Filling the Void, How I Ended My Existential Crisis

Two years ago I experienced a crisis. I've always known that the time would come I would move on and go back to my old life. It came to a point when I considered creating two identities of my social media accounts. I wanted to separate my work and personal posts. It seemed like a good idea and my counselor agreed. Eventually I realized that wasn't the right way to do it. I had to find a way to accept all aspects of myself. 

My friend Marv posted an article from HBR.org, "What Happens When Your Career Becomes Your Whole Identity". The article described exactly the existential crisis I went through. What made it the struggle worse for me is being far away from home. I always felt that I put my life on hold when I moved to another country. 

I super love my work. I thrived in the challenges I faced everyday. I'd like to believe I achieved a lot. I was also conscious about having a good work-life balance. I would usually end work by six or six thirty. The problem was I'd be so spent by then, I just ended up resting at night. I couldn't also completely turn off "work mode" because most of my friends were part of the communities I was managing. 

I only managed to put things in proper perspective when my doctor mandated me to stay offline. It took six weeks before I started to clam down. Another three months before I accepted that my situation has changed. And another couple of months before the existential crisis ended. This is what I had to do -

1. Accept that there are things that you cannot change. 

2. Accept that I was where I supposed to be in the past 10 years. Regret only provides value if you learn from it. 

3. Accept that whatever I did, however I did it is part of who I am and that's how I roll. [I give my all in whatever I do.] 

That is the problem when your career becomes your whole identity. I didn't ask for it. It just happened because I was chosen for the responsibility. I'd like to believe that the relationships that I've established would stay and evolve to a different level. Realistically it will change because I can't provide the same value anymore. 

My contemporaries from 15 years ago have all moved on. They all have led very interesting lives in the past few years. I just wanted to share today that we've decided to go back home. It was not an easy decision to make, but unfortunately the issues have left permanent body damage. My doctors think it will be better for me to recover surrounded by my family. I will focus on transitioning back home in the next few months. 

Day 7 Minimalism Challenge, Write your best qualities. Errr this is so awkward to write about haha. I guess I could say I'm flexible, creative, a planner, and a survivor. That's about what I could think about for now haha. 

CB///*Yr2/118 #StuckAtHomeDay/Yr2/141 #NewG328 #Home86 #StayHome #BeKind