Monday, March 4, 2013

Humpty Dumpty

A few weeks back I felt like Humpty Dumpty. I felt my body was broken and seriously needed to be put back together again. I had to walk around clutching a pillow to support my chest because if I didn't I felt my heart might just disengage. Of course I exaggerate, I'm pretty sure my doctor made sure my heart wouldn't just fall off. It just needed to heal together with my broken sternum.

I'm happy to report that from 8 to 6 to 4 tablets of painkillers per day I've been making do with just one now. My doctor (and Sweetie) was pretty concerned that I might get addicted to it already. Well, I forgot to drink the painkiller last Saturday evening and decided I was ready to just drink it whenever I felt pain. It's Monday today and I've just been drinking one painkiller per day now.

I've also been feeling like the old me. In the last few years I've had to live more simply. For those who've just met me in the last 6 years you'd probably think I never wear high heeled shoes or wear make-up. Ten years ago in my former job I used to come to work in stilettos, fully made up and I was very much like Elle Woods. Kikay. I had a gazillion accessories (most of them I made) and had closets-full of clothes and more than a hundred bags. I was a good 10-15 pounds thinner then (blame the Google 15 for my current weight) and was having so much fun going out with friends. I can say I was a totally different person before 2008.

In the last few years I've just felt feeling more tired every day especially after I had pneumonia/heart failure. Typhoon Ondoy took away my shoe collection and most of my clothes and ever since I just thought it would be better to live my life simply. My quality of life had become affected. Now I feel much more like the old me and the first indication is I'm writing more and I feel like there's a well of energy inside me wanting to be released. And I seriously want to go out and shop for a new set of clothes (but I don't want to wear high heels anymore), accessories (maybe I'll start making some again) and bags. Well that's just on the surface level and I think the practical person in me wouldn't really splurge (I'm planning to follow my VP's wife advice about how much stuff to have).

The last few weeks I've been home since my second discharge from the hospital has been therapeutic. I've managed to re-connect with friends (through social media) and I can say I have a social life of sorts. I'm stuck at home but have been getting a lot of visits. I realized that in the last decade I've shied away from opening myself fully to new friendships. I've been very cautious because of some traumatic experiences that broke my heart figuratively. I'm so happy I've been given this break to re-connect and strengthen old ties. This has helped me avoid the post-heart-surgery depression trap which a lot of patients go through.

But unlike Humpty Dumpty with the grace of God and love of my family and friends I'm slowly being put together again.

So this is what 100% blood flow means ;)