Parenting in this Crazy World

When I got up yesterday, the first news I saw was the horrifying incident in Zamboanga. I quickly said a prayer and watched news clips. 

My heart breaks for the parents of school age kids. The world is entirely different from what it was when my child was younger. I cannot imagine how we'd cope.

I spoke to my son briefly about what happened. I told him it was a good thing the internet wasn't as "sophisticated" as it is now. He agreed and gave a good insight.

He said it's not just the games that's causing it. He said there are groups/chats/topics that's influencing kids. He mentioned the word "manosphere". 

It's my first time to hear that term, so I asked what it was about. He gave me homework to read up about "Andrew Tate". He's supposedly the one who coined the term and is pretty controversial.

I did a little reading before writing this post. I realized, there's a lot I don't understand from the younger generation. Pretty much like how my parents were with me. I'll read more about it, but perhaps us parents need to communicate more and meddle in the lives of our child/children. My parents sure did.

Take care everyone and hold your love ones closer.

#BeKind #StaySafe

Gaming vs. No Gaming for Children

When I was growing up, there wasn't as many ways to play games. Popular back then were cartridge gaming consoles (Atari, Sega, Nintendo), Game & Watch, and computer games existed (Pacman!). Access was limited. You can only play if you owned a console or if your neighbor/playmate has one. 

I had one Game & Watch and I was gifted a Pacman watch (much to my parents' dismay). I only got to play Pacman when Kuya would lend me his computer. I was never allowed to play Atari/Sega/Nintendo (I wasn't really allowed to go out, periodt). I was busy learning crafts, so that was what distracted me. My parents wanted me to focus on my studies, so all my "game time/play time" was done away from any type of screen. 

Did I want to play on consoles? Of course, I did. All my classmates seemed to have access to it, but I guess I got content with my Game & Watch and Pacman watch. I did not get addicted to it because I was busy with crafting. I got addicted to Candy Crush a few years ago, but I eventually deleted it because I was losing sleep over it and it ate up my crafting budget. The only game I play now is Pokemon Go and I just play a few minutes a day. 

This is what I had when I was a child.

My son, Miggy, didn't have any gaming consoles as well growing up. We played Plants vs. Zombies as a family when we each have our computers in one room. We all outgrew it and I allowed Miggy to play games on his computer. There were times when I had to intervene when I'd see danger lurking. I also removed his computer physically when he got into gaming too much and it affected his studies. We noticed some changes in his behavior that's why we had to take drastic measures. 

Sweetie got this for me for my birthday.

I guess I got to experience the extremes of how gaming affects a person. What we all learned is it's important to supervise and check what your child is doing and reinforce their values. Miggy eventually finished his studies and I don't bother his computer time anymore. Both he and Jay play games I'm not interested in, but we all still play Pokemon Go together as a family. 

It's probably harder for parents now to track what their child is doing. A mobile phone is very powerful compared to the XT computer I had growing up. Miggy was way more knowledgeable than me when it came to computers when he was a teen, so it was already hard back then. We were lucky because Sweetie's a comsci graduate, so I leaned heavily on him to decipher managing Miggy's online time. The best thing I think we did was to be joined on the hip as a family. 

Good luck dear parents with younglings. 

P.S. The funny things is I bought myself my own Nintendo Switch. I used it a few times... it's still pretty brand new. I also had a Gameboy which I eventually gave to Miggy. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

The Treehouse

One of the treehouses Daddy built.

My Dad would have been 88 years old today. He's been gone for ten years now, but I think of him everyday. Whenever I'm in a bind I ask myself, "What would Daddy do?" A lot of people know my Dad lived his life full of integrity. There was no gray area for him. That's why many feared him when their cases ended up in his sala. 

That was the serious side of my Dad. A lot of neighbors would come over to seek his counsel. Not only for legal matters, but they also went to him for marriage/family counselling. Daddy was a true family man and he spent a lot of time with me when I was growing up. I remember the weekly dates at Lingnam in Glorietta. He really loved their beef noodles. Movie dates. And he indulged my interest in music. He bought my first Michael Jackson tape. 

When Daddy started to have grandchildren, he had a treehouse built at the back of our house. We had a huge, sturdy mango tree back then. He was at his happiest when the kids were all home. He'd bring them swimming and would start water gun fights. He told them wartime stories and how he grew up in the province. He wanted them to experience many different things, much like how I grew up. The treehouse served as a symbol of all those happy memories. 

The grandkids having fun. They're all grown up now.

The treehouse eventually had to be taken down. The mango tree also died because of a typhoon. When Daddy got sick I asked permission from work to be with him everyday. I'd walk over at 3 in the afternoon and stay with him until Sweetie picked me up. I usually brought my laptop and show him photos and videos to keep his mind away from the pain. I remembered the treehouse today because a friend is planning to build one. Daddy used his knowledge and intelligence to help many people, but to me he made sure I'd grow up with a good foundation to experience life to the fullest. 

Love you Dad, please continue watching over us. 

CB///*Yr2/39  #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/66 #StayHome #BeKind

10 Life Skills I Learned from My Mom

It's my Mom's birthday today! I super duper miss her already and wish I could hop on a plane to be with her today. I had a project I planned to do this year with my Mom since I wanted to learn more about her creative process. For now since we couldn't do it I've been sending her materials to keep her busy. 

1 - Praying 

The first thing I learned from Mom is how to pray. I still remember her teaching me how to pray before going to bed and she's the most prayerful person I know. Priority is to trust in Him for everything. 

2 - Diskarte 

One of the most important skills I learned from my Mom is diskarte. When I was growing up I witnessed my Mom working on one of the most important projects she worked on in her life -- helping get our parish church built. And Mom was in-charge of everything at home, so I saw her make things move. 

3 - Organization Skills

Ahh, I may not have picked up Mom's neatness (my home is permanently an organized chaos), but I could easily work out in my head how to deploy a project. Mom always had lists and she would tick things off when a task is completed. She's also great at anticipating things and would always be ready. 

4 - Keep Calm, Do Not Panic

Mom is the most calm person I know. I have never seen her panic. She'd always remind me there's no sense in panicking and it's just a waste of time. 

5 - Keeping Busy

Mom always complains that I never stop doing anything. Well, I got that from her. She's always doing something - sewing, gardening, reading, fixing the house etc. She's always up and about. So I never had issues being stuck at home.

6 -  Saving/Money Management!

Mom was a banker and of course I was one of those kids who had a Banco Filipino Happy Savers Club account! That's how I learned how to save. Originally I was planning to use my savings for my future wedding! I used it to pay for grad school. (More about money management here).

7 - Working for What You Want/Need

My Mom would always remind me that she won't be around forever. I had to learn to be independent. At the age of ten I was already selling things -- old clothes, my hand-made pincushions and homemade cards. If I wanted something, like a book, I'd have to save for it. 

8 - Can't Cook, No Problem!

See life skill number 2! And that's what the telephone is for according to my Mom. (It's my Dad who knew how to cook). 

9 - Girlfriends

Mom always told me to choose my friends carefully. Choose those you can trust and can count on. I have so many aunties who have always been there for Mom. 

10 - Be Yourself

You cannot please everyone, just be yourself and stay with people who have the same values as you.  

Happy birthday Mom! We miss you so much!

#CB//245 #StuckAtHomeDay/275 #WFH163 #StayHome #BeKind

The Secret to Fast-Tracking to a Better Life

I read this on Didache last night, "Don't shun the guidance of your elders. Why commit their mistakes when they can teach you a shortcut?*" I thought more about it before I fell asleep and remembered those days after I graduated when my Dad gave me a boatload of advise. I was then young and stubborn and wanted to do things my way. He let me be, but what followed was many years of trial and error and a lot of mishaps and misdemeanors. 

This was taken at the airport in Jakarta. Our flight was super delayed.

Dad regaled the apos with his childhood stories.

It was on September 27, 2007 when things started going the right way for me. That was the day I was on my way home from the US. I sent a plea to Papa God to navigate my life. Through the years I would remember those nuggets of wisdom my parents shared to me. Here's a few of them:

(1) Hardwork pays off. Work hard for what you want. 

(2) Don't show off.  Your efforts will be recognized by itself. 

(3) Find someone who has the same values as you. 

(4) Speak up when there is wrong-doing. 

(5) Do the best you can for your mission. Do this to serve God. 

(6) Don't be a corporate slave (sorry Dad, I still am).

(7) Keep your hands busy. 

(8) Believe in yourself and have faith. 

(9) Nothing is impossible with God.

(10) Always pray. 

Those are just a few of the lessons my parents have taught me. The most important part of it is letting Papa God navigate my life. When I'm in a bind now I always ask myself, "What would Daddy/Mommy do?" 

What about you? Where you always obedient to your parents? Did you always listen to their advise? Or where you like me, stubborn? 

CB//173 #StuckAtHomeDay/203 #StayHome #BeKind 

*Reflection written by Rissa Singson Kawpeng, September 25, Didache

Think Before You Click

I love GMA News TV's new campaign "Think Before You Click". Here's the video they've just posted:



More often than not kids nowadays are more techie than their parents. That holds true for me as well, so it's very important to monitor what your child does online. I knew early on that my son would spend a lot of time online (my fault since he was always on my lap whenever I was online when he was a baby), so I briefed him about do's and don't's online and "Think before you click" and "Think before you post" are just some mottos I've imbibed on him.

If you want to learn more about web safety for your kids then check out Sonnie's site on Web Safety Philippines and perhaps attend one of his seminars.

Bullying

This video made me cry -



The video shares a story of a 15-year old boy, bullied all his life. He snaps one day and fights back and he was lucky because it was captured on video. He's lucky because he was much bigger than the bully and it showed that he was exercising full tolerance. Without the video he would've probably been blamed as the bully.

My heart goes out to Casey since I was bullied when I was a kid (some people still try to up to now) and my son was bullied too. I looked really different when I was a kid. I stood out since I was so white and my hair was not black. My classmates would tease me that my Dad was Redford White (may he rest in peace). I was also small and stick thin. I never fought back and I would just cry. To rectify things I would stay under the sun as long as I could so I'd get a tan (never worked haha) and well, thank God, I had a growth spurt in fifth grade so I wasn't tiny anymore.

I was terribly shy and for some strange reason I also got bamboozled to do things I didn't want to do. I was glad to go off to college because I just left everything behind in high school. I was lucky though because I had a lot of support in my community and that's where I managed to shine and the confidence I got helped me go through college and be where I am today. I did experience getting bullied at previous jobs. It came to a point I almost lost myself because of the boszilla, but eventually I stood up for myself and tearfully told the big boss he should just let me go. I never looked back.

Casey reminds me of myself and my kid. My son experienced the same in school because he's pretty advanced intellectually. I had to explain to his teachers that they shouldn't treat all kids the same way and not box them into tiny neat categories. I told my kid if anyone bullies him he should just punch them in the nose if they're too much already (hehehe). He has more tolerance than me and I guess he managed it well because they've been off his case. And well I told him, "Geeks rule!"

My Crowning Glory

"Our greatest achievement isn't our own, but the success of your own child."

That's what a former boss told me when I applied to take a vacation leave to attend Miguel's school awarding ceremony back when he was in first grade. I was grinning from ear to ear back then because he announced it during our team lead meeting.

I am on Mommy Cloud 9 right now. Miguel announced during dinner that he also passed the Ateneo College Entrance Exam (ACET). I was very much content already that he passed the Mapua, UP and La Salle college entrance exams (past post here), but this was definitely additional icing on the cake which I'm sure would make his Papa Lolo and Tito Jay really happy too.

We still have two major events - prom and high school graduation - before he goes off to college, but I am so excited for Miguel. We have been briefing him a bit about college life and prepping him for "life almost on your own". On the other hand, I also just couldn't believe that I'll have a kid in college a few months from now.

Life is awesome. Thank you Lord.

*You can check for Ateneo College Entrance Exam/ACET Results here.

Parenthood

I became a parent at the young age of 18. I think I've always known that I was going to be one at a young age and for a reason that I only understood more than a decade later. I can never imagine how my life would be without Miguel at my side.

I cannot say that I easily slipped into the role of parent. I had lots (loads, many-many) help from my family, especially my parents. I was lucky though since Miguel has always been a good child. He's not sickly, he's obedient and has so far shown no interest in having a barkada. AND he still enjoys my company (I do certainly hope so). He has his own interests so I let him be. I do intrude sometimes when I think he's forgetting about his other interests.

On the other hand though I can honestly say that it took me awhile to balance my work and life priorities. Being a single parent I had to work doubly hard and I can say that taking my MBA at an early age paid off. Eventually I looked for a company that was mommy-friendly. With much hard work and prayers I managed to work for one. Social life? It was only in my late 20s that I managed to have one haha. Becoming a single parent also helped me know who were my real friends were.

I only slipped in the full time "Mom" role when we finally moved out of my parents' house. I had to learn really fast on how to be a full time Mom and wife. During our first month Miguel didn't want to move in with us since: (1) we didn't have all the stuff we needed yet, (2) I was still learning how to do the laundry and ironing  (3) he was probably scared he'd go hungry because of my cooking. Hahaha!

We have so far survived and when things settled a bit, Miguel's grandparents have had to demand for him to sleep-over so they can spend some time with him. I know that I have to change pace on my "mothering" now since Miguel's turning 16 soon and a high school senior, but it's still quite hard to push him out of the door (haha) so he could mingle more with kids his age (he enjoys hanging out with my friends more than kids his age).

Becoming a parent drastically changes your life and with it comes a lot of sacrifices and the fact that you don't live for yourself anymore. The joy though far outweighs the sacrifice. And, God willing, I definitely want to have more!

*Thank you Sweetie for being there now to share the joys and pains of being a parent. Big challenge huh =)

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My friend Sonnie sent me a message earlier about a free seminar they are hosting on, "Web Safety for Parents". It's free and will happen on July 10 and August 14, 2010. For more details and to sign up please check out their website.

5 Things from My Dad

The other I wrote about my Mom (to commemorate Mother's Day, of course) and I explained how she's been my pillar of strength. The "parenting" conversation I had with my friend touched on the values that my Dad taught me. I wasn't able to answer immediately then coz I kinda ended up emo-ing. Anyways, it's been more than a week and to celebrate my Dad's 74th birthday (on Saturday), here are just some of the things that I learned from him.

1. Integrity - I was in sixth grade when I learned the true meaning of this. I had a classmate who's Dad was the mayor of a major CBD (and still actually is) and her allowance then was PhP200 per day! Of course, I immediately complained to my parents why my baon was only PhP10 per day (at that time enough to buy a platito of spaghetti and a glass of juice). My Dad explained to me how my classmate's Dad earned that much money to give her PhP200 per day. Who'd want to have a Dad who does such a despicable thing?

2. Honesty - My Dad used to be a regional trial court judge. He was offered bribes left and right and got death threats in return for refusing it. I thank God he didn't stay long in the judiciary even though it's something that he was really passionate about.

3. Humor - I know my Dad could be soooo serious at times (he's very traditional), but he is also very funny and makulit and I got that from him. (Well I think I got more of the funny and makulit part and my Ate got most of the serious stuff.)

4. Love - amongst all of us, I could say that I am the most pasaway in the family, but despite everything and all our tampuhans my Dad still loves me. And the living proof to that as well is my Mom. And we're already planning for their golden wedding anniversary (2010)!

5. Prayerfulness - it was actually my Dad who taught me how to memorize the mysteries of the Rosary. I was only 10 years old then, but I still remember (to this day) how that went about and that left me an impression that praying is a very important part of life. I'd also see my Dad pray earnestly each and every time he had to make court decisions.

No wonder it's so difficult for me to find a jowa. LOL.

I love you Dad. Happy, happy birthday! Remember, you still have to wait for me to walk down the aisle. Hmph. No more scary episodes okay? Mwah.

My Mom, My Strength

Me with my Mom, circa 19-secret!!!

The other I was discussing profusely parenthood with a friend. Well, he started it and it felt quite weird coz I never really had that kind of discussion on parenthood ever in my life.

These were the things he asked me:

Do parents shape the full personality of a child?
If the child grows up to be a delinquent member of society should we blame the parents fully for it?
Would you bring up your children the same way your parents did?

The upbringing of a person depends a lot on one’s parents. Francis Kong in his book, “What Don’t You Grow Up Dad?” shared that "Our children simply reflect the kind of learning they pick up from their parents". An apple tree wouldn’t bear oranges would it?

But should we blame parents fully for the delinquencies of their children? Yes and no. I think parents factor in a lot on one’s personality, but they do not control your choices. God gave each one of us a mind and a soul and the freedom of choice. Our parents will not always be there when we do judgment calls. And we shouldn’t blame them for all the crimes/indiscretions in the world.

I am sure each and everyone of us rant about our parents. Remember the time when you were a teenager and you felt that your parents don’t understand you at all? Me against the world? Yeah, I went through that as well. My friend who I was talking with said he’d definitely not bring up his children the same way his parents raised him.

I said the same thing before. When I had Miguel I said I’d bring him up differently. But, ya know, there is no such thing as a parent manual and when you are a first time parent you can’t help but refer to how your parents raised you. But, of course, I’m “editing” along the way and I try to avoid doing the stuff I thought annoyed me a lot. It’s not easy being a parent, much less being Mom and Dad at the same time, but I think with lots of love and prayers I’ll manage to bring up Miguel with the right values and spirituality and strength.

My Mom, she never panics. You won’t even see her flinch over a wound, cry over a problem. Put her in a crisis situation and she’ll tell you how to solve it matter of factly. That strength is what I am thankful for because it’s an important survival tool and I will forever be grateful for that. I hope that I’ll be able to teach Miguel the same thing.

And to my friend, I'm no expert at parenting, I just try to be hip about it with a lot of TLC. I asked Miguel this afternoon when was the last time I scolded him and he couldn't even remember. I guess I'm just so lucky I have a really great, sweet kid. Check out what he gave me for Mother's Day below.

Miguel knows best.

And to my Mom... I love you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

Express your gratitude to your moms by sending them a special gift. Whoopsies! I forgot to buy a gift!