Grief Journey Process: Clearing the Ancestral Home

The task of sorting and clearing one's ancestral home is gargantuam, especially if your family lived in it for more than 50 years. 

I knew the task would fall on my shoulders. I realized my Mom through the years pointed out which things were important. I'm not physically fit to do everyday by myself, so I did some research and asked help from our decluttering coach, Ally Canita. She helped us go through our things from our two homes when we went back from Singapore.

I knew that it didn't make sense to hold on to what my Mom left. Six months after she passed, I had the items in the house sorted and boxed. This was the same process we took when we decluttered out home. After that I took my sweet time sorting each box. 

To be honest I didn't touch my Mom's stuff from her bedroom for over a year since they were packed. I just couldn't. I had to come to terms that Mom was gone. It's good I didn't rush into things because I was in a better frame of mind when I started sorting through her bedroom items.

Here's the steps I took sorting :

1. Documents

2. Photo albums

3. Craft materials 

4. Clothes/shoes/linen

5. Outdoor back garage stuff (because I was alerted there may be a snake around)

6. Kitchen stuff

7. Plants

8. Furniture (last because there's a lot boxes on it)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Stories from Old Treasures

We finally started to clear my childhood home. It took me months before I could start working on it. To be honest, it did not feel right to open Mom's cabinets and drawers. She had kept the things in our home organized and she always told me not to touch things that aren't yours. I knew though I had to get things going since the items stored in my childhood home are better re-homed. I'd rather give stuff away so it would be useful. 

The process is hard, even more since I can't really do the sorting in person. I got help from Ally Canita. She's the decluttering coach who helped us last year go through and organize our home. I couldn't bring myself to open the cabinets and drawers I know Mom organized. Ally and her team went through each of the rooms for several weeks. I'm now doing the painful process of going through each and every item. 

It's quite therapeutic TBH. I've been coming across toys and items I used to cherish when I still lived in my childhood home. Miggy also found some of his favorite childhood toys. I realized Mom kept our things she thought was important for us. I had thought most of those items are long gone. I even found giveaways from my previous jobs, lol. 

So I thought on Thursdays, I would write stories about my old toys and things. It's been interesting to read up on some of my old toys (now vintage!) and Miggy's toys. Sweetie said some of them have value. Quick look on eBay confirms there's a lot of vintage stuff being sold online. It's just fun for me though to go through the items and reminisce. 

I started this last month on Mom's birthday. I sorted through some of her craft supplies and found 26 pairs of scissors! I'm not surprised she has so many because I'm the same. She believes it's important to have several pairs of scissors in each room of the house since you'll always need one. It's true! In our kitchen we probably have at least 2 used for food and a couple more for opening packages. 

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I Didn't Know Mom Kept a Lot of My Childhood Things

We've been working on decluttering Mom's home the past few weeks. The team breezed through the common areas of the house, but things slowed down when they got to Mom's room. I was told that Mom really had a lot of knick-knacks. 

I went over to inspect the sorted boxes and was surprised to see a lot of things from my childhood. She kept all my piggy banks, my Hello Kitty mirror and comb set, my first sewing kit, my Millionaire's Game play money etc. I had thought they were long gone already. She had been nagging me to get my piggy banks since I got home. I didn't because my house was a huge mess. I made space for it already, so I got some of it. I know the rest she kept in a cabinet we haven't opened yet. 

Told my siblings I found our inheritance, LOL. 

What also surprised me was seeing the table by her bedside with my first communion photos. It wasn't there the last time I visited her at home, so she must have put it there recently. She must have been praying hard for me since I was getting sick a lot before she passed away. 

I've also started going through the papers she left behind. A lot are Dad's stuff. My Mom was really good at organizing things especially paperwork. All I need to do for now is change the envelopes they're stored in. Most of the papers are properly labelled and I'll find time to scan them. The photos though will be a huge monster to tackle since Mom loved to frame photos. Will hopefully be able to save them. And that's a different scanning project, let's see if my old HP printer will hold up, haha. 

I think Mom hung on to my things because I lost a lot during typhoon Ondoy. It broke my heart because most of the things I lost were items I bought with my hard earned money. My heart was heavy on the way to my childhood home. I didn't really want to see my Mom's things sorted in boxes, especially the ones in her room. My sadness though turned to joy when I saw how Mom painstakingly preserved my things. She'd been wanting to give some to me the past few years. I didn't want to since my house was (is!) still messy. She probably wanted to show how much she loved me by keeping my stuff. 

Oh, and it was a very hot day when we went. It surprisingly started to rain when we parked in front of the house. I guess, Mom wanted us to stick around for awhile. The rain made the house a bit cooler :)

#BeKind #StaySafe 

Oh, Mom

We have started to sort Mom's things. I promptly got sick the first day we started, so I just got updates from the team helping me. When they started sending photos of items that were boxed I started crying. It's only been five months and seeing Mom's things boxed just seems so final. 

The team confirmed that Mom's things were organized. I was told by several people that it seems she prepared her things. She probably knew she was going soon and wanted everything in order. She even put most of her clothes in boxes. 

We covered only a few rooms. Most of the items Mom has are decorative. I remember she got a lot of decorative items from estate sales in the US. She also liked collecting angels and she has a lot of religious statues. We will probably just keep some, give away to relatives and her friends and donate the rest. I have checked with a friend who is a nun and she said there's a place where we can bring religious items. 

This part of losing a loved one is difficult. If I could I would rather leave her home untouched. That way I could just think that she's away visiting Ate or Kuya. I know it doesn't work that way. Realistically, I have to clear everything so we can fix the house and make it livable. 

On Home Buddies FB, I saw someone ask how to convince her Mom to let go of her glassware collection. All of those who responded said it's impossible. It's true. I commented also and told her to let it be and expect her Mom to be more stubborn as she ages. 

Mom was like that. We prepared a room for her in our home. She wanted to be in her own home and she also refused to have things fixed. I only got as far as having her roof fixed because water would pour in when it rains (it was a waterfall). 

Oh Mom, wish you were here. I know you knew this task was going to fall on my lap and you tried to make it easier for me. We are saving what is valuable and will let go of things that will be more helpful for others. 

Miss you Ma. 

#BeKind #StaySafe

Had Mom's Half Century Old Sala Set Re-upholstered

Yes, we've been living in our home for two years now and we still don't have a sala set. We didn't rush to buy one when we moved because our living room was full of boxes until about two months ago. Ally and her team had to comb back and help us clear more stuff. I told myself we won't purchase anything for the house until we've cleared all the boxes. 

We've started the painful process of clearing my childhood home. At 50+ years old it's actually considered an ancestral house already. Most of the furniture are actually older than me, including the sala set. As far as I remembered it's only been re-upholstered once in the 90s. Mom and Grace worked on it if I remember correctly. For the past decade Mom always had covers on it, so I always thought it still looked good. I was wrong though, it badly needed some repairs. The base though was still very sturdy.

I asked my siblings if I could possibly use the sala set since it has to be removed anyway when the house is fixed. They said yes and after dilly-dallying for a few months, I finally found a reputable service company to work on the set. The one I found and inquired on FB suddenly disappeared. Good thing I take really long to decide on things. Probably saved me from getting scammed. Anyway, I found the reputable company through Google Maps.

Three weeks ago the sala set was pulled out and brought to Guada's upholstery shop. Manong Jojo and his assistant managed to fit in the 5 pieces plus our loveseat in their van (it was like playing tetris!). They delivered it to our home the other day. I was amazed with the transformation! We changed it to a neutral color to match our home (and well I'm not really fond of the color orange). I could always make quilts to put on it to add color. Plus Mom has a lot of quilted throw pillow covers she made through the years. 

Before and After

Now that I have a piece of my old home in our home, I feel more at home. We're still figuring out how to lay it out in our odd shaped living room. The set is very heavy, so we have to really plan the set-up before it's moved. I don't want the boys to end up with back pain! 

I know it's taking forever to really fix our home, but we'll get there hopefully by this Christmas. :)

#BeKind #StaySafe

Throwback Thursday: Childhood Home Happy Memories

I lived in the same house until the day I got married. Sweetie and I immediately went home to our new home the day after our wedding. Living with my parents until I married gave me the grounding and stability I needed. I could also say I completed Mom's syllabus of life lessons. She didn't know how to cook, but she really knew how to properly run a household and get cars repaired. 

I have a huge bank of happy memories stored in my mind. In time they'll probably start to fade away, so I thought I'd write down some of them today. Here are some:

1. Celebrating birthdays at home

I always celebrated my birthdays at home. I had one every year until I was 13. Miggy also had his birthday parties at home and that was really fun. When we moved out we started celebrating in restos since it was easier to do. 

2. Parties

Mom and Dad loved hosting parties at home. Mom had huge platters for her parties and she had a gazillion plates, glasses and kubyertos. Majority of our family reunions happened in our home. When not hosting parties, they would host smaller dinners. Good thing at that time my metabolism was really fast, haha. Eventually, the parties extended to my friends. I was still able to host one just before the pandemic.

3. Welcoming New Year with a bang

It was Mom who loved to buy fireworks. She and Kuya would set up a drum on the street and throw in  whatever they got. They would also put swirling lights on the palm tree that used to be on the front lawn. I'd usually hide in the sala because I'm absolutely afraid of fireworks. 

4. Having pets

Much as Mom didn't really like having pets, she allowed us to have pets. I inherited Ate's dog, Cotton, who eventually gave birth. Kuya had lovebirds, cats and fish. I eventually had an aquarium and hamsters. That's why I'm so bummed my pulmo didn't allow me to have pets. 

5. Mom's garden as my classroom

In the afternoons, Mom would force me to hang out with her in the garden. She'd lay out a banig and that's where I'd play with my dolls. Eventually, she held craft lessons for me during summer. That's where I learned how to embroider, crochet, make bags out of plastic straw, quilt, bead and paint boxes. 

It's now time to sunset our old home and re-purpose it for our current needs. Everyone wants to keep Mom's garden as it is, so we'll see how that goes :)

#BeKind #StaySafe