Future President

Last night I had the chance to have dinner with some of our former student ambassadors. It was great to catch up with them since it's interesting to see what the students eventually do after they finish our program. One was already working for a dev company and the other is graduating soon. Our conversation though revolved around culture differences, family, their plans, population issues (some serious conversation!) and many other things.

Since we were talking about future plans my ultimate dream for my students popped in my mind. I told them that it is my uttermost wish to eventually have a country president from one of them. Their jaws dropped and they looked at me in shock. They probably thought I was loony.

We go through gazillions of applications for the program and one of the things that we look for is the ability to make a huge impact and instil change. The youth today is after all our future leaders so I cannot help but wonder if there's one among the hundreds of students I've had the chance to work who would eventually become a country president. I know it is far-fetched, but who knows?

Last weekend one of our students had the privilege of speaking for the youth to Pope Francis. When I met him in person I took note at the back of my mind that he had the qualities that may fulfill my dream someday. He's not the only one, there's a few more I've met in the last few years that have that potential so I'm really hopeful.

Pope Francis said to keep on dreaming so this will stay as one of my dreams and hopefully one of my children will take it on in the future :)

For Dad

Dad, you've been gone for four years now. I remember the day that Mom said you were very sick and that the doctor said it was just a matter of time. You had been suffering in silence for a couple of months. Refusing to go to a doctor and you kept saying you were fine. It was Mom who finally forced you to go for a check-up and by then it was already too late. I was inconsolable that day. I just cried and cried.

I had asked permission then from my manager if I could work earlier hours so I could get off early and walk 100 meters from my home to sit with you in the afternoons until Jay would pick me up to go home. We would watch TV and I would show you photos from my trips. You were always interested in the tomes of content I would put out (yes I know you used to ready my diary as well!). You wrote non-stop and that inspired me to "study writing". I know I'm not as talented a writer as you are or your apo, Miguel, but I strived to learn how to write because of you. It's Kuya though who's managed to publish books and not me (but I think I'm a better writer than he is hahaha).

Watching you lose your strength through Christmas and undergo so much pain signaled to us that we had to let you go so you won't suffer any longer. You held on when I had to leave for a week-long trip to Singapore because I told you to wait for me. And wait for me you did. Mom said that in your last few days you kept calling out to Nanay and Tatay. They had been trying to pick you up already, but you held on and waited.

You were doing quite well days before you passed. Mom said you just kept sleeping and even told her on the 19th night of January that she should get some sleep and rest. You passed away in your sleep. After Mom called me we rushed to the house to check on you. You still had a slight pulse when I arrived. I hope you heard me say "I love you Dad" just before your pulse dwindled and stopped. It was the most heartbreaking moment of my entire life.

Mom was very much composed. I was a huge mess, but I had to be the one to break the news to my siblings. I thought it was unfair that I had to do that since I'm after all your youngest child, your padaba, your latak. You brought me up to be a tough cookie though and you always told me to be strong and hold on to what is most important.

I cry a little every single day Dad because I miss you very much. It happens at the most random places, but I manage to hide the paid well because that's what you taught me. I would've probably made a good lawyer as you wanted me to be, but I'm too much of a scatterbrain to be one and it would've hard to fill the shoes you've left as a lawyer.

Thank you Dad for loving me, for being patient with me, for being strict so that I may learn, for being stern so I will become tough, for bringing me to all those tagalog movies and for accompanying me to watch Menudo even though you had to cover your ears all night. I would never have it differently, but I should have asked God to extend your life after your first bout with cancer until after you get your first great-grandson from Miguel and not only until you manage to walk me down the aisle. I honestly thought I wasn't going to marry anymore so I made that deal with God (well He had other plans apparently).

I miss you Dad. I know you are having a grand time with Tito Tony, Tito Mon and Tito Ben up there. Please say hi to my grandparents and all my friends who have gone up there to party with you. Please watch over us as we fulfill our mission down here. <3

Keep Dreaming

The last few days saw Pope Francis win the hearts of Filipinos an reinforce our faith. I could not be there to see him in person, but even far away I felt his presence and heard his message. I am so glad that his visit was available for viewing on YouTube through RTVMalacanang (a project I worked on back in 2011, remember this?). My deepest gratitude to the team who worked on that because I managed to take part of the visit online.

I had been very active in our Parish in the past. I used to produce our parish newsletter and was active in our choir (for more than 20 years), but primarily due to my health and work I had to give those up so I could use whatever energy I had to care for my family. I've been feeling quite better in the last few months and have been thinking about how I can serve again. It's difficult to commit though since I'm always on the go. I think how I'll get to fulfill that personal goal will be revealed in the coming months.

Pope Francis said, "Don't lose the ability to dream."

I have been living with short term goals in the last decade (yes, decade). Wherever I am today is because I have just followed where I've been navigated to go. I am in my happy place. Things are going well in many aspects of my life and I couldn't ask for more. I had asked for better health so I can provide a better quality of life for my family when I got sick in 2008. It took a number of years before it worked out, but now things are so much better.

When I read the quote from Pope Francis it made me realize that I should be stronger in my faith that I should dream and dream more. I've been so fixated on getting well that I had not made any plans on what to do after my health problem got ironed out.

"Don't forget to dream, because when you do, you forget the capacity to love."

I think I've live too realistically in the last decade, that's what happens when you get so hurt. I'm glad though I did not become jaded because I was able to forgive, somehow forget, move on and allow myself to love and be loved. Now what I need to work on is my dreams and the dreams of my family.

Thank you Papa God for sending Pope Francis to my country and for making me realize that one must continue to dream.

Here is a song that I learned to play on the piano when I was a kid. My piano pieces perished during Typhoon Ondoy, but last Saturday I finally got a new copy of the piece and look forward to going home and playing it again.

The Last 20 Years

I was reading news about Pope Francis' visit this morning and the headline by USA Today caught my attention - "Pope Visits the Philippines After 20 Years".

It seems just like yesterday when I spent a night in Luneta for World Youth Day 1995. I was very active in our Parish then and was a youth leader. I jumped at the opportunity to join WYD 1995 to be with my friends and to see Pope John Paul II. Aside from the amazing experience of seeing Pope John Paul II the thing I remember most is the song "Tell the World of His Love".

The last 20 years of my life have really been "interesting". I spent a good ten years healing from the wounds of my youth and figuring out what I wanted to do. The next ten years was spent mostly on learning the ropes so I could get a better and stable job. The last five years was spent struggling to stay alive. I feel much better now and the quality of my life and what I could give my family is what I always hoped for (I still wish I could just live in Manila permanently though).

God only gives you what you can bear and the path I threaded in the last 20 years has been a crazy one. All my heartaches healed when I finally gave up and just had God navigate my life. After that was the journey to fix my physical heart. I remain joyful despite these struggles and hope that I can be more fit so I can be of better service to others and be a better Mom, wife, daughter, servant.

What about you, how did the last 20 years been for you?

Missing the Papal Visit

I'm going to miss the Papal visit :(

Half my lifetime ago I managed to be part of World Youth Day in 1995. Just like the many other students and participants I stayed in Luneta, slept on Roxas Boulevard so I could hear mass celebrated by Pope John Paul II. I didn't really expect to see him, but I did since he went around in his Pope mobile. When I saw him I felt really loved and there was just unexplicable joy from within. I remember smiling and crying at the same time. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Much as I would love to see Pope Francis during his visit in Manila my body now isn't what it used to be. Five minutes under the sun I would melt like Olaf and would suffer heatstroke. I had to also go back to work (in Singapore), so at best I've just been praying for the success of the Pope's visit and for his safety and the safety of everyone going.

Welcome to the Philippines dear Pope Francis! I hope someday I would have the chance to get a tiny glimpse of you, maybe in Rome if I manage to save up for it (and hopefully bring my Mom who wants to go there).

Love, Love, Love!

One more month before Valentine's!

A few years back when I was single I was challenged by my now-Ninang Janette to find a date in time for Valentine's (circa 2007). I didn't find one, but Sweetie and I eventually realized that the merienda break at Max's we had when we stepped out from an event was a date, well a friendly date. I even took a photo of the brownie I had and belatedly realized that it had a heart on it. I have yet to collect on my beach date with Honey (yoohoo Honey!) because we promised each other that whoever failed to get a date would buy a ticket to Boracay for the one who got a date. Well we both technically lost, but we promised that we'd go on a beach trip together (let's do it this year!).

I thought finding my one true love was hopeless. The priests in our parish even wanted to put up a billboard to find me a partner! And online Ninang Janette put up a post to get me and Honey a date. I was seriously ready to spend my life of single blessedness since I have Miguel anyway and I was never going to be alone. But, lo and behold, just a day before my deadline Sweetie proposed to me!

I started thinking about this again when Philip pointed out that our friends who filled up my slambook suddenly had partners a week after. My gaylas friends are all in a happy place right now (thus the many cheesy posts on my timeline!). Looking back I think God finally gave me what I've been asking for because I learned the lesson He was trying to teach me. I read a lot of books, spent a lot of time with the priests in our parish (they didn't have a choice since I was the editor of our parish newsletter then), and prayed a lot for guidance. I also changed my perspective and just waited for God to finally write my love story.

I went through a lot and even my doctor said that it's what probably literally broke my heart (that's why it had to be mended!). It took me time to forgive myself for my past mistakes, learn to be happy on my own, and open my heart again to love and be loved. As I told a friend yesterday, just have faith and leave everything to God. He is after all the master of all our stories.

It's a month before Valentine's! Take heart and believe that God is indeed writing your love story. It will be the best happily every after! 

Akihabara

Ranma. Samurai X (Ruroini Kenshin). Naruto. Pokemon. Sailor Moon.

Voltes V. Daimos (Richard! Erika!).

I must admit I know very little about anime, but I did watch Voltes V and Daimos when I was a child and watched the ending of Voltes V only when I was in my mid-20s (because it was Martial Law and government banned it from showing the ending in the Philippines). I don't really remember the plot since I was just a toddler when I watched it, but I always imagined I was the youngest character in Voltes V (haha!). Daimos was altogether something else since it was essentially a love story so I do remember Richard and Erika and their complicated relationship.

After experiencing Voltes V and Daimos I was only exposed to other anime because of my friends so I cannot claim that I am a fan of anime, but my son is (he's actually taking up animation!) and hubby collects Transformers toys. We ended up visiting Akihabara twice when we were in Japan. Akihabara is essentially the mecca for anime/manga/toys lovers/collectors.

It was like Santa + Christmas + First Love all rolled into one for Miguel when we went there. He could've probably light up the whole Luzon grid with his smile when we went to Akihabara for the first time. He got so confused on what to buy because he wanted a lot of stuff, so we decided to skip Asakusa and Ginza day so we could go back to Akihabara. He definitely researched and got some of the things he wanted to buy.

So if you are planning to go to Akihabara to get some stuff make sure you do some research on what you want to buy and where you can get it because the place is huge (my friend Raymund says that you need at least 4 days to see almost everything). I enjoyed my time looking at the toys and checking out the gachapon (those things will bleed your wallet dry), but I told my boys to park me at the nearest Don Quixote so I won't slow down their Akihabara tour.

I didn't go home empty handed from Akihabara since Sweetie found a Yoda collectible for me. I also enjoyed see some of the electronics and was amazed with the robots (I still want one that could help me clean my house!). I also now proudly own a set of Yoda chopsticks. I think if I get the chance to go back I'll do my own research as well since I've been collecting Yoda stuff.