Love, Love, Love (a follow-up on Single vs. Married? Which is Better?)

Four years ago I wrote a post entitled, "Single vs. Married? Which is Better?" and strangely enough it's still getting traffic and comments! I had no clue back then about my status four years forward. Sweetie and I weren't even a couple yet when I wrote that post! It just goes to show that you'll never really know when your one true love will come because it will just happen!

I had already given up that I would find my one true love. I gave myself a deadline that if by September 30, 2007 I didn't have a boyfriend then I'd take that as a sign that I was just meant for a life of single blessedness. I was already planning on taking a PHD! Anyway, Sweetie proposed on September 29, 2007 and let's just say the rest is history!

I thought I'd make a follow-up post about the question I posted four years ago. I have to say that it really depends on the person really. I have an aunt who never married because she did not want to despite the fact that she had a lot of suitors! And she's about 80 now and still happily single. She dots on all of her siblings, nephews and nieces.

I've been married for more than a year now and I can say the fun never stops! Granted that there are things that are routine (i.e. chores), but there's a lot of stuff you can enjoy together. I mentioned in my previous post that there's a lot of dilemmas that you would go through, but I'd say two heads are better than one when dealing with disasters (read up on our disasters on our marriage blog). Life is so much better with a better half to enjoy it with.

So for me I can now say that being married is better provided you find your one true love. And for my single friends, stay single until you find your one true love! Stay away from guys who will just give you a lot of heartache and tears.

Happy Valentine's everyone!

Happy 51st Wedding Anniversary to my Mom and Dad!

Time flies, it was just a year ago that we celebrated my Mom and Dad's golden wedding anniversary. It was a simple celebration. We married them off again and then had the reception at Mom's garden together with family and their close friends.

Fifty one years is looooong! And I can just dream about celebrating that number with Jay, fifty years from now. If we do reach that age Miguel will probably have to wheelchair me to the altar or I'll be walking with a cane by then (that is if my heart's still beating by then). Anyway, my parents have definitely played out beautifully throughout the years their wedding vow -

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

I never sensed any trouble or misunderstanding between my parents, although my Mom claims that they do fight. The one and only time I saw them give each other the silent treatment was a month before I got married. It lasted about three days and I had to do an SOS to my sister. She called and my parents talked and then said that they had forgotten what their tampuhan was about!

Here's my parents' formula to a successful marriage:

1. Put God at the center of your marriage. Pray always.
2. Love each other everyday. Do all things with love.
3. Be patient.
4. Always settle any trouble before sleeping.
5. Live simply.

Happy anniversary Mom and Dad!

My First 100 Days as a Wife (Part 2)

Part 1 of this post can be found at this link.

So off we went to our honeymoon. My colleagues said that we should not consider it as our honeymoon because I was in Singapore for work. Sweetie saw more sights in Singapore than I have in the past 9 years that I have been going back and forth there. The only decent photos we had in Singapore were taken in Sentosa (because Jajah showed us around) and at the office (because my colleagues insisted on taking our photo).

Nothing much to say about Singapore since we spent our first two days just sleeping (we were that tired!). (Most of my posts about Singapore are at Lakwatsera Ako.)

We were both very busy on our first monthsary. We were off early in the morning since I had a number of meetings in the Metro and Sweetie also had to go to Marikina. He surprised me though in the evening with some white roses.

I am terrible with keys so Sweetie left me this reminder on the door.

I actually did forget to put it in my bag. 

"Naparami ata kain ng Mister ko ah." I said to Sweetie earlier. He replied by saying, "Masarap luto ng misis ko eh!" We simultaneously cringed right after and burst out laughing. "Ang jologs!" I said. "Let's not do that again" Sweetie replied, still cringing. LOLz!

I realized after we finished giggling over our exchange that gears changed when we came home from Singapore. It was the time that we had to face our new found household chores full throttle.  It was a good thing that Samsung managed to repair our new washing machine, but we honestly started washing our clothes only after my Mom's helper laundered the 2 maletas worth of trip clothes (hehehe). I had to learn how to iron and poor Miguel's uniform became my practice ground. I can attribute my ironing skills to how-tos from Youtube (thanks Youtube!).

The leftovers were long gone and I had to learn how to cook. Good thing my high school, St. Scholastica's College, taught us how to cook and bake so I kinda knew stuff in theory. And thanks to Google and Youtube and Plurk/blogger friends (and my Ate!) I didn't have a hard time putting theory intro practice. I learned how to slice the hard way though and ended up having a couple of cuts on my fingers (OUCH!). Here are some of the dishes I've learned how to cook:

This was at the Dona Cuisinera Club cooking demo. We were

chosen to help out the chef because were were newlyweds. Our photo

has been featured in a couple of newspapers. (Thanks to Dona Elena

for the olive oil and other food stuff!!!)

My regular dishes include: adobo, cheese & ham stuffed pork roll,

fish fillet, beef bulgogi, beef/pork steak, afritada, spaghetti, arroz

ala cubana, sinangag, potato salad, coleslaw and the Dona Elena 

arugula salad. I'm still struggling with the Mee-goreng! 

I miss baking though and I hope I'd save enough money by month end so I can get myself a convection oven. One good advise we got before our wedding was from my high school friend, Ottie. She said that when she got married they didn't prepare their new home before they moved in. They got married on the 30th of December and went home on New Year's Day. They didn't have a refrigerator and it took 2 weeks for the appliance store to deliver because of the holidays. We heeded this advise and bought a refrigerator and washing machine a week before the wedding. It was really sound advise since we really needed the ref when we moved in. My Mom's long-time carpenters also helped us a lot in prepping up our new home.

Sweetie during our gardening session with my Mom.

When we got engaged we had to sacrifice the time we spent attending events. We didn't attend any for about 6 months since planning our wedding took up all of our free time. Eventually we realized that we had time to attend some events again and see our friends and do roadtrips on weekends.

Since Sweetie moved 25 kilometers from where he used to live (Marikina) and I just moved about 7 streets away, I had the pleasure of introducing Sweetie to Paranaque and my hommies (err my childhood friends) and my Parish. He probably didn't see it coming, but he is now part of our Parish choir (hahaha).

We had quite a number of challenges too in our first 100 days. We had to get rid of pests. Figure out how to keep the basura (trash) safe from being scavenged by cats/dogs/humans. Find ways how to fix up our tiny place and cope with stuff we didn't have yet. Prepare for parties (we've had two so far). Entertain unannounced visitors. Smokin'sinks. Septic tanks (euwwww). And there were bumps along the way that we faced together.

So it's been a 100 days and it's been an eye-opener about what marriage is all about. I honestly didn't realize though that chores are bottomless. I am thankful that Sweetie has been really supportive and patient the past few months that I've been learning how to cook, iron, do the laundry, clean the house etc. etc. (I'm an expert at washing dishes haha). I remember asking him one night a few weeks ago if he could still imagine himself sleeping alone in his old room (because I didn't). He said that he'd gotten so used to having me beside him (even though I sometimes accidentally kick him), he couldn't imagine himself being alone.

And that's what I learned the first 100 days as a wife. I am not alone anymore.

The Story about the White Rose

How do you know he is the one?

I got this question from my Formspring page. Years ago I asked the same question and I bugged quite a number of married friends. Most of them said the same thing,

"You will just know."

So I bugged more people, including my brother and he said the same thing. One friend though gave me very valuable advise. Her then boyfriend (now husband) was 7 years younger than her and she felt very anxious about their age difference. She kept breaking up with him, but he kept wooing her back. Throughout their relationship she would ask for a sign and the signs were very specific signs like a certain number of flowers, food and the last one she asked before she left for another country was a white angel. She prayed for all those signs and got positive responses each and every time.

So I did the same thing. I asked for several signs and got frustrated each and every time. It took years before I finally settled on one specific sign, white roses.

I followed Brother Bo's advise from his book, "Finding Your One True Love." He said one should meet as many guys as you can and turn these guys into friends and then pray. I can no longer count how many guy friends I have. A LOT! But looking back I think I met Sweetie during the first month I actively followed Bo's advise. He became a friend, then my best friend, my boyfriend, then my fiance. And things have been easy going between us. Things just fell into place.

And the white rose came into play the first time he visited me at home. My friends and I held a despidida de soltera for our soon-to-be-wed friend at home and I invited Sweetie to visit so he can meet my parents and my childhood friends. I was cooking spaghetti when he arrived and I didn't expect him to bring anything, much less flowers.

When my Mom called me to meet Sweetie at the door I almost fainted when I saw what he had brought me. Three white roses.

And my spaghetti? It burned. Worst spaghetti I ever cooked.

And that's how I knew he was the one.

The Initial Approach

My muse woke me up today. Unbelievably early for a Saturday! I was dreaming that I was in a bridal funhouse with my high school girl friends. Weird huh.

So my muse woke me up. It's been bugging me the past few days to write and I know I should've been writing down the stuff it's been whispering to me, but I've just been so dead tired running around the country!

On the plane yesterday I couldn't help but think that I'm currently at the initial approach to settling down. Life is just like a plane ride. There are times you are up in the air, down on the tarmac, bumping along air pockets, but you essentially just have to buckle up, be ready and alert and enjoy the ride.

My life hasn't been a smooth ride, but I always believed that things would settle down when the time is right. Here's a couple of things I can say about getting married:

1. It's exciting! Years ago I dreaded the thought of marrying, I guess I just wasn't ready then.

2. Wild! The time between the engagement and the wedding day is definitely wild and will force you to sharpen your decision making skills.

3. It will make you palpitate! My former boss told me, "Ah so you're moving into the dark side." I've been getting a lot of advise from friends, business contacts and colleagues about being married, but despite that I feel like I'm about to zip down an endless line.

4. Crazy! I've been told time and again that getting married is something you really have to think about. But I say that if you think too much about it you'll probably end up unmarried.

5. Happy! Of course! Who wouldn't be?

Because Breaking Up is Hard to Do

(Note: I started this post last May 18, 2009.)

Yesterday the Gospel was all about LOVE! Yes, love, wonderful love! And the guest priest focused on 2 things: selfish love vs. sacrificial love. And it got me thinking about my past relationships and the plight of some of my girl friends now.

I know only one person in this whole wide world who never experienced a break-up (well not that I know of) and that's my Mom coz she's been with my Dad since she was 16! And they're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary a few months from now (that's why I'm going bonkers over preparing for 2 weddings). And most of my friends (except the ones who are NBSB*) have experienced heartbreak one way or another.

And that's why I take back what I said that I will be forever 25. I'd rather be 30.

Why?

Because at 25 I didn't know what a good man is. At that age I thought that being miserable in a relationship was better than not being with the one you love. I thought that sacrificing your happiness was being a martyr for the one you love. I thought that not doing the things you want because your partner says so will keep your relationship intact. I thought that when your boyfriend tells you he doesn't love you it's okay as long as he is still around. I thought that it was sweet if your boyfriend checks with the guard what time you left the office and who you rode the elevator with. I thought that agreeing to something you don't really want to do would spell forever.

I thought. I thought. I thought.

Well, I was really stupid and being stupid ate a huge chunk of my life. Eventually I realized I wasn't happy anymore. I was miserable because I was in a miserable relationship. It was then that I realized that I wasn't the person I used to be. It took a long time, but I eventually found the courage to break things off.

I'm thankful though that I never gave up on love. The most important thing I realized though is something my Mom kept telling me since I was a kid, "Find someone with the same values you have." It took me a long time (and more toads) before I understood what she said and I can meaningfully say that I am so glad that I waited for the right one.

Don't settle!

--------

*NBSB - no boyfriend since birth

Love2Love2Love

One of my most popular posts is about relationships where I ask the question, "Is it better to be single or married?" I wrote this post during the time when I was contemplating single blessedness already since I just couldn't seem to find the right one. I gave myself a deadline back then, if by end of the third quarter of 2007 I didn't have a boyfriend I would enrol for PHD and I'd be single forever. I know it's crazy, but having deadlines keep me sane. 

I was on the plane back from the US on September 28 and I told God, "I give up. It's a sign for me to stay single forever." That was my last thought before I fell asleep. Who would have guessed that my best friend would tell me his feelings less than 24 hours later? I secretly liked him, but I had already accepted that we'll just be friends. Anyway, just-in-time for my deadline and my life totally changed since then. 

It's only today that I found the answer to my question, "Is it better to be single or married?" I think it really depends on you and your "constitution". Commitment is very important and being in a relationship is not all about being sweet and mushy-mushy all the time (ask Sweetie, he's been nursing me back to good health for four months now and I do get really cranky at times).

"My Dad gave this inspirational talk yesterday when he and my Mom joined their friends in a marriage vow renewal in time for Valentine's day. Dad shared this bit over dinner today -

In a few months, my wife and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. Now you must be wondering what our secret is for staying together. There are just three things to remember:

One,  put God at the center of your relationship. He is, after all, the best referee there is.

Two, always be together for any problem or situation, be it financially, a physical problem etc. (i.e. if he need to live abroad, then you should go too!). (Mom said, "Laging may bantay?" LOL.)

Three, always put to rest any argument before you sleep. Never go to sleep with ill-feelings for each other. 

That has been our secret all through-out the years."

I get to have lunch and dinner with my parents every single day and I can't help but be envious of them since they've really stuck it out with each other. I never saw them fight and they're still very sweet with each other. They used to be quite formal when I was younger, but now they banter a lot. And Dad still manages to make my Mom blush every once in a while. 

And I hope and pray that in due time I'd just be like them.

==============

For the first time in my life I got to celebrate Valentine's "properly". And one of the bonuses was watching Love2Love2Love at the Araneta Coliseum with Sweetie. MYMP, Freestyle and Side A performed favorite love songs and it was a blast. I have to give it to Jinky of Freestyle as well for being the best performer last night! She brought the house down! And can you imagine Joey G. of Side A raising the roof and doing a Bubble Gang chicken dance? He did! Here's some photos -

Also got to watch Rachelle Ann Go's "Falling in Love" Concert at the Music Museum. I was certainly impressed with her talent. The video on Myx showed last weekend and it does not do her talent any justice. You have to watch her perform live.