What I'm Doing to Refill My Tank

My tank has finally started to fill up. I was running on fumes for more than a year. I really wondered how I could refill my tank. I learned that you should heed the signs when your tank is running low. The signs were there as early as 2018, but I just kept going. I'm a trooper after all, but it's really important to take care of yourself. 

Oh before I forget, today is my 9th mitral valve repair anniversary. My heart has been thumping nicely for 9 years already. My surgeon really did a great job and he says that everytime he peaks at the valve, haha. The valve is leaking a bit again, but they said no need to worry as long as I limit my activities. My doctors are amazed how I'm able to recover from all my health issues. 

Faith, hope and love. That's my secret. I have been praying for a miracle because my family needs me. I think I'm finally stable now and it's truly a miracle I have not visited a medical facility for two month now. Thank you Lord! I'm really happy about it because I'm able to do things for my family. 

If you're not careful, you can run on empty like me. Thought I'd share what I did the past year to refill my tank:

1. Pray for healing, truly, madly and deeply. I also prayed for help from Mama Mary, Padre Pio and St. Jude. 

2. Forgive yourself. I beat myself up for not being able to contribute to anything. It triggered my PTSD all the time. 

3. Accept that there are things you cannot change. Treat it as Papa God's way of pushing you to a new path. 

4. Take a break. Take as long as you need. It's okay not to function as you normally would.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you truly. 

6. Do things that make you happy. 

7. Learn to say no. No, no, no, no! Haha. I still get invitations to speak and people can get pushy! They don't understand that my voice runs out after a few minutes of talking. It's a mechanical issue. So i just keep saying no. Sorry guys. It is what it is.

8. Move on and discover new things about yourself. Since I had to stop doing what I loved to do, I moved on and discerned my new mission. Just family for now. 

9. Indulge yourself. I'm so far happy my weight has stayed stable since I got home, haha. I'm not pressuring myself to lose more. Just focusing on increasing daily movement for now. 

10. Get as many hugs as you can everyday. I squeeze my boys like crazy several times a day. 

#BeKind #StayHome

Starting My "Bahay Kubo"

We had just moved to a new apartment when the first lockdown in SG started. We got lucky then because the day after we moved everything was restricted. One of the difficulties we experienced was getting groceries. Getting a delivery schedule was really hard since that was the time a lot of people shifted to buying supplies online. 

I realized we had to be more resilient and that's why I started to plant veggies in our balcony. I'm starting to do the same now in our new home. Getting groceries is easier now, but I noticed there are some veggies that are hard to get, i.e. lettuce. My Mom had  a lot of it when Kuya set up a hydroponic garden, but it's been replaced with ornamental plants now, haha. I've been trying to read on setting up a small hydroponic garden for green leafy veggies. This way we can have the needed ingredients to prepare salads. 

What's easy to grow: mustasa, spring onions and leek. For spring onions and leek, just use what you buy from the store. After a day of soaking the stem in water with a drop of honey, I just planted it in soil. Now I get it anytime I need it (nice to top sinangag!). Mustasa was the first veggie I was able to grow successfully. If I was going to have a farm, I'll probably have a mustasa farm hahaha. 

What takes time but fulfilling to grow: tomatoes and bell pepper. I prefer to grow stuff from seed. I had a good run of growing tomatoes and bell peppers in SG. I hope I can do better here since the soil is richer. Ahh, will have good use for our rice wash again. 

What I'm wary to grow: calamansi. I used to have calamansi in one of our previous homes, but it attracted caterpillars and I had a hard time controlling it. We had to transfer it to my Mom because it got crazy. It is very useful though to have one or two calamansi plants, so will think about it. 

What I want to grow: onions, lettuce, eggplant, cucumber and maybe carrots and kangkong. I thought about growing garlic, but apparently it takes a long time before you can harvest (six months). I already planted two red onions, but I made a mistake and will have to pull it out to fix the error. 

We don't really need a lot, so I hope planting veggies can help us have access to what we just need. Also this will help us prevent wasting supplies. I haven't thought about what herbs to plant. It's Sweetie who has been interested in planting herbs. I hope he'll plant basil, rosemary and oregano since I use those for pasta hehe. 

My Mom has been upset that I don't have any flowers in my garden. She's already started to give me plants. I don't want to have too many plants because I want to make sure we're able to take care of them. Watering our current garden already takes up an hour to finish. Good thing Miggy's been able to help me since there are days when my energy is MIA. I have to think of a way to keep Mom's garden from overflowing into mine, hahaha. 

I'm also grateful that I'm able to do some gardening now. I had to give it up when things got hairy health-wise. So need to make sure it's manageable for all of us. 

#BeKind #StayHome

Fixing my Childhood Home

Just came from my childhood home. I lived there for more than 30 years. I only moved out when Sweetie and I got married. We lived in seven different homes since I moved out. I must admit, there was always one thing I couldn't get in the other homes we lived in -- space! 

My parents built a spacious home. It ended up that way because the architect, Tito Bert, made it bigger than originally planned. It took my parents 15 years to complete the loan they made for the house. I remember that's one of the things that was celebrated on my parents 25th wedding anniversary. 

The day the house was completed is etched on one of the walls - January 30, 1970. Our home is turning 52 years old already. It has seen better days, but the structure is very much intact. I had an architect check it just before the pandemic and he affirmed that it just needs a little sprucing up. 

Everytime I visit my Mom I make notes on what needs to be fixed. The ceiling was leaking when it rained last month and I've been trying to find a reliable roof service provider. I tried an app, but the provided was overcharging us. Geez, it's really hard to find trustworthy help. I found a roof service provider that's been around for 29 years. Let's hope they give a better quotation. 

The one thing that's stayed beautiful as ever is my Mom's garden. It's always stayed so lush. It takes at least an hour in the morning and another hour in the afternoon to water her garden. I know because I covered for my Mom whenever she traveled. I spent a lot of afternoons playing on a banig in her garden when I was a child. It's where my Mom taught me how to sew and do other crafts. I hope I inherited at least half of my Mom's green thumb, haha. 

Anyway, looking at my childhood home I realized my dream home is almost a replica of it, just a much smaller version. We looked at many houses in the last few years. I was drawn to our current home mainly because it looked a lot like my childhood home. At least now I can no longer complain about having enough space, haha. 

#BeKind #StayHome

*Tito Bert is probably turning 100 years old this year. 

Sprouting

What brings a smile to my face the past few days is seeing the bell pepper seeds Miggy and I planted before Christmas sprout. They started germinating on new year's day. From four sprouts there are 20 tiny stems today. Wow! It's going to be challenging to re-pot them when the time comes! I need to find the mustasa seeds I harvested in SG. Must be in one of the boxes. 

Seeing the bell peppers start growing gives me hope. There's been so much bad news lately, the typhoon, the Omicron variant spreading fast, etc. It was disheartening to see friends suffer from the effects of the typhoon, moreso because it's Christmas. It is hard to celebrate when you know people are suffering. 

I had to remind myself about the time when we also went through a disaster. Our house was flooded and everything I owned went underwater. When I started to cry, Daddy told me those were just things and it can be replaced. I immediately stopped the tears and focused on recovering from the incident. Much as I worry for my friends, I can just pray they will have the strength to pull through just as we did. What's really more important is your life and family. Just help where you can :)

We finally unboxed the last kitchen box! Woohoo! My baking pans are still MIA though. Not sure if it was packed in a different box. We probably have about 20 more boxes to open. Organizing has been going very slow because we don't have cabinets yet to store them. My Mom told me it really takes time. 

Well, I just realized that we'll need to change our curtains soon. I told myself I'll make the curtains instead of buying since they can get very expensive. I already made one. It's 3.5 yards long! It cost less than a cup of Starbucks coffee. I'm learning more about fabric also with my curtain project. Making more curtains will allow me to experiment with different types of fabric. I'm glad getting fabric from Divisoria is accessible through Lazada and Shopee! Yay! 

Please stay home as much as you can. In Paranaque City, there were only 13 active cases on December 24, and as of yesterday there were 266 active cases with 79 new ones (Source: Paranaque PIO). 

#BeKind #StayHome

December One Second Everyday, Cooking with Miggy and Gardening!

How I wish I could use Molly Weasley's spell to magically organize everything at home. I am getting anxious because I haven't been able to sew and do other creative stuff. Since I overdid things last week which ruined our media noche, I'm going to limit the clean-up time so I can get enough rest and do other things. 

I was on a roll yesterday. My arm was hurting so I was forced to just sit still. I ended up writing 4 blog posts and edited one video. It was good to just relax for the day. It also allowed me to work on the design of the maker/craft room.  That task has been pending for a few weeks now. Interior design isn't really my cup of tea. It makes me go zzz, hahaha. 

Watch my December 1 second everyday here.

One of the things I've enjoyed doing the past few weeks is cook with Miggy. I have been involving him whenever I cook so he could learn firsthand. He is a natural like his Papa Lolo and he seems to enjoy cooking more than me. We've been able to film short videos and that's what I've been editing (check it out and subscribe to Recipes for My Son). The videos are meant to serve as a guide for Miggy. I started doing this because I realized we weren't able to preserve the family recipes of our elders. 

Our latest cooking adventure: cream chicken with bacon, mushroom and thyme

On gardening, I think I mentioned in passing that I almost killed the bird nest fern. It was overwatered. The good news is I realized my mistake early and it looks like it's recovering. I should have researched about the existing plants first before I went on a daily watering rampage! Apparently I should just water the plants 3x a week. Since I was on a roll yesterday, I also made a post on The Balcony Farmer. We're still debating whether we should change the name of the blog since we don't live in a condo anymore. Well, our pocket garden is a floor higher than the road, so maybe we could just stick to the name. 

I planted some bell pepper seeds before Christmas. I used the seeds from the bell pepper I used for the chorizo pasta. It's been exciting to check on the progress because I didn't expect many of the seeds would sprout. Well, from experience it takes a lot of care to get the plant to bear fruit. I hope to get a couple that would mature so I won't need to buy bell pepper anymore. 

See progress everyday on my FB page.

The cuttings I brought from Singapore are still alive! I separated the pothos into two jars so they can grow better. Only two leaves of the the baby rubber plant survived when I transferred them to a pot. They look okay, but I'm monitoring them closely for now. My Mom has been wanting to give a couple of plants. I told her I'm taking it slow for now since I want to make sure I keep everything alive. Maybe I'll pick up the plants in a week or two. 

Whew! Looking back at the past few weeks made me realize that I've been doing a lot. I'm supposed to be slowing down. I just have this odd compulsion to stay productive even when I'm physically challenged. I told myself I'm going to do what Sweetie does and write down daily tasks. I think that would help temper my compulsion to stay productive, haha. 

How's your January going?

#BeKind #StayHome

The Surprise that Made Me Cry

Just before midnight last Friday I received a notification. It was a shared file from my friend, Cathy. I opened it and the file's name was "Thank you and farewell Aileen Apolo". I immediately cancelled opening the file because I knew it would make me cry, haha. I participated in many of those farewell docs previously and knew it was messages from people I worked with in the past 15 years. I did not want to cry as new year rolled in!

I finally opened the file again after breakfast yesterday. I told Sweetie about the surprise and he said he was conspiring with Cathy for a few months now. And oh wow, they found people I worked with since 2006. Soon enough I was teary eyed while reading the messages. 

I left my post quietly and without fanfare. I even declined having lunch with my manager for safety reasons. I only had a brief hangout with my team so I could say a proper goodbye. Reading through the messages of my friends made me realize that I did something good in the past 15 years. They recognized the hardwork and love I put in all the programs I managed. 

Yesterday's Didache reflection was on remembering who you are. The lugaw inside is more important than the bowl (what people see outside)*. And that's why I'm so grateful for the messages of my friends. They saw through my output and recognized the hardwork and love I put in everything I did. In the one year I wasn't able to contribute I felt inadequate. My former manager said, "A chunk of Google's soul leaves Google with you!" The messages gave me the closure I needed. I am at peace now.

2006 with my scout brothers Colombia, Pakistan and Malaysia.

With the Outreach team 5 continents.

Thank you Cathy, Habs, Myra, Mark, JohnnyB, Jek, Miami, Ruth, Karen, Sebastian, Sami, Nopparat, Ria, Jolly, Marcus, Obum, Andre, Mavila, JP, Iris, David, William, Sophie, Victor, Suan, Yoshi, Prissilia, Mani, Jose, Lih Shiun, Anish, Tim, Nica, Sajith, James, Nikka, Rachel, Christine, Nette, James, Nap, Jim, Cherry, Dette, and Jana. Truly appreciate your messages <3 

As Bo Sanchez said in the Didache foreword, "Because if you want to win in life, here's what you do: don't focus on the pain; focus on the prize!"

#BeKind

*Best to read the reflection here.

2022, New Year in Manila

Ahh new year in Manila once again. A year ago we were forced to celebrate the new year far from our family. It was a very quiet new year in Singapore since they only do fireworks at a central location. That was one of the things we missed, so last night we watched fireworks from our window. It wasn't a lot compared to previous years, but enough to feel the spirit of the new year roll-in. 

Well, we were lucky to still see fireworks because it was supposed to be prohibited in Paranaque City. We even heard a caravan go around earlier in the day reminding everyone that fireworks were prohibited. We heard a drone flying around from 11 p.m., not sure if it was for leisure or if they were checking for violators (Big Brother isdatu???). It was heartwarming to know that some of our new neighbors were having parties. Our new neighborhood is quiet most of the time, but there was someone belting at odd tones until three in the morning. We're really back home! Hahaha. 

She was so happy she got the original flavor.

The funny thing is we ended up ordering late dinner/media noche. Sweetie and I were running around the whole day cleaning the house. I had a brilliant idea to mop the floor around 7 in the evening. Of course, it sapped all my energy and I couldn't cook anymore. Before that I did some laundry, watered the plants, did some planting and puttered around the kitchen. Sometimes I forget my energy is very limited, haha. I made up for it today and made creamy chicken bacon and thyme, potato salad and pineapple glazed ham. It's truly a miracle I'm able to do those things. I'm sure I'm going to take a nap after washing the dishes hahaha. 

I decided not to write specific goals for this year. I just want to be kinder, learn to listen better, be healthier and be more prayerful. The one thing I want to do is focus on my family, build a loving home where we can create more happy memories. And do my best for Mom. 

2022 didn't start with the media noche I had in mind, it was just a bit delayed. We were still able to have a fun New Year lunch as a family. Cheers to a kinder, healthier and more loving 2022! 

Happy New Year everyone!