Forgiving and Accepting Yourself

Last night I almost went down the "Why is this happening to me?" road. I managed to stop myself because I've already resolved that question awhile back. I read somewhere that when you're faced with challenges it's better to look at it from a different perspective. Instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?", ask "What am I supposed to learn from this?" or "Is there a new mission God wants me to do?"

At some point during this harrowing journey with my weird health I got tired from overthinking. I blamed myself for getting sick and for not taking care of myself better. For not heeding the many signs that was leading to my current condition. I'm lucky I have a friend who kept reminding me that I shouldn't think about it that way. No one could have predicted that I would get sick, not even my doctors. 

My friend also kept reminding me not to feel guilty that I had to rest. I've always been on the go since high school. My Mom would always say, "Baka nasosobrahan ka na. Magpahinga ka naman!" I felt really guilty that I was not contributing especially since I know I was needed. It would break my heart whenever my teammates and partners would tell me they missed me. Good thing my friend was patient at reminding me that it's okay not to be okay and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. 

I guess it hit me hard because my love language is "acts of service". Not being able to do my work was unforgivable. Eventually I got tired of beating myself up and finally listened to my friend. I finally like the new me. I wake up, eat breakfast, drink my meds and go about my new no-pressure, no-stress normal. Stress is really bad for me as I learned the other day (nosebleeds all-day ftw). So I've been taking things one day at a time and just leaving everything to God's Will. 

Day 15 Minimalism challenge, Evaluate your last 5 purchases. Uh-oh... these are my last 5 purchases:

 (1) Just ordered lunch even though I still have leftovers in the fridge. 

(2) Essential oils - I could have probably omitted one of the four I got, but I got it for stock and I got a free one that I was planning to buy next time, so might've been a good trade-off. 

(3) CBTL coffee beans and merienda - coffee beans yes for everyday coffee, but could have skipped the merienda since their food has always been blah. 

(4) Cable holder, for future use, wasn't really needed (but it was so cheap!). 

(5) Small device bag - also got this for future use when we go home, could have probably skipped buying since I'm not really going anywhere when I get home noh?

I should seriously stick to my weekly allowance and determine what I really need :')

CB///*Yr2/125 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/148 #NewG321 #Home79 #StayHome #BeKind 

The Saga Continues, Keeping the Faith

It was a busy day for us today. We both had to see our doctors. I had to see a new doctor today because the doc in the other hospital thought that this doctor could care for me better. I'm fine with it since the other hospital is closer to where I live. 

I honestly did not expect for another issue to crop up. I just had a routine check-up and that's when the issue was flagged. I am scheduled to have another test next week. I hope the results would not be problematic. I've been through a lot already, I just hope and pray things would get fully better now. 

Meanwhile while waiting for the test I've been working hard to increase the exercises I do in a day. I do wall push-ups and exercises in the morning (really helps support my back and lungs). And then I use the exercise bike. I've been dreaming of the day when I can get a bicycle and go around our village again. One thing I've totally forgotten to do is the Justin Agustin gentle exercise regime I enrolled in. I'll resume it tomorrow!

Day 13 Minimalism Challenge, Make a gratitude log. I did this as a challenge awhile back. I think about feeling grateful everyday especially when I feel down. For today I'm truly grateful for healthcare workers for their care. 

CB///*Yr2/124 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/147 #NewG322 #Home80 #StayHome #BeKind 

Mr. Stormtrooper's Story

Mr. Stormtrooper celebrated his fourth birthday at home yesterday. We were reminded of it when his arrival video popped on FB. I told Sweetie we should celebrate his birthday! We were not able to celebrate yesterday because both of us were feeling unwell (#signsofoldage). So I thought we could do it today. 

I lined up Mr. Stormtrooper's buddies for a family photo. He used to stay in Miggy's room in our former flat. We put him there to watch over Miggy. Since we moved we put him in the living room so he could watch TV with his buddies. I think he's happier in the living room now since he gets acknowledged by those who VC with us. 

Couch view.

So, how did Mr. Stormtrooper end up with us? Well Sweetie's friend, Hannah, called him up one day and said she had something for us (since we like Star Wars). The store at her place was just going to dispose of Mr. Stormtrooper so she asked if she could have it. They gladly gave it to her. He was due to be disposed that day when she asked Sweetie to pick him up. 

Sweetie would have taken the MRT going home, but Mr. Stormtrooper was required to have his own card! So Sweetie ended up walking through the train station with Mr. Stormtrooper in tow. You can just imagine the many stares he got. Sweetie got a cab and Mr. Stormtrooper had to stay on the front seat. The seat had to be fully reclined for him to fit. Sweetie said the taxi driver kept looking at Mr. Stormtrooper throughout the ride. They also got a lot of weird stares from pedestrians. Haha. 

I've re-uploaded his coming home video here. It was a happy day haha. And yes, we are bringing him home with us. Just need to figure out how we can bring him in one piece (maybe he'll fit the Jolly gigantic box?).

Day 12 Minimalism Challenge, Spend time with loved ones. Well I do this all day now everyday. Yesterday I spent an hour on the phone with my Mom. It was pretty hard for me since I start losing my voice just a few minutes through our conversation. Well I usually have her do the talking anyway and just ask questions in between hehe. That was the big thing for me yesterday since I had to lie down the rest of the day. My prayer every night is for God to heal me so I could spend more time with my family. 

CB///*Yr2/123 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/146 #NewG323 #Home81 #StayHome #BeKind 

Mom's Lockdown Formula

I had a nice chat with my Mom earlier. She shared updates on what she's been doing and not doing. I'm relieved she's just staying home. I had a panic attack when I heard she went out last January to visit the church. She only told me she did a few months after. Good thing Kuya also confiscated her driver's license because it's prevented her from going out. 

My Mom has adjusted well to the new normal. Senior citizens have generally not been allowed out since last year. She used to complain in the beginning that she wanted to at least go to church. Good thing she understands the risks of going out and have just stayed home. She only got to go out because one of her friends took her out for a spin. 

Here's my Mom's happy to be home formula:

1. Telebabad with her amigas - yup, it's been quite hard to reach her by phone! Well, she also gets regular calls from us and her grandchildren. 

2. Gardening - it's a known rule, if you want to call Mom, don't call her during her gardening hours haha. 

3. Sewing and quilting - I sent Mom a huge box of quilting materials to keep her busy. She loves hand quilting stuff and I asked her to make me some throw pillow covers for Christmas hrhrhr. 

4. Praying - growing up I always saw my Mom with her prayer book. She'd be sitting quietly on the bed praying. She does this all day and I'm sure she's busy doing that now. 

5. Watch the news - I'm sure my Mom misses Dad. They used to discuss the news a lot. I get bits and pieces of it whenever I call her. 

I think the key to my Mom's happy lockdown vibe is the fact she has a lot of hobbies. She always tells me there's a lot to do at home. She's excited to grow more pechay using Kuya's hydrophonics set-up. Maybe I'll try that too when we go home. 

Day 11 Minimalism challenge, meditate your day. I spend some time meditating everyday. It helps me calm down and center myself. There are days though where my mind just doesn't stop whirring. What helped me learn how to meditate was the Headspace app. I just went through the 10-day trial of the app and the I've been using the technique for years now. I think I'll revisit it for a refresher course :)

CB///*Yr2/122 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/145 #NewG324 #Home82 #StayHome #BeKind 

Happy 56th Birthday Singapore!

Majulah Singapura! Happy, happy 56th birthday Singapore! 

Singapore has been my home for 10 years now. Today I wanted to celebrate what I'm grateful about living here. 

1. My life was extended here thrice - I had OHS to repair my mitral valve and my respiratory doctor saved me twice from PE! This was made possible by my guardian daddies who brought me here. 

2. Miggy's completed schooling - one reason why I grabbed the opportunity to move here was to make sure I could pay for Miggy's tuition. Grateful for the opportunity because I was able to send him to school here. I'm so glad he finished back in 2019. 

3. We were able to buy a home back home - I lived like I was in Manila to be able to save. I was able to live on a SG$50 weekly allowance the first few years (thanks to the free food at work) and that's how we were able to buy our first home. When you really put your mind to it, you can do it. 

4. I met a lot of amazing people - I never imagined I'd meet so many people from different walks of life (and nations!). It never occurred to me that I'd have so many lovely friends from other cultures. 

5. I learned a lot - I'm grateful I've been able to work with a lot of awesome, intelligent people. I'd like to believe I evolved a lot from being the shy, super introverted person I was when I moved here. I learned a lot from the people around me. I also became a better, more confident version of myself. 

6. It was an experience like no other - from just covering Southeast Asia I eventually expanded across Asia Pacific. Wow oh wow, I had so much fun exploring and getting to know other cultures. And key to that was Changi Airport! I always looked forward to traveling and would go to the airport early to complete my travel rituals. LOL. 

7. Appreciating parks - I must admit exercise isn't really in my vocabulary, but when I moved here I learned to appreciate the parks they situated within neighborhoods. We used to walk from Harbourfront to the beach in Sentosa. The West Coast Park became part of my breathing exercise regimen. I'll probably do more walking when I eventually go home. 

8. Efficiency - one of the best things you can experience in Singapore is the efficiency of systems. If the train breaks down, there's a back-up bus that's ready to be used. Renewing your pass is done through an appointment system. When you go to the center it takes just ten minutes and you leave with a new pass. When you go to your doctor's appointment you'll usually see him within 15 minutes of your appointed time.  (Even the Philippine Embassy is efficient with time here!). 

9. The Zoo - my favorite zoo here is the Jurong Bird Park. I'm really grateful they have super well-maintained zoos here. It's on my bucket list to visit the bird park one more time before we go home.

10. Celebrations - one thing I learned more about here are the different holidays other religions/cultures celebrate. I now have better appreciation of CNY, Eid al-Fitr, Edi al-Adha, and Diwali. We'll now celebrate that too when we go home. 

And before I forget, I developed my love for milk tea because of Singapore! I will definitely miss Toast Box, Fun Toast, Killiney, Ya Kun Kaya Toast and Wang Cafe. Sigh.

Thank you Singapore! You will be forever in my heart <3

Day 10 Minimalism Challenge, Ditch the makeup for one day. Hahaha, I rarely wear makeup! I wore lipstick two weeks ago and promptly had an allergy. LOL. I guess for this challenge I'll look through whatever makeup I have and throw the ones that smell like a grandma already. I recently checked my mascara stash and they were all dried up already. Gosh, that's how long we've been just home! Aside from following this minimalism challenge, I've been clearing out "tiny bubbles" in my home and getting rid of stuff I don't use anymore. 

CB///*Yr2/121 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/144 #NewG325 #Home83 #StayHome #BeKind 

An Oily Life, a Birthday Gift for Myself

I have been using essential oils for three years now. I had several friends reach out to me about it. I started using it in 2018 and I liked it. I've had to do a lot of research since I have to make sure that the oils I use do not interact with my medication. 

I use EOs to lift my mood, help with asthma and allergies, poo spray and kabag. I usually put a drop of eucalyptus on my mask before wearing it. I also started using laundry and dishwashing soap from the company where I get my oils. It helped reduce my allergies and I feel my plates and utensils are cleaner. 

I finally bought myself a nice storage box for my essential oils. I've been looking at it on Amazon for a year now. I was ready to purchase it a few months ago, but it went out of stock! I ordered it a few weeks ago and it arrived yesterday! Yay! I put it by my bedside. I super love it!

I have pinned my favorite blends on Pinterest. Follow me at @aileenapolo :)

Oh I also realized that the follow by email of Feedburner will end soon. If you want updates about my blog, please follow my FB page, Twitter or Instagram. Oh, I'm also on MeWe! 

Day 9 Minimalism Challenge, Donate old books. Ahh yes, I have so many books here with me in Singapore. I've started to sort them to give away those I'm not bringing back home. I have marked some already that I'll be sending to friends :)

CB///*Yr2/120 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/143 #NewG326 #Home84 #StayHome #BeKind 

The Unvaccinated

My Mom made sure I completed all the required vaccinations. I remember those times Ninang Lumen, my pedia, would bribe me with a lollipop everytime I got vaccinated. I was lucky also because I got my Mom's immunities to common illnesses like chickenpox and measles. When I became a Mom I made sure also to complete Miggy's vaccinations. 

They're starting to roll out new policies here. They're giving more benefits for those who are vaccinated. I wonder what will happen to people like me. I have a medical issue that would put me at risk if I get vaccinated. My vascular doctor identified me as one of those who can't be vaccinated. I could potentially die if I took the risk. 

Even if my doctor gives me a certificate I could carry I'd always be at risk. Sweetie and I were talking about how we're going to manage it. We'll have to take more precautions. This means I won't be enjoying any of the usual things I do like going to the mall or doing groceries. Honestly I don't want to live in fear, but I'm like a magnet to viruses. 

It's disenheartening, but this is the reality I'm facing right now. How does one live the life of a hermit?

Day 8 Minimalism Challenge, Journal for 20 minutes. I don't keep a journal anymore because my blog serves that purpose. Sometimes though when I feel like writing something which I want to keep to myself I write it on Google Docs or Google Keep. I have a planner where I try to keep track of daily milestones. I used to stick flight stickers on it. Now I just stick food delivery stickers on it. Since there's not much outdoor activity for me, I also keep a quilting journal. It's where I track completed projects. I do that so I could see the progress of my quilting hobby :)

CB///*Yr2/119 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/142 #NewG327 #Home85 #StayHome #BeKind