Inspiration

When I got sick in July I almost went to the dark side. Being unable to breathe does that to you. The pneumonia wasn't as bad as the first time I had it, I was probably paralyzed more by fear. At that time I didn't feel I was getting any better despite seeing my doctor every other day. He gave me meds after meds after meds. There was this medicine that affected me long after I stopped taking it. It was either I take more of it or I just wait it out until it was completely out of my system. It took almost two months before the effects from it went away.

I was angry at first, then sad, then depressed. I was spiraling down an unknown path for me. I almost gave up. My family was very supportive and understanding. What broke the free fall was getting inspired. I became a couch potato and I stayed connected with the world by reading posts on social media for almost 3 weeks. Through all the grayness I was thinking about how I could get myself out of the rut I was in. I snapped out of it when I saw the posts of teacher friends who were helping other teachers learn how to use technology in the classroom.

I remembered why I do what I do and why I keep fighting to be alive. I was able to hang on because of my family, it was getting inspired that pulled me out of the rut I was in. I felt like an old car sputtering back to life after being jump started (on second gear, pushed down the road with you turning the key and stepping on the gas). After a few days I went back to work even though I wasn't feeling 100% yet. It was the adrenaline rush from being inspired that kept me going and even made me well enough to travel to Rome.

So I thought that I'd start the year by firming up my gratefulness muscle by finding things that inspire me every day. This will help me build my well of strength since I know I still have a lot to go through in order to be 100% well.

What about you, what inspires you?

Surviving 2018

I started 2018 with a blog post about being grateful and counting your blessings everyday. I ended the year with a grateful heart, happy to have survived a life-threatening health issue caused by too much traveling. It was discovered only by chance because I insisted on having a second opinion. I am grateful that the new doctor did everything he could to find out what was wrong with me. It was a nerve-wracking experience and has been a bumpy few months getting treatment. It's not over yet, but at least I'd like to think I'm out of the woods for now. I'm only here today because of the care from my family and friends and patient colleagues who had to deal with the bad days. There are still bad days, but I'm happy that I'm up and about and can do my regular activities again (like cooking!).

We also lost the sweetest mother-in-law on earth last January. Mom is now our angel in heaven watching over us. I will certainly miss her laughter, the special food she would set aside for me because of my allergies. I would also miss the advise and practical perspective she would give us whenever we needed it. I really wanted to have another baby a few years ago, but she explained to me that sometimes there are things that are not meant to be. I am forever thankful that she accepted me in the family and loved me for being me. We miss you Mom every day.

I was grounded for most of the year from traveling, but I was still able to squeeze in trips to Manila, Penang, Taipei, New York, Japan, Bali, Sydney and Rome! And that's the bare minimum I've gone in the last 12 years (and is the reason why I got sick hehe). Rome was an amazing experience. I haven't been able to write about it yet because I had to focus on resolving my health issues when I got back from my trip. I was supposed to write more in the last ten days, but ummm I've been busy with my Mom hehe.

I would probably remember 2018 as a test year. What I went through was not easy. It almost broke me. I realized though that there are things you cannot bear on your own and help will always be available. I also think I should have put in some general goals in the beginning of 2018. I let the year just pass by without any specific plans (except for my quilting), I could've done better in my personal life (my boss said I did an excellent job work-wise).

I'm going to make sure 2019 will be a spectacular year. Sweetie and I are celebrating our 10th year anniversary, Mom is turning 85 and Miguel will finally finish school this year and will hopefully join the workforce by second half of the year (hello animation studios!). My general themes this year would be: self-care, stronger faith and happy family. Work will take care of itself, I realized that growing up in Catholic schools would always compel you to do your best (I still delivered a great job despite being very sick!). 2019, I'm ready for you. Let's get this rocking!

Happy new year everyone!