Crossing Over

My doctors are right, stress really wears down my body and I really got a bad beating the past two years. I've been on break for a month now and I'm happy to say that I think my body finally had a much needed rest. I'm still fragile (I sprained my thumb just moving empty boxes!), but I've been able to do my back exercises everyday. I hope I can ramp up a bit with my exercise regime so I can be stronger. 

Writing has also helped me calm down a bit. My brain was mush last week. When I was a child my Mom gave me a hardbound notebook. She said I should write in my diary whenever I was happy, sad or angry. The activity always calmed me down and I figured towards the end of 2019 that I needed to write again. It's been ten days and it's working like magic. Yay!

Still have a lot of things to sort out, I hope and pray that things will improve more soon. 

Future President

Last night I had the chance to have dinner with some of our former student ambassadors. It was great to catch up with them since it's interesting to see what the students eventually do after they finish our program. One was already working for a dev company and the other is graduating soon. Our conversation though revolved around culture differences, family, their plans, population issues (some serious conversation!) and many other things.

Since we were talking about future plans my ultimate dream for my students popped in my mind. I told them that it is my uttermost wish to eventually have a country president from one of them. Their jaws dropped and they looked at me in shock. They probably thought I was loony.

We go through gazillions of applications for the program and one of the things that we look for is the ability to make a huge impact and instil change. The youth today is after all our future leaders so I cannot help but wonder if there's one among the hundreds of students I've had the chance to work who would eventually become a country president. I know it is far-fetched, but who knows?

Last weekend one of our students had the privilege of speaking for the youth to Pope Francis. When I met him in person I took note at the back of my mind that he had the qualities that may fulfill my dream someday. He's not the only one, there's a few more I've met in the last few years that have that potential so I'm really hopeful.

Pope Francis said to keep on dreaming so this will stay as one of my dreams and hopefully one of my children will take it on in the future :)

Keep Dreaming

The last few days saw Pope Francis win the hearts of Filipinos an reinforce our faith. I could not be there to see him in person, but even far away I felt his presence and heard his message. I am so glad that his visit was available for viewing on YouTube through RTVMalacanang (a project I worked on back in 2011, remember this?). My deepest gratitude to the team who worked on that because I managed to take part of the visit online.

I had been very active in our Parish in the past. I used to produce our parish newsletter and was active in our choir (for more than 20 years), but primarily due to my health and work I had to give those up so I could use whatever energy I had to care for my family. I've been feeling quite better in the last few months and have been thinking about how I can serve again. It's difficult to commit though since I'm always on the go. I think how I'll get to fulfill that personal goal will be revealed in the coming months.

Pope Francis said, "Don't lose the ability to dream."

I have been living with short term goals in the last decade (yes, decade). Wherever I am today is because I have just followed where I've been navigated to go. I am in my happy place. Things are going well in many aspects of my life and I couldn't ask for more. I had asked for better health so I can provide a better quality of life for my family when I got sick in 2008. It took a number of years before it worked out, but now things are so much better.

When I read the quote from Pope Francis it made me realize that I should be stronger in my faith that I should dream and dream more. I've been so fixated on getting well that I had not made any plans on what to do after my health problem got ironed out.

"Don't forget to dream, because when you do, you forget the capacity to love."

I think I've live too realistically in the last decade, that's what happens when you get so hurt. I'm glad though I did not become jaded because I was able to forgive, somehow forget, move on and allow myself to love and be loved. Now what I need to work on is my dreams and the dreams of my family.

Thank you Papa God for sending Pope Francis to my country and for making me realize that one must continue to dream.

Here is a song that I learned to play on the piano when I was a kid. My piano pieces perished during Typhoon Ondoy, but last Saturday I finally got a new copy of the piece and look forward to going home and playing it again.

The Last 20 Years

I was reading news about Pope Francis' visit this morning and the headline by USA Today caught my attention - "Pope Visits the Philippines After 20 Years".

It seems just like yesterday when I spent a night in Luneta for World Youth Day 1995. I was very active in our Parish then and was a youth leader. I jumped at the opportunity to join WYD 1995 to be with my friends and to see Pope John Paul II. Aside from the amazing experience of seeing Pope John Paul II the thing I remember most is the song "Tell the World of His Love".

The last 20 years of my life have really been "interesting". I spent a good ten years healing from the wounds of my youth and figuring out what I wanted to do. The next ten years was spent mostly on learning the ropes so I could get a better and stable job. The last five years was spent struggling to stay alive. I feel much better now and the quality of my life and what I could give my family is what I always hoped for (I still wish I could just live in Manila permanently though).

God only gives you what you can bear and the path I threaded in the last 20 years has been a crazy one. All my heartaches healed when I finally gave up and just had God navigate my life. After that was the journey to fix my physical heart. I remain joyful despite these struggles and hope that I can be more fit so I can be of better service to others and be a better Mom, wife, daughter, servant.

What about you, how did the last 20 years been for you?

Train Thoughts

Wanted to skip the holiday party tonight but I didn't want to disappoint a friend I invited. Just ate, listened to the announcements and then left. I just couldn't enjoy the party knowing there's so many people suffering back home.

Blogging in the Train

It's been a really challenging week to find time to blog but I'm really keen to complete another 30-day challenge.

I'm blogging right now on my phone while in transit using the Blogger Android app. Today has been a very busy day and I haven't had much sleep in the last few days. A few days back I was feeling really blue but I soon got out of that mood because of the typhoon. It's just not right to feel that way when there are many people suffering ans I pray for those families that have been affected by the typhoon. I'm really hoping that things will be fine in the next few days.

Mentors

"At each point of your life you should have a mentor." 

That's one of the most important things I learned from Dr. Ned Roberto when I was his student for market research. He explained to me that to continue learning one must continue learning and you also have to learn from those who are already successful. You don't actually need to tell the person that he/she is your mentor. All you need to do is to be very observant and pick up important skills, knowledge and behavior from your mentor.

I've been following this advise ever since Lolo Ned mentioned it to me and it has helped me to learn more and improve myself. Back when I was still working for a local company I oftentimes observed my superiors. I was lucky to have had the chance to be exposed to executives (president, VPs etc.) and I picked up a lot from observing how they worked, how they thought about things, how they communicated, how they handled people etc. It certainly helped a lot because I learned how to work well with higher management and I learned how to get my projects approved easily! Haha.

Now I am still doing the same thing. I guess I'm lucky to get a wider reach now, so I actually have more mentors! My Dad's college seatmate (he's now the Speaker of the House of Representatives) told him when I was just twelve, "You have a very observant daughter" (I kinda told him that it looked like the ceiling of his office might fall down on him anytime hehehe). Eeeep! (I hope I did not embarrass my Dad so much.) Anyway, my being observant has so far helped in the past few years.

Remembering EDSA I, Let's Do What is Right

It took me two weeks to write this post.

Two weeks ago I was feeling really blue and my Dad visited me in my sleep. The first night he was just making funny faces to cheer me up, but I guess that didn't work too much so the next night he gave me marching orders. He drove me to a 'clubhouse' to meet with some people. On the way to the venue we were talking and he told me to write about honesty. "What about it Dad?" I asked. "Just write something about it," he replied. It was then that we reached the venue, so we got off the car. I was going to ask him more about his "assignment", but when I turned to ask him he had left and I just saw the tail end of the car.

I woke up from the dream when the phone rang. It was my Tita on the other end of the line and she just called to tell me that General Reyes had died by committing suicide. I didn't get it at first since I wasn't really following the news about the AFP issue, but I felt strange that my dream was somehow connected to current events. So I attempted to write my assignment, but it was only today that I realized what my Dad wanted me to share. It took a series of events to get my thoughts organized.

Do what is right. The opening line in the Gospel today was "You have heard that it was said, `An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'" (Matthew 5:38). Fr. Luis explained that back then when someone killed one of your relatives, the clan would retaliate by killing everyone in the killer's clan. It was Moses who started to veer things away from that by teaching that life should be about love and relationships and not about hating your enemy. And in loving your neighbor you have to do what is right and not accept what is wrong.

Do not accept what is wrong. Yesterday my Mom told me a story about my Dad which she just recently found out. Dad apparently got a number of death threats when he was still in the judiciary. He once got a note from one of the accused in a case assigned to him. The accused stated in his note that my Dad should absolve him from the crime, if not he was going to be killed. My Dad just said that the hearing would proceed and he would decide based on the evidence.

My Mom would also receive phone calls about these threats. I remember being sent off to Baguio with my brother one Christmas season because of the threats my Dad was getting. My Dad never wavered and stuck to doing what was right. He was really stubborn about it and he continued to fight for it to the end.

Accepting what is wrong is not an excuse. Accepting something because it's "the trend" or because of the notion that "everybody's doing it" when is wrong compounds it. What is wrong, however which way you look at it, will never be right even though everyone else is doing it. White is white. Black is black. It happens all the time in many different levels, but when you look at it closely, it's just very basic. Do what is right because that is part and parcel of the golden rule, "Love your neighbor".

Live, Love, Laugh, Dream

So my year started on a really sad note. My Dad's gone and there's a huge hole in my heart that's empty right now because he filled it with so much love. I'm sure it's going to take awhile before the pain ebbs away or perhaps it never will, but I'm sure my Dad doesn't want me to sulk for long. In fact I managed to force myself to go back to work after just a week because there were some people who needed help.

Anyway, my Dad has also left me a huge responsibility -- to make sure that his advocacies for the church and country would continue. I have to be strong and really act like a big girl now in order to fulfill his wish. It won't be easy, but I'm sure he did that to keep me in line and focused on what I have to do. I'm still trying to figure out though how to manage things and make it work.

My sister said in her eulogy that my Dad isn't totally gone, because he left the best of himself in each and everyone of us. And the only way to see him is to live out that legacy. It's going to be tough since my Dad achieved so much in his life. I felt really lost last week because I lost sight of my North Star. I realized over the weekend though that he's just up there beaming his light over me.

Premio regnum dei.

Thought for the Day

I grabed this photo from Anne's cousin (Dumbo - he made the image). You can never really expect a person to change. It's either you accept him as he is or be miserable if you expect him to change. That's supposed to be love, but I think you should never compromise your values in the process. So... make the right choice. Ahem. ~Nuff said.