've been able to enjoy the fruits of our labor. For this second season we also limited the number of plants we have to make sure we're able to provide the proper care for each of them. Follow our gardening adventures at The Balcony Farmer.

How's your garden?

Day 3 Minimalism Challenge, Toss out old socks. I do have a tendency to hoard socks. I have a drawer full of them because I like wearing socks. I actually tossed out a few the other day when I cleared out part of my drawer. I'll deal with the sock drawer today and promise to remove any that are not useful anymore. 

CB///*Yr2/114 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/137 #NewG332 #Home90 #StayHome #BeKind 

Life's a Stitch

Today's #ootd is brought to you by Cathy and Mike! They said they thought the shirt was made for me! Woot! I waited for the best day to finally wear it. And today's the day because I finally gave in and committed to my sewing machine. 

Huhhh?

I hesitated to get myself a sewing machine because I was happy hand sewing all my projects. A few months ago I injured my hand by sewing too much. Yes, you can injure your hand if you sew too much. I had to rest my hand for almost two months before it got better. I was forced to use my sewing machine more. 

It was Sweetie who bought the sewing machine for me. I didn't want to get one because I was not sure if I was going to use it all the time. The good news is I use it much more than my Switch (LOL). I was having a hard time using it because I would just put it on whatever table was available at home. I would use it only for short periods of time because of the awkward height of the table. It caused some pain in my arms, back and neck. 

So last week I finally got a proper sewing table when Spotlight offered it at a huge discount. Woohoo! Sweetie set it up for me last night. We put it beside the balcony door where there's a lot of light. Started sewing after lunch today and I lost track of time (hehe). I realized I should've gotten it sooner! Here's the unboxing video -

And that's why I thought today is the best day to wear the shirt Cathy and Mike got for me. Life's a stitch! (Thanks again Mike and Cathy!)

Day 30 Gratitude Challenge, Something you're passionate about. Sewing and crafts. I'm really grateful my Mom taught me how to love sewing and doing crafts at a young age. My hands are always busy and it's something I could do anywhere I go. It's been my therapy the past few months. I also use it as motivation to get stronger because finishing quilt projects require energy too :D

Day 2 Minimalism Challenge, Clean your handbag. I actually clean my handbag every week. I do it often because I like changing my handbag every other week. What I did extra for today is fix my wallet too. Not much change since I rarely go out, the only things I usually clear out are receipts and used tissue paper hehe. 

CB///*Yr2/113 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/136 #NewG333 #Home91 #StayHome #BeKind   

Minimalism

I started new challenge today - the 30 day minimalism challenge. Life has been so different in the past year and I realized I don't need a lot of my things. Week in, week out I wear the same clothes. I rarely dress up nowadays and I think it's going to be that way for a long time. I cleaned up my backpacks awhile back and I'm wondering why I have several backpacks -- oh because I used to switch depending on where I traveled.

Anyway, I found a nice 30-day minimalism challenge on Pinterest (it's become one of my fave apps). Today's order is to purge your wardrobe. I decided to purge first the folded clothes -- tshirts, shorts, pajamas etc. I was able to pack away two bags worth of clothes. Whew! Feels good to have more space in my closet. Maybe I'll work on the clothes on hangers tomorrow. 

I think it's a good thing to do now and I look forward to the next 29 days. I tried purging Marie Kondo style, but everything is precious to me so it didn't work (haha). Purging through a daily theme might work better. We'll see. 

Day 29 Gratitude Challenge, A compliment you have received. There's one compliment that comes to mind right now, it's when my friends call me FGM (fairy godmother). It makes me feel needed :)

CB///*Yr2/112 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/135 #NewG334 #Home92 #StayHome #BeKind