Goodbye 2020, Finally

I want to go back to this day. 

It's two hours to midnight and it feels like the eve to the new millennium. Remember 1999? That time when we were so apprehensive what may happen when the clock struck 12. There was a lot of fear then that computers may break down because of the change. The clock struck 12 and there wasn't any disruption. 

Now it's two hours to 2021 and all of us are hopeful that the new year will be better. Admit it, you're probably hoping that the new year will just magically wipe away the ugly year we've just been through. I did not sleep a wink last night. It was a side effect of the strong medication my doctor gave me. And yes, I'm hopeful that when the clock strikes 12, a magic wand will wave and transport us to a better year. 

And that my friends is what hope is all about. The desire to be better. My physiotherapist yesterday interviewed me about my ordeal before we did any exercises. I told her that I took a walk at the park last week because I wanted to push myself. I cooked noche buena also because I wanted to have some form of normalcy. It did more harm than good because I ended up having a relapse (thus the strong meds). 

Our last family photo of 2020 before Miggy went home. 

My physiotherapist said, "It does feel like you're trying hard to push for normalcy. Do you feel like you're fighting it because if you just give in you might end up in a worse situation?" She understood perfectly how I feel and I'm exhausted from fighting. I told her I feel defeated because we keep going back to zero. We make progress then I get sick and then we slide back to the beginning. She said that these are just little humps on the road and we just need to keep fighting. I'm lucky she's my physiotherapist. 

And that's just like 2020. We're all in this fight to defeat this virus. It is exhausting, but remember you're here today because your grandparents or great grandparents survived the pandemic. The new year may not be the miracle salve we're looking for, but a new day and a new year always brings promise. 

Happy new year everyone! Praying for a blessed and safe new year for everyone. 

CB///266 #StuckAtHomeDay/296 #StayHome #BeKind

Self-love for 2020

A blessed New Year to everyone!

Thought I'd start the year with a blog post. I stopped crafting new year resolutions a few years ago. I thought it wasn't really important to write things down since I always had my compass at the back of my mind. I usually wrote down things I wanted to improve on and things I wanted to do. It was my wishlist for the year. Without a compass I ended up just focusing on work. I forgot to have fun, enjoy and spend more time with the people I love. The stress also caused a lot of health issues.

By September last year I knew I badly needed a break, but I was so busy and couldn't take a break. I love what I do so I trudged on and continued to do a lot of traveling. I was like a candle that was slowly melting away. At the end of October something happened and the light blew out. I finally burnt out.

After being on break for a few weeks now I think I'm starting to warm up, but I'm still very far from normal me. The people who helped me before I went on break stressed that I need to give myself a lot of self-love so I can come back to my usual perky self. I thought it would be good exercise to write down 10 things I'm going to do (for starters) to give myself some self-love:

1. Do my daily exercise for my back and swim at least thrice a week.
2. Create a better balance in home management, both for chores and finances.
3. Plant the seeds to financial freedom.
4. Allot time every day for reading and writing.
5. Set up annual break time.
6. Eat better.
7. Spend time doing nothing.
8. Plan trips to places I really want to visit.
9. Work on hobbies.
10. Ignore those who should be ignored hrhr.

I'm not too happy with the list yet so I'll probably update it as I discover more ways to love myself. Would appreciate no work-related pings/inquiries so I can focus on the task at hand to sync back my body and mind.

Happy new year and praying for a happier and healthier 2020! 

Surviving 2018

I started 2018 with a blog post about being grateful and counting your blessings everyday. I ended the year with a grateful heart, happy to have survived a life-threatening health issue caused by too much traveling. It was discovered only by chance because I insisted on having a second opinion. I am grateful that the new doctor did everything he could to find out what was wrong with me. It was a nerve-wracking experience and has been a bumpy few months getting treatment. It's not over yet, but at least I'd like to think I'm out of the woods for now. I'm only here today because of the care from my family and friends and patient colleagues who had to deal with the bad days. There are still bad days, but I'm happy that I'm up and about and can do my regular activities again (like cooking!).

We also lost the sweetest mother-in-law on earth last January. Mom is now our angel in heaven watching over us. I will certainly miss her laughter, the special food she would set aside for me because of my allergies. I would also miss the advise and practical perspective she would give us whenever we needed it. I really wanted to have another baby a few years ago, but she explained to me that sometimes there are things that are not meant to be. I am forever thankful that she accepted me in the family and loved me for being me. We miss you Mom every day.

I was grounded for most of the year from traveling, but I was still able to squeeze in trips to Manila, Penang, Taipei, New York, Japan, Bali, Sydney and Rome! And that's the bare minimum I've gone in the last 12 years (and is the reason why I got sick hehe). Rome was an amazing experience. I haven't been able to write about it yet because I had to focus on resolving my health issues when I got back from my trip. I was supposed to write more in the last ten days, but ummm I've been busy with my Mom hehe.

I would probably remember 2018 as a test year. What I went through was not easy. It almost broke me. I realized though that there are things you cannot bear on your own and help will always be available. I also think I should have put in some general goals in the beginning of 2018. I let the year just pass by without any specific plans (except for my quilting), I could've done better in my personal life (my boss said I did an excellent job work-wise).

I'm going to make sure 2019 will be a spectacular year. Sweetie and I are celebrating our 10th year anniversary, Mom is turning 85 and Miguel will finally finish school this year and will hopefully join the workforce by second half of the year (hello animation studios!). My general themes this year would be: self-care, stronger faith and happy family. Work will take care of itself, I realized that growing up in Catholic schools would always compel you to do your best (I still delivered a great job despite being very sick!). 2019, I'm ready for you. Let's get this rocking!

Happy new year everyone!

Goodbye 2016, Hello Hopeful 2017!

A lot of people would probably agree that 2016 was a very bad year. It was tumultuous, a year full of regret, bad decisions. It was the year that evil took hold. Killings, war, terrorism, people fighting online and offline etc. It was a very stressful year and I must admit that towards the end I decided to just hibernate and focus on work and family.

2017 will be a better year as long as each of us make an effort to make it a good one for everyone. I was thinking about what I could do this year to make it a great year for me and the people around me. In 2016 my main goal was to put my family in one place as advised by a friend who passed away in 2015. He said we just have so little time on earth and we should spend as much time as we have with our love ones. I was also have a very difficult time being away from my family and the frequent trips I had to make was taking its toll on my body.

I haven't really thought about what I'm going to do this year. The big audacious goal I have is to create more memories with my family. One thing I learned from work is you need to define your goal well and then identify two to three key things you will do to meet this goal. Time is also a limited resource determining key goals is much better than making a long list of things you'd want to do for a year. I have not written a new years resolution for a long time now. So the big goal this year is to make more memories through spending more time together doing mundane things and more exciting things like traveling.

It's been almost four years since I had heart surgery. We had to change our lifestyle a lot because of me. Now that I have better idea of how to cope with my condition I'm hoping I'd be able to serve again. I just need to figure out what to do and how I could do this because my parish is far away from where I live now. I'm sure God will make a way =)

I pray that we will all have an awesome 2017 anchored on love, truth and being simple.

Happy new year!

2016: A Call to Order

New Year? What New Year? I was so busy in January the month just flew by without me making any 2016 targets. I took the chance to extend my leave on the first week of January since our review dates were moved (yay!), but I ended up clearing up clutter/getting sick/fixing Miguel's schooling during that first week. The second week was spent easing in Miguel in Singapore and the mad dash to get him a student's pass and working on data for our review week. Then the last two weeks of January was spent struggling for my health. It did not help that I got misdiagnosed. There was nothing wrong with my tonsils, but very bad allergies led to sinus infection (the inside of my nose had a gazillion white dots!). All resolved in time for February.

It's almost the Lunar New Year!

So I thought, hey, January was a month for practice. February will be my new year this year. I also realized that there were just so many loose ends in 2015 that I need to put order to my life. Thus, 2016: a call to order. I don't consistently work on yearly targets, but to put my (somewhat) OCD self back on track I thought I'd make a list for 2016. Here's some personal goals I'd like to work on this year.

1. Be a better mother. The last 4 years have been very hard with Miguel with me being so far away. I realized that he probably just wants to be with me. He's now studying in Singapore and we've been sleeping together in the same bed just like when he was in high school (he's moving to his own room next week). I can't imagine how I managed to pull this plan off in less than a week. We're off to a great start.

2. Be a better wife. I've been married for 6 years now, but Sweetie and I have been living together on and off in the last four years. I told him I want our family to be all in one place where I can take care of them the same way I did during the first two years of our marriage. I also have been needing constant care since I've been getting sick a lot more. I am praying hard that we will be together soon.

3. Be a better daughter. I miss my Mom a whole lot and I worry for her a lot more. She's the only parent I have now so I hope to take care of her better.

4. Be consistent at work. Work was never a problem for me. I just hope to be consistent in my performance and deliver what I promised for the year (seriously big, hairy audacious goals in place for this).

5. Be a better friend. The last four years have wreaked havoc with my friendships. I was never permanently in one place and it's been hard to deepen relationships. I'd like this year to be the time where I can spend time and be reliable for friends. Sorry na huhu!

6. Serve. Because of my health I have not been able to serve in the last few years. I used to be part of our choir and was the editor of our Parish newsletter. I've been off the hook since everyone had to pray for my recovery (hehehe), but I hope to find a way to serve in my own little way.

7. Balik Alindog. Ahhh this is probably on everyone's list! I need to seriously lose at least 10 pounds so Dr. Koo won't scold me anymore (and well for the good of my heart!). I should be able to eat more healthy while in Singapore (food in the Philippines is just so awesome and one can't stop eating!!!).

8. Invest. Must. Figure.Out.

9. Enjoy my hobbies. I have these big hairy audacious goal for my quilting and I've promised blankets (blankets!!!) to a few friends. Must get back at it soon.

10. Enjoy life. I know I tend to overthink and overplan all the time. That's why I need Sweetie to be around so I could enjoy being alive. 

New Year in Japan

I've spent a couple of New Years away from home. I was asked today by a friend how is New Year celebrated in the Philippines. I said that very much unlike in other countries, New Year is celebrated in my country with a bang... actually a lot of bang-bang because of the firecrackers. When I was a kid my Mom would buy firecrackers and they would light a fire inside a drum and throw in the triangulo (a type of firecracker) for small-scale explosions. Just before midnight they would light up the sinturon ni hudas (Judas' belt) which ends with a big bang at midnight. After that we all come inside the house for media noche.

It was always fun, but I've always been scared of fire so I never played with lusis (sparklers) and I realized disliked watusi since I was anxious it might cause peklat (scaring) on my legs. As I grew older I found myself hiding inside the house when all the paputok festivities were happening and the firecrackers grew stronger every year and since 2008 I've been asthmatic so I've really been avoiding the crazy way we celebrate new year in the Philippines. What I miss though whenever we spend new year in other countries is attending the midnight mass.

That being said I truly appreciate how we celebrated New Year in Japan. The three of us left Odaiba just before 9 in the evening and thought that we would make it back home before eleven so we could hang out with the family. Uh, we got a bit confused with the trains so we made it back to my uncle's house at around 11:40 pm, surprising my cousin who was rushing to the train station to attend a party. We were actually kidding each other that we might end up welcoming the new while we were still in the train. Haha!

We made it back in time and hung out with Uncle Fumio and Tita Pet. We asked a lot of questions about how New Year is celebrated in Japan. During new years eve people go to the temple to pray and this is what is featured on TV. On new year's day people basically just stay home and eat and eat and eat and spend time with family. That's actually how mochi was created. Mochi is made out of sticky rice and is made to last a couple of days so wives can rest and relax for a few days during the new year. The next day Uncle Fumio toasted some mochi for us and prepared some soup. He said that it is traditionally served during New Year for long life (the soup was very tasty and the mochi was heavy on the tummy and really matched the soup).

My other cousin arrived on new year's day with her husband so we had a grand sukiyaki dinner prepared by Uncle Fumio. As he said, new year's day is spent eating and eating and eating, so it was bottomless sukiyaki for us. After the bottomless sukiyaki we had chocolate cake and bottomless fruits (haha!). The last few new years for me have been troublesome because of my asthma, so I think maybe it would be great to just celebrate new year where the air is clean and I can really enjoy without worrying about getting sick.

Blog 3/30

The Year that was 2014

Funabashi, Japan

The work side of my brain has gone on leave and my writing muse has been bugging me to write the last few days. I'm supposed to be crunching some numbers to see how productive I've been, but I just can't seem to get my brain to cooperate.

If I was going to describe 2014 in one word I would say that it was a very PRODUCTIVE year. I took a couple of vacations this year - Boracay for a few days with my boys and my Mom and a longer one in Palawan last August also with my boys, but I must admit that I was not able to fully turn off work from my mind because I just had a lot of things ongoing. The short breaks though helped prevent further burn-out and gave me time to clean our tiny home. The after-effect though is finding myself unable to be productive in my last work week (although I can actually use this week to compensate for all the weekends I worked this year).

I know my body would never be the same as before. Knowing my limits post-surgery I think has made me more aware of what I can and cannot do and I thank God that I am surrounded by people who understand my limitations and who help compensate when I am unable to do some things. I'm also glad I have my Mom's positive outlook since despite my limitations I am still able to do a lot of things I thought I wouldn't be able to do.

Some Highlights

Went to London for the very first time!

Strawberry picking in Benguet (before La Preza became famous!)

Managed to do 2 local vacations with my family (Boracay and Palawan - I will never forget the monkey that attacked me!).

Visited Siem Reap for the first time and of course went to Angkor Wat.

Had more than 100 additional children.

Went to the US again after such a long time.

Survived hiking through the 7 falls of Mambukal (I couldn't walk for over a week!).

In between was a gazillion stuff I did for work. I missed a lot of get togethers and weddings though. 2014 was also full of trials with family getting sick, losing Tito Ben and a couple of friends and other issues. I've learned not to stress out too much since I know you are only given trials that you can handle, but it was still quite a hard year.

I met a lot of really amazing people in the last year from all over Asia (that's aside from the 100++ children I now have) and I'm just really thankful for the opportunity to meet all the wonderful people in the last 12 months. It's really going to be hard to name all of you, but you know who you are. I know I'm sometimes quite limited by what I can physically do, but I hope that all of my new found friends know and feel that I care for them. All I could say is, "Thank you for coming into my life."

[Insert mosaic of "everyone" here - may take time to unearth all the photos I want to put in]

But here's my year in photos according to Google+

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In 2015 I have a very basic plan: improve my work-life balance and get to the right weight as prescribed by my doctor (I need to choose between 2 different recommendations though!), but I would basically like to go down a size so my other clothes can fit again and I would like to be able to spend time to serve as I used to (it's really challenging when you keep traveling).

I know 2015 is going to be a great year since we ended 2014 with a very special family trip to Japan! Got tickets at promo fare, we didn't realize though it would be winter! Haha! All's well though since we're very much cared for by my Uncle Fumio, Tita Pet and cousins. And that's what you're going to read more about in the next few days since I'm once again doing the 30-day blogging challenge!

Woohoo! Happy New Year!

My 2014 Plan

“Hope Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier'...” ― Alfred Tennyson

2013 has been a challenging year and I was really looking forward to the arrival of the new year. I stopped writing down resolutions and plans a few years back since I never seem to complete it, but I thought I'd make a short list of things I want to do this year:

Be More Social! And I don't mean spending more time on social networking sites. I didn't really have a social life last year since I had to spend most of my non-work hours recuperating from surgery, so I hope to be able to spend more time in person with my family and friends this year.

Read More Books. I have several piles of books waiting to be read. I didn't have any time to read that much last year (but I kept buying books!), so I hope allot more time to read.

Blog More! I made less than 30 posts last year, most of it when I was on medical leave. Writing keeps me sane and has been my outlet to destress since I was 8 years old. I will blog more this year.

Be More Healthy! My heart has been repaired and is good as new, but I have to take care of it so it stays healthy. I also need to seriously go down to my ideal weight (although my other doc says he likes me as I am now).

And most importantly I hope to be a better Servant and be true to my mission. My life was extended because I still have a mission to fulfill.

A Challenged 2013

The past year has certainly been full of challenges from start to finish, but still full of blessings. I started the year by having my heart repaired (mitral valve surgery). The planned 5 day hospital stay stretched into 2 15-day sessions due to some complications. It took me months to get back on my feet and become fully independent again. Well, I basically had to force myself because I was getting impatient from waiting to get my strength back. I made it through because of the love and patience of my family, friends and colleagues who took care of me during this time.

It was sheer willpower that got me through 2013. I was really happy though that I was given the opportunity to work with more communities in the region (entrepreneurs, students, mappers and teachers). My work brought me to many different places to meet many different people who have become friends and family in other countries/cities (and well I gained a lot of weight from all the travelling!). I am glad to have all of you in my life.

The disasters that wreaked havoc in the Philippines in 2013 were really challenging, but it showed the true spirit of Filipinos to the whole world. I've been helping with crisis response for a few years now and I had always been alone in the during these times, but things have changed this year and there were so many people helping now, both at work and through the communities. I hope the work that we collectively do have helped in our own little way and I hope we'd be able to improve more where needed.

It was only after Christmas that things started to wind down for me. I plan to remain unplugged until the tenth of January (I'm on leave!) and hopefully get enough rest to be re-charged for the new year.

Happy new year everyone! I'm sure 2014 will be a much better year!

SMILE!

We Clicked, the 1,895th Day

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!

I'm writing this post about our third wedding anniversary and just half an hour before the new year kicks in. I unfortunately didn't complete my 30-day challenge this month to blog everyday. My flimsy excuse is - we moved and I haven't had stable internet in the last 2 weeks (I'm still trying to survive with just 3G but it's haaard!). Making our home livable has been my project in the last 2 weeks and so far we've settled into a daily routine.

The year has been both rewarding and challenging. I've flown countless miles in the last year and have been to places I never imagined I'd visit - Zurich, Morocco, Sri Lanka and Pakistan! Meeting many new friends across the globe -- Southeast Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, Vietnam, Thailand, Sri Lanka, Cambodia, Singapore etc.) and my team mates in Africa, Latin America and those based in Europe. It's been hard though on my family, so 2013 is definitely going to be different.

I'd like to say though that the rewards far outweigh the challenges and just before the year ended we moved it to our shiny new, tiny home. We were so happy since we envisioned that we would move to our own place (and not rent anymore) by our third year anniversary. We had our house blessed last weekend by Fr. Evan. It's truly a huge achievement for us.

2013 is going to start with a few challenges. After almost a decade I've decided to have my heart repaired. My cardio has advised that I should do it now while my heart is strong and healthy to prevent any further damage. He did say that it's quite unusual for my condition to be advanced at my age. I felt sad when he said that, but I think God will only give us challenges that we can bear. We all leave in a few days to head back to Singapore for my surgery (so please pray for me!).

Now have to finish my post since I have to serve Media Noche already, just wanted to wish everyone a blessed and happy new year! 

Be a Star

Happy new year!

My blog has been silent the past few weeks because I thought I'd spend every extra second I had with my family. Being away from home has definitely been a huge challenge for me and despite the fact that it's been almost 3 months it's still a struggle for me every single day.

My boys and my Mom welcomed the new year with me in Singapore. We decided to stay in and just celebrate in the apartment since my Mom was not feeling well. We had fun despite missing the fireworks and usual Christmas ham. We replaced the fireworks by just watching what was happening at Marina Bay through TV. And substituted the Christmas ham with some honey ham from the supermarket. Despite the missing elements we were complete because we had each other and I'm glad we managed to spend some time with my brother and his family too.

I have been thinking a lot about making a list of new year's resolution, but decided not to make one because I have a backlog as old as my blog. The year 2011 is probably one of the worst years of my life because I lost my Dad, but I guess he wanted me to move along and I got so busy the rest of the year and eventually found myself living in another country! Moving was totally unexpected and unplanned, but opportunities are hard to pass if it's something that you love doing.

My heart is far from being whole still since my Dad left a very, very huge hole. During mass yesterday I realized that such is life. One's parents grow old. My Mom kept telling me when I was younger, "How will you survive if I'm not around?" It is one of those things that made me stronger and brought me to where I am today (that's how I became self-sufficient boss since you wondered, haha).

I realized yesterday during mass that what brings out the best in me is my family's love. Said in a cheesy way, "They are the wind beneath my wings". And I have to do well while I am away. The priest nailed it yesterday during his homily when he said that each of us should be a star for others.

So that would be my mantra for this year.

Be a star.

Ten Things I Will Do This Year (or Decade)

I was going to say that I was going to make a blog post everday, but I already missed January second! Family matters always take precedence before my blog so that's oftentimes beyond my control. Anyway, I noticed that it took me three years to complete my 2008 listing and I'm still working on the other stuff on that list. So I guess I should make then things I will do for this new DECADE. Hmmm... (in ramdom order)

1. Do something about the leaky heart.

2. Grow an organic vegetable garden (and eventually grow it as a business).

3. Spend the right amount of time online so I can work on my crafts.

4. Do the writing project I've been meaning to do the past 5 years (it's a book!).

5. Go to 3 local destinations I have not been to this year and one international destination if budget permits.

6. Get a car! Grrrrrr! (it's been 3 years since I planned to get one).

7. More time with my family - I practically spend most of my time with my family already and don't have a social life anymore, but well, family's family!

8. Work on investments, cut down on "want" spending and work on other sources of income. Live simply.

9. Work on my service. And, of course, do a great job at work.

10. Learn to cook healthy dishes and help the boys lose weight.

One.One.OneOne (1.1.11)

Happy new year to everybody!

Our First Christmas Together. The past few days have been crazy busy so I was unable to write. My muse has been feeding me a myriad of thoughts so that added to the confusion as well. Anyway this Christmas was extra special since it was our first Christmas together as a family (me, Jay and Miguel) and we spent it in a simple way - just us, a Christmas tree, gifts and the star of noche buena (pineapple glazed ham). It was truly happy and I could not ask for more.

One Family. An added plus for this Christmas was both my siblings - my Ate and Kuya - who both came home to spend time with Dad. It's been a harrowing year for our family and I'm just glad we managed to pull through for the season.

First Anniversary. Jay and I also celebrated our first wedding anniversary! For some strange reason we both found ourselves broke! We both had no plans for the day, good thing Kuya said we'll all have lunch together so I took the chance to have a photo session with them and my nephews and nieces. After lunch Jay and I just went to the mall to window shop, haha.

So that's our One.One.One! Happy new year!