Sunday, January 22, 2017

Do We Always Want to Focus on Darkness?

Asked the priest this morning during his homily in today's mass.

Do you always worry?

Do you always think about the bad things?

Do you spend more time noticing what's not good?

Do you always seek to find what's wrong?

The question brought me out of my daydream. My mind had wandered off to the last episode of TIMY and I was thinking about the issues of Ali and Stephen when I heard the question. I have that bad habit of zoning out when I'm supposed to be focusing on something (like homilies, sorry Papa God), but oftentimes snap right back at the moment when I'm supposed to listen. The priest went on and drilled to personal questions like do you worry about your health? Your finances? Your marriage? Everything?

Everyone worries the priest said, but that's not we should be focusing on. I realized then that I do tend to worry a lot and this stresses me out. I get sick when I get stressed (Dr. Koo won't be happy!). This thought brought me back to the time when I felt so much despair in my life. I had recovered from my broken heart at that time, but my life wasn't exactly where i wanted it to be. It was when I gave up and told God to please just take over and bring me where I should be.

After that I was directed to the right path and eventually found happiness. I had been worrying a lot the last few weeks and it's probably why my sinus infection is taking so long to clear up. Aside from personal stuff I've also been worrying about what's happening back home and what's happening to the world. I have been making it a point not to comment on current events in my social media accounts to lessen the stress (for me and for others). I told myself though that I would rather focus on finding solutions than ranting about it so that I could contribute to a better world in my own little way.

So I think what I will do is focus on the positive. I've asked my boys to help me on reaching my wellness goals by having them create their own targets too. Part of the goal is to collect a weekly "what I am thankful for" list and we'll read this for new year next year. And for the bad things I tend to think about, I'll practice the deep breathing technique Chade Meng Tan taught us last year.